Logan Lerman as Eros

Dedicated to heatherbloggs

†Eros†

Happy birthday Eros!
Mrs. Kedos beam, holding a big batman themed cake on her arms,placing it carefully. The young Kedos is sitting on their kitchen table, in front of it are his grandparents. Taking a video.

Thank you mom.
The young Kedos smiled weakly, lowering his head.

Make a wish.
Mrs. Kedos said encouragingly.

Where's daddy?
He whispered sadly.

Batman is here to save the day!!!
A man on costume bust-in from the door. Putting his fist on his waist, looking up proudly.

Daddy!!!.......
The young Kedos cheered. Straightening his self to look at the man in black.

I am Batman!
The man announces, who happened to be Mr. Kedos.

Batman!! Awesome!!
Young Kedos stated in adulation

What is your wish young man?
Mr. Kedos asked, striding slowly. Spinning around with his cape to entertain the child.

I wish that you'll dressed up as Cinderella on my next birthday!! And Ariel on my next birthday.....and Barbie and snow white and Belle......anddd.....

Calm down baby,I'll just write it down k?
Honey help me. The young Kedos bat happily but got interrupted by her father. Chuckling nervously. Mrs. Kedos' laughing fill the room along with the youngsters' grandparents.

Noppppe way honey, you've started it,so
good luck,And may the Disney princesses possessed you. Mrs. Kedos enunciate teasingly while holding her stomach to stop the laugh, but that doesn't stop the giggles of hilarity to escaped.

Honey,please.
Mr. Kedos beg for help,pouting. But all he got from her loving wife is a tongue.

Okey I'll blow the candle now.
Young Kedos glee.

I reach for the remote control and pressed the red button,turning off the screen with the memories on it I wish to remain.

And I wish to be back again.

I let my tears fall down on my cheeks, hoping maybe that they could carry away the pain I felt, hoping that 'every tear is a pain'. So I could just cried it out and be alright tomorrow.

I stand up from the couch to see my reflection in the dark screen,only to see someone who isn't me.

When did I grew up? No its not the right question.

Why did I grew up?

I was happy,carefree,loved and complete. But now,I'm sad,careworn, hated and incomplete.

Today is my nineteenth birthday.

Birthdays should be memorably happy.

You'll be having cakes,balloons, spaghetti,salad,friends at your house, gifts, games and fun.

It was a birthday to remember when you had it all,you'll be the happiest kid on earth.

And for me.

How could it be?

Cakes,balloons, foods and everything. I could have all that. I'll be having all and more than that if I want.

But without your dad who's always ready for great surprises,dressing up as someone you like in every of your birthday.

Without your mom who'll cook the best cake and every food that you like.

Friends with a smile on their faces while giving you their gifts.

Kisses,

Warm hugs,

Laughing.

I drop onto my knees,hugging myself,rubbing my shoulder for warmth. But it doesn't and never worked out that way. It could never reach a soul locked up in the abyss of piercing cold ice.
Latching chains kept me under,pulling me deeper and deeper into the surface.

And I hit the bottom.

No lights,

no air,

no water.

It feels like I hit the ground but there's no ground. Then a gun shot, screaming, gun shot again. Shouting, crying, a gun shot again and again and again all over again.

Then it stop.

Fading footsteps to deafening silence.

I open my eyes.

Balloons

Scattering plates and foods.

Then,

Blood.

Lifeless body on the ground.

Blood.

Blood.

And blood.

Everything went colour blood.

I screamed at the top of my lungs. But I can't hear it. I can't hear my voice.

I shut my eyes open,gasping for air. Heaving heavily. Steadying my breathing. My head hurts. I place my hand on my chest. Catching the air on track.

Nightmares.

They don't hunt me in my sleep.
They did when I'm wide awaked.

My eyes are now dry. My throat sour.

After I've calmed all my nerves. I help myself stand. Taking a glance of myself a bit in the screen. I look amazingly horrible. Bags under my eyes. Red eyes. Pale skin. I turned away and head towards the dirty kitchen.

I stop in front of the fridge,opening it while getting myself a bottle of water.
I drank it on one shot. Exhaling a hard breath.

Its okey Eros. This day is just a day like yesterday and the other day. You'll be okay tomorrow. I assured myself. Or am I just kidding myself?

For the past twelve years I've been a joke for my own sake,playing Mr. Clown to put a smile on my face. Making myself as happy as I could be is now a job. I don't want to see myself hanging on a rope lifeless, or cuts on my wrist inside a bathroom. Wasting my life would be a shame.

Shame for my parents who died while saving me. Shame for those innocent lives who died on that day. Shame for all my friends and family. Shame for myself.

I put the now empty bottle on the kitchen counter, swallowing the hard lump on my throat. Blinking a few times. I cleared my throat.

Don't cry Eros. I whispered to myself,trying to smile in any way I could.

