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14 | give in

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AN HOUR'S SEARCH had yielded no results. Adele had traipsed through the forest in the dead of night, dragging her sore limbs through the snow as she called Caleb's name but he was nowhere to be found. His tracks had disappeared into the forest, fading beneath the snowfall that hid his path. She had headed straight for the river, walking along the same frozen path she had shown him before, but there was no sign of him anywhere.

When it had struck midnight, she had headed back home with a distinct taste of dread on her tongue. It had taken a while for her to get to sleep when she couldn't get Caleb out of her head, unable to shake the awful feeling in her gut that reminded her of every bad decision she had made. She spent half an hour in the shower that night, the water as hot as she could bear as she had scrubbed herself of Angus until her skin was raw, only adding to the hurt he had caused her.

She showered again in the morning, washing every inch of her body three times over as her thoughts flipped uncontrollably between fury and despair, guilt and pain. She felt weak, and that hurt the most. She had given herself up to Angus, letting him in when she hadn't wanted him there, and now Caleb was gone and she felt as though she had betrayed herself as much as him.

He was the one she actually cared about, the one she wanted to protect, and he had fled. Now, she felt more alone than ever.

There was something there. She couldn't deny it; she hadn't tried to. When she saw the hurt in Caleb's eyes, she felt it in her heart. When she heard it in his voice, his words pricked her skin. When she thought about him alone out there, running from her, her stomach curdled. That wasn't what she had wanted: that was what she wanted to avoid. All she had wanted to do was keep Angus on her side, to keep trouble away and to keep Caleb safe, and she had failed on all counts.

Up before the sun, she zipped up her boots and buttoned her coat, slinging her shotgun over her shoulder. If she was going to spend the day searching the forest, she wanted to be productive about it: her table was clear, her freezer ready and waiting for another kill. Finishing off her coffee, she dropped her mug into the sink and filled a flask with fresh brew. Just in case she found him. It wasn't for her.

The headlights on her quadbike cut through the dark morning sky, the engine a low rumble as she drove slower than usual, her eyes peeled as she scoured the forest for signs of life. It had stopped snowing a few hours ago, but it had left a thick carpet of white that made the woods impossible to navigate for anyone who didn't know them inside out. She did, and she knew Caleb did, but that didn't make her feel much more confident when there was a bounty on his head.

When the light appeared, the deep orange hue of sunrise that crawled up the trees until it showered their leaves, Adele brought the quad to a stop in a shaded patch that made for a good look-out spot. She had eyes on the frozen stream in both directions, there was a sunlit clearing in her sights, and she spied a buck venturing out to find something to eat. Crouching behind the bush, resting the gun against her shoulder, she had a clear aim.

She waited for the perfect angle, holding her breath as she took the aim. A buzz of nervous anticipation fluttered in her stomach, the excitement of a kill so close. The deer was less than a hundred yards away, upwind of her, and it was oblivious to her presence. Her pulse quickened. She steadied her feet, securing her gaze and fixing her shotgun for a high shoulder shot. It would shatter the bone; the buck would drop on the spot.

It was perfect.

Until the deer spooked. Something snatched its attention, snapping its head up, and bolted. Adele jumped at the sudden movement, right as she had been about to pull the trigger. Her finger wavered. She flipped on the safety and leant the shotgun against the quad before she jumped to her feet, aware that just about anything could have spooked the deer.

Including Creighton.

She spotted a body, a flash of dark hair. It wasn't him. She heaved a sigh of relief, thankful for every day that she could avoid her sister's fiancé, and that relief tripled when she caught a glimpse of Caleb's profile. It was unmistakeably him: soft eyes; stubbled jaw; tangled hair. He had taken his coat when he had left, the thick winter jacket reaching his knees, but his legs were naked, his feet soaking in a pair of slippers.

"Caleb!" she yelled. He sought her out, fixing his eyes on her when she spotted her across the clearing. She abandoned the quad, stomping through the brambles and thrashing away the snow-covered bracken to reach him. "Jesus Christ, Caleb, you had me scared shitless. Where the fuck did you go?"

She tripped as she reached him, the tight laces of her boot catching on a thorn. Caleb caught her, steadying her by her shoulders and helping her regain her balance on the icy ground. The snow was fine until it was trodden down, compacted into dangerously slippy ice.

