A/N: trigger warning for mentions of sexual abuse.

"Okay."

Katsuki and Shouto both share a look of pleasant surprise with one another, mildly impressed by how quickly Eijirou had responded to such an odd proposal. He hasn't even looked up from his laptop, mumbling a very polite 'thank you' to Izuku as the freckled man offers him a steaming hot mug of coffee. Neither of them have bothered to even bat an eye and though they both expected that much from Izuku, well…

Eijirou's calm and confident response is mildly impressive, to say the least.

"Okay?" They parrot in curious unison. Eijirou's gaze finally flickers up at them as if to reassure them that he's certain of what he'd just agreed upon. "Yeah. Okay. As in, that's perfectly fine." He reiterates, a bit smug as he watches complete and utter disbelief stitch itself onto their pretty little faces.

"You're not just blindly saying yes to try and placate me because you think that I'll throw a tantrum if you say no, are you?" Shouto accuses, skeptical.

"Is that an actual thing that I do?"

"All of the time."

Eijirou hums with a curious shrug. "Huh. I had no idea." He mumbles to himself, pausing to check his phone. He seems so nonchalant about it all the Shouto almost begins to wonder if he's dreaming up all of this. He's never seen Eijirou this calm about literally anything at all before.

A beat and a half passes in complete silence, save for the sound of Izuku chopping away at whatever he's preparing for breakfast. Shouto clicks his tongue in mild annoyance, arms folded over his bare chest.

"Eiji. This is a serious conversation; could you please just put the stupid fucking laptop down and listen for once?"

"What? Baby, I'm not ignoring you! Daddy already told you that it's fine; what else is there to talk about?"

"I dunno, maybe talking this through with us so that we're all on the same page and so that I know that you understand what you're agreeing to?"

"Why would I agree to something without knowing what it was?"

"Eijirou."

"Okay, okay, fine. I'll put the laptop away, sweetie. You have my full attention. What would you like to talk about?" The redhead relents with a sigh as he promptly shuts the laptop and turns his phone face down against the kitchen table. He makes eye contact with the both of them, waiting for one of them to speak.

Shouto pulls that face that he tends to make when he's getting ready to tell someone to go an fuck themselves, so Katsuki decides to move the conversation forward in order to keep it from becoming some sort of domestic dispute. He knows that Shouto hates feeling as though he's being patronized, but he also gets the feeling that Shouto is more annoyed about the fact that Eijirou's got a leg up on him for once.

His pettiness is, arguably, one of Katsuki's most favorite things about him.

"We just wanna be sure that you actually...you know. Get it." He says, trying his best to word it in a way that isn't offensive. Eijirou sighs, leaning back in his chair. "You've explained it to me twice, kitty boy. Why is it so difficult to believe that this isn't a misunderstanding?" He points and Katsuki tries to stifle a snort of laughter.

"I dunno. You're kinda…"

"Dumb?" Shouto chimes and Katsuki points as if to tell him that he's spot on. "I was gonna say dense, but that works too."

"Fair." Eijirou doesn't bother arguing, as both statements are factual. He's learned long ago that he doesn't need brains to be happy or successful. His resilience has brought him a long way on his own. "But I can assure you guys that I really do understand. I'd have to be a pretty oblivious moron to have missed how absolutely in love with each other you were last night...and it's obvious that those emotions have been there for a while. It was a little jarring at first, I'll admit. I was starting to question my place in Shouto's life, feeling a lot more like a second choice than a potential husband, you know?"

Shouto's sharp glare softens with a sigh.

"Eiji. The last thing I wanted was to make you feel like I didn't love you. I...I can't really stomach seeing myself without you. Katsuki and I have already discussed that we're perfectly fine with everything staying the way that they are if you want it to. I just...I thought that we should at least come and talk to you guys about these feelings and try to---"

"Baby. You really don't have to explain yourself." Eijirou interrupts him with a gentle smile. "All of those nasty doubts that I had about us were really just pointless insecurities. I know that you love me, sweetheart. And I know that your love for me doesn't diminish just because you love Katsuki too. You love the both of us differently. You love each of us accordingly. I can appreciate that. And I definitely respect that." He says, reaching out to take Shouto's smaller hand in the palm of his own. "Do cute boyfriend shit with your bestie. It took a lot of thought and a lot of reasoning from Izuku last night but I realize that it definitely won't be the end of the world if this becomes a thing. As long as it's Katsuki, I don't mind."

Shouto snorts out a laugh but the look of utter adoration and unbridled affection plastered to his face betrays the nonchalant mask that he tries to put on.

