"feelings for you, so many to let go. unpuzzle my lego. at a level where it can't return to its original shape. so be it don't cry. I'mma let you go and fly.

TWENTY EIGHTH CHAPTER

at first every day is like that. beyond the tears hidden in the rain. I'll wait for you, let's start over. so that in the future. I can meet you again with a smile."

—

"Can we leave?"

Jungkook asks for the millionth time and Elianna tries not to roll her eyes. It's Friday night and Elianna's schedule includes a party on that specific day, every week. So the couple have been at the people filled party for nearly two hours and Elianna is enjoying her free time with her good friends, however Jungkook wants to leave and is continuously pestering her. The party is supposed to be enjoyable but it's turning out to be exhausting, just the way her life feels at the moment.

Elianna brushes him off, having enough of being polite and she continues talking to her friend, a fake smile on her lips. "Two seconds." She tells Jungkook quickly, attempting to close his mouth.

Jungkook becomes more irritated, knowing two seconds will be two hours so he pulls at her sleeve. "How many more people do you need to talk to?" He questions, unhappy with her popularity.

Elianna this time turns to glare at her boyfriend. Their eyes meet for a second. He's acting childish. "Just wait, we'll go in a bit." He's acting like a kid out with his mother who hates to go shopping.

Elianna wants to stay at the party but she leaves with Jungkook. The things she does for him makes her sigh as she pouts at Jimin, Taehyung and Hoseok partying.

After making their way out of the party, the couple start to walk home on the pavement. They keep their distance as they walk beside each other in silence.

The early morning sky is dark and starless. It makes Elianna feel worse since the stars in the sky normally amaze her. But the fact that the sky is blank creates an uneasy ache in her heart.

Jungkook erupts the restless silence with a complaint. He huddles his body together- his hands in the pockets of his jacket. "Why did we go to that party? I feel like shit." He shows his distaste.

Elianna gulps- trying not to take her anger out on Jungkook. She's aware that he's the opposite of her, he likes to stay at home and play video games. Parties aren't his thing and she understands. Elianna likes to party, socialise and spend time not being lazy. They're so incredibly different but Elianna truly believes there's no one else that's more perfect for her.

"Because Jimin wanted us to come .. along with everyone else."

"How about what I want though? It's always about what other people want." Jungkook replies, his voice so firm that it catches Elianna off guard. "You always have to be like, oh we'll come, for the two of us."

Mood swings.

Elianna looks at her lover in disbelief. "Jungkook why are you implying that I'm controlling?" That's the last thing she thinks she is.

Jungkook waves his hand. "You're not, it doesn't matter."

It does.

The rest of the walk is in silence and Elianna hates it. She hates how her mind thinks and thinks and thinks,  how the silence, Jungkook's words, the terrifying, uneasy aura between them engulfs her body.

Elianna takes out her shiny keys as they climb the short set of stairs to her apartment. Jungkook slows down behind her, following her which makes her turn around. He's looking down at his bright phone which makes Elianna sigh, about to unlock the door.

"Okay I'm going." Jungkook announces but his eyes stay fixed on the screen of his black phone.

Elianna turns around to face him, still holding her keys. "Why did you come all the way to mine then?"

"Because I wanted to drop you off home." He explains.

"I'm capable of walking home by myself." Elianna can't help but argue. It's in her nature.

"In the dark, alone?"

"Yes!" Elianna doesn't realise how tightly she's gripping her apartment keys, leaving an imprint on her skin. She moves to open the door, strolling inside- bothersome.

"Can you not stay?" Her voice turns much quieter.

Jungkook walks inside, closing the door behind him as he slips his phone away from sight. "I'll stay for a while." He agrees.

Elianna shoves her keys and phone on the kitchen counter, not meaning to be aggressive. Her eyes look everywhere but Jungkook as she asks a question she's been wanting to ask for weeks. "When are you going to tell me what's going on?" She asks, concerned.

"What?" He looks back at her. His eyes wide and full of bewilderment. Elianna once again is astonished by the way his brown eyes look. Overcast with shining stars.

Elianna throws her hands in the air. Every small thing seems to be ticking her off. "Here you are, acting oblivious again."