"I had to get out," he said. "He was there."

"He's gone," she said. "God, Caleb, you can't just run off like that. You know how dangerous it is out here for you. It's not safe."

"I couldn't stay," he said, his voice gruff. "It hurts me."

"I'm sorry that I hurt you," she said, "but I had to do it, I have to stay on Angus's good side."

"No, you don't get it." He shook his head. "You don't understand, Adele. You don't see how much it hurts. You can't feel it. You don't get it. It's ... I feel it. It's like a fire inside me; I burn inside when you do that."

"I'm sorry, Caleb."

He gritted his teeth, shaking his head. "You have no idea how much it hurts," he said. "It's physical. It's not just the bond; it's a real pain, and there's nothing I can do about it. I wish I could do something. I would do anything."

"If I hurt you so badly, why are you still here?"

"Because I can't leave!" he shouted, his words echoing around the forest. "I'm tied to you. I can't leave you. You're stuck with me; I'm stuck with you. I can't change it. But it is killing me. My heart is burning and my head is going to explode. You are killing me."

Adele recoiled at the strength of his words, the agony in his voice and in his eyes. Pain dripped down his cheeks, angry tears that tracked down his skin. He blinked hard, his fingers clenching into fists.

"I ... I didn't realise how bad it was," she said, stunned by his outburst. "I'm trying to help, Caleb. I just wanted to help you."

"You're not helping. You're hurting me. It hurts so much, even when I can't see him there. I can feel him. It's ... it's..." He thumped his chest with his fist, exasperated at his inability to make himself understood, searching for the words that would get it across to Adele just how much her actions burned his soul.

He gave up. His shoulders sank. "God, I wish I could leave you."

The words struck her like a freight train, her brain splattering in a million directions when it took the bullet he had fired. Her chest ached, her heart squeezing too tight with each pump, and she gasped to catch her breath as though she had been winded. The reaction came out of nowhere, weakening her knees and slicing her lungs.

"You feel it," he said. His voice was flat but something changed in his eyes. "You ... you felt it just then."

"Jesus," she gasped. "What the fuck was that?"

"You felt it," he said again. "The bond ... I hurt you with my words. You felt it."

She rubbed her hand over her chest, her breaths coming hard and fast. "Oh my God."

"That, the feeling in your heart now, I feel it when you're with him. But it's worse. A million times worse. And I can't do anything, and you keep doing it. You keep hurting me." He ran his hands through his hair, a tinge of blue to his skin. "If this is how you help, then I don't want your help."

"I'm sorry," she said, her voice fading until it was hardly more than a whisper.

"You need to reject me," he said. "Then I can leave."

Adele shook her head. "I don't want to reject you, Caleb. I just need some time to figure all this out. And we need to talk. And for crying out loud, you need to come home. You're going to freeze." Unzipping a deep pocket in her coat, she pulled out her flask and unscrewed it for him. "Here. Drink this."

His hands were too cold to grip the flask. She held it to his lips, helping him sip the hot coffee, and she led him over to the quadbike where she unloaded the gun and slung it over her shoulder, helping Caleb onto the back. Steering with one hand, the other held onto him as she bumped over the rough terrain back to the cabin. The cold had weakened him and he struggled to grip onto her, almost tipping off when she came to a stop.

It didn't take long for the kitchen to heat up. Caleb changed into clean clothes and she wrapped him in a blanket, throwing another over his legs when she made him sit in the armchair while she brewed fresh coffee. A pair of gloves warmed his hands, a thick scarf around his neck to help him defrost as she built up the fire to make it roar.

She gave him the good mug, filled right to the brim, and she sat opposite him on a log that she used as a makeshift stool.

"I was scared when you left," she said, pushing the honesty past her lips. She had never excelled at talking about her feelings, but he needed her to try. She needed to try. She owed him that much at least. "I don't want you to leave Caleb. I do feel something. I don't know what it is, and it scares me a bit, but I do feel something for you."

"It's the bond." He warmed his lips with the mug, holding the hot porcelain against his mouth. "I can feel that you're starting to feel it."

"And that's a good thing," she said. "You were right. You said I would."

