Today was the day. I was going to tell the Dean of Students what happened to me. I didn't get any sleep the night before. Even wrapped up in Vic's arms I tossed and turned, unable to let my mind relax.

There were moments in the middle of the night where I convinced myself that it was a terrible idea to tell anyone. Every time I looked up at Vic's peaceful, sleeping face, I changed my mind.

I knew I had to tell someone. It had been weeks since it happened and I wasn't getting any better. My heart still raced and my throat still tightened whenever I turned a corner. Shadows lurked in every dark space on campus, twisting and contorting themselves into his glooming shape.

Even though I tried to tell myself that I was dealing with this, I wasn't. Not at all.

Alan's threat last night should've scared me. I'm sure that was the effect he wanted it to have, but it didn't. It shocked me into reality and made me realize that he was wrong. What he did was wrong. Someone else besides Vic or my friends had to believe me.

I emailed the Dean's office right in the morning and to my surprise, I wouldn't have to wait long at all. I was expecting him to be extremely busy but his assistant responded right away. He had an appointment slot available at the end of the day.

Going through the motions of the day seemed trivial. As four o'clock neared the weight on my back grew heavier. My mind was clouded and I was easily distracted, barely retaining a thing from any of my classes.

I had been carrying this guilt and fear for weeks. I still wasn't entirely convinced that what I was going to do would help, but I had no other options. If telling the Dean helped or didn't, at least I was trying.

My friends at lunch were beyond supportive when I told them what I was planning to do. Even though I felt completely hopeless, I couldn't help but feel a twang in my heart at their concern. I wasn't used to having so many people care about me.

I was staring at my reflection for the first time in days. Or was it weeks? I couldn't even remember that much.

I looked like a ghost. My frame barely being held up by my bones.

My cheeks were hollow and my skin was especially pale. Now that was most likely from the lack of sunlight during a Michigan winter and not the constant panic attacks. But regardless, I didn't even recognize myself.

My eyes were still abnormally large and deep blue in color, but they were rimmed with red. Bloodshot and tired from lack of sleep.

I haven't washed my hair in days and it showed. Certain pieces stuck out in different directions, stiff and dirty.

I grabbed Vic's tie-dye Thrasher hoodie and pulled it over my head. It didn't smell that great, I had been wearing it pretty much every night. I probably should change but it has become my security blanket. I needed it.

I decided to put the hood up, matting down my mess of hair. I stuffed my hands that were already covered by the long sleeves, into the front pocket.

Vic was meeting me outside my dorm. I clicked my phone on to check the time before sliding it back in my jeans.

I gave myself one more glance in the mirror before I turned to leave.

How Vic liked me was a mystery. The parallels were outstanding.

I forced a smile at my reflection, trying to see just how obviously fake it appeared. The image was unbearable. I tore myself from the view of the mirror and left my room.

My feet dragged across the carpeted hallway as I made my way out of the building.

Vic was already waiting for me. He was sitting on the steps of the building, his back to me.

I instantly felt lighter as I saw that familiar tangle of brown waves. I snuck up behind him and placed my hands on his shoulders, trying to surprise him. He didn't even jump.

"Hi Kells."

I didn't even have to see his face to know he was grinning. I could hear it in his voice.

Vic stood up and spun around, wrapping his arms loosely around my waist. From this angle I was slightly taller because I was standing two steps higher than him. I tilted my head down and took in every aspect of Vic Fuentes.

He was wearing a dark green hoodie underneath a light jean jacket. His hair was tucked into a camo snapback. I couldn't help but smile, he wore that jacket just a few days ago when it snowed.

When he asked me to be his boyfriend.

When I still was on cloud nine.

I held onto that feeling, my smile fading as Vic held my hand and started walking down the steps.

My feet stayed planted firmly in place. Vic continued to tug on my hand, turning back to face me when he realized I wasn't following him.

His eyes immediately softened. I knew that look. That was the look everybody had been giving me the last few months.

Sympathy. Empathy. I honestly couldn't even tell the difference anymore. I didn't want people to feel sorry for me. I couldn't even bring myself to feel sorry for me. It happened to me and I felt like everyone else was doing a better job at being supportive.

