I sat at the table in the mess hall, a hot cup of coffee clutched between my chilly hands. I had stopped listening to the conversation around me. Thomas was arguing with Gally about the plan to go into the city. Magnus and Jasmine were deep in conversation. Frypan and the Hispanic man, I found out was named Jorge were chatting with Brenda. Newt slid down the bench to sit across from me. 

"Hey love." He said with a small smile, his big brown eyes x-raying me. 

I gave him a halfhearted smile, that slipped right away and my body sagged. He frowned, and slid his hand over the table top, prying my hand off the mug and holding it tight in his. 

"Charlie, Love...it's so good to actually see you. Tell me about what you have been up to." 

I shrugged. I was not feeling very chatty or very peoplely right now. After that awful memory dream last night I just lay in bed for the longest time. Gally finally gave up trying to get me to sleep so he grabbed some blankets and took me up to the roof. We lay snuggling curled in blankets and watched the stars. It was my favourite thing to do when I couldn't sleep. We stayed there all night, Gally dozed for a bit, when he woke up and we watched the sun rise together. 

"Well...how about you show me around? Come, Tommy and Gally are...discussing the details." He left no room for arguments, he stood up and pulled me with him. 

"I'm taking Charlie." He said with a wave, and pulled me from the mess hall. 

He looped my arm and we just wandered in silence for a while. I kept glancing at him, he seemed off. Maybe it was me that was off. Our year of surviving, I had no idea what their group went through. But he looked pale, with dark bags under his eyes. He looked exhausted.

"I missed you Newt." I finally whispered, his physical appearance made my weary heart soften. I couldn't be too closed off. I hadn't seen him in a year.

I placed my head on his shoulder, I felt him kiss the top of my head. We continued to wander. We found ourselves on the roof. I led him over to the edge and sat down, throwing my legs over the edge. He followed my example. We looked out over the city. The view was pretty cool, being able to see the outside city and The Wall and into the Last City. I placed my head on his shoulder again, when he placed his arm over my shoulders. 

"So Love, tell me everything."

I was quiet thinking how to answer his question. Up close and in the quiet his voice sounded as weary as he looked...as I felt right now.

"Start from the bloody beginning. It's been a long year, and I only saw you once." 

"Didn't look my best, hey?" 

"No you didn't." His voice was sharp all of a sudden. Making me flinch and pull away to sit up straight. He sighed.

"Sorry. It ..it was.." he cleared his throat, "it was just hard seeing you like that." He finally said.

"If I could punch RatMan I would break his nose!" He spat.

And I cracked a small smile.

"Only if I get to hit first."

He cracked a small smile. Making me smile slightly. With a sigh I started to tell him everything. The door opened behind us and Thomas and Frypan were walking towards us. They smiled and plunked down. I was squished now between Thomas and Newt. Frypan on the other side of Newt. I saw something flash across his face, frustration maybe? But he blinked at it was gone and gave me a nod to keep going. I did. With a few tears slowly sliding down my cheeks, I told them everything. Everything I could remember from my last year. The good and the bad...and the ugly. I told them about Hans and his breakthrough. 

"Magnus is Gally's older brother?" 

"Wait..You did what?" 

"Private weapons training?" 

"How are you getting memory dreams?" 

"So... what's with the pink hair?" 

Thomas tried to interrupt many more times with questions, but he was now told to shush by the others. He finally clamped his mouth when Newt got frustrated.

"Tommy! Shut your mouth and slim it! She can't even get through a sentence!"

Newt was a good listener. He always was, he was always easy to talk to, Tommy was too, just interrupted with too many questions. Fry listened intently. I missed talking to them. It took me almost an hour of straight talking to go through the year of events. 

"...You guys saw what it's like yesterday. It's not like that every day, or all the time. That was a horribly one...but PTSD is real and it sucks." I finished. 

My voice was rough from talking. There was silence from the guys for a while. They had to process the information. 

"Bloody hell Charlie." Newt muttered and shook his head. 

"Is Newtmis still a thing?" I asked quietly looking up at Newt and Thomas. Thomas's cheeks and nose even his ears went pink. Newt though, his usual soft features hardened for a split second and then softened when he glanced at Thomas and then down at me.

