“I look horrible.” Hana muttered to herself as she went over her reflection in Ilham’s mirror for what felt like the millionth time. Yusra and Amir were having a small get together to celebrate Hisham’s partnership, and of course, they had invited Hana. She had been trying to put together an outfit that was perfect out of her sister’s clothes, but she was kind of having a hard time.  

She was freaking out of course because it was the first time she was seeing Houssam since ‘the incident’, as she was now referring to it. What surprised her the most was that he hadn’t even tried to get in touch with her. In the past when they had had fights he always text her or emailed, or showed up at her classroom. But she had heard nothing from him so far, and that worried her, especially considering he knew that she liked him.

What if he was totally repulsed by her now!? She wasn’t talking to Kalthoum either, so she had no clue if he was still with her. Not knowing was terrible, and she hated the feeling of helplessness.

“Amtu, Mama wants to know if you are ready?” Layla asked as she pushed open the door and Hana turned around to smile at her niece.

“I’m having a hard time figuring out an outfit. What do you think Layla?”

Layla’s face lit up, and she dashed over to her mother’s closet, looking through the clothes eagerly, before pulling out a black butterfly Abaya that had silver sequins cinched at the waist and on the wrists.

“Wear this! It’s so pretty!” she exclaimed, and Hana smiled.

“With what scarf?”

Layla ran towards Ilham’s scarf drawers, and pulled out a sparkling silver Hijab which she handed to her Aunt.

“This will look so pretty. You’re going to be so pretty, Amu Houssam will want to marry you right there!”

Hana felt her heart beat painfully.

“Habibti, I don’t think Amu Houssam and I are going to get married.”

Layla frowned.

“Why not? I think you are the cutest!” she exclaimed, and Hana smiled.

“Things aren’t always so simple habibti.” She said, and when the little girl just stared at her in confusion, she smiled, and gave her a hug. “Tell Mama I’ll be right down.”

Once Layla had scampered away, Hana pulled on the Abaya, before putting the scarf on, redoing it no less than five times.

***

“Okay. I’ve had enough of this nonsense. We are going to fix them up otherwise my name isn’t Yusra AbdulJabbar Shaykh!”

Amir laughed, and wrapped an arm around his wife’s waist, before bending to kiss her.

“Love, don’t over exert yourself.” He warned, and she smiled, before smoothing out the back of his hair, standing on her tiptoes in the process.

“Don’t worry, I won’t.” She turned around to flip the pan that was holding grape leaves. “I am planning on bribing Houssam. He can’t have any grape leaves until he talks to Hana.”

“You are evil.” Amir said with a chuckle, and she laughed, before sliding her arms around his waist. He brought an arm around her, and kissed her head, before placing a hand on her stomach.

“How’s my little boy?”

She raised an eyebrow in amusement.

“You know a lot of people would be saying it was a girl!”

Amir shook his head with a grin.

“I know, and for a little while, I wanted a girl. But I have a feeling it’s another boy!”

She snuggled into his chest.

“Do you want to find out what it is when we go to the doctor next month?”

 “Whatever you want.”

He bent to kiss her, but to his disappointment, the doorbell rang, and he groaned before dropping his arms.

“Of course. Never fails.”

She laughed, and patted his cheek.

“Poor habibi. Now go answer the door.”

He shook his head with a laugh, and made his way towards the living room opening the door to reveal Houssam who was holding a giant cake that said ‘Mabrook Hisham!’

“Alright I smelled the grape leaves all the way from the driveway. Move aside Amir, I’m ready to eat!” Houssam exclaimed, and Amir laughed, clapping his brother on the back before taking the cake from him.

“Well yes there are grape leaves, but Yusra had other plans for you. You might want to check it out with her first.”

“YUSRA! WHAT IS THIS I HEAR YOU AREN’T GOING TO LET ME EAT GRAPE LEAVES?!”he bellowed.

“YOU HAVE TO TALK TO HANA FIRST!” she called back and he laughed before groaning.

“I wore a suit and tie. She better give me some grape leaves!” he muttered, and Amir laughed before going into the kitchen. He placed the cake on the counter, and moved to the side as Houssam gave Yusra a hug.

“Where is Kareem?”

“He’s sleeping. He didn’t take a nap earlier because Baba took him to the park while I was sleeping!” she exclaimed glaring at her husband and he grinned sheepishly.

“Sorry, he was being restless, I wanted to let you get some sleep!”

Before Yusra could answer, the doorbell rang again, and Amir disappeared, coming back a moment later with Hisham, Ilham, the children and Hana in tow.

