*FINISHED *

TRIGGER WARNINGS: SUICIDE MENTION AND DESCRIPTION, BLOOD, GORE, MAJOR ANGST, MAYBE FLUFF?

Fem Pronouns : Somewhat Mute : Eventual Wolf

Being Jared Cameron's sister had its perks. He was a loving big brother, but sometimes it was overbearing. For the most part, though, it was comforting.

______________________________________

You didn't like being doted on.

That being said, you didn't hate it, either. It was just overbearing and smothering. You consistently felt selfish, especially when it came to your older brother, Jared. He was always hovering over you since -

"No way! I've already told you, Paul! You can't take my sister out on a date!"

Your train of thought broke off as you looked up from your math homework, your hand pausing over your calculator. The boys were yelling at each other as they stomped into the house, and as soon as Jared laid eyes on you, he softened and came right to your side. He plopped down beside you, slinging an arm over your shoulders and pulling you into his side.

"C'mon, Jare-Bear! Just one little date? She's grown, she can make her own decisions, anyway!"

You glanced over at Paul from your brother, eyes never meeting, but blank as you gave him a look. One the pack knew well as the 'Jared's not going to let you do anything' look.

"She's 17, Paul! You're 22! This is not happening, especially on my watch!" Jared suddenly growled up, tired of his pack-mate's joking. He was always quick to anger whenever it came to you, but all you could do is roll your eyes and lean further into him. He seemed to semi-relax at that.

"Jared, seriously, man. You can't hover over her all her life. You have an imprint, for fuck's sake!" Quil butted in, which earned him a smack over the head by Sam, courtesy of Emily, for his language.

"Kim understands, unlike you pups! Just leave my sister alone! I can't have her -" Jared stopped himself at that, biting his tongue. You looked up at him, eyes narrowed, before you stood up, textbook and all, and walked out of the house. You left the pack members in Emily's kitchen, exchanging confused glances with each other as Jared sighed and glared at his brothers.

You knew that you couldn't be mad at your brother. He was just trying to protect you, even from yourself. You knew how he was since all of it, and you also knew that he hadn't told the boys, either. He'd only told Kim because she had a right to know why her boyfriend spent more time questioning his sister's every move than with her, and you'd been fine with it.

Guilt weld up in your gut. It was no secret that you had your brother's undivided attention whenever you entered the room. At most times, you were all he seemed to truly care about, even with Kim sitting right next to him. The guilt grew stronger, and had tears building in your eyes.

With a sigh, you pulled your homework closer to your chest, opening the door to your and Jared's house before dropping everything on the countertops. You absentmindedly scratched at the bandages wrapped around your forearm, all the way up to your elbow, but stopped when you pulled a stool out and sat down to continue working on your math work.

You'd only gotten through the next 4 problems before there was a stampede of footsteps crowding into the house. You heaved another sigh, ducking your head before swinging around to be met with 3 wolves: Jared, Paul, and Jacob. Jacob was a surprise, seeing as he barely left his new imprint's side for more than 3 seconds, let alone coming all the way back to the Rez.

"Look, bunny," Jared started, stepping forward, "I'm sorry, alright? I didn't mean to get worked up like that. Emily's making double-chocolate muffins! She said you could have first pick, but you gotta come back over to her's to get them."

Jared gave you his biggest puppy dog eyes - the irony - before you gave in and huffed. Jared pumped his fist in victory as Jacob rolled his eyes and slung an arm over your shoulders.

"C'mon, munchkin, let's go get Emily's delicious treats!"

______

For the next few days, everything was great. Everything was fine.

Until today.

Today, it hit you extra hard. The feelings of guilt and uselessness were eating you from the inside out, and all you could do was lay there, wrapped tightly in the covers of your bed, face stuffed in your pillow. It was hard to breathe, but you convinced yourself that you deserved it.

There was a knock at your door before it opened, letting in a stream of light from the hallway. It lit everything up in your room, chasing away the darkness of the space. It was pitch black, and Jared knew exactly what was happening.

Without a word, Jared entered your room, leaving the door open and flicking on your bedside lamp. His fingers gripped your comforter, gently tugging it out of your hands and pulling it off of you. Buff arms dipped under you and lifted you with ease to his overly-warm chest, where you immediately buried your face. Never once did you open your eyes.

