The next weekend, the boys were on their way to Manchester together with Aria and Àmber. A football game was taking place there and Niall had gotten them all tickets surprisingly and no one really knew how, but he also didn't tell them, so they decided in unison not to ask again. The game was nothing major, but still important enough for Louis to be excited. He was a huge football fan and hasn't been to a game outside of his hometown in forever. On top of that, his friends and his boyfriend were with him to share this moment with him. Louis was ecstatic.

The arena was building up in front of them and they entered it as soon as possible. With their tickets and something to drink in hand, they looked for their seats. Their seats were pretty dope because they had a perfect view over the field and were close enough that not too many people would sit in their way of view. Louis was sitting between Harry and Àmber, on whose sides were Niall and Aria. When Àmber had told him she has been a huge football fan years ago and was now calmer about it and only up for it when it got important, it wasn't really a big surprise for Louis. He had already noticed how similar in character they were sometimes.

"Now that I'm sitting here, I'm actually more excited than I thought I'd be" informed Àmber him excitedly.

"Yeah, same. The whole atmosphere gets you in the mood, doesn't it?" agreed Louis with her.

"I think so, too. With all those crazy fans around and the few people down there doing whatever, it feels big and important. Never thought football could get me this excited ever again" watched Àmber the on-goings around them.

"I'll probably forever be excited about it. I love football" grinned Louis like a happy child.

"We are the only ones with Niall though. The rest isn't really into football" pointed Àmber out.

"But still not completely uninterested" claimed Louis childishly.

"Well, I'm uninterested" spoke Aria up. "But Niall wanted me to come and Àmber likes it".

"I'd say that's love, but we're at a football game and there's no room for cheesy stuff" joked Louis but was more serious about this statement than he'd like to admit.

"Then why are you sitting next to your boyfriend?" challenged Aria him.

"Because I can" crossed Louis his arms over his chest.

"And because I have no clue what's going on down on the field and someone needs to explain it to me, but Niall is useless as soon as the game starts" threw Harry in now.

"And you think Mister Overdramatic and Football-Obsessed can explain it better without losing his patience after two seconds?" raised Àmber an eyebrow at Harry.

"Aye! I'm not that bad" exclaimed Louis deeply offended.

"No, you're worse" winked Àmber at him.

"Why did I know you'd say that?" chuckled Harry amused.

"Because she's predictable and not unique at all" huffed Louis cutely.

"Naw, isn't he cute when he's upset?" mocked Àmber him.

"I'm not cute" claimed Louis even cuter now.

"Sure. Whatever you say" snickered Àmber evilly.

"Lou, ignore her" whispered Harry into his ear relaxingly. Immediately, Louis' whole posture softened.

"Oh my god! It's starting!" exclaimed Niall excitedly bouncing on his seat next to Harry and made all of them laugh at him.

During the game, Louis was strictly focused on the field. His eyes barely left it, only to explain something to Harry if he was completely lost. Other than that Louis was lost in the game. It was a good and fair game and the team Niall was rooting for seemed to actually win, maybe. The only annoying thing was a group of four guys two rows behind them, which were bawling like crazy animals or Neanderthal men, shouting and throwing around their beer. People like this were the worst part about football to Louis. It ruined the whole image of it and made it look like everyone was like this, although they weren't.

"And you're telling me you really stopped being into football? Because it definitely didn't look like it out there" stared Niall at Àmber during the halftime break. Shawn and Aria were buying more drinks at the same time.

"I mean, not completely, but I don't watch many games anymore apart from the big championships" explained Àmber to him what she meant.

"But we're not at a championship" pointed Niall out factually.

"No, but as soon as I'm back in it, I'm lost. It's fun" shrugged Àmber unbothered.

"I don't understand you. You're weird" said Niall funnily.

"Aren't we all?" laughed Àmber exhilarated.

"We're not. We're normal people" threw Liam in, who was cuddled into Zayn's side.

"Sure you are" snorted Niall.

"Look at that, Lew. Didn't you say no cheesy stuff? They're disgusting" made Àmber fun of Louis' former statement.

