The chills of the morning rain swiveled it's way through my slightly open window. An average person-with an average life-would see this as a great opportunity to stay in bed a for a couple more hours. Finding the cold a good initiation to stay on the warmth of your sheets.
Though speaking from the point of view of a non-average person, there are no excuses. No oversleeping, no sloppy eating, no bad wearing, and no discrete relationships.
They were pretty simple rules actually, for some of us that is.
I'd always assumed most of human kind had no solitary strength for this type of hardship, mind you the teenagers specifically. They were too vulnerable, and thought with nothing, but their emotional instincts never taking the time to think twice, and with the rational mind. 

It is not saying that, I had a simple road to success, because though it may seem as if popularity came to me, it is actually the vice versa. Of course I had no choice in this manner, but how I would pull myself at the top was my decision.
Who I had to be friends with. Who I had to be in a relationship with. What I can eat. Where I can hangout. Who I can talk to.
Those were things I had always to keep in mind when doing absolutely everything. It was overwhelming sometimes, it made you feel different, and supposedly not in a good way. As everyone had enjoyed their four years growing through them swiftly with no pressure.

You'd sometimes wonder why you wouldn't have ice-cream on a Saturday when everyone else was, or why you couldn't just drop to school with a pair of comfortable sweat pants, instead of high skirts and sleeveless shirts in the middle of march. But in the end, it does pay off, these sacrifices indeed have upshots, even if they were gradually, and may differ on how much initial effort you'd put. Though it seemed very nice at first-though it still is- and could be more pleasing than anything else, even the sacrifices are not to be spoken of. And sometimes some of the sacrifices end up being permanent.

I was pretty young so I hadn't remember much, but I'd remembered enough that I was told not to remember it. I was first diagnosed of bipolar disorder during my freshman year. During my Literature period, I had a sudden symptoms of server anxiety which had then developed to a massive seizure and I had been taken to the emergency room not a moment later.

"We have tried our best to figure out what had led to her seizure, ran a few blood tests to make sure her blood stream was steady again, and to a brain scan and it seems to be that your daughter suffers bipolar disorder, formerly called manic depression, a mental health condition that causes extreme mood swings that include emotional highs and lows"

For several years I had built a character for myself that according to the doctors, isn't actually me. And as my body had consumed this personality fully, it was hard to identify one from the other causing me to have a great level of anxiety, hence the seizure.

Of course my parents had refused to believe it all. Me being sick? No. They were bold and clear that they didn't want any nonsense in the way of my career. So they decided to convince me that I wasn't sick, and I was partially convinced.
I feared the effect it would have on my well built name at school, but they still kept me under constant medication. Of course, I had to hide it from everyone I knew. My grandfather had known before he'd passed away, and feared that my parents had been putting too much pressure on me. Though to be fair, I couldn't put the blame on anyone. I was sick, but along as no one knew, it wouldn't matter.

But sometimes, I'd felt the difference. Even when nobody else was. It ought not to get to me, but sometimes it got the best of me, and I had my equal portion of gloomy days, in which I'd end right back up to Mr. New berry's office, because a familiar face was better than anything. But anything, than people finding out.

Things would have been different if people did, and I wasn't going to risk different for my sanity.

"Sweetheart, Jaxon is waiting for you outside by the gate. I'm very much thrilled you guys have decided to set apart your differences and work together for the sake of the business" My mother smiles peeking at my door. By the time she'd finished I was already placing my last layer of crimson red cherry flavored lip gloss on my lips. Not the slightest bit interested with working together with Jaxon. And neither did I wish any mentioned it. It was a low act of pure pity, and father would be much likely to lend me his lodge by the beach for summer if I'd just sucked it up for his, and potentially my case.

I'd been intrigued though. Why was he at my house, particularly for me at this time? Granted, yesterday I had semi-agreed to help him be like the oh so vicious monsters we are. Had he already assumed I had agreed, when I'd said let me sleep on it? Though letting him wait a little wouldn't hurt that much right? I wasn't very excited to see him, I wasn't excited to see him at all, but I surely have to pretend to be. Pretend, pretend.

"Well, I've decided that Jaxon's hideous personality shouldn't be reason for the fall down of the business and casual dinners" I sighed trying not to make it as if, I'd suddenly found interest in being his friend. "Sadie, don't speak of him so lowly" Mother warns suddenly upset I had shown my utmost version of kindness.

I scoff. "And you expect me to call that an angel that fell from heaven?" I mock, earning a sigh. "Just give it a try. Earning good ties with the Mills, will benefit not only us but yourself" she convinces, as I groan.

"Is it even my choice mother?" I asked, already knowing her response. My mother wasn't like my father, she could relate to me, yet never exploited that relationship with fear that I might turn out vulnerable. But here and there, you could see a sense of motherly affection-of course unconsciously-and as much as I don't mind it anymore, part of me wishes it never disappears. Though, day by day the less I see it, and the more I'd feared it wouldn't exist anymore.

"Don't look at it that way, remember the sacrifices you make are restored in the most elegant of things" My mother matures me with a little of her obscure wisdom.

What does that even mean? I was no poetry guru.

I stood up, deciding I should make an appearance, I'd feared if Connor had arrived impromptu, a little earlier today to pick me up, seeing a random boy at my doorstep wasn't exactly the best way of welcoming him in. I was deeply okay with being at the low side of the drama-meter. Even if Connor was very much understanding to my situations, I didn't want to risk anything, Jaxon was on the other side of the pole, and belonged nowhere near our society. It'd be devastating to even thing of making our two worlds clash. Epic disaster, for all I knew.

