The sun hadn't been in the sky for long when Maddie first woke, blurry-eyed and fuzzy-headed. The hint of an oncoming headache teased her brain and her muscles ached as though she had run a marathon during the night, her skin goose pimpled from the cold. At some point she had thrown off the duvet, lying nude on top of the covers and beside her, Nick lay tangled in the sheets with nowhere near enough material to hide his naked form.

There was no question about what had happened last night, every moment crystal clear in her mind's eye. Except one. She remembered undressing Nick; she remembered him touching her and moving in her, but her mind blanked when she tried to recall him wearing a condom. A moment of fear gripped her chest, adrenaline pumping through her veins. She grabbed a towel from Nick's dresser, and wrapped it around herself as she fought her body's reluctance to drag herself to the bathroom.

She must have pulled a muscle. There was no other explanation for the searing pain in her thigh as she walked, wincing each time it twinged until she made it to the bright white of the bathroom and dropped the towel, head in her hands as she tried not to focus on the light that threatened to make her headache worse. It would go away with a dose of ibuprofen, but she didn't have any with her. The bathroom cupboard seemed like a good bet but belonging to two vague guys, it held nothing more than three cans of deodorant on one shelf and a half empty bottle of cologne on the other.

With a groan, Maddie washed her hands under the cold water for longer than necessary, revelling in the cool liquid on her skin and resting her forehead against the mirror. The light hurt her eyes, screaming for a cool pillow in the dark and a cold compress for her head. She ducked down and sipped from the tap until her thirst was quenched, and the bin beneath the sink caught her eye. A used condom was coiled at the bottom, a sight she hadn't thought would give her such relief, but her chest relaxed and she covered it with a wad of loo paper. Grabbing the towel and stumbling out of the bathroom, she crashed straight into a soft, hairy pot belly.

"Morning," Dennis said, stepping to the side. He wore nothing more than a pair of saggy boxers that he adjusted with a tug, passing Maddie and shutting himself in the bathroom. Red-cheeked and gripping the towel tighter around herself, she slinked back into Nick's bedroom and returned to the bed, curled up in the duvet.

In his sleep, Nick grunted and rolled over, his face now just inches from hers. She studied him, his flawless skin and dark eyebrows, the eyelashes she envied. His smooth chest morphed into solid abs, a trail of hair leading from his bellybutton to his crotch. Her eyes wandered over his entire body, the same body that had ravished her last night and left her wanting more, and a dull hunger replaced her headache. Slowly, so as not to wake him, she rolled onto her front and pulled a pillow under her head, her arm crooked around it, and prayed for sleep to overwhelm her.

*

The next time Maddie opened her eyes her headache was gone, and so was the duvet. Exhaustion plagued her body and her legs still ached, but the side effects of what she had drunk last night seemed to have been conquered by sleep. For now, anyway. She had been known to experience the occasional delayed hangover, the effects not setting into motion until hours after she had woken up. It wasn't cold anymore and she couldn't bring herself to care that the morning sun streaming through the window highlighted every inch of her naked body.

Nick lay with his back to her, his breathing different now. He wasn't asleep anymore but he heard his breath hitch a couple of times, and then she noticed the slow movements of his arm. Clarity followed a moment's confusion, a warm fizz filling her stomach and spreading out. Watching him masturbate, completely unaware that her eyes were fixed on him, stirred something within her. As quietly as she could, one hand moved down her stomach to the part of her body that had been overwhelmed with attention recently, and she toyed with her pubic hair before slipping a couple of fingers down. Already wet, as though she had woken ready, her fingers glided over her skin and she held her breath.

It wasn't unusual for her to touch herself in the morning. Sometimes her dreams would be so vivid, dreams of things she had yet to experience, that she would wake up craving that satisfaction. A couple of times at university, she had missed a nine am lecture in the throes of pleasuring herself, having woken up with urges too desperate to ignore.

Nick was clueless, lost in a world of his own, until Maddie let out a soft gasp that she couldn't stifle. He stopped moving and dropped onto his back, his hand resting on his thigh, and he glanced over at Maddie. She met his gaze, her hand buried between her legs.

