Tightness. All I could feel was tightness. Tightness around my waist. Razors burrowing into my skin. Stretching, and pulling, and keeping me still. I couldn't move. I couldn't breathe. Every touch was amplified like drops of acid breaking my porcelain frame.

My tongue was numb and I wanted to run but my legs couldn't move. There was a darkness looming over me and the more I fought it, the tighter its hold was on me.

My head was a cement balloon, too heavy to hold up but full of thoughts disguised as air. As my eyelids fluttered shut I caught a flash of milk chocolate brown dash past my body.

I screamed. I kicked. My body sprang forward as crisp white light flooded my eyes. My hands curled into fists around my comforter blanket. My knuckles turned grey as I felt my heart pound within my chest. That was an awful dream.

I backed up in bed until I felt my back hit the wall. My shoulders dropped all their tension once I realized that I was in my dorm. I heard a snore emerge from a sleeping Jack across the room and ran my hand through my dirty hair.

What happened last night? My memory flashed in my brain, quick and dim cuts. I remembered dancing with Alan. Then being carried back to my room.

I looked towards my nightstand to check the time when my eyes landed on a soft brown object.

I reached forward, my bed creaking slightly as I grabbed onto something soft and round, bringing it up to my face.

It was a stuffed pancake. A soft and squishy stuffed animal made to look like a stack of fluffy tan pancakes with a big smiley face on top.

My nose detected a sweet aroma and I pulled the stuffed animal closer to my nose to inspect it. My senses were right, the stuffed pancake was even scented to smell like maple syrup and gourmand butter.

I turned it over to find a small post-it note taped to its back.

"I couldn't get real pancakes because they'd be cold by the time you woke up, so I got you this instead." - Vic

I felt my heart race inside my chest as a small smile spread across my face. When did I talk about pancakes with Vic? When did I even see -

Suddenly a sharp, agonizing pain shot through my brain. I didn't know why but my body was telling me to run.

Panicked, I threw myself out of my bed and stumbled towards the door. I gripped the door knob but I couldn't feel its smooth, round surface. I knew I had a hold on it because the door successfully opened in front of me but to me, it was like my hand completely passed through it.

My feet padded down the carpeted hallway towards the showers, my hand trailing along the wall to keep myself steady.

My legs gave out as I made it into a shower stall, dragging the flimsy curtain closed behind me. I watched my arm reach above my head to turn the handle, letting hot water rush over me.

I sat in the middle of the shower floor staring at the cement wall. I felt cold, salty tears rush into my eye sockets, finally letting reality sink in as I sobbed to no one.

I don't know how long I had been sitting there until I looked down and saw red. My skin was inflamed. That was when I realized my hand was on the knob and it was turned all the way to the right. To the hottest setting.

I looked up towards the shower head and felt the stream hit my face. I was snapped back to reality and let out a quiet, muffled scream. The water was scalding hot!

I leapt up and twisted the knob all the way back to the left until it was completely off. I looked down at my soggy, wet clothes, forgetting that I didn't even bring a towel in with me.

I walked quickly back to my room to avoid anyone seeing me soaking wet dressed in my clothes. Closing the door behind me I turned around to be met with a bubbly Jack.

"Hey man! Why're you all wet?" Jack questioned.

"I... uh... I fell asleep in my clothes after the party and didn't feel like doing laundry so I thought I'd just shower in my clothes to clean them?" I responded, my lie sounding like a question as I held my breath waiting for Jack's response.

"Right.... makes sense to me! Laundry is the worst." Jack nodded.

"Anywho, how was the party last night? I saw you getting frisky with Alan on the dance floor. Did you get lucky?" Jack grinned.

I racked my brain, trying to remember what happened last night. I can't believe I got so drunk that I completely forgot about my first real date with a guy.

"Nah, I got so drunk I blacked out. All I remember is Alan carrying me home after the party" I heard myself answer.

I felt a hand on my shoulder and flinched away before realizing it was just Jack.

"No sweat dude, we've all had our fair share of blackout nights. That was some crazy ass party though. Next time I'll be a better wingman so you can have your first kiss." Jack smiled as he left the room to take a shower.