Jared's feet carried the two of you into the hallway bathroom, out of your room. He carefully placed you on the counter top next to the sink, spinning on his heel to turn the tub faucet on. A heavy stream of warm water spewed out, but he waited for it to get hotter, filling the bathtub before switching it off and turning to you. His hands made fast work of your dirty clothes, his eyes used to your body from doing this so many times before. He didn't skip a beat before picking you back up and placing you into the hot bath. Jared's heart clenched at your lack of reaction to the scalding water, but he ignored it as his hands ran through your hair, gently pushing you deeper into the water to wet your hair.

"Jared? Honey, are you here?"

Kim suddenly appeared in the bathroom doorway, but the siblings never once glanced up. However, your hands slowly raised to Jared's, pulling them away and pushing them towards him. Jared hesitated greatly, but obeyed the plea and stood up. He joined his imprint at the door, pressing a quick and desperate kiss to her lips. Then, he lead her away from the bathroom in silence.

You stayed in the bathroom until your skin shriveled and the water turned to ice, carefully and slowly washing yourself. You scrubbed your skin to the point where it was bright red from how raw it was, wishing you were someone knew, in someone else's skin. Your dull, E/C eyes locked onto the deep, puckered skin running vertical on your arms, stopping at the crevice of your elbows. Light fingers traced the length of each one delicately as tears filled your eyes at the memory.

Soft, yet heavy blankets draped over your body, weighing you down. Despite the weight, your head was light, seemingly floating as your chest constricted painfully once again. Your breathing was shallow and harsh, but you couldn't move. Your fingers, toes, hands, feet, arms, legs, everything felt so... heavy. You had no control over your own body, only being able to curl tighter around yourself.

Jared was out with friends, currently ignoring you. Ever since he had lashed out at you a few days ago, screaming at you about something that wasn't even your fault, he had taken to completely avoiding you at all cost. Now, he hung around your distantly-related cousin(?), Sam Uley. You didn't know him enough to have an opinion, but you did know that he was the reason that your brother wanted nothing to do with you.

More feelings of regret and worthlessness coiled tightly around your heart, constricting your lungs of any possible air. It was getting progressively harder to breathe, hard puffs of oxygen the only sound in your otherwise silent and dark room. Thoughts of self-deprecation ran their normal course through your mind, only now amplified at your brother's hostility.

It's your fault that he hates you.

If you had just done as he'd said, he'd still love you.

You're just a stupid little girl.

You'll never have someone love you, you don't deserve it.

You should just kill yourself.

That single thought played on repeat in your head, acting as a broken record that's forced to replay the same 5 words of a song you'd long forgotten the name of.

Your head seemed to float back down to your body, the weight of your self-hatred becoming a blanket of motivation instead. The heaviness had reduced enough for you to lift yourself from your bed, throwing the blankets from your body as you slowly staggered up. Your feet and legs groaned in protest, wobbling relentlessly as if in an attempt to keep you from going through with your decision. You ignored the soreness, and stumbled through the darkness.

It was a blur, the short distance between your room and the bathroom. One moment you had been in pitch black darkness, but now you were standing in front of the bathroom mirror, hands gripping the sink to keep yourself upright. Your eyes bore lifelessly into your reflection, taking in the deep bags under your eyes, the sunken in skin of your cheeks from lack of food, until they settled on the closed drawer of the cabinet.

Suddenly, the bathtub was filling with searingly hot water, the door shut and locked, and you were submerged, fully clothed, in the tub. Your dominate hand clutched the sharp blade of your broken shaving razor in your fingers, eyes rolling over it as your thoughts grew louder and louder. They drowned out the roaring of the faucet, your focus solely on the razor instead of the water spilling over the lip of the tub and onto the floor.

Then, you had lowered the blade to your skin, laying it horizontally at first. At the last moment, before the cold metal broke skin, you twisted and dug deep. You ripped upwards, pulling the razor straight up your arm vertically. Red ran thick and quickly, clouding the once-clear water and staining it pink. Your hands traded the blade before you repeated the same action on your other arm; digging down and pulling all the way to your elbow.

Blood filled the bathtub, the water tainted and no longer clear. You sat still for a moment, barely registering the sound of the front door of your house opening and slamming shut. Tired of waiting for the cold claws of death to grab you, your hand lifted to your throat, and sliced.

