Shiva's pov

Afters raavi's outbrust I was speechless yes she had confessed many time that she loves dev before marriage but knowing that even after all the thing that happened , still she has soft corner for dev broke my heart..
Don't ask why , I have no answer for it..

I camly placed her in the bed and looked at her ,at that moment I was very angry with dev , my eyes were portraying anger just for dev, how can he do something like this to raavi , I know I use to not like her but I never hated her , and whatever my equation with her use to be she didn't deserve all this..
People think I hate her , but no I don't hate her I just didn't liked her because of mami , I never actually hated her , I wish I could tell her that I don't hate her , In childhood there were lot of times when I wanted  to be friend with her and start fresh but it never happened...And after we had grown up she always use to talk about dev which use irritate me why I have no idea... Thought I made it look like it was because I hate her and mami I knew that was not the actual Reason..but I never gave another though to it..

I have seen her crazyness for dev , she was ready to die than to live without him and now she will be DIYING everyday because she is married to me , she has to see dev everyday with someone else and more than that she has to live with me..

Dosent Matter if dev is my brother ,at this point I hate him.. for what he did to the girl sitting infront of me.

I slowly looked at raavi and saw her eyes full of hurt, anger and pain , she hates me now because i married her , if i won't have married her she might not have to go with the torcher of seeing dev with someone else everyday...
She hates me , my mami ki behen ki beti hates me, the girl who didn't even hated me in our childhood , who didn't even for once hated me even when I pushed her towards a running truck now hates me because of the marriage..

Dev what have you done , ( tu toh apne life main bht khush ha sb mil gaya tujhe pr iska kya , iska toh sb khatam ho gya..)

It took all my courage to look at her because her eyes are holding the emotions I have never seen in her before HATE..

I kept looking at her while she looked down but I could figure out that she was crying silently and i don't know why I don't like her crying at all

Shiva : Rona band kr

Raavi : kyu ? Tujhe kya ha meri ankh , mere ansoo ab mere rone se bhi problem ha tujhe (slightly annoyed)

Shiva (concerned) : itna royegi toh bimar pad jaiygi

Raavi : haa toh tujhe kya , main bimar padu ya main maar jai tuj.....

Shiva: chup ek dam chup jb dekho marne marane ki baat krti ha..
Ek aur baar bola na toh

Raavi : bolungi , kyuki tu toh yahi chatha ha ki main maar jau..
Nafrat krta ha na mujhse toh isse behtar kya hoga ki main maar hi jao koi dushman nhi bachega tera phir tu b....

I don't know what came over me but I suddenly moved closer to her stoping her Blatter , her eyes went wide , I looked into her eyes and then looked  down at our lips that were touching each other slightly.. I again looked at her only to find her eyes closed..I don't know why I wanted to kiss her , and tell her that I lo....
before I could do anything else I remembered her word from before and how much she loves dev , and how hurt she was because of me..
I wanted to cry at that thought , I wanted to take that feeling out of my heart my brain my body from everywhere but I couldn't..
I looked at her with pain because I didn't knew how to tell her that I don't hate her , (nhi karta main tujhse nafrat , kabhi nhi ki ha , kash main tujhe bata sakta ki tere ansoo jaan nikal dete ha mere , tera dur jane ke khayal se bhi meri rooh kaap jati hai ..
Kaise batau tujhe main ye sb
Naa main kabhi khe paunga , aur naa tu kabhi samjh payegi..)
My heart screamed inside my chest but I know she couldn't hear that voice , no body has done...

I looked at her one last time , while she still had her eyes closed and moved back , straight away walking inside the washroom....
I stood infront of the mirror looking at my self thinking if what just happened..
I don't know what I did and why I did.
But its good that I backed out other wise she would have hated me much more..
Although I was suddenly missing her warmth , I knew that she could never repricate my feelings because she loves dev , he was her first love and people say that we can never forget our first love..

I couldn't help but cry because of all these feelings..
For the first time in my life I was help less..I don't know what I feel for her but the thought of her loving someone else was stabbing me like a knife..
I wish I could stop this pain , I wish I could show people that i also feel pain...
I wish I could stop myself from falling for ra.....

Raavi's pov.

