the needle of the weighing machine stopped at 46, as ishita stepped down, without looking around, or touching anything, quietly started to move in feeble steps to the chair in front of the doctor's desk. she wasn't even looking at the doctor, her eyes just fixed down, she looked lethargic, malnourished and completely numb, as if a robot had been feeded in these instructions to follow blindly, to which she was merely complying, with no will or choice of her own. 

the doctor, behind the desk, found her concern to grow even more after looking over ishita's reports, and then at her pregnant belly. 

"husband nahi aaye aaj tumhare?" asked the doctor, carefully examining her, as ishita's numb eyes lifted up for a moment, not too long, before she shook her head in no. 

"busy..." replied ishita, her voice was so low, it would only bring more alarming concerns, as she looked too tired to even say that, the doctor sighed, seemed genuinely concerned before uttering her next words. 

"ishita, peechli visit mein bhi tumne yahi kaha, aur tab toh tumhari mother bhi saat thi, aaj bilkul akeli aayi ho...tumhara weight ghatta hi jaa raha hai, and you are 5 months pregnant with your son, but your baby weighs just a kg...not only are you malnourished, so is your baby! and your mother said ki woh tumhe almost har 2 ghante kuch khila rahi hain, tumhe koi sugar ya thyroid ka problem nahi hai...tum jab bhi aati ho, you are lethargic and tried...and for godsakes aankhon ke neeche kaale ghadhe padh rahe hain! clearly, kuch toh gadbad hai, so why don't you just tell me what it is, if not for you, atleast for the baby.." expressed the doctor her concern, as ishita only appeared to grow more numb and lifeless, before she started to break down into tears. 

"doctor, i,----" she was left unable to speak, chocked by her tears, as she covered her face, and the doctor offered her some water. her hands seemed to shake, when she grabbed the glass, there was some shivering in her legs, even when she walked, something that happens when one is underweight.

she took a while to calm herself down, as the doctor noticed how swelled her eyes really were, this was a common occurrence, the crying. 

"doctor, main subha uthti hoon, and i just, i don't want to get up.....i feel like, my body hurts when i try to get up...i just lie there, for hours, and i don't even know why, i just, i just start crying....and the same happens when i go to bed, and mujhe bilkul neend nahi aati hai and i just keep on staring at the ceiling fan...i feel so...empty....jaise mere andar koi feelings nahi hai...i don't feel like eating in the day, bhook nahi lagti, pyaas bhi nahi lagti...khaana, gale se nahi utarta...khaane ke baad vomit hojata hai...and all i do during the day is just sit in front of a tv, and just blankly stare at it, and it's like i'm sleeping with my eyes open..my husband calls, but i feel so tired i don't want to say anything...sometimes, i just, disconnect...it's like i'm not even there...my daughter, i, i start crying when i hear her voice..." uttered ishita, in a monotonous tone, her eyes getting numb, her voice only dimming, she felt to be completely disconnected from herself. 

"ishita, tumhe koi tension hai kya? kaam se toh tumne break liya hua hai, so is there something with your husband, ya phir something with your mother...sab thik hai ghar pe?" asked the doctor, attempting to figure out the root of her problems, as ishita only managed to mouth a tiny 'no', while looking at her with moist eyes. 

                                                               ***

A 6 month old nihaal was crying on the top of his lungs, as ishita attempted to calm him down, by swinging him around in her arms,pacing back and fourth in her bedroom, her hair in a messy bun, looks like she didn't have the time to fix them since she woke up, and let them remain this way. she clearly had been doing this for an hour by now, as her legs started to give up, and she almost fell down on her bed, but the baby won't give her a break. 

kavin, who was passing by, grabbing his car keys, noticed this and immediately came inside. 

"bhabhi!" exclaimed kavin, as ishita didn't respond, concerning him. he rushed to her, shaking her a bit, which made nihaal's cries even louder. 

"yeh rona kyun nahi band kar raha hai..." responded ishita in a whisper, not at all having the energy to speak properly, as she lay there half aslee, making it clear for kavin what happened, he grabbed the baby in his arms. 

"bhukar nahi kam hua hoga iska ab tak...main doctor ke paas le jaon isse..bani ko lene jaa raha hoon, saath mein isse bhi dekhaye aaunga.."  suggested kavin, as nihaal's cries were not deafeningly loud at this point, but ishita sprang up from the bed. 

"oh god! mujhe jasmine ko bhi lena tha school se!" exclaimed ishita, panicking as kavin signaled her to calm down. 

"bhabhi, woh ek hi school mein jaate hain, main le aaunga usse, koi baat nahi...waise bhi, aapki haalat dekh kar lag raha hai, nihaal se zyada aapko doctor ki zaroorat hai..." attempted kavin to calm her down, as ishita just sighed in distress, facepalming herself, sitting on the bed. 

"tum kaise karlete ho? tum toh office bhi jaate ho saath mein....aur yeh do bache....mujhe kaam pe jaane se bhi darr lagne laga hai...kahi behosh hi padi milungi phir..." joked ishita in a self-deprecating misery, but a sad tone was implied instead of a joking one, as kavin came and sat next to her. 

"dekho bhabhi, jhoot nahi bolunga, sab akele karna bahaut mushkil hota hai, woh bhi jab do chote bache hoon...but, help ke saath, it's a bit easier...aur agar hum dono hi ab ghar hain, toh ek dusre ke help karenge na...hojayega saath-saath....baaki bache hain, badhe hote jayenge, sab apne aap thik ho jayega..."  assured kavin, as ishita let out a light comforted smile, to which kavin reciprocated with his. 

"you know what, isse doctor ke paas main le jaati hoon...you just pick them up....i'll be fine." stated ishita, taking nihaal back in her arms, as kavin raised his brow, looking for one fine assurance, to which she nodded, and he got up. 

"chalo, doctor ke yahan toh chod hi aata hoon...." offered kavin, as ishita just shrugged her shoulders, knowing he won't listen to her decline. 

                                                                      ***

author's note: hey guys, so sorry for the long break, but as you know, now all colleges and schools are open for offline mode, and ab commute bhi aa gaya hai toh schedule bilkul messed up hogaya hai, toh writing ka time hi nahi mil paa raha tha. but i promise, regular updates from now on.