"Why'd you stop?" she asked. Nick's eyes lit up and he moved his hand back to his erection, his stare now trained on Maddie's hand as she stroked herself with her middle finger. In the bright ten o'clock sun, there was no hiding what they were doing, no shadows to obscure the faded, silvery stretchmarks on her thighs. There was nothing to hide from Nick, and her confidence soared as she watched him move his hand to the same rhythm as her.

The moment didn't last for long. He came before her with a short grunt, an unremarkable yet erotic climax that pushed Maddie to the brink as she watched it, bringing herself to a breathless orgasm before breakfast.

*

Maddie had forgotten to bring a change of clothes. She realised that as she sat in a towel on the edge of Nick's bed while he showered, last night's dress in a heap on the floor with the underwear she didn't want to have to put on again. A quick root through his drawers proved that Nick had nothing she could get away with wearing, or anything she particularly wanted to wear, so she just sat there and felt her stomach growl.

At some point, she would have to go home, which would involve using public transport and walking ten minutes from the bus stop to her house. There was no way she was squeezing herself back into her skintight dress and donning her heels for that. With Nick still in the shower, she clutched the towel at her chest and once she had checked the coast was clear, she wedged open the door and darted to flat 21B.

Seven seconds after she knocked three times, the door opened. Bree stood on the other side, looking remarkably put together considering the number of drinking games she had played and lost mere hours ago. Her skin was clear, free from dark circles beneath her bright eyes.

"Oh, hey, Maddie," she said, leaning against the doorframe. Everything about her was so casual, as though they were best friends. Ushering her into the flat, she asked, "You good?"

"I have an awkward question," Maddie said, an iron grip on her towel ensuring it didn't slip, else she would flash every part of herself to Nick's neighbours. With her first impression being bad drunk dancing, she didn't particularly want her second to be naked intrustion.

Bree looked her up and down. "I have a feeling I know what you need," she said, turning around and beckoning Maddie to follow her into her bedroom. Maddie bit her lip but followed anyway.

"You do?"

"You need something to wear," Bree said with a knowing smile, opening her cupboard door and sifting through hanger after hanger. "Trust me, I've been there, done that. There aren't many outfits that look as good the next morning as the night before." She turned round again and cast an eye over Maddie.

Maddie smiled her relief. "Thank you so much. I really hate to ask but Nick has, like, nothing I could wear."

Bree chuckled. "You could probably pull off the boyfriend look, to be honest."

"Oh, no," Maddie said. "Nick's not my boyfriend."

That earned a raised eyebrow from Bree. "Really? Future boyfriend, perhaps?" She dropped the eyebrow and smiled. "I'm too nosy, I'm sorry," she said. "I just couldn't help but hear you guys last night."

Maddie cringed, her cheeks burning as red as the long top that Bree held out to her.

"That's not a complaint," she said, amending herself. "Hot as fuck, I'd say. I don't know what he did to you but it sounded like something I'd like to try."

Dropping her eyes to the carpet, Maddie couldn't come up with any sort of response through the fog of her mortification. She hadn't anticipated the neighbours having heard her last night, but there was something about Nick that had brought out the noise in her.

"Sorry," Bree said, wincing as she handed over a pair of leggings. "I'm weirding you out, aren't I?"

"It's fine," Maddie said, though she couldn't remember the last time she had felt so uncomfortable in front of a virtual stranger. She took the clothes and smiled. "Thanks for this, though."

"My pleasure. No rush with getting that stuff back, either," she said. "Sorry if I freaked you out." She gave an apologetic smile that was interrupted by a sudden, "Oh!"

Maddie looked up, head tipped to one side.

"If you're a five, you're welcome to a pair of shoes that don't pose the risk of a broken ankle," Bree added, glancing at Maddie's feet. "Want some flats?"

After a meek nod from Maddie, Bree dug in the bottom of her cupboard and pulled out a slightly battered pair of ballet flats that she passed over to a grateful hand.

"Thanks," she said, making sure she didn't neglect the towel that protected the last of her dignity.

"De nada," Bree said with a grin. "Have a good day!"

"You too."

She smiled as she pulled the door shut behind her and slipped back into Nick's flat, scampering to his room before Dennis could emerge from his room again. Nick stood half naked with a towel tied around his waist, wet hair lying down his back, and he turned around when Maddie came in.