"Yes." Frypan said and leaned fowards to look at me with a small grin. 

"Good. At least there is one good thing in this shucked up world." 

"There's lots of good, Love, you just need to see it." 

"Newt? Have you met Zayn? 'Cause Gally and I agree, you are like the same person. Oh and Sophie is the female version of Minho!" I smiled. 

"No. I haven't. But maybe he'd be a great replacement." He said, his voice was sharp again, I flinched again, and frowned at him.

"This Zayn can shuck off." Thomas grumbled. 

"I wasn't meaning to imply to replace you, Newt," I said hesentatly, Newt's behavior was weird. He looked exhausted, maybe he didn't sleep well.

"I just mean, your personalities are similar, quiet, good listeners and give good advice. And Zayn seems to have eyes on this Brenda chick."

"That's bloody great." He said sarcastically.

"What's your problem?" I snapped back, "snappy and short tempered is my thing "

"So tell me anything Zayn..." Thomas said quickly, drawing my attention away from Newt.

"Only if you tell me about this Brenda. Zee is a brother, and I will throw fists if she's a shuck face and hurts him." I narrowed my eyes at the guys. 

I heard Newt snort, "wouldn't expect anything else from you."

"What the shuck does that mean?"

"She's good." Fry said quickly. 

Frypan went on to explain how she had helped them escape the warehouse. Thomas reluctantly told me the story of him and Brenda's time in the tunnels under the crank city nearby. How Brenda was bitten, a club where they got totally smashed and Newt, Fry Jorge, Minho, Teresa, Chuck and a kid named Aris rescued them, making it to the Safehaven. Finding The Right Arm. WICKED showing up, Thomas's promise to get me and Minho back, all the information and planning and small missions to make the big rescue, pulling it off. They stole a full train car of immune kids right off the train. 

"That was the same day Gall and Zee ambushed my escort and got me and Magnus out...Minho was superposed to be with us..." I said sadly, looking at my lap. I felt that familiar stab of guilt. 

"It wasn't your buggen' fault." Newt said gently.

I just nodded sadly. "I know...I still feel guilty."

"Well, that's why we're here. We're going to get him back Charlie!"

I nodded again. With a sigh, I asked "Gally takin' you guys into the city then?"

Thomas nodded, with a frown.

"Charlie? You're happy with him?"

"Yes Tommy."

"But he shot you!" He cried.

"No. He didn't."

"I was shucked there Charlie! He shot you! I saw it!" I yelled, his face screwed up in anger and frustration.

I turned to face him, the small bubble of happiness popped. I stared him dead in the eyes ground my teeth for a second before answering my brother. I didn't care if Newt and Fry were here to hear this.

"Gally, MY Gally would never do that. Ever. WICKED shot me. WICKED messed with him and his mind. Janson told me it was all their stupid shucken variables. He MADE him do it. Janson told me it was actually intended for Chuck. They wanted to see his brain patterns as he died...I was just in the way. But it wasn't Gally, do you understand that?"

I had raised my voice and poked him in the chest hard, my eyes narrowed. I took a deep breath and continued.

"Do you know what that did to him? How it affected him?"

Thomas shook his head, averting his eyes.

"He tried to kill himself Thomas! He felt so awful, so disgusted, even though HE KNEW it was WICKED. Zayn stopped him, Zayn kept him from killing himself. And if he hadn't, I wouldn't be here. And you wouldn't be here!"

Thomas looked back up at me, his whiskey brown eyes softened as he looked at me.

"Thomas ... You have no idea the shit Janson put me through, and when I get thrown back into the past, when I can't seperate what's real and what's the past or made up from that Fear Landscape, he's the only one I trust. He's the only one when my panic and anxiety are out of control, his voice his smell, his arms around me, Tommy it's him. He keeps me safe. He loves me, he's my match, the only one brave enough to love me, all of me, all my shucked up parts of me."

I paused and swatted the angry tears away.

"Get that through your thick skull! I love him Tommy. And he loves me. End of shucken story. If you don't like too shucken bad."

