"although we used to talk about forever. now we break each other without mercy. although we thought that we dreamed the same dream. that dream has finally become a dream. my heart is torn, please burn it instead. so that pain and regret, none of that would be left.

TWENTY SEVENTH CHAPTER

at the moment where everything is dangerous. our end that two letters handed to us. that I won't cry, that I won't tear it up. I can't say those kinds of words. in the future I, too. breakup, incurable disease. you're my beginning and my end, that is all. my meeting and my farewell."

—

Elianna arrives to the house, closing the door behind her and her younger siblings. She lets go of their hands as they walk inside.

"Science at school? That's too cool." She encourages the twins, interested in their school day.

"Okay take your shoes off." Elianna orders them, taking on the role of an older sister as she starts to untie the laces of her trainers.

Elianna places her shoes neatly in the row along with her dads and siblings several pairs. That's when she notices a pastel pair of heels, not in the straight row.

Elianna's face falls into a blank expression. Her mum is here. It feels offbeat to even think about her at the house. Elianna's mom has started to visit the family out of the blue, suddenly.

Elianna decided not to question it when her dad informed her one late night. She was surprised, but at the same time .. what the fuck ran through her head. She's been brushing her unfamiliar mother off, not keen on her reappearing in her and her siblings lives.

Elianna finds it amusing how her parents expected her to fill with fury, have a tantrum at the news. But she feels proud of herself because she's a much calmer person and that's because of Jungkook.

The boy has changed her lives in ways he'll never understand and she starts smiling just thinking about how happy they are.

Elianna thinks her mom walking back into their lives is dodgy. Why is she suddenly interested after leaving them?- there's so many questions unanswered.

All she shares with her mom is a hi and bye relationship. Which is why she rolls her eyes when hearing her mother's voice,  it's blundering around the lady who gave birth to her, who's supposed to be family.

Elianna makes her way to the kitchen to greet her parents.

What she sees makes her stop in her tracks and freeze. Their parents are having a normal and serious conversation but Elianna's eyes divert to the white envelope in her mother's hands.

Elianna's arms stay on either side of her and her eyes darken as they stay glued to the envelope. Her mom's smile remains when her daughter walks into the room. Her hand moves to flick her hair over her shoulder, muttering a hello.

Elianna's dad greets her with a kindhearted smile. "Hey, you haven't ate all day, come on." He moves to take out food on a plate for her.

"And look who's here!" Her dad says energetically.

Elianna gives her mom a stern look, one that holds nothing but devastation. It's supposed to be love. But Elianna keeps finding reasons to hate the lady in front of her. "That's why you've been coming so often." She glances at the envelope once again, irritated.

Elianna glances at her other parent. "Are you bribing her with money to come visit us?" She feels repulsed when asking her dad.

Elianna's body is tingling with anger she hasn't felt in so long. She snatches the envelope out of her mother's hands before ripping it open. "You're pathetic." A cold laugh leaves her mouth.

Elianna's mom flinches at the sound of her eldest daughter laughing at her in disgust, she bows her head down in shame.

Elianna takes a long look at her mother. She takes in her sparkling appearance, her pearl earrings, her tall stature, her tanned legs, her jeans paired with a lilac blouse, her skinny and tall figure and the way her straight dark hair splits on the side, running down her shoulder. Her mother is stunning, there's no doubt she would get double takes from people on the street.

Her known confidence along with her good looks is something Elianna grew up wanting. She wanted to be exactly like her mom, who she saw almost as a movie star. But now she's thanking god upstairs with both hands clasped, for not making her like the sly woman stood in front of her. Her appearance may be heaven to ones eyes but her true nature, her personality holds devilish traits only known to some.

"You're so pathetic." Elianna repeats, wanting her to know. Her mother was never a good mother, never fed her or her siblings on time, made them sleep alone, neglected them for worldly pleasures and left them in the house alone with no care of their hunger several times. So her leaving their family can somehow be seen as a blessing in disguise.

"You're a woman who gave birth to three beautiful kids. That might label you as a mother but a mother is also someone who takes care of her children, nurtures them with love, talks to them, feeds them so to call you a mom feels physically wrong." Elianna needs to let everything out of her conflicted mind. "Because a mom does not leave her kids, abandoning them with her husband. Jesus Christ mom, look at the definition of family in the fucking dictionary."

"Oh here!" Elianna grasps the paper envelope in her hand and throws it at her. "You can buy one with mine and dads money!"

Elianna is aware of her rant but she doesn't stop and she doesn't care. "Why did you have us when you couldn't even look after us?" Her mom is enraged and so is Elianna. Their reactions mirror each other, tight fists and scowls.

Both directed at each other.