I slowly steadied my breathing as I began throwing on a pair of black skinny jeans and a yellow hoodie when my phone buzzed. I glanced down at the name on the screen. Jenna.

Text from Jenna: Hi Kellin! The squad and I are all doing our homework on the soccer bleachers. Tell Jack to come too! :)"

I swung my backpack over my shoulder and pulled a grey beanie onto my head as I walked out of the building. I couldn't help but shake the sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. God, I hope I vomited everything up last night. I hate getting sick and didn't want to throw up again today.

The campus felt calm today. It was a Saturday after all and most of the students were probably too hungover from last night to want to wander around. I let myself enjoy the solitude as the smell of wet, clean air filled my nose.

The large metal bleachers and stadium lights came into view as I approached the massive soccer field. The crunch of artificial grass was heard underneath my black TOMS as I made my way over to the base of the bleacher section all my friends were sprawled out on.

As I took a step up, my hand gripped the railing for balance. Just as I was about to pull myself onto the first step, a hand touched my shoulder. I whipped around, feeling my hand ball into a fist, my vision blurring. Why was this happening?

"Whoa hey! It's just me. Vic."

My eyes blinked for a few seconds, my vision coming back into view.

Vic was staring at me intensely, his warm mousse colored eyes locking into mine.

"H-how are you?" Vic spoke as if I were an egg. An egg that could crack at even the slightest pressure.

I was confused. Why was Vic asking me how I was and why was he speaking in such a soft tone?

"I'm fine? Why're you asking me that?" I spoke nonchalantly and furrowed my eyebrows. Vic looked taken aback by my demeanor and it seemed like he was torn with what to say to me next.

"Kellin do you remember anything about last night?" Vic finally said.

"Yeah I remember going to that party with Alan and then I got too drunk so he carried me back to my dorm." I answered confidently. That was truthfully all I could remember from last night.

I watched a look of anger shoot across Vic's eyes which were quickly replaced with sadness and confusion.

"Also why did you leave a stuffed animal shaped like a pancake in my dorm?" I questioned.

"Kellin... I left that in your room because you told me that your mom would make you pancakes after you had a bad day." Vic spoke in almost a whisper.

"But I didn't have a bad day yesterday. I went on my first ever date with another guy." I shook my head, feeling so confused that I completely didn't realize what I had just said.

I felt my face heat up from embarrassment. I had just admitted to Vic that I liked guys! God Kellin, you're blowing it.

But Vic didn't look disgusted. He didn't look shocked. He didn't even look confused. No, Vic looked heartbroken.

"Kellin, I think we should go somewhere to talk." He spoke.

"I don't understand. Why?" I rubbed my temples with my thumbs and pushed my hair from my face.

"Just, follow me. Please?" Vic's eyes pleaded with mine.

I was hesitant but this was Vic. The guy I had been dreaming about ever since I saw him that first day on this campus. Even though he was acting so strange I nodded reluctantly and followed behind him as he made his way around the sports building.

We turned a corner and I felt my legs quiver. What was happening?

We walked through some bushes and ducked underneath trees, their branches spilling little water droplets off the leaves.

Vic came to a sudden stop and I almost rammed right into him.

I looked around at my surroundings even more confused than I was before. We were just behind the building. I looked to my left and saw a small grassy area stretching right up to the woods.

"Okay...what do you want to talk about?" I crossed my arms and glanced up at Vic. I watched Vic's eyes darting back and forth between looking at the ground and up at the sky.

"Do you remember?" Vic spoke after an eternity.

"Remember? Remember what?" I answered, my eyes squinting at his trying to decode the look he had plastered on his face.

But Vic wasn't looking at me. He was looking at the ground below our feet. I followed his gaze and saw footprint marks, the grass here was all kicked up in comparison to the rest of the field.

Suddenly I felt my throat tighten. A flash of my feet kicking into the earth. Pain spread across my chest as if I was feeling it for the first time. Confused, I lifted up my shirt hem and saw dark black bruises littered across my skin. Scratch marks opening up.

My legs gave out as I dropped to the dampened ground on my hands and knees. Images shot through my mind like a bullet. Images of myself struggling against someone's grasp. Images of myself crying. Myself calling out "no." Hands on my hips. Hands on the waistband of my pants. Pulling them down. Hot breath in my ear.