"Ha-ha, you're so funny" fake laughed Louis at her, causing her to flip him off.

"Lou, I'm bored" whined Harry embarrassingly and was clinging to Louis' arm.

"What am I supposed to do?" pulled Louis his arm away from Harry, causing a frown to appear on Harry's forehead. Immediately, Louis felt bad but he simply couldn't help it. He felt very uncomfortable in a straight environment like today to be touchy with Harry. He just knew how judgemental people could be, especially when drunk.

"Naw, look at that. The twink is annoyed by his fag of a boyfriend" sounded a mocking voice from next to Niall and Àmber. It was one of the drawling boys from earlier.

"At least twink boy knows how misplaced fags are around here unlike those two faggots over there. It's disgusting" his mean friend joined in on the insulting, pointing at Liam and Zayn.

"Excuse me? What did you just say?" asked Àmber furiously, now facing those two assholes.

"That your friends are disgusting" smirked the first boy nastily directly into her face. Louis felt those words affect him even though he was fighting against them.

"You're absolutely wrong and it's definitely not your place to judge, you prick" snapped Àmber at him, totally pissed off.

"Don't tell me you're one of those sick lesbians" grimaced the boy in shock.

"That's none of your fucking business, but yes I am and proud of it" glared Àmber at him.

"Proud of it" laughed the other boy like a maniac. "Oh God, you just need someone to fuck you really good and then you want dick for the rest of your life".

"Are you fucking mental?" exclaimed Niall now while Àmber fell silent.

"Let me guess, another one?" smirked the second boy at Niall.

"Stop insulting my friends or I'm gonna punch you in the face" threatened Niall him, ignoring the former question.

"For what? Stating the truth?" challenged the boy him.

"There's absolutely no truth to it. Àmber would never date any of you even if she'd like boys. My friends are not disgusting, and he isn't annoyed by his boyfriend" clenched Niall his fists and his chest was heaving heavily as angry as he was.

"Sure about that?" looked the first boy evilly at Niall and Louis could feel his gaze shifting over to himself.

"To me, it looks like he isn't just annoyed but utterly embarrassed too. He doesn't even look at that pathetic fag. What's wrong, twinkie boy? Not proud to be a cock-loving fag and having your boyfriend's asshole to fuck? Don't you wanna punch me for insulting your important boy?" was the second boy trying to provoke Louis in this ice-cold mocking voice, judgement and disgust tripping through it.

All those words got to him and cut through his heart and into his soul. It felt like he was back in school, being bullied by all those homophobic bastards he had tried to leave behind. Anger, disgust but mostly self-loathing was pooling inside of him and made his brain shut off.

"Shut up, assholes. It wasn't even my choice, for fuck's sake. Fate chose him for me, not myself. No chance" snapped Louis at the two boys, feeling helpless and worthless and like utter shit. He could feel all of his friends' eyes on him now, but mostly Harry's were burning into him.

"Aye, that's fucked up, twink. My sympathy. Must be hard when fate fuck's up big time. Maybe you could still ignore it or change it" replied one of the boys in a weird voice.

"Believe me, I can't" mumbled Louis more to himself, head hung low and was stroking over his marks.

"Guess, he's stuck with having ass sex for the rest of his life" laughed the other boy at him, making Louis flinch away and cringe at the words.

"What's your fucking problem? Just get lost and leave us alone" snapped Niall now at them. Everyone else was kind of in a frozen state.

While Niall and the two boys were still arguing and screaming at each other, Louis noticed how Harry was sneaking away from them without saying a word. His face was hidden but his whole posture gave his feelings away and Louis knew it was his fault. That's why he ran after him and tried to catch up with him. He needed to explain himself to Harry in a way.

Catching up to Harry, Louis reached out to grab for his wrist, but Harry pulled his arm away as soon as Louis' hand had traced Harry's skin. Huh, that's what it feels like.

"Don't touch me, Louis" snarled Harry at him and those words stung Louis' heart.

"Haz, I know ...".

"Don't call me that" cut Harry him off coldly, making Louis swallow heavily.

"Harry, please let me explain. I know you're probably hurt and have every right to be but can you ...".