There was ringing in your ears, your vision going in and out, sporting black dots sparkling in your peripherals. Warm, strong hands abruptly wrapped around your upper body, and you felt yourself being yanked out of the running water. The air nipped at the exposed flesh of your legs and arms, the latter stinging in protest against the sudden movements.

Dark brown eyes came into your line of vision, but the color was diluted with tears. Your eyebrows bunched in confusion.

"Jare - don't cry," you slurred, trying to lift your hand to wipe at the stream of tears rolling down your brother's cheeks. The ringing in your ears muffled the sound of your own voice, as well as Jared's desperate screaming. His hands flew around the bathroom, tearing towels from their hanging and pressing them harshly against your arms and neck. The once-white cloths were quick to flood red, and Jared yowled in agony.

The rest of your memory was a blur; flashing blue and red lights, movement, straps on a gurney, blindingly white lights. But your thoughts weren't clouded. All you could think about was how you failed.

You didn't cut deep enough.

"Y/N?"

Your memory faded away as you hesitantly looked up, your brother standing in the entry way of the same bathroom that had almost housed your death. The same concerned, tired brown eyes from that night locked on your own, and you wordlessly nodded. Jared reluctantly turned away, probably heading back to his imprint. More guilt gnawed at your bones.

Standing on shaky legs, you stumbled out of the ice-cold water and wrapped a fluffy towel around yourself. You drained the tub, never sparing a glance at the small, barely noticeable blood-stain on the wall beside the mirror. A reminder.

Small, wet feet trudged back to your room, only being illuminated by your bedside lamp. You quietly shut the door, dried off, and dressed in a sweatshirt and a pair of Jared's pajama pants that you had stolen. They didn't fit him anymore, not since he shifted, so he told you just to keep them.

Your thoughts were interrupted by a soft knock on your door, and you turned to see Kim inching it open enough to peak her head inside. You gave her a small smile, to which she returned. Your hand absentmindedly gestured for her to come all the way in, and she obliged, sitting on your bed after shutting the door behind her.

"The boys are having a bonfire tonight. They're telling stories and legends, if you wanted to come?" Kim's voice was soft and reassuring, yet cutting straight to the point. That's what you liked about Kim; she understood that you didn't want to be asked how you were feeling, especially on days like these. That's what you liked about Kim at all, really. She just... understood.

You hesitated a moment, dwelling, and she picked up on it instantly.

"Come here," she opened her arms, and you moved into them, "Emotions, in this moment."

In the time that Jared had imprinted on her, and in the time that Kim, herself, had taken to get to know you, the two of you had developed a unique way of communicating. She didn't ask how you were, opting to burst through the bush instead of around it. She'd tell you to say how you were feeling to the air, not to her, and that seemed to help get you to talk about it. It wasn't her you were talking to, per se, she just happened to be present.

"I -," you paused, gulping, "Guilt. Heavy."

Your eyes looked up to meet her indifferent ones. Kim compartmentalized her own feelings, giving you a neutral ground to talk everything out, and it worked nearly every time.

"I feel guilty about keeping Jared away from his imprint all the time. I see the way he looks at you, and I know that as soon as I'm added to the mix, he's completely focused on me. I love him, and I'm glad that he loves me, but he loves you, too, Kim. I'm sorry that I steal him away from you," You breathed, your voice not above a whisper. Kim's eyes seemed to get impossibly softer, and she pulled you into her embrace.

"Honey, neither one of us can help Jared. He's a little crazy, yeah," you both chuckled, "But I know he loves me. I may be his imprint, and that may be a strong-as-hell bond, but you're his baby sister. You will always come first, no matter what. I'm not jealous, and I don't blame you. I never have, and I believe that I never will."

Kim's hands had moved to rub your back in soothing circles before gently pulling you away from her so she could look you in the eyes. Yours had flooded with tired tears, and Kim's thumbs had lifted to smear them away.

"Hey, no tears, now, okay? Let's go to the bonfire, alright? I'll sit next to you if you want me to," Kim smiled delicately, and you gave a small laugh.

"You will anyway. Jared will make you sit on his lap."

Kim threw her head back and laughed at that, and you joined in with her.

"C'mon, change into some jeans and we'll go together, the three of us, yeah?" Kim stood, and you followed her lead.

For once, you were glad that you hadn't bled out that awful night.