"As if I'd want anyone else. You two really mean the world to me, you know? I don't wanna lose you…"

"You won't. Just keep doin' what you're doin' and we'll be together until I inevitably die of old age. Or stress, if Izuku doesn't get his shit together soon." The redhead adds, mumbling the last bit under his breath. Izuku chuckles at such an accusation, never once looking away from where he's occupied his hands at the stove. He hasn't said a single word during this entire interaction, in fact---smiling and humming to himself as he busies himself with cooking.

"I don't know what you mean by that. I've been very well behaved as of late, you know." He says, flashing Eijirou a look that means to tell him not to say too much but nonetheless keeping his rhythm. Eijirou rolls his eyes but doesn't comment on Izuku's subjectively good behavior again.

"What about you, Zu? Anything to add to this conversation? Rules? Conditions?"

"Rules? That's a little ridiculous in a situation like this, no? As far as I'm concerned, Kacchan and Shouto are free to carry about their relationship however they see fit. They're not children; we don't need to chaperon them. However," he pauses, looking up at the ceiling in thought. He finally turns to look at them with that kind smile, not quite sheepish but part of him certainly looks a bit guilty.

"I'd be lying if I said that I didn't enjoy being a part of your playdate last night. If it's alright with the two of you, I'd like to do that again sometimes." He requests and Katsuki can hardly ignore the heat that's begun to creep it's way up his neck. How could he just say that with a straight face?

This was a lot less embarrassing when he was still a little tipsy.

"That's fine with me." Shouto agrees with a shrug. "Are you two planning to fuck each other, too?"

"Um, no." Izuku quickly denies with a shake of his head and Eijirou visibly cringes at such an idea.

"Yeah, I think I'm gonna pass."

"As much as I love Ei, I'm not at all interested in having sex with my best friend. I'm much past that point of sexual exploration. Besides, he's not really my type. You're more than enough for me, Kacchan."

Eijirou scoffs indignantly. Not his type? How could Izuku even say that as if Eijirou isn't smoking hot sex on legs? "I don't wanna stick my dick in some old geezer, anyway."

Izuku sputters, hand clutching around the fairly hot spatula in his palm as if he's considering hurling it directly at Eijirou's face. "First of all, you fucking troglodyte, what makes you think that you'd have a snowball's chance in hell at topping me anyway?! And who in the fuck are you calling old?! What gives you the right?!"

"I know that you're in denial or whatever but you're pushing fifty, buddy. Don't you think it's time to accept that you're getting a little old?"

"Eijirou, you're literally older than me!"

"What's your point again? I'm not the one pretending that I'm still in my prime, you know."

Izuku's eyes visibly begins to twitch.

"I hate you so fucking much."

"Whatever helps you sleep at night, bro." Eijirou shrugs smugly and Izuku relents with an annoyed grunt, turning to finish cooking breakfast as he mumbles under his breath.

"Fucking whatever. Don't touch anything in my fridge, you shark-faced shit. I hope you starve."

"Yeah, definitely not into each other." Katsuki snickers and Shouto huffs. "Apparently Izuku's not into me either---which is kind of offensive, not gonna lie. I'm hot as FUCK." He says matter-of-factly and Izuku offers a genuine apology. "You definitely are gorgeous, sweetheart, but you just don't excite me the way that my Kacchan does. I'm sorry if that offended you; I really didn't mean to."

"It's fine or whatever. Guess that's a no on that foursome, then." Shouto sighs, though he's still visibly pouting. He leans back in his chair to stretch his limbs. "I mean, Kat makes me all hot and bothered too so I can't really blame you."

Izuku chuckles.

"Isn't he just stunning? Those gorgeous eyes and those cute, pouty lips?"

"And he's got the prettiest little smile, doesn't he?"

"And the cute little way that his face scrunches up when he has to think really hard about something."

"Or that sexy little smirk he does when he knows that he's about to wreck someone's shit?"

"Mmm, that one gets him fucked---"

"OHHHkay, I think that's enough of that! Glad that we're all on the same page here, such a lovely conversation." Katsuki butts in, beet red from the chest up and his heart fluttering in his chest. If the two of them are going to do this often, he doesn't think he'll live very long. Compliments from them are one thing but just having them passed around like that makes him swoon. Shouto and Izuku share a laugh together.

It's then that Katsuki realizes that they're going to be the death of him.

Izuku turns to face them once more with two very well-prepared omelettes in hand.

"Breakfast is served! For everyone but Eijirou, of course."

"Dude, you were serious?"

"Dead serious." Izuku reiterates with a wry smile. Eijirou groans. "But I'm hungryyyy!"

"Make it yourself, ya bum."

"See if I ever offer you food again, jerk."

It's going to be an adjustment, but Katsuki hopes that they're gonna be okay.

#

"Izuku!"