"Hey," he said. "I was beginning to think you'd done a runner on me." He eyed the pile in her arms. "Where've you been?"

"Next door," Maddie said. "I needed something to wear, and your neighbour Bree is very friendly and understanding."

Nick chuckled. "Ah, yes."

"What?"

"I'm ninety percent sure she has a crush on you. She had her eyes on you all night." He wiggled his eyebrows at Maddie

"She did?"

"You didn't notice?" He laughed at that, pulling on a pair of boxers and draping his towel over a chair before scuffing his feet into a fresh pair of jeans and struggling with the zip before he tugged it up. Maddie shook her head, changing into the leggings and relocating her bra before she abandoned her towel.

"I think it's pretty clear by now that I have the world's worst gaydar," she said. "I mean, first my cousin and then Peter and now Bree. I'm clueless."

Nick's smile faltered, remembering Maddie's admission from the night before. "Mads, you know I'm here," he said, his presence acknowledging that if she needed to talk, he would listen. She knew that. He always did. His solutions weren't always the best, and sometimes he didn't have one, but he had always been a shoulder for her to cry on and yell at.

"I know," she said with a smile, pulling her hair out of the neck of the top. "And thank you. I really needed last night."

Nick sat on the edge of his bed, a faint frown flickering across his features. Maddie watched the way he clasped his hands, staring at his fingernails.

"What's up?" she asked.

"Can I be one hundred percent, totally, completely honest?" he asked, looking up at her. Her heart thudded a little harder and she leant against the chest of drawers.

"Of course," she said. They had never been anything but.

"Just, you know, about last night. And this morning," he said, each word requiring a little effort to leave his mouth. Maddie twisted her lips. As much as she wanted to clarify what had happened, she didn't really know. She knew she should feel guilty, or that she should in some way regret sleeping with Nick after leaving things hanging with Peter, but she didn't. How could she regret something that had introduced her to a whole new world of ecstasy?

"It's ok," she said, knowing what he wanted to hear. "It doesn't have to mean anything. Just ... sex. You can pretend it never happened, if you want to. It's ok."

Nick chewed his lip, eyebrows furrowed above his nose. "That's the thing," he said.

"What?"

"I meant what I said last night."

Maddie's brain tripped over everything he had said the night before, every sentence that could've been an important admission, some kind of revelation she might've missed. "What did you say?"

"I like you, Mads. Like, I really like you."

"You do?" The words came out like a numb, dumb question and her heart flipped somersaults as what he had just said sank in.

"Sorry, this is stupid. Never mind, Mads. I'm sorry. This isn't fair on you."

She frowned to herself. "I'm a bit confused," she said. "I thought you said you broke up with Jess because you didn't want a relationship?"

"I didn't," he said, agonising over his words to the point that it pained Maddie to watch him struggle to speak. "Not with her."

"Oh." She dropped her hands to her sides. A whole new path had just opened up before her, begging her to walk along it.

"It sounds so stupid," Nick said, shaking his head and laughing at himself. Maddie closed the distance between them, sitting cross-legged at a right angle to him on the bed. "I wanted to say something to you but then this Peter guy cropped up so I didn't, but then he's been treating you like shit and I can't watch. He's such a twat but I didn't want to be the one to break you guys up."

"You didn't," Maddie said. "He kind of sealed his fate when he decided not to tell me that he slept with Ryan." Not quite laughable yet, the heartbreak still a fresh wound, but she could think about it without her eyes filling with tears. A million questions still swarmed her head, though, and she knew she would need the answers before long.

"Well, yeah," Nick said. "After you said that last night ... he's not worth it. And I get it, you have history with this guy, but there's only so much you can let one person screw you over before it's too much, and I just can't support you and him. I can't do it."

She pressed her lips together, giving him a reluctant nod. He was right and she knew it, and he knew that she knew it. "I meant what I said too," she said, inching closer to Nick. "That crush never went away."

Nick lay back on the bed and she rested her head on his stomach, and when she closed her eyes she was met with a flipbook of last night, with every sound and feeling that went with it. Several minutes passed. Her hunger grew, and the headache she had put off rearer it's head again.