I couldn't even think about that night for more than a minute before I broke down. And here everyone was, quick to immediately drop everything for me. To run over and talk to me. To console me. To sprint and start a fight, for me.

I felt guilty that all my friends cared so much. I felt guilty that I didn't appreciate the amount of support they were giving. I knew I should be happy that I had people that cared about me. Because I knew that many people out there going through similar things, didn't have any type of support system.

So here I was. Feeling shameful that I wasn't appreciating the support, while at the same time, feeling shameful that I couldn't take the support. I wanted to get better, I really did. But getting better meant accepting what had happened. It meant facing it. It meant telling someone that wasn't a friend.

But the second I said the words out loud, it was going to become real. I didn't want it to become real. I wanted it to stay this hazy, painful, memory.

Dreams. Dreams I could handle. I could lie to myself and convince my brain that it was a fleeting moment. A mirage. A horror monster movie that I had a front row seat for. Not something I was the starring role for.

"Kellin, I'll be right with you the entire time."

Vic's gentle voice pulled me from my dissociative state.

I snapped my eyes open and looked at him. Even in my blurred memories of that night, Vic's face was clear. I remember him the most.

His wide and angry eyes that locked on Alan's. His soft glance towards me as I cowered against the brick wall. The force he used to pull Alan off me. The sound of Vic's fist against Alan face. The coppery smell of blood that poured from Alan's nose.

The smell of wet earth as I collapsed on the ground. The comforting touch as Vic retrieved me from the dirt. The warmth of his body as I cried into his chest.

The only thing from that night that was clear, was Vic.

I felt my mouth open as I took in a deep breath of cool, November air. I swallowed the lump in my throat and ran my hand over my face.

I reconnected my hand in his and nodded.

"Let's do this." I whispered. My voice didn't even sound like myself.

We walked hand in hand through campus to the Admissions Office. I don't even remember feeling my legs move. Vic practically held me up the entire way.

He helped me climb the tall set of brick stairs, my knuckles white as my hand gripped the gold railing. We entered the building, heat from the radiators blasting our faces as we approached the receptionists desk.

"U-um Kellin Quinn, I have an appointment with Dean Owens." I stuttered.

The receptionist looked up at us with a kind smile, "Ah yes. He is just finishing up with another student. You two can have a seat, it should just be a few minutes."

She gestured towards the waiting area where a few chairs lined a huge window. I didn't even look back towards her when Vic spoke up.

"Thank you very much."

Vic guided me towards the waiting area. We both sank into the big, cushiony chairs, his hand never leaving mine. He rested our hands on the center armrest and gave my palm a light squeeze.

I tried to muster up a smile before returning my gaze to the ground.

We weren't waiting for long when a door creaked open and someone walked past us.

I wasn't paying much attention but I glanced at Vic, concerned when I felt his grip on my hand tighten. Vic's eyes were narrowed and he was practically seething.

When I followed his gaze my heart dropped.

Alan was walking past us.

He didn't look at us at all, just kept his eyes fixated on the large front door to the building. But even though he wasn't looking at us, I could see from the side of his face that his mouth was turned upright, in a huge smile.

I felt like I was going to throw up.

"What the fuck is he doing here?!" Vic whispered harshly.

"I-I guess he had a meeting with the Dean too..." I replied, my mind going back to the other night after cheerleading practice. When Alan threatened me to not say anything to the Dean. I didn't tell Vic that part.

"But why would he have a meeting with him on the same day we are?"

I gnawed on my bottom lip, "Uh...well...he kind of threatened me the other night after practice. Well not exactly threatened me. He just said that no one would believe me, and that if I told the Dean, then he would just say how you attacked him..."

Vic immediately wrapped his arms around me, pulling me into his lap.

"Oh Kells...I didn't know he approached you again. It's so good that you're going to tell the Dean, even more now. But don't worry, I was protecting you. Alan has no case against me."

"I know. It worried me in the moment but after I thought more about it, I knew you couldn't get into trouble. I'm sorry I didn't tell you, I just didn't want you to worry about me even more than you already do." I answered, looking down at the ground.

Vic brought his hand under my chin, tilting it up slightly so I was looking at him, "Hey, you can tell me anything alright? I care about you so much Kellin."

I nodded and leaned in to kiss him when the receptionist interrupted us, clearing her throat.

