(authors note:
This chapter contains
flashbacks, and some
topics that may be
triggering. Furthermore,
TRIGGER WARNING:
abuse, violence, alcohol,
bullying... that shall be
all.)

————

As Lilliana looked in the
mirror, she admired
herself. Somehow she
found comfort in crying,
even finding herself
prettier while she was
crying. She loved how
her eyes and lips got
puffy, how her tears
highlighted her facial
features, and even how
her cheeks turned
slightly noticeable red.

She took her phone out
of her pocket before
texting Troy the address,
along with a short
message.

Troy found it odd,
Lilliana always
Facetime'd him. He was
expecting a call over
something so exciting,
them finally meeting.
But instead of prying,
he convinced himself it
was okay because he'll
see her soon. And with
that he messaged her
back and headed to the
city.

Lilliana looked back
up at the mirror and
wiped her face. She
walked back into the
bedroom, sitting on the
bed. Finding herself
staring at the wall zoning
out.

————

2014, 7TH GRADE

That's when everything
changed because while
everyone began following
trends, Lilliana found
herself spiraling.

It started with her home
life. It had been destroying
itself since 4th grade,
when her mother got ill
and began taking things
out on Lilliana.

Unable to control herself,
Lilliana's mother made
Lilli think she was
unlovable. And though
Lilli hated her mother,
she remembered before
she got ill and found
herself still loving her
mother. She also found
herself hating her father
for not protecting her
from her mother, but still
loving him for being
the only parent she had left.

The start of seventh grade
was different though, for
Lilliana's mother had died
over the summer. And
though she grieved her
mother, she was also
guilty of being happy she
was gone. She was
hopeful, that maybe she
was finally free. But
there was always that
little voice in her head
that scared her. Especially
because it wasn't her
mothers voice, it was her
own.

————

2015, 8TH GRADE

By now the insomnia
had set in. While Lilliana
was at peace while she
was sleeping, she found
her thoughts unable to
let her go to sleep. Then
came the migraines,
ones that made her bang
her head against the
wall til her father ran
upstairs and forced her
to stop.

Lilliana also found
herself obsessed with
bruises, how they look
and the colors they made.
She hated how they
looked on her, but when
she had them she could
never take her eyes off
them. A constant
reminder of the bad.

She walked through the
halls like a "zombie" as
most people called her.
She had stress acne, dark
circles and under-eye bags,
bruises on her head from
banging it. She only wore
over-sized clothing
convinced that she still
had noticeable marks from
her mother, though those
had healed long ago. This
was the photos that had
been posted on social
media, the past Lilliana
could barely remember
and didn't want to remember.

Her father didn't know
what to do, it was Brielle
who told him what was
going on in Lilliana's head.
Brielle scared of betraying
her friends trust, but more
scared of how she was
living.

And so Lilliana got help,
therapy and psychiatrist.
And though she felt and
looked better that's not
where the story of her
trauma ends.

————

2016, FRESHMAN YEAR
OF HIGH SCHOOL

New School, New Lilliana.
Brielle and Lilliana had
both moved from a
different part of town, to
where they currently live.

Brielle moving cause her
parents had twins and they
needed to upgrade.

While Lilliana's father
thought a new school and
house would help
Lilliana move on from
the past, plus she and
Brielle could start the new
school together.

But thats where Lilli met
him, Luke, her first love.
The guy that made her feel
loved, which is something
that her mommy issues
made hard to feel. He was
her first everything.

Brielle was first to notice
how over-devoted the
couple were to each
other. They weren't
necessarily clingy, but
more tragedy waiting
to happen.

Luke was a year older
than Bri and Lilli, he
took them to their first
real party. He also
introduced them to
alcohol. And when
Lilli fell in love with
Luke, she also fell
in love with the booze
he always kept in his
truck.

Though the couple was
toxic, if you asked
anyone at their school
about them, they would
say they were iconic
and had no idea why
they broke up.

Because as they held
hands in hallway, in
Lilliana's other hand
was a water bottle filled
with vodka and fruit punch.

————

2017, SOPHOMORE YEAR
OF HIGH SCHOOL

Euphoria, that's what
Lilliana felt. A year with
Luke, how could she not
be ecstatic about their love?
They would die for each other.

Though she was becoming
a high-functioning alcoholic,
Lilliana had Luke.

Until she didn't.

A drive home is what
changed everything. He
was sober, she was not.

Somehow she found herself
on the side of the road,
bones fractured and
bleeding all over. She was
crying because even though
her body was numb from
the alcohol, she knew what
would come of her and Luke.

In the hospital, they tried
to get her to talk about
what happened, also asking
multiple time where was
Luke. But though she
loved him and didn't want
to lose him, she was mad
because he had left her
bloody and limping.

Her father banning her
from ever seeing him again,
Lilliana sobbed and saw no
point in living. She was
torn and battered like
when she was younger,
again she was ugly. And
now she didn't even have
Luke to love her. She
wanted to die.

And as she laid in that
hospital room, she closed
her eyes and hoped she
did. And while Lilli rested,
Luke found himself
feeling the same. He
was Romeo and she was
Juliet.

————

Lilliana opened her eyes
to a knock on the door,
realizing she had dozed off.

"Ana, Troy is here."

————

(authors note: yeah)