Elianna's dad raises a hand to pat his daughter gently but Elianna steps away, not wanting to be touched by anyone but Jungkook. "Elianna, lets calm down now."

Elianna hasn't had an outburst in what feels like forever, she reckons that's a good thing. "I can't! Dad may not be the most perfect father but he sure as hell stayed and he's trying to do all he can. He didn't leave because he's not selfish like you!" She shouts loudly.

Elianna hopes her siblings aren't listening from the living room but she has no self control when she's angry. "The thing is mom, you cared more about staying young, being free with a no kid no stress life which is why you left us, why the fuck is that so important to you?"

Elianna wants to cry out of anger and her body aches to be held- held by her boyfriend. She wants her pain to be kissed away. "I hate you for leaving ... I hate you so much for everything." And her words hold raw honesty.

Elianna's mom steps forward and raises her hand, about to slap her daughter, make her stop and make her understand. But Elianna is fast and she's mad. She grabs her arm in a tight grip. You don't have the right to discipline me.

"Get the fuck out of my house." Her mom tells Elianna.

Elianna scoffs. "This isn't your house ... so be very careful mom, with who you're telling to get out the house."

—

Elianna hears the knock on her door and rushes to open it.

Jungkook has arrived at her warm apartment with his hands in the pockets of his sweatpants. What concerns Elianna is that when he walks past her to go inside, his eye bags are evident along with his fake smile, he looks like he hasn't slept in days. He's not himself.

"Is everything alright?" Jungkook asks, turning around as the door clicks shut.

"Yeah, of course." Elianna lies. She doesn't want to think about her family issues, she just wants to feel joyous and content with Jungkook, that's all she needs.

Elianna steps towards her boyfriend and wraps her arms around his neck. She brings her face closer to his and their lips meet eagerly.

Elianna loves kissing Jungkook first. She loves the thrill that runs through her body when he kisses her back- surprised but pleased. She loves how his arms wrap around her lower back before pressing her against his body, kissing her harder.

Elianna's mind feels like crashing waves in a tempest whenever she kisses Jungkook because she feels every sense so clearly. The rough texture of his forest turtleneck in her hands as she clenches it. The smell of his boyish cologne- reminding her how good he always smells. The taste of his lips, his tongue colliding with hers, the taste is addicting. The sight of Jungkook when they move away to catch their breath, his messy hair due to her fingers in his hair and his hooded eyes.

Jungkook's hand slips into the back of Elianna's shirt before lifting her up. Their lips continue to kiss as Elianna's hands stay on either side of his head, cupping his face as she caresses his skin.

Their kisses turn from slow, sensual to heated, passionate ones as Jungkook lies Elianna down on the couch, climbing over her. Their hands never leaving each other as they make out.

Jungkook's lips flutter kisses across her neck as she lies underneath him. He bites hard, making sure to leave a mark as Elianna's hands tug at the ends of his hair.

Jungkook kisses down her neck, across her collarbone and he grabs Elianna's hands in a tight lock before holding them over her head. She can't help but plead out his name because she wants to touch him but he has all the control.

Just as Jungkook's lips reach Elianna's hip bone, his phone rings loudly in the room.

Jungkook immediately moves away and takes a look at his phone that's on the living room table. He gets off Elianna, standing up and taking his phone in his hands.

Jungkook hurries to pick up the call as Elianna sits up slowly. He holds the phone to his ear before giving his girlfriend a glance. "Two seconds." He says to her.

Jungkook pats down his dark hair as he walks to the front door, going out into the corridor to start his awaited phone conversation.

Elianna sits on the couch with her elbows resting on her shaking knees as she waits for Jungkook to finish his call. She can hear his faint voice which means he's raising his voice at whoever is calling him. It adds to Elianna's suspicion because recently he's been glued to his phone and why was he in such a hurry to answer the phone call?

Elianna isn't surprised when Jungkook finishes the call and walks back into her apartment with a frown on his face. He licks his lips nervously as he closes the door.

"I can't breathe." He admits, his breathing ragged as he rushes his hands through his hair. The boy is clearly troubled. He's speaking his thoughts out loud.

Elianna stands up, her attention focused on nothing but him, the man she adores. "Talk to me."

Please.

Elianna has noticed how Jungkook has been experiencing bipolar feelings. For example, five minutes ago he was murmuring I love you and smiling through their kiss and now he's freaking shaking.

Jungkook doesn't answer, he doesn't move at all. It hurts Elianna when she realises he doesn't want to talk to her. But she doesn't give up. Jungkook may never open up about his problems but Elianna wants to be here for him always.

Elianna steps closer, her hands reaching out for him unintentionally. Her quiet voice is full of sadness which Jungkook notices as he stares at her. "What's wrong?"

Jungkook moves away and the ache in Elianna's chest increases as he responds with nothing.