Immediately upon her entrance into the kitchen, Hana’s gaze fell on Houssam, and they stared at each other for a few seconds before she looked away to give Yusra a hug.

“You okay?” Yusra whispered as she put her arms around Hana, and she nodded.

“I think so.”

“Hang in there habibti. You are too sweet of a person for Allah swt not to have something awesome planned.” She said, and Hana smiled.

“Thank you my dear. Now where is Kareem?! I miss him!”

Yusra laughed, and hugged Ilham and then Layla, shaking Dawud’s hand as he had deemed himself too old to get hugs from ladies.

“He is sleeping, but he should be waking up soon. Come let’s all get some food. No grape leaves for you!” Yusra scolded as Houssam reached for the serving spoon, and he looked at her with a hurt expression before turning around and just as he was going to grab the spoon for the rice, Hana did the same, and he quickly jerked back, and while they thought it had gone unnoticed, everyone in the room had noticed.

***

Hana stood outside in the backyard, desperate for some fresh air. She had felt like she was suffocating in the room with everyone, and the second they had made their speeches about Hisham, and had cut into the cake, she had escaped outside, practically gulping the cold air. She was having a hard time being around Houssam, and not because she couldn’t handle being around him, but because it was painfully obvious everyone else was trying to figure out if they had talked or not. Every single person from Ilham to Amir had taken turns staring at the two of them, and she needed to get away.

As she heard the sound of the sliding glass door opening, she tensed, knowing that it was him before he even came into view.

“Hey.” He said quietly, and she swallowed hard.

“Hello.” She said in barely a whisper, and he folded his hands behind his back, following her gaze out towards the pool.

“How are you doing?”

She nodded.

“I’m fine. And yourself?”

He gave a small smile.

“Since when are we so formal with each other?”

She shrugged.

“I don’t know.”

He cleared his throat, and she looked at him, waiting for him to tell her the worst.

Waiting for him to break her heart.

But to her annoyance, his mouth snapped back shut, and he just continued staring out into the backyard. They stood in silence for five full minutes, Hana counted when she started to feel uncomfortable by the quiet, until he turned towards her, his face drawn as if he had the weight of the world on his shoulders.

This was it.

Here it came.  

“Hana,” he began before he closed his mouth again, and she resisted the urge to groan in frustration.

“Just say it Houssam.”

He folded his arms behind his back, and tilted his head questioningly.

“What are you expecting me to say?”

She shrugged.

“I don’t know. I’ve been trying to come up with the answer for days, and I haven’t the slightest idea of what is going to come out of your mouth.”

“I need you to explain something to me.”

She eyed him wearily.

“Okay.”

“Why did you wait so long?” he asked softly, and she stiffened beside him.

“I can’t talk about this.” She whispered after a few moments, and he sighed.

“But we need to.”

“No,” she said with a shake of her head. “We don’t need to, and in all honestly this is not something we should be talking about.”

“Why did you wait so long Hana?”

“Stop it Houssam.”

“Why didn’t you just tell me? Or at least have your brother tell me?”

“Houssam,” she said putting a hand to her head, “stop it. Please.”

“Hana, why?”

“Stop it Houssam!”

“Damn it Hana!” he exclaimed, and her head snapped up in surprise. “Just stop it with this wall you have up! It’s getting so hard with you pushing me away! If you had just said something from the beginning, maybe we would be together right now! And I wouldn’t be stuck in this, whatever it is called, with Kalthoum!”

“Stuck!? Stop acting like the victim with her! It’s your fault!”

“My fault!?”

“You crave the attention she gives you! The praise and the compliments!”

“I do not!” he exclaimed aghast, and she pointed a finger at him angrily.

“Yes you do! Otherwise you would have seen that she is just using you! She doesn’t care! She is only after your wealth and your fame and you know it!”

“That’s not fair to say.” He said quietly and she shook her head with a bitter laugh.

“It’s true Houssam. Does she know anything about you?! Does she know your favorite color is green? That you love grape leaves more than anything? That your favorite movie is Space Jam, and your favorite book is Treasure Island? That sometimes at night you ride your bike to the beach and just sit there watching the stars?!” She whispered, and she took a deep breath before turning away from him. “She doesn’t care about you like…” she trailed off, leaning against the railing, and he came to stand next to her.

“Like what?”

His voice was barely a murmur, and if she hadn’t been expecting his question, she wouldn’t have heard him.

“Like I do.”

A profound silence rang around them, before suddenly he pushed away from the fence, and she heard the sliding glass door open, before he was gone.

Leaving her standing alone.