Alan.

My head spun.

Images of Vic dashed into view. Vic pulling Alan off of me. Vic on top of Alan. Vic's fist hitting Alan's face over and over and over and over again. Red everywhere.

I was sexually assaulted last night. I was almost raped.

Vic. He. He saved me.

I felt myself trying to scream but all that came out were sobs. Choking, gasping sounds. Tears falling out of my eyes. Drooling sobs as I grasped at the grass beneath me, ripping out chunks.

Why didn't I remember before?

I didn't even feel Vic's hands on either side of my face until he pulled my head up and I was met with those big brown eyes.

"I'm so sorry Kellin."

That was all Vic said as he held me close to his chest.

"Why did Alan do that to me? Why didn't I remember?" I sobbed unable to comprehend why this had happened to me. Was this my punishment for being gay? I asked only myself.

"I think Alan drugged you. It's the most comprehensible reason why you couldn't remember anything that happened." Vic spoke softly, though anger snuck its way from his voice.

"He-he drugged me? But why?" I looked up at Vic suddenly frightened of this world.

"I- I don't know. He is sick. He is a monster." Vic answered harshly.

"How did you find me? If you didn't find me he would've... he would've..." my voice trailed off as sobs took over. Vic's hand soothingly started to trace shapes on my back.

"I um.. I was kind of watching you and Alan at the party and I saw you leave with him." Vic answered in a barely audible whisper.

"You were watching me?" I looked up at Vic to see him blushing.

"Y-yeah but only because I overheard him asking you out in the dining hall and we're on the soccer team together and he's made derogatory and gross comments towards the other dates he's had before. I knew he was a dick." Vic answered.

I bit my lip and felt a similar blush creep across my face. Vic was looking out for me? But why? It was eerily quiet and I could tell that Vic was contemplating saying something else.

"I um..." a tear fell from Vic's eye as he started to speak.

"I should've gotten there sooner. I could've stopped it from happening all together. But my stupid friend Jamie wanted me to take another shot with him and I was already kind of drunk so I was distracted after I saw Alan pull you from the party. It's all my fault." Vic's voice trailed off.

"Hey...if you hadn't seen Alan pull me from the party and follow us at all..it would've been a lot worse." I put my hand on Vic's shoulder reassuringly.

"Seriously Vic, you.. you saved me." I whispered.

Vic nodded but didn't look convinced with himself.

He stood and helped pull me up off the ground.

"We should go talk to the Dean. We can tell him what happened and get Alan expelled and arrested." Vic spoke with urgency.

"I don't know..." my voice trailed off. Did I really want to tell the Dean what happened? Then there would be a trial and the whole school would know. I wouldn't be able to blend in anymore. I'd be the broken and sad gay guy. Yes what Alan did was horrible but I was ok. I was alive.

"Kellin, what Alan did to you was illegal. He should be behind bars." Vic said.

"But I'm ok. He didn't actually.. you know.. rape me. And plus, the beating he got from you is probably more than enough for him to stay away from me." I looked away from Vic's fiery gaze as he was about to speak but was interrupted.

"Dude! I've been looking for you everywhere. Coach wants to talk to you, he said it was urgent." Alex spoke as he came into view.

"Oh hey Kellin, fancy seeing you here, what're you two doing?." Alex's eyes danced with an unknown excitement as he looked from me to Vic, nudging Vic playfully.

"Uh nothing. I just bumped into Kellin while on my after practice jog." Vic spoke quickly.

"Right, right. Yeah he ran right into me. He's awfully clumsy isn't he?" I took the hint and laughed hesitantly. I took this as my way out of our previous conversation, not wanting to discuss the idea of telling the Dean what happened anymore.

"Anyways, I better get going. Jack and the gang are expecting me for dinner." I smiled in their direction, letting my hair fall into my face before quickly walking away.

_____ Authors Note_________

How is everyone doing?! I hope everyone is well! I'm really enjoying exploring this relationship between Kellin and Vic and I'd love to hear your thoughts!

Please vote if you're enjoying!

- Cassidy