Its a wonderful day to be sad, look at these delicious and lovely cupcakes you've made. I said to no one in particular. Running my hands above the boxes of cupcakes at the top of the counter.

Let's give this to the charity of your mom and dad. You'll be seeing,

warm smiles of children,

hugs,

kisses,

laughing.

And there comes the tears.

I slump my head backwards exasperated. Blinking the tears back.
Don't let your day spoil a day for those precious children Eros. I scold myself. I sigh discompose.

I lift my hand to check the time on my wrist watch.
Seven fifty four am. I head upstairs to my room.
After washing my face and getting my backpack. I traipse inside the kitchen, finding a bag for the boxes of cupcakes. I duck my head under the counter,opening the cupboard there. I saw some plastics and paper bags. I roamed my hands inside it to get what I want. When I finally got the paper bags, I slid all the boxes of cupcakes inside it.

Getting out of the house with bags of cupcakes in my hands. I closed the door,locking it after.
I turned to walk away,a few steps and stop on the porch. I sign and inhaled deeply,wondering I'd I could breath a bit of happiness in the air. I look up to the sky, the sun is so bright. It seems very happy. I put a smile on my face.

I walk again. Glancing side by side. Watching the semi busy streets,greeting people on my way. Waving a hi and good morning to those who just woke up getting their news papers outside their doors with a cup of coffee on their hands. The charity is not too far from this neighborhood, its just twenty minutes away.
Besides I like walking than taking a cab or driving my car. This way, I'll be able to meet new people and see the life outside. And exercise of course.

I saw Mrs. Hunsber leaving her house. She is a sixty year old woman who owns a book shop here in the neighborhood where I've always liked to visit every now and then. As I was approaching her, she turned her head in my direction and smiled sweetly.
Her smile is so warm,warmer than the sun. A smile that somewhat lift a sincere smile on my face.

Good morn'n Mrs. Hunsber. I greeted buoyantly,halting my track to stop beside her.

Good morn'n love. She greeted fondly while taking a few steps away from the gate. She's holding some books on her hands. With a shoulder bag hanging on her arm.

Lemme carry that for you Mrs. Hunsber. She give me a shy and worried smile while looking at the bags of goods in my hands. I took the other bags on my right hand, transferring it on my other hand. Well, the bags are not heavy, it was just some cupcakes. I reach my now empty arm for her books with a smile.

Are you sure love? I nod at her question, grinning encouragingly. This women is really stubborn. And strong. When we first met at her book shop,she was stocking her shelves with some new books. And she was holding a box of books,a box for queens' sake. How the heaven she was able to carry those? She's old and a women. At her age, she must be mingling with her friends with a tea outside her garden.

I got her books on my hand and we walk silently above the pavements. After a minute we've arrived at it. It was in the middle of the street along with some shops neighboring it. We cross the empty street and stop at the shop door. She unlocked it and turned to look at me. I hand her the books.

Thank you love. She said brightly. I smiled and nod.

You're always welcome Mrs. Hunsber. I replied meekly.

Uh uh, don't spoil me my dear. She teased, waving her pointing finger at me playfully.
I chuckled, blithesomely shaking my head.

You can go now love,the children must be waiting for you and the goodness inside that bags of yours. She stated. I bobbled mirthfully. She knows about the charity of my parents and that I was still supporting it with all my heart.

She enters her shop with a jingling sound of the door and I made my leave.

Minutes later I was now outside the place where I had spent most of my life until I hit the age of 18 and legally inheriting all of the fortune my parents had left for me. They were great lawyers of England, they've worked so hard to ensured a better future for me. Even though they're busy at all times of the day, they never missed a chance to kiss and give me warm hugs,make me feel loved and special. Albeit it was the end of the day, they always come to my room. Dad would sing a song on every scene of the story my mom had read. And I'll giggled at his dissonant melody every time.

Those memories. They're fresh, it feels like it was just yesterday. The hopeless part is that, it was just a feeling, and would remained as a feeling. Forever.
They say forever doesn't exist.
I say. Not until you lost everything you love and loved you. Because the pain is infinite.

I wipe the tears away. plastering a smile when I saw the children busting out of the door cheerfully. I let myself inside the gate. When they saw me belly up. They all chant my name and run towards me. I count them as they're getting nearer and nearer. Seven? They were eight. Linda Is missing. She's the shy little girl . I had never saw her playing with the other kids here. I wonder why? I scrunched my brows together in confusion. Dropping the bags of cupcakes in the ground carefully.

Eros!! They cheered in chorus. They said my name not "food". I thought they were going to investigate about the bags I have brought for them. I was wrong and that made me happy coz they seemed to missed me a lot this time than the things with me when I drop in to visit them.

I crouch down to embrace the upcoming waves of happiness and love. Beaming constantly.