"I need to go home," she said, staring up at the ceiling. With each breath Nick took, her head rose and fell. "And I need to talk to Peter."

"Mmhmm."

"Nick?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks for telling me." She still lay there, hands clasped over her stomach, though she knew that if she didn't leave soon then the growing headache would cripple her before she got home.

"Thanks for not laughing in my face."

"I would never do that," she said.

"Can I just say, last night was amazing," Nick said. "Drunk sex is usually a bit of a letdown but, damn."

"You certainly weren't a letdown," Maddie mused, "though I think I pulled every muscle in my body. You could've warned me that I'd need to do a warmup."

Nick laughed out an apology and Maddie sat up, straightening out her leg.

"I mean it," she said, rubbing her thigh. "It is literally agony to walk."

"God, I'm sorry, Mads," he said, though he couldn't wipe the grin from his face. "I guess I'm too much of a man for you." He flexed a bicep, though it hardly made a difference, and Maddie let out a laugh.

"Ok," she said, getting to her feet. "I actually need to go."

Nick stood too, wrapping his arms around her from behind and kissing the top of her head. There was something so natural about his arms around her, the way he breathed in the smell of her and closed his eyes when they hugged. She turned around in his arms and held him tightly for a few seconds.

"Thank you," he said, their lips brushing together for the most graceful of kisses. When Maddie pulled away, he squeezed her hand and butterflies fluttered through her stomach. Everything had just got a whole lot more complicated, and she was the only person who could deal with it.

*

After running for the bus that pulled up as she reached the ground floor of Nick's building and paying with the last of the spare change in her bag, Maddie took out her phone and checked it for the first time in more than twelve hours. It had been abandoned by the bed as soon as she had arrived yesterday, only just retrieved now, and how heart sank when her lock screen displayed sixteen missed calls from Posy. No voicemail. Posy never left voicemails.

A fire of guilt spreading through her, she tucked her phone back into her bag for the rest of the journey. Posy was to be her first port of call once she got home, but it definitely wouldn't be an appropriate conversation for the bus. Too much needed to be said, too many things that couldn't be explained without her friend in front of her.

Once she got home, she realised that might be sooner than expected. Turning the corner down her road, she spotted Posy's car immediately, parked in perfect allignment with the kerb. The yellow paintjob stood out amongst the blacks and greys of the rest of the neighbourhood, and Maddie's guilt increased tenfold by the time she got to her door. Her father was at work – he had told her last night that he wouldn't see her in the morning – but Posy knew how to get in, and that knowledge hadn't gone to waste.

"Posy?" Maddie called out as she stepped into the house. Within seconds, her friend appeared in the doorway to the sitting room, wide eyed and pale faced.

"Thank fuck you're here." She threw her arms around Maddie. "You left me that voicemail and then I haven't been able to reach you and you weren't here and your dad wasn't either and I have been freaking the fuck out thinking you'd done something awful."

"I'm so sorry," Maddie said, the sickening guilt consuming itself like acid eating through her stomach. "I went to Nick's."

"What happened?" Posy asked. "What happened with Peter?"

Maddie took a deep breath, dropping down onto the sofa. "I went to see Ryan," she said.

"How is he?"

"He's ok. We talked. Turns out Peter fucked him over too. Literally. In every sense of the word."

Posy's hand flew to her mouth, eyes widening even more. "What?"

"Peter fucked my cousin," Maddie said. The number of times she had now said those words was alarmingly high, as though it was becoming a normal phrase to leave her lips. "He dated him and ditched him and then he screwed me over too, and I was mad and upset so I went and yelled at him and I'm pretty sure his whole family heard. It's pretty hard to feel bad about that."

"Oh my God. Maddie, God, I'm so sorry. How're you?"

Maddie pursed her lips. "Better than expected. I've just given up on him. I told him I was done and that he should fuck off and stay fucked off, and, well, he hasn't tried to contact me so I guess he listened."

Posy took a deep breath. "You seem weirdly ok with this," she said, her words slow and measured.

"It was the last straw," Maddie said, swallowing the seeds of her headache and the nausea that rose with her stomach churning hunger. "Then I went to Nick's and his neighbours were having a party so we got kind of shitfaced."