Jungkook's arms stay on either side of him as a straight line forms on his lips. "What the hell are you on about Elianna?" He asks.

The way he's stood, tall and straight with a clueless, slightly angered facial expression makes Elianna want to go up to him and smash her lips against his. She would love to forget reality. But she has learnt about what to do in situations like this so she controls herself.

"Don't act like we haven't fought everyday for the last few weeks. That your phone hasn't been more important than me. Just tell me, don't lie to me. Are you cheating on me?" Elianna hates, absolutely hates how weak she sounds.

Jungkook steps forward unintentionally with his ring covered hands reaching out for her. Elianna is so tempted to give herself to his arms and hug him. "No baby, god no." The way baby falls out of his lips makes her shiver.

Elianna steps away. "Then tell me what's wrong!" She hates being shut out in the dark.

Elianna's eyes trail across Jungkook's outfit,  all black. A turtleneck and skinny jeans, boots that match the colour of his hair. The wave of each strand falling on his head to create an impeccable hairstyle.

He fiddles with the silver hoops in his ears and looks down, his long eyelashes on display. "Nothings wrong." He tries to persuade her. It seems like Jungkook's trying to persuade himself.

"You're so full of ugh, nothing's wrong?" Disbelief masks Elianna's face again. Her emotions are a mess and she's surprised how well Jungkook is handling her in this situation. "One minute you're saying you can't breathe and you even left me yesterday morning without saying anything, which you've never done before and then you fucking claim you love me." She rants.

"At least I can admit my real feelings!"

The statement stings Elianna more than she would've ever expected. Her eyes stay in contact with his, astonished and grazed. His hold pity which makes her more angry. But there's guilt in his eyes too as he moves his same small copper eyes away from her.

It stung Elianna because it's true. She doesn't have the courage most people have, she doesn't have the courage to admit that she loves Jungkook because she's never loved anyone or anything the way she loves him. It's him for her and it will always be him.

Elianna takes a slight pause before speaking. "If you knew anything about real feelings then you'd know our relationship isn't stable at the moment. You'd know that I don't need to say three words out loud, you should already know." And her heart hurts a lot.

Jungkook closes his eyes, he looks like he's in pain.

"You want me to be honest?" Is what he says after a pause. "Fine. Maybe I'm tired of this-"

Elianna feels a knot in her stomach. She suddenly doesn't want to talk or argue with him. "Tired of what?" Her voice is full of fear.

"Our relationship." Jungkook replies so quickly, so easily. Elianna has to force herself to keep in her tears. This can't be happening- "Maybe .. I feel suffocated."

Jungkook is aware of Elianna's emotions, he knows he's adding more to her raging fire which is why he allows Elianna to storm up to him and push his chest. "Don't even think about blaming me when it's been you." She shouts.

"It's you! You're responsible for the state of our relationship right now! You're pushing yourself away from me, it's you Jungkook!"

Jungkook looks crushed. "Elianna, I can't do this anymore."

Elianna steps further away, her heart shattering as she tries to process what is happening. "What? Were you just waiting for me to start up another petty argument so you can break up with me?"

Elianna never begs. If someone wanted to leave her life, she would let them, she'd open the door for them. She's never been the clingy type of person that got affected heavily after losing someone. But seeing the love of her life standing in front of her, looking beautiful as he breaks up with her makes her want to beg on her knees for him to stay, to love her forever.

"Jungkoo,- please." Elianna pleads and her eyes start to sting as she fights back her tears. Jungkook stares at her, tears flooding his eyes as he tries to speak.

Elianna notices how Jungkook's hands are shaking as his figure starts to move towards the door. He's really leaving her. Fuck.

"Why are you doing this?" Elianna calls out, hoping he'll turn around with a silly smile on his face and say he's joking. She craves euphoric Jungkook and Elianna where his golden smile would be plastered in her mind for several days. "You're leaving me?"

"Maybe you should ask Yoongi." Is the last thing Jungkook says before slamming the door.

The heart-breaker turned into the heartbroken.

—

Im just gonna ...

go

*runs away*