"Um, Dean Owens is ready for you now."

We both stood up and walked into the office. It was extremely intimidating. The Dean was seated behind a huge mahogany desk that seemed to stretch across the entire room. Two small leather chairs faced the desk,  angled slightly towards one another.

"Kellin Quinn I presume? And... Vic Fuentes? I didn't expect to see you here." Dean Owens asked, his eyes glancing to Vic.

I took a seat and shifted uncomfortably as the Dean reached over to shake Vic's hand. He didn't shake mine.

"Amazing game the other night. Thank goodness your leg healed up fast. Our team would be nothing without you." Dean Owens beamed.

Vic politely returned the handshake before sitting down next to me and answering the Dean, "Thanks sir."

Dean Owens sat down, leaning in his chair, "We are truly blessed to have you as the Captain. And the way you stole the ball from Wingate? Absolutely outstanding."

Vic cleared his throat, a stoic look spread across his face as his eyebrows furrowed.

"We aren't here to talk about soccer. We are here to listen to Kellin."

I couldn't read the look on Dean Owens' face when Vic talked back to him, but I could tell that he didn't like it. He looked almost shocked. He moved on hand down his tie, straightening out before looking at me for the first time since we walked into his office.

"Ah yes, Mr. Quinn, I read over the email you sent to our office and just have a few questions. Why don't you retell the story for me so I can make sure I have all the information I need." He spoke coldly, with absolutely no expression in his voice.

I took a deep breath, glancing to Vic who grabbed my hand and gave me an encouraging nod. I watched Dean Owens' eyes look right at our intertwined hands.

"W-well...it happened during a party. I went with Alan Ashby and everything was fine at first. But then he brought me a drink and after I finished it I felt weird. I wasn't in control of my body at all. I was completely in a haze. I believe that he had drugged me -"

"Do you have any proof that he drugged you?" Dean Simmons interrupted me.

"Well no..."

"Did you go to the hospital that evening for a drug test?"

"No but -"

"Unfortunately drugs only stay in someone's system for a couple of days. And since this happened weeks ago, there is no way to officially determine if you were drugged. But go on, please." Dean Simmons answered, gesturing towards me nonchalantly.

My breathing hitched in my throat and looked at Vic. He looked furious.

"U-um so after the drink I felt completely out of it. I don't remember much, my memory comes in waves and snapshots of that night. But I do remember Alan pulling me out of the room where the party was, I remember walking through the building until we were outside..." I continued.

Dean Owens started writing on a pad of paper in front of him, stopping me again to speak, "And was this the first time you had ever drank before?"

"What? What does that have to do with anything?" I questioned.

"Was it?" He pressed.

"No. I had gone to one other party prior and also had one drink. But I didn't feel the way I did after Alan's mixed drink the first time."

"Mhm. But it is possible that the drink Alan gave you just happened to contain stronger liquors than before. It's possible that maybe you just had too much to drink." Dean Owens interjected.

"I mean it's possible... but I know what one drink feels like. And this was nothing like that. It -"

"Please continue, Mr. Quinn." Dean Owens stopped me once again, redirecting the conversation.

I felt Vic lean forward in his chair as he rubbed his hand along my back soothingly. But even I could see the look on his face. I knew he was going to say something soon. He wanted me to have this moment to share my story. He didn't want to interject. But I could tell he was furious at the way Dean Owens was acting.

"So Alan started kissing me...and t-touching me. I said no. I remember telling him no. But he wouldn't stop. I couldn't move. I couldn't scream. I felt paralyzed. Then..." I continued, stopping as I felt my throat starting to close. Tears started to well up in my eyes.

"Darling, you're doing so great. I'm right here ok? I'm so proud of you." Vic whispered in my ear and his voice alone gave me the strength to continue.

I looked into the Dean's eyes for the first time this entire meeting.

"Then Alan started to unbutton my jeans and he pulled them off. The next thing I remember was him being pulled off of me. I saw Vic punch Alan in the face before he came back over to me and brought me home. Vic s-saved me..."

"Mhmm okay Kellin. Thank you for sharing. Let's backtrack a bit. You said you remember telling Alan no, but earlier you mentioned that you felt like you didn't have control over your body because of the alcohol you drank. Can you say for certain that you told him no?" Dean Owen's asked, putting air quotes around the first time he said "no."