He held his hands up in a defense and surrender.

"Okay! Sheesh Charlie! Just making sure. It's my duty as an older brother! I had the same conversation with Gally."

I growled and punched his shoulder.

"Oww!" He whinned.

"Now that we have proven our love, you guys need to get those chips removed before we leave."

I twisted around and saw Gally leaning on the doorframe, his large arms crossed across his chest. My heart fluttered. I got up, once I was close enough I jumped into his arms. He caught me, I wrapped my legs around his waist and my arms around his shoulders, to the protesting of Thomas.

"You heard everything, didn't you." I asked.

"Yep." He popped the p, a huge crooked grin on his tired face. I felt guilt keeping him up last night.

"It's all true. I love you so much." I said quietly, "and thank you."

"You know I would do anything and everything for you." His voice had dropped slightly.

"Are you two done? Cuz your blocking the door!" Thomas whinned.

"Let her have her moment man!" Frypan said.

I flipped off Thomas, and kissed Gally, slipping my tongue into his mouth, just to piss Thomas off more.

"You got a tattoo?" He yelled.

I broke away laughing. Gally put me down, intertwined our hands and lead us down the stairs.

"Yes Thomas. I got two actually. Sophie and I were stalking a WICKED employee. I had to extract information."

"By... getting a tattoo?" Newt asked, a look of confusion on his face.

I quickly explained what happened and how it went down.

"And you killed him?" Thomas yelled and stopped walking.

"Yes Thomas. You have good listening skills."

"But-"

"I'd do it again." I cut him off.

"Leave it be Tommy." Newt said quietly, pushing him gently down the hall.

_______________________

They were all crowded in one of the Med Rooms. I had my hand clenching Gally's as hard as I possibly could. I was hoping to avoid this place for the day. But I came because Thomas asked, and apparently Hans wanted to talk. He said all needles and pointy things were locked away, we could even just talk in the hall.

"So, all three boys here need that chip removed, hey?"

Gally nodded, "they have the same one Charlie and I had, that you removed. We can't risk them being controlled. Janson knows their here."

"All right. Give me a few minutes to prep." Hans called over his shoulder as he headed back out the door. It was quiet in the room. I felt the anxiety creeping up. Thomas groaned and sat down on the edge of a chair.

Thomas?" Brenda whispered. "You okay?"

I turned to look at him, He looked up, catching my eye. 

"I just need to—"

He stiffened, his eyes went wide and then a spasm sent his arms out straight and his legs kicked, twisting his body so that he slid off the chair and collapsed to the floor, shaking. He yelled when his back slammed into the hard tile.

"Tommy!" I yelled. "What's wrong?" 

I ripped my hand from Gally's and threw myself to the floor beside him.

Newt had also come over to his other side, everyone else was frozen. I saw his were clear, he was looking right at me, wide and pleading for help. Thomas tried to speak, he managed to open his mouth but only drool came out. 

"Can you hear me?" I yelled, bending over him, something was wrong, something about this felt very off.

"Tommy! What's wrong?" Newt yelled, shaking his shoulders, he looked terrified.

Thomas's limbs abruptly stilled, legs straightening and coming to a rest, his arms falling limp at his sides. He just lay still. I quickly looked up and down his body, he looked like he was stiff as a board, his eyes were the only thing that moved; darting back and forth between me and Newt. It reminded me of Alby, when...

"Thomas?" Brenda asked quietly, coming to stand beside me. I twisted around and looked up at her, Brenda's expression changed to something close to horror. She knew there was something off as well.

Just as I looked away, Thomas's body started moving; but it looked awkward and uncomfortable. His arms and legs shifted, he was getting to his feet. His face was twisting and contorting in pain.

"You okay?" Newt asked, slowly getting to his feet beside Thomas.

Panic flared through me, something was very wrong. Thomas never moved like this, I know I hadn't seen him in a year, but this was uncomfortable. His head twitched, then turned toward the door through which Hans had left. I scrambled to my feet as his mouth was wrenched open and words started spilling from his mouth. They were robotic and without inflection.

"I can't ... let you ... do this."