"I've doubled your dosage just in case" My mother cut me in and smiled shoving a bottle of capsules into my hands before I had left the room. "Thanks" I slightly nodded dropping the pills into my bag before I get an interrogation session from Jaxon again about what they were, and I'd known the good ol' pain killer story wouldn't budge this time.

I walked downstairs slowly, submerging myself in every step. I had grown this habit of doing things very vigilantly afraid that that moment would be my last. I had no clue, where that ideology had come from yet some part of me was convinced that life indeed is short. And maybe mine was shorter than it all. Maybe with every decision I'd made, something had told me it was the wrong one, and with every wrong decision, I had wasted a precious moment in life.

"Were you giving birth to an elephant in there?" He questions completely annoyed with my tardiness. Though in real sense, it was essential to take your time in the morning, and he had no right to barge into my residence and suddenly complain of my morning care routine, just because he doesn't even have the slightest clue if what it is. "The fact that you don't take your time in the morning to look acceptable, really disgusts me. But now I see why you look like a wreck when you come to school" I rolled my eyes. Jaxon was back to his casual look; he never liked the formal look anyway. Not that it suited his personality.

"You think you are such a comedian" He scoffs as I'd motioned him to leave the door so we could head out, because if it were up toJaxon, I'm afraid attending class would also be debatable. "I say it like I see it" I shrug letting him now, that after this was over, he is still not my friend.

We began walking the pavement of the neighborhood strictly behind the trees, so I wouldn't be seen. If I were to be caught conversing with a cast out, I am pretty sure I'd lose my seat at my usual table. If I were to do this with Jaxon, I'd need to be on constant look out.

"So, Sadie I've been thinking about everything last night and I have many ideas for-

"Uh-uh. Listen Jaxon, I hate to burst your bubble, but if were doing this, were doing it my way, I am surely not up for wasting my time here" I had no patience for his trial and error. I mean if it were to be up to him now, why hadn't his ideas worked all along? If he needed professional help, then he should really leave it to the professionals. I mean if he was reaching as high up as Willa? He'd need to start with getting a new wardrobe.

"Okay, okay, well what do you have in mind?" He questions as if I'm only suggesting something. He is clearly finding it difficult to properly ask for help. It frustrated me; I was too respected to be conversating with a nobody when the nobody himself doesn't acknowledge my high position as one to be glorified.  However, I'd put myself into this, and I'll have to leave serenely.

"Okay, for you to begin the minor steps towards fame, you need a base step to bring your name out there firstly the way your dress says a lot about you, you need to change that" I mention eyeing from up to down, from his baggy pants to his crumbled up shirt and uncombed hair.

"People shouldn't be judging a person by how they dress" He complains suddenly confused as to why he needed to make such a big change. I eyed him seriously, as if he'd completely lost it. "Have you been living under a rock? Because clearly, you've forgotten that the way you dress, will show the way you impress"

He'd laughed. A sincere laugh that probably meant, this is funny, tell me another joke. I'd rolled my eyes at his undernimming of the situation. "Suit yourself, if you'd rather be known a hobo your four years be my guest, I really didn't want to help you anyway" I grumble very annoyed by his sense of humor. If he'd thought this was a joke, he should look into the mirror, and see a real live one.

"No continue. I just feel really bad for anyone who goes through that" He mentions telling me to proceed after the comment he'd given about my profession.

"You shouldn't feel sorry for them, there are living their best lives. Unlike you and your rock. Anyway, many of us needed also a lift of some sort to let the people hear our names first. For me, it was my last name obviously-and it was when I had first joined the cheerleading team, and ran for team captain" I shrugged giving precise examples of what to do. He listened contently and nodded in response.

"You have a well to do looking figure, football will do" I suggested. I'd never really imagined Jaxon as the athletic type, thought it was hard to say so at the same time. Because he had a very masculine figure, he was surely securing some good amount of muscles here and there, and a very slim slender body, but surely not athletic.

"You know, I honestly considered it, but then I remembered how you'd always beat me a sport back when we were kids. I'd suck out there. I want her to like me not laugh at me." He chortled. I didn't laugh along; I was more concerned with my pride. "Of course, I'm not in for defeating, and neither should you be" I mention confirming his statement. It was indeed true, we would play occasionally, when we were very little that is. When social norms and conscious to the society didn't even exist.

"I doubt they'll take me into the team" He shrugs. He had a point, but his pure hopelessness had somehow made me feel something. Pity?  I wasn't sure.

"You will never know unless you try" I console a bit, earning a small smile from his lips. "You're not so bad aye" He mentions and I just roll my eyes. I wasn't doing this for him. I didn't care of him. For me, he was only my neighbor, my ex friend. But another thing I had learned, was that you never really do things because you want to, you only do it because they say so.  And I'm very okay with that, because no strings attached.

"Another thing you need to know Jaxon..." I begin, getting his attention again.

"You must never, and I mean never, make decisions using this" I warn point my manicured index finger again his chest where it belonged.

"My heart?" H questions, puzzled by why I had mentioned the most charming and humble part of the body. Yet being so polite, had its own flaws, and Jaxon wasn't even close to understanding it. I nod at his reply.
"If you make yourself vulnerable, there is no reason for them not to attack you. So keep your head high, just not too high" I advise.

He chuckled, making me raise an eyebrow. "I suppose that is how you deal with your mellow dramatic life" he taunted.

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