Growing up with emotional abuse makes you want to avoid people when you feel bad instead of seeking someone out.

Because your abuser always told you you werent really upset.

Or that what youre upset about is trivial.

Or that youre overreacting again.

Or that your being upset is ruining everyone elses mood.

Or that youre being a baby.

Or that you need a thicker skin.

Or youre told to go away until you can be a decent person again.

You believe your feelings dont matter unless you express the right ones the right way at the right time, and you can never do it right.

You believe everybody has it worse, so theres no point in talking about it when you feel bad.

Its easier to isolate yourself when youre sad, angry or hurt because it feels easier than inflicting yourself on somebody else.

Even when there are beautiful people in your life who say you can always come to them, you still dont because youre scared.

That is what sits at the center of who I am. Its like an abscess that wont pop or drain. And when it hurts, it hurts.