"He was drugged! It wasn't because of the alcohol! He said no. Alan didn't stop." Vic stood up in his chair, raising his voice.

I tugged on Vic's arm, getting him to sit back down, "I know that I said no. I said it multiple times."

Dean Owens raised his eyebrows at Vic as he addressed him, "Kellin says that you were the one to stop this...event. Did you hear Kellin say no?"

Vic turned white as he opened his mouth to speak, speaking slowly as he enunciated each word, "I didn't need to hear Kellin say no. I knew what was happening. Anyone would've known what was happening. Alan was trying to sexually assault Kellin."

The tears started flowing now, running down my cheeks and nose as I tried to hold back sobs.

"This is going to be hard for me to say but unfortunately, that's just not how I see it." Dean Owens' responded.

"What?!" Vic and I both exclaimed at the same time.

"University procedure is that I speak with both parties. I spoke with Alan and he did tell a similar story. However, he claims that you both were drinking, but that Kellin drank a lot more. Alan claims that you didn't say no, and that you both were just drunk and hooking up. Alan assumed that Vic was jealous that Kellin was going out with him, and that's why Vic attacked him. And by the way you two are now acting towards each other, I can assume you're dating. Making Alan's claims of jealousy all more believable." Dean Owens finished.

"That is bullshit! Vic and I didn't even know each other at the time. And I DID say NO! Alan is dangerous." I blurted out, shocking myself at my own aggression.

"Then Vic, how do you explain how you happened to be outside behind the dorm building at the exact moment this was happening?" Dean asked.

Vic narrowed his eyes, "Because I did like Kellin at the time so I noticed him at the party. I noticed him with Alan, and I noticed that he was acting strange. I followed them out of the building out of concern. This has nothing to do with the fact that Alan tried to hurt Kellin!"

The Dean shrugged. He shrugged.

"Unfortunately with no rape kit, no drug records, no eyewitness who heard someone decline a sexual advancement, there is nothing I can do. Without evidence this is a he said, he said, situation."

My head started spinning and I felt like I could pass out right on the spot. I couldn't even see Vic anymore through my teary eyes. But I knew he was there. He didn't leave my side for a second.

"Sexual advancement?! This wasn't a sexual advancement! This was an assault! You can't get away with this. You can't treat a survivor like this!" Vic was full blown yelling now.

I had never seen him get like this. Yes, he was always very concerned but he was usually more level headed than this. He was very good at keeping his emotions in check but right now he was flying off the handle.

"Vic? It's okay." I heard myself say.

I felt myself turn towards him and take his face in my hands.

"It's okay. There isn't anything he can do. Let's just go."

Vic's face searched mine, his eyes darting back and forth from the Dean to me.

"Darling what? He can't get away with this. He has to do something. I won't rest until you feel safe on this campus again."

Dean Owens cleared his throat, "There is something I can do. Because of the circumstances, I have already changed your schedule so you won't have any classes with Mr. Ashby. I also spoke with him and he agreed to stay away from you. If he comes anywhere near you, he will be reprimanded and will have to speak with me again for punishment."

Vic scoffed, "Oh yeah, like he was totally punished the fucking first time."

"Vic please, let's just go. I want to go." I tugged on his arm.

His eyes immediately softened as he looked at me, "I'm so sorry Kellin. I just...I can't believe this guy."

"I know...but it's over now. There isn't anything else we can do. I told my story. I always knew deep down that something like this would happen."

Vic wrapped his arm around my shoulders as we headed for the door.

"Um Mr. Quinn, you have to sign this paper first. It is a printed version of your statement, for our records." Dean Owens said, pushing a piece of paper across his desk.

I walked back over, taking a pen in my hand and scribbling my signature on the page. When I stood up my eyes caught sight of a photo turned towards the Dean, out of view of the two chairs Vic and I were sitting in. It was a photo of the Dean with another man about the same age as him. They were on a boat, smiling to the camera as two younger boys gave the thumbs up. One of the boys was Alan.

Dean Owens noticed my gaze.

"I-is he your?..." I heard myself ask.

"My nephew, yes."