—

Classes end and lunch rolls around for the university students. Elianna, Jungkook and Jimin make their way to the table and chairs placed outside- ready to meet everyone for a food filled lunch. Elianna thinks it's fantastic how everyone will be spending time together, she loves the fuzzy feeling.

Everyone eventually arrives to the green lunch table, most of them complaining about how cold it is outside and how it looks like it's going to rain. The clouds are grey, there's no sign of sunshine or blue skies. Elianna doesn't mind since she hates sweating and summer, she wants the rain.

Jungkook stays stood up, his slim fingers tapping away at his phone as he remains oblivious to his friends arriving one by one. He's unbothered. Elianna tries not to get irritated by his attitude. Is his phone that important?

At the table, a slightly hyper Jin is too busy ranting to Namjoon who's listening carefully with a scarf around his neck as their eyes maintain contact. Jimin is chewing apple flavoured gum loudly with a puppy dog facial expression- wanting Jungkook to sit down.

Shira is eyeing Jungkook on his addicting phone, not bothering to hide her slightly annoyed facial expression. Taehyung is sat across from Elianna, pulling Jimin's pink hair jokingly and kicking Elianna under the table. Lastly, Hoseok is ready to open the takeouts he had brought to campus.

Hoseok fiddles with the carrier bag which makes Taehyung wince as he doesn't like the sound. "Are you not staying?" Hoseok asks Jungkook, hoping for a polite yes from the boy glued to his phone.

Elianna is disappointed but not surprised when Jungkook shakes his head- slipping his phone into the back pocket of his jeans. "Ah no." He glances at Hoseok before leaning down to Elianna who's sat down, not looking at him. "I'll see you later, love you." He kisses her cheek quickly and walks off, without an explanation or another word.

Before Elianna even has the chance to ask where are you going?- He's far away from them.

Shira who's sat next to Elianna with her head in her hands, notices her best friends somber mood. She quickly starts to think of ways to make her feel better. Elianna picks at her food, hating how she feels because she's overthinking and Shira knows for a fact that overthinking is Elianna's worst habit.

"What's up with him?" Shira asks. A simple question will cause Elianna to pour her heart out.

And Elianna rants to the girl she trusts and loves. She talks about Jungkook's mood changes from happy to sad to angry to tired, his sudden phone addiction that makes him oblivious to Elianna and how he's isolating himself from everyone especially his friends, just like he did by leaving lunch without an explanation. 

Shira sighs, looking into the distance as she thinks hard. She's aware of the issues Elianna had mentioned, she's noticed from several moments shared with Jungkook. Shira met Jungkook in the corridor once, on the way to class and instead of the two of them talking about TV shows or what they had planned for the rest of the day, he stayed weirdly quiet and held his phone.

"Sometimes ... people struggle on their own because they choose to." She starts, trying to understand Jungkook's perspective. Shira always tries to give good advice by gathering the right words at the right time. Elianna on the other hand, feels like she's useless when trying to comfort people, she never knows what to say.

"But why?" Elianna wants to scream at the world, demanding an answer to the question why? "I want to be here for him, listen to him and be a good girlfriend."

"You are." Shira sits closer to the table, tapping her short fingers on her bulky textbook. "It's like, even when they know people are there for them ... they just don't want to feel like a burden." And Elianna gets the sense that Shira may be talking about herself.

Elianna has known Shira all her life and is cautious that she's a person who likes to keep to herself, she doesn't socialise with everyone and may appear distant. But the people that she chooses carefully, such as Jin and Elianna, she trusts and opens up to them. So it was shocking to Elianna when Shira became comfortable with her new group of friends. It was nice to see her share her unique music taste with Taehyung, share her snacks with Jimin, actually laugh at Jungkook being silly or talk to Hoseok about her fear of marriage.

Shira shrugs, placing her hands on either side of her indigo hijab. "It's natural for those people to keep to themselves."

Elianna can't help but stay frustrated at the situation- she's stubborn. "But wouldn't you worry about your boyfriend always on his phone, being uneasy around you and pushing you away?" She suggests.

Shira pursues her lips and glances at her clearly frustrated best friend. "You just have to trust him." Trust is essential and Elianna is trying so hard, not to think about the negatives or the what ifs. "I think he needs to be alone for a while, gather his thoughts and emotions. He'll talk to you when he's ready, don't worry."

Shira squeezes Elianna's shoulder and shoots her a reassuring, close lipped smile. "Give him time. He'll be back to being Jungkook in no time."

—

outro tear is superior

wtf is jk up to

fingers crossed for happy jk and el

anyway how are you guys? I hope you have a lovely week.

tysm for reading :):):) the support means more than you know

don't forget to check out my other BTS fanfics 

A.xx