*******
Lagos, Nigeria.

October 2018.

"I can't just prescribe you sleeping drugs Chris. You have to give me something, anything" Doctor Moses waved his hands in the air for emphasis.

Chris sat slumped on the chair. He covered his face with his arm to shield him from the glare he was getting. His chest kept rising and failing in heavy pants like breathing was hard.

The huge ceiling fan rotating above created whirling sounds. The sound was the only thing jarring the uncomfortable silence in the room.

Dr Moses Ejeh has been Christopher's therapist since they moved to Lagos two years ago. He felt like they were making progress ever since Chris got married and had two beautiful children whom he loved more than life itself. Life was on track, before he ruined it like every other good thing.

A puckered shaped frown sat on Moses face. He thought they were making progress, thought they were way past the pills stage. "Speak to me man, help me help you." Moses entreated gently.

Chris head was pounding, his eyes ached from lack of sleep. Most importantly, his heart hurt. The events of the evening of the day before flooded back in:

*****
Like every other day since the whistleblower incident, Chris and his team were busy and even though he was at work at past six in the evening. He already told Pamela he'll be back late and she had even had a food tray delivered to the office for him.

Then his phone rang. His ringtone was her laugh, he had recorded it on of their play dates the ringtone was for her only. Pamela's laugh was usually so loud, like she swallowed a microphone. She would hold her knees and bawl over, eyes shining with mirth.

"Temi" he scruffed out gently and allowed the usual peace and tranquility her presence brought wash over him.

"Come home now!" she ordered.

He remembered trying hard to call her back but she wasn't picking up. With so much urgency he gave out instructions to his team and left.

Maybe it was the urgency in her voice or the fear and pain that made him pack up and drive like a madman home.

Or maybe it was because she had used one of the big guns. 'Come home now', 'we need to talk', 'I'm okay'. Those phrases usually meant so much.

Throughout the short drive all he could think about was worse case scenarios and the for someone with an active imagination the usual 'what ifs' flooded his every thought.

He didn't do anything, they were fine just this afternoon. So what was uppermost on his mind was maybe something was wrong with her.

The car was barely parked correctly when he jumped out "Mine, mine, Temi "  he shouted.

He looked ridiculous and frantic but he was truly scared and for someone who doesn't scare so easily it was a sight to see.

"In here," her voice came through and just like that, two words and his world steadied again.

All that he is revolves around the three of them. In his hurry he didnt notice the white Lexus jeep in the compound or the strange exotic perfume that hit his nose as he walked in.

Pamela was in a blue yoga pants and stretchy black top that fell off one side of her shoulder exposing her smooth brown skin.  Her face was bare of makeup and  her hair was in its signature high bun.

He looked around where she was to figure out what was wrong. Pamela was sitting on the last stair with the child protection gate they put at the bottom of the stair wide open. She had a half filled glass of water in her hand, that she was staring into instead if drinking.

His eyes were fixed on her since he entered but unlike him her eyes was fixed on a different person sitting comfortably on the couch.

Chris had turned to face what she was staring at so intently.

The hair on the back of his neck stood at attention when he finally saw what she was fixated on.

Nina was sitting in their living room with her mother. Nina had on a skater dress that stopped mid thigh.

Before he could fully take in her appearance Pamela asked.

"Is that true?" Pointing to a very pregnant Nina whose round robust belly was very prominent in the skater dress.

Everything was happening so fast it took him a while to catch on. Suddenly the neck tie he had in was becoming too tight.

Like he couldn't breathe and he had to tug it loose for more air.  The neck tie was feeling like a noose, so he tugged off the blue strip of material, letting it dangle in between his fingers.

The more he stared at Nina, the more panicked he got.

It was then he started crashing down. The full meaning of the popular saying 'You can run but you can't hide'.

Everything was starting to make sense, thee fear in Pamela's eyes, the exotic perfume he smelled earlier but missed, the awkward tension in the room.

"I'll love to know that too. Is this true?" Nina's mother asked also.

Chris was silent. His throat suddenly felt clogged, his tongue stuck to the roof of his mouth. He tried to make a sound, but only a strangulated "Ah," came out.

"Answer me!" Pamela yelled, throwing the glass cup in her hand against the wall.

