Brick trotted cheerily onto the stage, wearing a prim blue suit with a black bow tie and holding a cup of coffee. He coughed slightly into the microphone and began. Sad music played and a slide appeared on the screen behind him:

                                                                  hi

                           my

                                                  name is

                                                                                                                                    brick.

                                                                               i suffer from 

                                                                                                                                                              a rare

                 disorder.

Letting out a screech of anger, Brick pressed another button.

The audience roared with laughter as the poor tom scrambled to find the remote from where he'd dropped it in shock, his tail waving wildly behind him. Finally the screen switched off and Brick stood up, bow tie now stained with something that looked suspiciously like coffee, and coughed again.

"Sorry," he muttered weakly. "Anyway.........our guest for tonight is Oakheart. He's much more organized than I am--I mean, nothing, ignore me, sorry--" Brick scampered off the stage while taking big gulps of coffee, whiskers trembling as he tried to calm himself down.

A neat-looking brown tom strutted onto stage. "HEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOO!" he boomed, his ears pricked and alert. Oakheart grinned widely. "Today I am presenting LACERTAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee LIZAAAAAAARRRRRD."

The audience winced from the microphone screech that resulted, and boos sounded from the auditorium.

"Sorry!" Oakheart snorted, still chipper and cheery. He skipped along over to the remote that was still lying on the floor, and picked it up. He pressed a button and a picture slipped onto the screen.

"This is Lacerta," Oakheart began. "I'm quite farsighted, I do apologize, so it might look a little different--but only because it was zoomed out to the point that I can see it."

He shifted from paw to paw and squinted at the screen. "As you can see, Lacerta is made up of four lines and five stars, in a bit of a zigzag pattern. Lacerta is one of the constellations created by the Polish astronomer Johannes Hevelius in the 17th century. It is not associated with any myths. So yeah, that's about it. If you have any questions, contact me at 342-OAKHEART or www.oakheartblogpost.org."

He flashed another smile and pranced off the stage, entirely ignoring the rotten tomatoes thrown at him from the audience. Boos echoed through the stage.

small announcer voice begins disclaiming DO NOT CLICK ON THESE LINKS THEY ARE POTENTIALLY DANGEROUS IF YOU CALL THAT NUMBER OAKHEART IS NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY VIRUS THAT GOES INTO YOUR PHONE. HAVE A NICE DAY.

written by leopard, stolen from engagey, pathetically written by leopard, scraped the minimum again ;)