"Oh really?" interrupted Harry him again. "I have no idea how you come up with that. Why would I be hurt after you didn't stand up for us, or for me, and said you had no other choice than to be with me? Why would that make me feel sad or angry? Tell me!".

"I know I shouldn't have said that and I'm sorry, but you have to understand me, Harry. It's not that easy for me" tried Louis again to make Harry understand. He has never seen Harry so pissed off.

"Not easy? I really don't understand you. What is so hard about standing up for me? For yourself? Why do you practically side with the homophobes instead of your own boyfriend? Why do you hate being gay so much when it's part of you?" snapped Harry angrily at him, causing Louis to flinch at the tone and harshness of Harry's voice. Louis felt the tears prickling in his eyes.

"I told you a ...".

"Yes, you told me about your fucking school time but guess what, Louis? This is no fucking excuse to make me feel like shit" cut Harry him off again and grew louder.

"You're not the only one who feels like shit, Harry" found Louis his stronger voice again. He was fed up with Harry's behaviour now. "Maybe those cruel words don't affect you, but they affect me. They make me feel like shit and it hurts to see how little you understand that".

"I understand that those words hurt. They insulted me too if you recall this. But you chose to give into it and deny who you are and deny me in front of all our friends. Maybe the boys made you feel like shit, but you were worse" told Harry him without any kind of real understanding.

"If you're so unbothered by all of those words and people, why didn't you say anything? It's that easy for you. Why does it always have to be me, Harry? Why do I have to protect and defend you and not the other way around?" was Louis fed up by now. He wasn't having any of this.

"I punched Jacob in the face to defend you! Why can't you do anything for me? You know what? Forget about it. I'm not having this conversation anymore. Don't put the blame on me now just because you are freaking ashamed of yourself. I don't want a boyfriend that is ashamed of himself, ashamed of me" ignored Harry the question and started to walk away from Louis.

"Harry, let me ..." tried Louis to hold him back but it was in vain.

"Leave me alone!" screamed Harry at him and with that he was gone.

Absolutely shaken and with a fast-beating heart, Louis leaned back against the buttress. His whole world was spinning, and he heard nothing more than the blood rushing through his veins. He was numb. Harry looked so furious and angry and straight out mad at him with his heated face and dark glaring eyes that Louis felt utterly small, sad and guilty. He knew why Harry was pissed at him and that he should have handled the situation differently, but he simply wasn't able to. His hands were shaking and he tried to regulate his breathing, blocking Harry's words out of his mind. The fear that he had lost him now for good was the only present thing in his head.

Unfocused, Louis went back to his friends, who were back at their seats already. His heart felt heavy when he spotted Harry sitting next to Niall, who was eyeing him weirdly, and Shawn, who was visibly uncomfortable with the situation. Letting out a defeated sigh, Louis walked over to Zayn and sat down between him and Àmber, ignoring everything and everyone.

The rest of the game went by in slow motion for Louis and he felt like he was about to suffocate. He couldn't concentrate on anything. He heard his friends' muffled voices and those sick bastards two rows behind them, snickering at Louis and his friends every now and then and making everything worse. Louis felt simply sick and didn't even catch how the game ended.

The way to the hotel was tense and endless. The whole mood was strained and close to rock bottom and the guilt was eating Louis alive. Originally, they had organised the division of the rooms into couples and Niall and Shawn, but Louis wasn't surprised when he entered his room with the key and wasn't met with Harry. Instead of his maybe-boyfriend, Zayn and Àmber were sitting on the double bed, looking up at him with pity and understanding in their eyes.

"Hi" croaked Louis out as he sat down on the bed as well.

"Hi Louis, how are you feeling?" asked Àmber softly.

"Have been better" answered Louis quietly.

"You wanna talk about it?" checked Zayn carefully.

"There's nothing to say. I fucked up and Harry is pissed at me and might even break up with me" shrugged Louis, feeling the tears coming back.

"Why would he do that, Tommy? He has no reason" frowned Zayn.

"Oh, but he has more than one reason. He's expecting me to be all out and proud and loud about it and defend his honour to everyone and I'd love to do that, but I can't. That's not me. I just can't ..." trailed Louis off, not knowing what to say.