The sound of the shattered cup could be similar to his heart right now. It was being rendered into tiny pieces or glass shards.

Chris really wanted to say no. The events of that night were hazy in his memory. But deep down he knew they had sex.

It takes only one tango to make a baby right? So instead he said, "I don't know."

His voice  was so low it was more like a whisper. Pamela didn't need a verbal confirmation anyway, the answer was sitting in his honey brown eyes.

Guilt! His eyes was glistening with it. Chris had always said she was strong that she could take on anything.

This didn't fall into that category.

Pamela needed him to say it. Her eyes could be playing a major trick on her, you know the type where you convince yourself you can read emotions from someone's eyes but you get it wrong, because you've been married to this man for three plus years.

"What do you mean by you don't know? I am going insane Ayo, please don't toy with me" her voice was shaking now and her eyes was begging him.

"Okay." She took huge breaths to calm herself down then began again, "Let me rephrase my statement." This time she got up and wrapped her arms around her self.

"Did you touch her? Erm I mean.." she stammered confused "Did you have sex with her?" 
She was staring right at him and for the very first time those orbs of hers, eyes so large and innocent he couldn't bare to look at, for fear of what he may see.

Pain, anger, betrayal, hatred all stared back at him.

" Yes," three letter words that broke it all.

Pamela said nothing, she just squatted on her knees quickly her knees buckled as she made the movement grateful to have so much load off it.

Nina looked disinterested in their drama a small smile of triumph quirked up the corners of her lips.

Pamela's gaze was empty, nothing was in it. Her eyes glassy with tears that did not dare fall, she looked straight ahead like the  oil painting of the orange painted sky beside the door caught her fancy.

He  wanted her to shout or throw things at him to be angry, call him a bastard or a cheat. After all he was becoming his worst fear; being exactly like DADDY.

She finally got up from her crouched position and walked towards the table near the door. Pamela wobbled on her feet and he reached out to her to steady but she flinched away from his touch almost disgusted by it

Car keys in hand she walked out, without even a backward glance.

Chris followed her trying to stop her from driving in that state until he heard Ella, their beautiful girl crying."Mummy, mummy" she cried rubbing her eyes with her chubby palms.

Pamela didn't wait not even for one second, she didn't want her baby to see her in tears.

Chris quickly carried Ella back in, he was going to pacify her and go straight after the love of his life, until he remembered the cause of all their problems was sitting right there.

"Get out!" Chris said.

Nina's face wore one of sadness now as she rubbed her swollen stomach. "Chris, I've been trying to get in touch with you, you won't pick up my calls nor reply them."

"I didn't mean to just shoe up here unannounced but I had no choice. I was scared and all alone."

"Whatever you have to say, will have to wait for now I need you to get out of my house or I will throw you out." At first she couldnt believe he was taking this tone with her until she saw his red rimmed eyes.

"Chris don't talk to my daughter like that." Nina's mother who he has forgotten all about butted in.

Its funny how, this woman who never once cared for her children was interested in her welfare now.

Chris remembered clearly her soft voice when she begged him never to do this to her,
"Promise me you won't do this to me too. Please promise me, I can't bear it again that feeling of uselessness and unworthiness and never being enough for someone."

He was so sure when the words came out of his lips.

"I won't my joy. How can I have you and break something as precious as this. Who throws away raw gold." He had smiled when he said this filled with self confidence on his ability to be a faithful partner.

Chris vowed not to yet he broke her willingly. Daniel, Ella's twin was out now and all this was confusing for a two plus year old boy.

"Daddy where is mummy?" His boy asked scared. It just occurred to him that he let her go, in that state, driving to God knows where, all alone and hurting. The worst kid of fear gripped him by the balls proverbially.

****
After replaying events of last night and trying to narrate it in bits to Moses.

"Its been fourteen hours since she left. I'm drowning all again Moses, just like the times when Christina died. I am so sacred that these broken pieces of me, will never be whole if she doesn't come back or if something bad happened to her."

Moses stared at the usual proud man. Who was always his impeccable self crumpled up on his chair and he felt so much pity for him.

Chris cheated, his wife left and hasn't returned.

"I really need those sleeping pills man." Chris said staring straight at Moses.

*****

What's your first reaction if you find out your significant other cheated on you?

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Love,
Orex.