Listen kid, here are the rules: 1. Dont shut down. You have to feel pain because once you turn it off, you cant get it back. And then youre left prying open your veins and breaking your bones, drowning in vodka, choking on pills, bleeding out, swallowing cigarettes, fucking boys who rip your heart out of your chest and slam it against the wall and then smile at you like youre the prettiest thing in the room. It turns out that feeling nothing feels worse than anything else. 2. Cut him out of your life. It doesnt matter how many times he called you beautiful and told you he loved you. I know he was a sweet guy but hes not the same person anymore. He hurt you. He doesnt deserve to occupy a thought in your head let alone drown you in your own tears. I know you loved him. Maybe you always will. But if you want to stay alive, youve got to let him go. Delete your old texts with him because baby I swear to god you will read over all the I love yous and baby girls and you will crack your ribs with them. 3. Its okay to cry. Its okay slide down a wall in tears at three in the morning aching and screaming. If you want to sit on your bedroom floor with your head buried in your knees, tears spilling out of your eyes and filling the room up to your waist, do it. It doesnt make you weak. You could never be weak. Youre alive and thats the hardest thing to be. Im so proud of you. Always. 4. Dont do anything youre uncomfortable with. When youre at a party and youre sitting next to a boy whos words are dripping with cheap alcohol and hes grabbing your thigh and spitting liquor down your neck in sloppy kisses, push him off you. You dont owe him anything. Youre not being mean or hurting his feelings. If youre not okay, leave. 5. Dont hurt yourself. If you think you feel shitty now, imagine how terrible youre going to feel when you accidentally cut too deep and you feel your life spilling out of your wrists. I know you want to get rid of him and the heartbreak he left behind. I know you want to get rid of the numbness and the headaches and the shaky hands. I know you want to get rid of the pain. But when youre lighting your skin on fire or tearing into your veins, youve got pain spilling out of your bones. But youre dripping everything good too. Youve got a tangle of outer space inside of you and you cant lose the darkness between the stars without losing the stars too. 6. Save yourself first. I know youre in love with a pretty boy who writes you poetry and slits your wrists. I know he falls asleep crying. But so do you. I know hes your world. I know youre in love. But you cant be up at four in the morning talking him out of suicide when youve got six tests the next day. You cant stop him from ripping his heart out when youre still trying to figure out how to get yours beating again. You cant save him. Youve just got to love him with all youve got. You have to love yourself too. 7. Terminate toxic relationships. It doesnt make you a bad person. You need to be self-preserving for once in your fucking life. When your best friend kisses the boy you would die for, stop sleeping on her floor when she calls you crying because she got her heart broken by a boy whos name she couldnt remember. When your father kicks you out of the house and tells you he wants you gone, stay gone. When your boyfriend comments on how much youve been eating and makes you feel guilty for feeling the world, delete his number. You dont need people dragging you down. You dont need anybody poising you. Youve got enough pain already. 8. It gets better. I know right now youre on the verge of killing yourself. Youre on the edge and youre waiting for the fall. But theres nothing good at the bottom, just a lot of broken bones and blood and sore throats. I know how much you want to die and I know how hard it is to stay but you have to. Because one day youre going to wake up smiling. Youre going to fall in love and your heart will stay whole. Youre going to travel and swim in the ocean and youre not going to pray that you drown. Youre going to go for a drive in the middle of the night and feel free instead of hoping you crash. Youre going to be alright.