They all tackled me unceremoniously. Giggling,cheering, smiling,laughing to their selves. I nearly fell on my ass but got the counterpoise to prevent it before it happened.
I chuckled at their eagerness to hug me at ones.
I was relieved that they were all five years old to six and seven is the oldest, if they happen to be all twelve or thirteen. I'm sure to good earth that I'll be laying above the ground lifeless.
Just kidding though.

I lift one of them in my arms while putting her on my lap, it was Karra. She's a pretty girl who like bobby pins more than anything. With baby blue eyes and a cheeky smile, freckles on her cheek that made her all more adorable. And of course, the bobby pins all over her hair. Its countless.

We missed you Eros. she complained with a pout. The other children nod in agreement with sad eyes.

Awww, I missed you all too. I coed at them playfully.

What took you so long to visit us? She asked worriedly.
We thought that you'll never come to visit us. Now she's crying. And they're all crying. The guilt in me is overwhelming. I never thought that a three days of being not able to visit here would affect them this much. I was too busy about studying for the upcoming exams.

I was just busy my angles. I confess guiltily.

That's why I've brought a peace offering. I cheered jovially. I shift my body to my side to pick up the bags.

Here! I glee but all I got was a head shake of disagreement.

We don't want that. She stated. She plunge from my lap and stared at me sternly. Now she look like a teenage girl scolding her boyfriend who buys her the wrong flavor of ice cream. I chuckled lightly, standing on my feet,crossing my arms around my chest. I look down at her, smirking knowingly with a raised brow. They'd never ignored the goodnesses I'd brought. I thought in confusion.

All we want is you, to visit us. I was caught of guard when she lunge on my legs,hugging it tightly. The other did the same. My eyes widen in shock. How come? When I tend to visit here, they were all excited about what I've brought for them. I frowned with a weak sincere smile on my face. I shrugged it off coz I like the change.

I looked up to see a smiling Margarette standing outside the door way. She's a middle aged woman and the care taker of the charity. She's wearing a dirty brown dress with a big ribbon on her waist. Her dress is crumpled down on her side. There,is a girl of five,Linda. Holding a fist of Margarettes' dress with a frightened look on her eyes. She's always like this,afraid of something bad might happened to her. I don't blame her though, each of us has a nightmare of the past.
Past that hunts us presently.

She's one of the few children here who suffered from a great loss without even realizing it. They just woke up one day seeing the world for the first time,not the smiling faces of their parents. That's why I never griped about how my life ended up like this,coz I know, somewhere in this world, someone is stitching a new wound over an old scar.

I Pat the head of Karra gently while picking up the bags of cupcakes on the ground. They look up at me with unshed tears on their eyes. I smiled at them reassuringly. I guided them back inside.

Welcome back again, Mr. Kedos. Margarette greeted as I walk pass through the door with the children circling me around. I give her a smile in response while handing her the bags.

I won't be long, I got classes to attend. But I got one question. What happened to the sudden change of mode? I whispered at her secretly,skimming my eyes below to see if someone was eavesdropping. The children were busy chattering with each other. I furrowed my brows, smiling to myself. They look more like business men and women, conversing about some new investment on their companies.

She smiled. For the past three days you were not able to visit. They've been all bugging me about it. So I told them that you'll never visit again coz they don't appreciate your presence but what you brought for them. She whispered back with her hand on the corner of her mouth to lower the sound. I nod, smiling contently.

Okey children, let's get inside. Mr. Kedos has some important things to do. She announced, opening the door widely for the children to get in.
They all protest with NOs and stomping, clinging their selves around me while Linda hid herself behind Margarettes' back. She poke her head to the side. When our eyes met,she hide it again. Margarette noticed it and smiled at me apologetically.

I understand, I said softly. I hunch down, resting my hands on my knees for balance. The children are now looking at me pleadingly.

Tomorrow 's Saturday. I'll be here and we'll have a lot of time together. We'll play every games that you all like. I enunciate with confidence,extending the "all" word,trying to convince them as best as I could.
They all look thoughtful for a moment, processing the offer I've made for them. They look at each other. Nodding and smiling like they've made a good business. They turned to look at me with wide smiles.

Okey! They cheered. I let out a breath of relief, straightening myself. I thought they'll come with me. Coz I'll never do that again. Babysitting children out to play is really exhausting, not to mention seven out of eight children.

I'll get going then. I informed Margarette. She nod and I turned to leave.

Goodbye! They shout jocundly.
I turned around with a smile and waved at them,taking a few steps backward, they waved back. And I continued on my track with a warm feeling radiating from my body. I check the time. I got another twenty minutes before classes hours. I think I'll take a cab, it'll save me some time to grab a snack.

I was on the way of reminiscing the past to forget about that I was hated because of my angels. But when I think about classes, studying and a university to attend. I feel like drowning from hates.