"But it makes it worse," he said. "You feel it, and you still sleep with him. It makes it hurt even more. I can't explain the pain. It hurts more than ... it's more than when your sister shot me. But you don't understand it. You don't capisce."

She smiled when he used the word she had explained yesterday, masking the guilt that was tearing her apart. "I'm starting to understand," she said. "I just didn't know, Caleb. I didn't know how bad it was. You know I need time to understand all of this."

"I know." He nodded. "I know you need time. I capisce that. And I want to give it to you. If I could give you all of the time, I would. I will. But you have to know how much it hurts when you do that."

"It won't happen again," she said. "I don't want to see him again. I didn't want to see him yesterday. I thought it would help. I just made it worse, and I really am sorry, Caleb."

He held her gaze. His own was softening.

"He's a bad man," she said. "I made bad decisions. I know I don't always make the right choices. You were right: I did have a choice, and I made the wrong one, but I'm not going to see him again. I can't. And I told him I don't want to."

Caleb watched her. He saw the anguish in her eyes, the downturn of her lips, the way she held herself. How she hunched over her knees, her confidence stripped bare. There were red rings around her wrists and bruises on her hips, crescent dents in her shoulders and scratches down her back, damage that he couldn't see but he could feel. He could see it in her eyes.

"He hurt you," he growled, a newfound strength in his voice. His back straightened, his eyes narrowing as his jaw set "He hurt you, didn't he?"

"He hurt me," she said. She couldn't lie. "But I won't let that happen again. I was stupid and I'm sorry. I thought I was in control and I thought I was helping you, but I wasn't."

"He's bad," Caleb said. "He's a bad, bad man. Why did he hurt you? What did he do?" He gazed at her, trying to read her face. "I can feel it: it's all over you."

"What is?"

"Your pain. What did he do?"

"That doesn't matter," she said, shaking her head. She couldn't bring herself to talk about last night, the shame she had tried to tear from her skin. "I don't think he meant to do it. He didn't mean to hurt me. But I didn't want him to do what he did, and that's what hurt. But it's ok. He's gone now."

Caleb shook his head, his stare darkening. "It's not ok for him to hurt you."

"I hurt you more," she said. She was beginning to understand that now, shaken by the force with which she had felt the connection to Caleb, as though she had felt a fraction of his pain deep inside her chest. "And I'm sorry. I really am so sorry. I don't want to hurt you anymore. I never wanted to hurt you. I only ever wanted to help you."

"I know," he said. "You're a good person, Adele. I know that. It just ... it gets buried sometimes."

"I know." She sipped her coffee and set it down, resting her elbows on her knees as she let out a long sigh. "I feel bad. I feel really bad for what I did to you. I don't want you to go, Caleb. I really don't."

"I don't want to go."

"I'm still trying to get my head around it all. You need to know that," she said, "but I won't hurt you."

He nodded. "I know. And you can have time. We have all the time in the world. It doesn't hurt me if all you need is time."

A smile found its way onto her lips. She let it stay. "You must hate me right now," she muttered.

"I don't hate you. I can't hate you, Adele. You're my mate." He gazed at her, reading her feelings. She let him, watching the way his eyes tracked over her face. "Nothing has to happen."

"What d'you mean?"

"With us ... we don't need to do anything. I know you're ... scared? I think. I know it's a lot. Nothing needs to happen. I just need to know that nothing will happen with him either. You can have as much time as you need. Just ... please don't be with him."

"Nothing's going to happen with Angus," she said. Caleb instinctively growled. He couldn't help it. "I promise you." She held out her hand, looping her little finger with his. "Pinky promise. And thank you, Caleb. For the time. I really appreciate it."

"I can stay?"

"Of course you can stay." She nodded, hugging her knees. "You said it yourself: we're stuck together now."

He smiled. She was getting it. "We are."

Letting out a heavy breath, she moved to the fireplace and swirled her coffee in her mug, downing what was left. "Are you warmer? Are you feeling better?"

He nodded. "Thank you."

"You can't go off like that in this weather. Not without proper clothes. You were half frozen. You scared me."

"I'm ok," he said. "I'm good now. I've survived twenty-two years in these woods."

"We're the same age, huh?"