I opened my eyes suddenly because of  the loss of warmth that was with me few minutes before..
Looking at his retairing figure I couldn't help but feel dejected...
What just happened , few minutes back he was so close to me and now he just left...
I felt like crying so I did..
I cried for the loss of his warmth , I cried Because of his hatred towards me..
I cried Because of our incomplete ki...
(Par aur Kitna roungi main , aur kisi liye...
Nhi raavi tu nhi royegi aab , bht ro chuki hai, aab nhi bilkul nhi..) I told myself
But dosen't matter how much you try you can never hide you emotions..
I couldn't as well, thought I didn't wanted to cry tears were streaming down my eyes..

I don't know what was happening, why I was feeling hurt , why I wanted to hug him and be in his warmth, more over why I wanted him to stop hating me, why I wanted him too continue , what he left mid way..
I touched my lips , were his lips were few minutes back , and thought of what made him withdraw, what made him leave our ki..

(Nhi ye kya soch rhi ha raavi tu , kiss karne ke liye feeling ki zaroorat hoti ha aur shiva tere kiye feel nhi krta ha ,
Aur main ? Main feel krti hu kya uske liye ???

Nhi aisa kuch nhi ha, shiva ha wo tu uske liye kaise feel kr skti ha ye jnte hue ki wo tujhse kitni nafrat krta ha, tu nhi kr skti ha feel..waise bhi main toh dev se pyaar krti hu, do din pehel tk main dev se shaadi krne ke liye maar rhi thi aur aab mujhe takleef ho rhi ha aur uski wajah shiva ha ?meri feelings dev ke liye itni jaldi kaise change ho gai..mujhe shiva ke liye feelings kaise aa skti ha..
Nhi koi feeling nhi ha , toh phir kyu mujhe wo ki...

( Chup kr raavi kya soch rhi ha , dimag kharab ho gya ha kya tera )

Raavi's mind : oh hello maine kya kiya , khud usko miss kr rhi ho aur mujhe bol rahi ho .waise bhi ye sb mera kaam nhi ha uska ha

Raavi's heart : chup kr , main aabhi sadme main hu , hamre shivi ki pehli kiss hone jaa rhi thi ..

Raavi's mind: ye shivi kaun ha ?

Heart : shiva + raavi =shivi

Mind: uff phir tutne ka irada ha kya aur tujhe aur koi kaam nhi ha kya faltu ka isse idea dete rhta ha ...
Dekh becahri ko teri wajha se kitna sad feel kr rhi ha

Heart : meri wajha se , maine kha tha ki shiva se lado.
Tera idea tha wo taki ye apni feelings chupa ske jb ki iski feelings genuine thi.. agar ye jhagra nhi krti toh abhi dono ka pehla kiss ho chuka hota ..

Mind : chup kr.

Heart : tu chup kr , tujhe bhi pata ha ki ye shiva ke liye feel karne lagi ha aur agar aisa nhi ha toh kyu isse bura lg rha ha ki wo nafrat krta ha isse, ya kyu isse bura lg rha ha ki wo aise chala gaya..kyu ye disappoint ho rhi ha ki ye kiss adhuri rhh....

Raavi : chup ek dam chup , pareshan kr diya ha tum dono ne jb dekho suru ho jate ho aur koi miss nhi kr rhi hoo main use..
Aur koi kiss wiss nhi thi wo..
Nafrat krta ha wo mujhse aur kuch nhi

Heart : aur tu ? Kya tu nafrat krti ha usee ?

I don't have an answer to that question,
My heart was craving for him and was  paining because of the way he left me just now , where as my mind wanted me to hate him for all the hate he has shown to me till date...

Did he leave me like this because he hates me or it was something else...

I was ingrossed in my thoughts , that I didn't see him coming out of the washroom , he stood at the centre of the room, looking lost..
I looked at him only to see his eyes red and his face pale...
I could tell that he has cried and that when realisation stuck me of what made him leave me like that..

He hates me why wouldn't he cry, he might be feeling angry on himself for doing that , he left me mid way because of his hatred towards me...
I tried to look into his eyes only to see hurt reflecting from them..

It broke my heart too know that he regretted his actions so much and he hates me so much, that it made him cry .
The shiva Pandya who never usually cries , cried today just because of his hatred towards me..

( Kyu somnath , kyu ,kyu nafrat krta ha ye mujhse , kyu ..
Agar meri zindagi issi ke sath jodni thi aapko toh aapne nafrat kyu bhari iske maan main mere liye.)