"Handle the hate?" guessed Àmber bravely. Louis barely nodded. "I understand, Lew. It's difficult to handle situations like today. There isn't really a right way to handle them".

"But you stood up for us and yourself. I couldn't do it" pointed Louis sadly out.

"Maybe, but I'm used to it by now. I'm in a relationship with Aria a bit longer than you and I know how hard it can be, especially in a place like that. But I was frozen at one point too and didn't know what to say anymore" voiced Àmber her understanding gently.

"Harry doesn't think it's hard" mumbled Louis with a deep frown on his forehead.

"If it isn't hard for him why wasn't he defending you? Serious question" threw Zayn in, obviously pissed.

"I don't know. Probably because I'm supposed to be his protector and defend us or whatever. Or because he defended me once already and now it's my turn to be the big hero, that I'm simply not" had Louis no clue himself.

"That makes no fucking sense. Why do you have to be the big and strong and maybe even dominant person in your relationship? Just because he is normally all shy and clumsy and whatever? Is he really being the cliché picture of the woman in the relationship?" was Zayn furious by now, chest heaving quickly.

"I have no fucking clue, Joey, okay?" exploded Louis, being done with the day. "I just know that he is really mad at me, screamed at me and told me he doesn't want an ashamed boyfriend. Means, he is probably breaking up with me first thing tomorrow, so can we just drop it? I know I fucked up. No reason to try and make me feel better".

"Okay, we stop. But Louis, you didn't fuck up. Maybe you shouldn't have said that, but that isn't a reason to break up with you" said Àmber calmly.

"She's right, Tommy. He knows how you are and what you're afraid of. He should at least try to understand you and give you the time to explain yourself, so you could work through it. Hell, neither Liam nor I said anything and Àmber fell silent too because there wasn't a good way to handle this situation. Many people are uncomfortable and scared, and he needs to see that" agreed Zayn with her and tried to make Louis understand, but his mind had made the decision already. It was his fault alone.

"I'm tired" yawned Louis and blinked back his tears.

"Okay" was all Zayn said to this.

Not caring anymore, Louis crawled up to the pillow and snuggled into it, not even changing out of his clothes. He felt the bed dip down next to him and knew Zayn had lain down, too. Àmber pressed a short but gentle kiss to his forehead before she left the room to accompany her girlfriend. Zayn wrapped his arms around Louis from behind and pulled him into his chest. He always did that when Louis was feeling down, blaming himself too much or was simply sad. In this case, it was all three of the options and Zayn knew that. Normally, Louis hated to be the little spoon, but sometimes in moments like this, it was okay. He felt strangely safe in Zayn's arms, but nothing compared to the arms of his hopefully still boyfriend.

...

The next morning was awkward as hell. The breakfast was tense, nobody really knew what to say and Harry was either ignoring him or glaring at him, which made Louis' insides turn upside down. Louis was dying to talk to Harry and make things right between them, but Harry avoided his eyes the whole time. Louis was utterly helpless and felt totally defeated like it was already written in the stars at the start that there was no happy ending for the two of them and this was what Louis was most afraid of.

After the awkward breakfast, their group went into the city to see a bit more of Manchester. The mood lightened up a bit, but Louis couldn't hide his sadness at all. His eyes were fixed on Harry, who was sticking to a torn-looking Niall. For some strange reason, Louis thought Niall looked mad at Harry, but that simply couldn't be. He was his best friend and should be pissed at Louis, not Harry. But Louis wasn't sane, so he had probably imagined that anyway.

When they were sitting in an ice cream parlour inside of the mall, Louis' blood started to boil in his veins. There was Harry, being flirted on by three strangers. A girl and two boys. And that bastard just flirted back shamelessly although he knew Louis was sitting nearby. Rationally, Louis knew he had presumably no right to be jealous anymore, but he couldn't help it. That's why he stood up loudly, pushing his chair away aggressively and causing his friends' gazes to all turn to him and walked over to Harry and those boyfriend-stealing bitches.