I had to get out of this room. I dropped the pen on the desk and walked back over to Vic, desperate for his touch. We started to leave when the Dean called out to us again.

"Oh and Kellin? A little advice. Next time this happens, you really should report it to the police and go to a hospital for a rape kit. It would make your accusations much more concrete. Have a good day."

Vic and I left the building. You'd think that I would be the one to speak first. You'd think that I would be the one to break down.

But no. It was Vic.

"The fucking nerve of that guy. This school is an absolute joke. Just because you didn't have any solid evidence doesn't mean he can treat you that way. And Alan didn't get punished at all. YOU had to have your schedule changed. Alan gets to go on with his life perfectly unscathed. He never has to fear for his life whenever he is walking home at night. He never has to worry that his abuser could be out there, ready to hurt him again."

Vic walked over to a tree and tried to punch it. I quickly stepped in, grabbing his arm and pulling it back. He turned towards me and in that moment I could see that something was very wrong. Vic's eyes were glassy and he was trembling. I wrapped my arms around him and pulled us down so we were sitting against the tree.

"That's just how the system is. It makes sense. It's terrible, but it makes sense. I didn't have any evidence against Alan. If you spun it around and looked at it from his angle, I could see where the Dean wasn't able to do anything. I'll be okay...and at least now the school knows and I won't have to worry about seeing him anymore." I spoke.

"But it shouldn't have ever happened in the first place. It shouldn't have ended like this. You should've gotten justice. I have failed you." Vic stuttered out through tears.

I was in shock. I didn't know what to do or say. The only other time Vic broke down like this was after the party I got really drunk at, when I shared what happened to me with Jack.

Vic was in full on hysterics as he rambled on and on. He kept saying he was sorry, over and over again. Tears were streaming down his perfect face and all I could do was hold him in my arms.

"You didn't fail me. Vic, without you I don't know what would've happened to me. You did everything you could. You are my everything..."

Vic sniffed and took my face in his hands, "C-can I?"

I nodded. He leaned in slowly and pressed his lips against mine. His touch was so gentle, our lips barely connected. He just held them there for a moment as he cupped my cheek.

When he pulled back he was still crying.

"Look at me. I'm being a terrible boyfriend. I'm sitting here going on and on, breaking down and crying. This isn't about me. I should be consoling you. Asking you how you're doing. Not getting angry. That won't help anything." Vic forced a small but sad smile.

I shook my head and returned a smile, "Enough about me. I don't want to talk about me anymore today."

I sighed and glanced back up at Vic who was staring straight ahead, silent.

"Um Vic? Are you okay?" I asked gently.

Vic broke down again. His sobs were worse than anything I had ever heard. He leaned forward and convulsed as he took in sharp and fast breaths. I knew that he was trying to calm himself down. But when you're having a breakdown like that, you can't try and stop it. You have to just let it happen.

I let my hand hover over his back, not sure if he wanted to be touched right now. I wanted to respect his boundaries.

But it was as if Vic could hear my thoughts because he immediately looked up at me and threw his arms around me. I was quick to hold him, running my hand through his hair.

"Babe? I'm right here. I've got you. You're safe." I whispered.

"I failed them! I failed my team! I failed J-Justin! I failed myself! But most of all, I failed YOU!" Vic exclaimed hysterically through sobs.

"What? Vic what are you talking about?"

Vic's head slumped over as he whispered through gasping sobs.

"S-something really bad happened to me..."

A/N

I'm back fam! Phew, this was a really big chapter for me. I have personally known people affected by sexual assault and unfortunately, things that happened in this chapter are similar. Sexual assault on college campuses are rarely ever treated seriously and are usually swept under the rug. The worst that usually happens is the person gets expelled and that's RARE. Now, obviously my experience isn't to be used for ALL college campuses. I just felt that I wanted to portray this chapter as similarly as I could because unfortunately this kind of treatment happens everyday.

But on another note, if you or someone you know is dealing with similar things as expressed in this chapter, my inbox is always open. Or dealing with ANYTHING AT ALL. I can try to help. Message me!

Thanks again for sticking with this story. Let's hope I can update this way quicker next time because I don't wanna leave you all on a cliffhanger.

As always, stay safe and hope you're all well :)

-Cassidy :)