He nodded. "Mates usually are," he said. "The bond is made when we're small and it gets stronger over time, and we feel it when we become big."

"When you reach adulthood?"

"Yes. I felt it four years ago."

"It took you four years to find me?"

He shook his head. "I wasn't always looking," he said. "I was with my pack. We had to escape a lot. Sometimes I couldn't feel it at all. But now you're here. I found you. And we're going to find Reed."

"We will," she said, truly praying that they would. "How about you go and have a shower and I'll make something to eat? You must be hungry."

"Very hungry," he said. "I will." He stood, shedding blankets all around him. When he bent to pick them up and fold them over the chair, Adele stopped him and took over, nodding at the bathroom door.

When he left, stripping off in front of the fireplace, Adele flopped onto the armchair as though she didn't have an ounce of energy left. She didn't, not really. Her body was as tired as her mind, her emotions completely overwrought, but she didn't want to let her mind settle. If she let it rest for too long, she would think about last night. If she thought about that, it only hurt her more, and the more she hurt, the more Caleb hurt too.

He looked a lot better when he returned to the kitchen after a long, hot shower, a towel tied perilously low around his waist. Adele had to tear her eyes from his dripping body, lifting her gaze to him as she served up a generous serving of venison for him.

"I know it's not exactly breakfast food," she said, "but it's probably what you need. A good bit of meat. And I made toast too." She took a piece for herself, tearing it into quarters.

"Thank you, Adele."

"Good shower?"

"Very good. I feel good." He chewed the meat and smiled at her. "This is good. Very good."

"I was thinking, maybe we could get a hot chocolate later," she said. "If you want. Or we can just relax here. There's nothing I need to do today, if you'd rather just stay here and talk. Or sleep. Whatever you want to do."

"I want to stay," he said. "Talking is good. It helps. I like talking to you."

"I like talking to you too. As crazy as all this, and as much as I'm still trying to understand it all, I do like having you here," she said. "I can't really make sense of how I feel but when you left, I felt bad. And now that you're back, I feel good. To put it very simply."

"That will get stronger," he said. "In both ways. The bad will feel more bad; the good will feel more good."

"What about when you mark me?" she asked. "I'm not ready for that yet, but eventually."

"The strongest," he said. "Marking you is like ... I don't know if there is something you do as people. It's like saying yes to forever. It completes the search. It makes the bond siorraidh. Forever."

"So it's like getting married?"

"I don't know," he said, "but if married is like that, then yes, it is."

"How do you do it?" She stood by the fire, throwing on another log to keep it burning. Caleb stood, joining her by the heat.

"It's a bite," he said. "It doesn't hurt. Not much."

"Where?"

He reached out to touch her skin, his fingers grazing the curve where her neck met her shoulder. His hand was warm, his touch sending a buzz of electricity through her like a shock. It made her laugh, the sudden thrill of the simplest touch.

"Right there," he said.

"Does that turn me? Do I have to turn?"

He shook his head. "I won't turn you. I don't want to turn you. You don't turn the people you love."

She raised her eyebrows at him. Her skin flushed hot. She blamed it on the fire. "You love me?"

"Of course," he said with a smile. "You're my mate, Adele. Of course I love you." He stepped back from her, just a couple of inches. "You don't have to feel it. It's ok. I know it takes time. Sorry. I don't want to scare you."

She nodded to herself, hugging her elbows, and a smile flickered onto her lips. "It's ok."

"Can I?" He held out his hand, looking down at hers. She offered it to him and when he laced his fingers with hers, their palms touching, a jolt exploded through her like an orgasmic rush, a heady thrill that shot through her in all directions. Her knees turned to jelly, her head swimming, and Caleb held on tighter when she weakened, his other hand steadying her elbow.

"Oh my God," she said with a laugh. Her skin was tingling, her cheeks hot. "What is that? What was that?"

"The connection," he said. He let go of her hand and the fizz began to fade, the heat leaving her cheeks. "You accepted it. You let it in."

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there you go - double update today! i couldn't leave you hanging too long after the last one. i hope you like this one better, and i'd also like to remind you that yes, adele can seem a bit standoffish and bitchy and caleb can seem a bit pushy at times, but they're coming from insanely different cultures and struggling to understand each other. please don't hold that against them!

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