Posy let out a slow breath, shaking her head as though she couldn't believe everything she was hearing, and in the silence that followed her lack of a response, Maddie continued.

"We slept together."

At that, Posy's jaw dropped, and her eyes almost popped out of her head. "What?"

"And fuck, Posy, I know I should feel awful, but it was incredible. Mind blowing." She shook her head to herself at the memory that sent goose pimples racing to the surface of her skin. "I can't even explain."

"I can't keep up," Posy said, frowning. She looked as though she was about to cry. "Was it a mistake? Did you want to?"

"Yeah," Maddie said. "No, it wasn't a mistake." She paused, clenching her jaw for a moment. "I think Peter was a mistake."

That was the admission that hurt. It was only half true. Peter was still the person who had stuck by her side through her worst years, the person she had trusted most for a huge part of her life. He wasn't a mistake. But thinking they could work as a couple had been. She slumped back against the sofa and let out a shaky breath.

"Maddie," Posy said, her voice softening. She reached out to rub Maddie's arm.

"I'm not sure I'm in control right now," Maddie said. She frowned, pressing her lips into a thin line. "I don't feel like I'm in control. I have to talk to Peter, which I really don't want to do, but I have to. And I want to talk to Ryan. I kind of feel like my life is spinning out of control."

Posy said nothing, scooting closer and putting her arm around Maddie's shoulders. "It's ok," she said. "Shit happens sometimes. Lord knows I know it. But you're right. You need to talk to Peter." She bit her lip before continuing. "I'm going to have to play devil's advocate here: I think you owe Peter the chance to explain. I mean, you're going off what Ryan said, and you've never really trusted him. You know I'm not a fan of Peter, but if I were him I'd want to be able to give my side of the story. If there even is a story."

"I know." Maddie nodded. She could always trust Posy to voice the things she didn't want to admit to herself. "I need to talk to Peter. And then I need a fucking break from my life."

"How about an actual break?" Posy tilted her head to one side. "You've given me an idea now."

"What?"

"We should go away. Just you and me, take a few days away from all this. You can clear your head and relax and get away from all this shit." She sat up straight, the way she always did when a plan took hold. "How about it? Just somewhere like Brighton."

Maddie looked over at her, an immense appreciation for her best friend blossoming within her. "That sounds perfect," she murmured.

"Ok, that's sorted. You're going to talk to Peter and be honest about what happened and you're going to listen to him, and then we're going to have a girls' holiday." She stood, pacing as she planned things out in her head, and then she stopped. "It's all going to be ok, Mads," she said. "I know everything's a shit storm right now but it'll be ok in the end."

"I hope you're right," Maddie said. "If not, I'm just going to become a nun. Boys are too problematic."

Posy laughed and swatted her friend's shoulder. "You'll be fine, I promise. You've got me around. I'm available for hire as a personal life organiser." She clapped her hands together. "Are you ok, though? For now, anyway?"

Maddie nodded. Aside from the fact that she felt she could throw up at any moment and she had somehow gone from no men in her life to two all of a sudden, she was ok. The idea of leaving everything behind for a few days grew more and more enticing by the minute, and she gazed up at Posy, who grinned down at her like a guardian angel. That was the most apt description of her friend: the guardian angel, always on hand to help her out of a crisis.

She sighed, her body sinking into the cushions of the sofa, and she didn't want to move. Talking to Peter could wait; planning a trip could wait. All she wanted to do right now was to sleep, and when she allowed herself to close her eyes, it wasn't long before she began to doze off. Maybe if she slept for long enough, everything would be fixed when she woke up. She only wished Posy had been by her side five years ago, to stop her from making such a stupid pact in the first place. 

+ - + - +

i can't believe there are only six chapters left. thanks for reading! i hope you're still enjoying the story. in the comments of ch21, i noticed a bit of a divide when it came to shipping with lots of support for #niddie but still quite a bit for #peddie. purely to satisfy my own curiosity, i made a poll - let me know which coupling you prefer! you can find the link in my most recent post and in the external link of this chapter

reminder: i made an instagram! check it out at dipthewick for fun stuff like this!