"Oh Gosh, that was hilarious. You're pretty funny, handsome" laughed one of the boys at a horrendous joke by Harry, that not even Louis would've laughed at, obviously checking him out.

"Ha-ha, yeah funny, isn't he? You know what isn't funny? You flirting with my boyfriend. So fuck off and hands-off" faked Louis a laugh obviously and glared at the three strangers as he interlaced his and Harry's fingers to prove a point.

"Sorry, didn't know he had a boyfriend" paled the boy immediately.

"Now you do. Bye," he said emphatically.

Without another word the three strangers were gone, looking scared as hell. Louis was kinda proud of himself for coming off as intimidating enough to scare someone off, but that feeling was gone as soon as Harry broke away from Louis' touch and just glared at him with his arms crossed.

"What was that?" Harry almost growled at him.

"I could ask you the same thing. Why would you let them flirt with you and even flirt back although you're in a relationship with me? That's fucked up. You're with me, not them" shot Louis back, trying to hide his hurting heart.

"Am I? I don't know, Louis. Can you call it a relationship when you hide it from everyone and deny me? Is it love when you're ashamed to be seen with me? That pathetic act of jealousy and claiming me doesn't change anything" looked Harry at him with cold and empty eyes.

"I'm not ashamed of you and you should know that. You should know that I'm just scared and don't know how to act all the time. I like to be seen with you, like on our Date" told Louis him in a small voice, trying to make him understand.

"I have no idea why you were so carefree and unbothered on our Date, to be honest. That day made me believe you are different but seems like I'm wrong" stated Harry cruelly.

"Different than what?" asked Louis in despair. "You knew how I am, and you said you like me for me. Were you lying about this? Was your plan to change me into that perfect picture of a boyfriend that you have imagined in your head? Guess what? That's not me. I'm not perfect. I'm far from perfect, but I'm real and I'm here".

"No, you're not. You're not here. Not when I need you and you proved that yesterday clearly. You don't want a relationship. You only want someone to tell you how great you are and push your ego. Now that Zayn is taken you needed someone new. No idea what you really want from me, but I don't c ...".

"Harry, stop it" cut Louis him off, trembling horribly. "I know I hurt you yesterday, but do you have to hurt me like this? I know you don't mean half of it because you know it's not true and you told me otherwise before. I'm really sorry for what I said yesterday and that I didn't defend you like you expected me to, but it's just really hard for me and I'm trying to work on it, trying to work on my flaws but it's not as easy as you might think. But no matter how hard it is for me there is one thing I know for sure".

By now Harry was just silently staring at him and listened to every word Louis was saying. Louis felt exposed and watched, doing all this in the mall by the ice cream parlour, but right now proving this to Harry was more important than his dignity and pride. So, he stepped closer to Harry and took a hold of both of his big hands, looking directly into his eyes.

"I really wanna be with you, Haz. There's nothing I'm more sure of. I'm not ashamed of you or wanna hide you. You're wonderful and I like you the way you are. With you by my side, I can conquer everything, and I know I can be better someday and be the boy you were always hoping for. Just ... don't give up on me yet" begged Louis him, feeling needy and desperate and the marks on his arms were burning like hell. He felt like his entire world would end if Harry decided to leave him and he needed to prevent that, no matter what he had to do for it.

For a while Harry just looked down at him, studying Louis' probably weird looking face covered in total desperation and hope. The wheels were spinning in his head and it looked like his brain was working overtime. To Louis, it felt like an eternity until Harry's unfocused gazing eyes focused back sharply on Louis and he stared into his eyes, making Louis' nerves even worse.

"Okay" was all Harry said with a tight smile in Louis' direction before he went back over to their friends.

Dumbfounded, Louis stood rooted to the spot and blinked after Harry. He really wanted to ask Harry why he only said one word, why he pulled his hands away again, why he left him standing there and why it felt like there was still something unspoken hanging above them, heavy and ugly, but he didn't do it. Harry agreed on staying together, kind of, and Louis didn't plan on ruining that fragile second chance already. He would be better this time and be what Harry deserved. 

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Question of the Chapter: On whose side are you?