The freckled man feels a rather violent rush of irritation and anger at hearing Masaru say his name. He ignores him in favor of emptying the rest of his belongings from the office desk, hoping for the sake of not being arrested that the other man would finally take a hint for once and promptly fuck right off.

Wishful thinking.

"Izuku, you can't just up and leave us. You were here when this company was just a speck in the ocean---we'd be nothing without you! You've been here for over twenty years. We've been good to you, right? Please---you can't do this to us! We need you!"

"Well," Izuku says tightly, making quite the formidable effort in keeping himself composed. He double checks to make sure that he has everything before lifting the half empty box from the desk and turning on his heels to purposely walk past Masaru without ever looking him in the eyes. "Sounds like a personal problem to me. Have fun being miserable with your horrible wife. I hope this company goes to shit."

He can hear Masaru's frantic footfalls behind him, ignoring the crowd that he's drawing towards them with his loud and utterly pathetic begging.

"W-What?! Why would you say something so terrible after all this company has done for you---"

"You mean all that I've done for you." Izuku corrects him. And Masaru pauses shortly behind him, practically skipping to try and keep up once he realizes that Izuku has absolutely no intentions on hearing him out. To be honest, Izuku had planned on making a much more dramatic exit than this---something like fucking Katsuki on his mother's desk as a final fuck you---but after plenty of thought and consideration, he realized that there was more at stake in doing so than satisfying his festering spite was worth.

Fuck these people.

"Are you leaving us for Gucci? That bastard Bizzari must have made you a decent offer to replace Alessandro but if you just tell me what it is then we'll double it! And you'll get double the paid vacation time!" He tries to bargain and Izuku scoffs, vehemently pressing the elevator button so that he can get the hell out of there once and for all. "You think I'd give up the opportunity to work for Bellafioré for your chump change?"

Masaru's jaw snaps shut, eyes widening behind his glasses.

"B-Bellafioré?"

"Yup. Same Bellafioré that's been kicking your ass for the last decade. I'm finally gonna get to work with the best."

Masaru is trembling.

"You're being so ugly about this! I thought that we were friends, Izuku! Mitsuki and I trusted you---"

He stumbles backwards as Izuku turns on him angrily, shriveling up as if he half expects for Izuku to strike him.

"You know what, Masaru? At one point I thought that we were friends, too. I mean, you and Mitsuki have always acted like such decent people---it was so easy to believe that you weren't complete pieces of shit."

Masaru seems incredibly confused, brows pinched tightly together as he straightens himself to look Izuku in the eyes.

"...what are you talking about?"

And Izuku laughs---cackles, really---as fear becomes rightfully apparent in his eyes. He looks around as if he's only just now realized that they had an audience and, for once, Izuku is glad that his co-workers were such nosey fucks.

Fuck it. 

"What am I talking about? You're not really gonna stand there and tell me that you don't remember what you and Mitsuki did, are you? I mean, everyone else tiptoes around it all day long to keep your monster of a wife placated and keep their jobs but surely even you know that you can't just erase someone by pretending that they don't exist."

Panic.

Masaru's demeanor quickly morphs him into something reminiscent of a deer trapped in headlights.

And Izuku is absolutely living for it.

"Get out---"

"Oh come on, Masaru. You don't remember your son? Your only son? The one that you sold to a fucking pedophile just so you and your bitch wife could obtain money and power?"

"I said get out right now or I'll call security!"

"I mean, if it wasn't bad enough that you set your own kid up to be brutally assaulted then abandoning him at the hospital and telling the media that he's a liar instead of being there for your kid must jog your memory even a little bit. Or are you gonna keep pretending that he didn't exist to ease your guilt?"

"GET OUT! I don't want to have to remove you---"

"Fuckin' try it and see what happens." Izuku growls, invading Masaru's personal space to glare down at him with a scowl of distaste. He can practically hear Masaru's heart racing from where he stands, eyes wild as they dart around the room for anything or anyone that may assist him.

The elevator dings, the telltale sound of it's doors sliding open alerting Izuku that he's finally able to leave.

He smiles, backing out of Masaru's face and pivoting around to leave.

"Have a blessed day, Masaru. Hopefully I never see you out in public or I might just rearrange your face for real next time." He says in an oddly cheerful chirp. He enters the elevator with a bit of pep in his step holding up a finger just as he enters as if he'd forgotten something important. He turns to face Masaru once more, an uncharacteristic, shit-eating grin plastered to his face.

"Oh. Figured I should at least let you know this before you find out from the press. Katsuki and I? We're getting married~"

The way that Masaru blanches and drops to the floor like a bag of sand will forever be one of Izuku's fondest memories of this place.

Damn, that felt good!