"Buddy. Listen. I know what you're gonna say---"

Eijirou's sardonic laughter cuts Izuku short as he paces back and forth, hand going up to tug at his hair in frustration. He looks like he might swing on him at any moment and honestly, Izuku would be more surprised if he hadn't.

"Oh, trust me, buddy, you haven't got the slightest fuckin' clue. I should throw your stupid ass right out of that goddamn window and watch you splatter on the goddamn concrete! I knew you were a fucking moron but sweet Jesus, Izuku, what the fuck?!"

"I know you're upset right now, man, but---"

"And why are you so goddamn lax about this?! Did you not hear the part about the fact that you killed someone or is your little pea brain struggling to take that one on? And you swore that you didn't---"

"That's because I didn't, Ei. Jesus, Mary and Joseph, would you just shut up for a second? I didn't go back after that day, you can check my timecard. And he sure as shit wasn't dead when I left there that day---"

"You fucking cracked his head open, Izuku, of course he was gonna die! You didn't think to call an ambulance after you splattered his ass all over his living room?!"

"Why the fuck would I do that? Do I look like I belong in prison to you?"

"Right about now you're lookin' like a textbook jailbird cause if they find out it was your sorry ass who did this, they're gonna put you under the fucking prison and I wouldn't even feel bad."

Izuku seems genuinely offended by such a comment, jaw dropping at how Eijirou seems to have no problem with throwing him under the bus. "Ei, you're my best friend! Or at least I thought you were but now you're making me seem like a bad guy here and I'm not so sure anymore." He's bordering on pouting, fairly concerned as he crosses his arms over his chest.

Eijirou huffs out an exasperated breath through his nose. "The fact that you killed this guy doesn't annoy me. I mean, let's be serious, he had it coming. I'm not even just saying that because of Katsuki but just imagining how many other young kids he's done it to makes me want to crawl out of my fuckin' skin. But you were careless. And careless could mean a whole lot of trouble for two of us. And for those two boys." He explains and Izuku suddenly goes from apathetic to guilty, arms dropping to his side as his shoulders slump.

"Oh, fuck, I didn't even think about that..."

"Of course you didn't. You never think, you compulsive dicktit! I knew we should've gone back to clean up the fucking evidence—"

Izuku's snorting laughter cuts him off. "Dicktit? Where do you come up with this stuff?"

"I swear to God, Izuku, I will kick you so hard in the dick that your balls roll up into your guts."

Fair. Izuku realizes that he probably shouldn't be laughing. Especially when he could have potentially just dragged his little sweetheart into hot water with him. But there's still a bit of time to fix things right? Well...not that he could bring that sleazy fucker back from the dead even if he wanted to, but he could at least cover his own ass.

"I'll take care of it." He assures Eijirou who bucks at him as if he's going to actually smack him this time but he quickly catches himself and retracts, eye twitches as he growls at Izuku through clenched teeth. "And how the fuck are you gonna do that, genius? Your timecard will show that you clocked out early. You suspiciously asked Masaru about the guy right before you killed him. Not to mention your fingerprints are probably all over the place."

"Hm. Ya got me with the timecard part. Masaru isn't smart enough to piece together that I'd asked about Stefano though. I didn't ask directly."

"Right. And as soon as you go public with their son whom they pretend does not exist because of said dead fucker, it's all gonna click together."

Izuku scoffs. "You think they're gonna care that I killed him? Stefano was a link in a crime they committed against their own son. If anything, the evidence against them has just been disposed of and their gonna keep quiet about it." He reasons. If anything, they'd probably thank him. Ah, but that would mean that they'd have to admit to what they did. Izuku would wonder how they could sleep knowing that they did something so horrible but he gets the feeling that he himself will sleep soundly tonight—especially after being told that he'd accidentally killed a rapist.

Eijirou seems to take this reasoning into consideration.

"Alright. What about prints?"

"There are none. Or, at least that's what I'd like to say. I touched the door coming in—the frame to keep it from being shut on me and the knob to lock it from the inside. But, I could call in a favor."

Eijirou rolls his eyes, seemingly knowing all to well where this is going.

"You think you're dad is going to cover your ass like this? Throwing out a DUI and a couple of speeding tickets is one thing but covering a murder for you is another. You're dad's a damn good cop. Good enough that he'd lock your ass up just as soon as he found the prints, albeit with tears in his eyes."

And that's true. Izuku and his father have a very open relationship with each other and, for the most part, love and respect each other immensely. He understands that Izuku is no angel by far, but he's always believed firmly in boys will be boys.

But that probably doesn't include murder.

"It'll work out." He assures Eijirou again and the redhead heaves one last heavy sigh before he finally reaches out to smack the fuck out Izuku right on the back of the head. The freckled man cries out in pain with a hiss but doesn't move to hit him back, looking up from the floor right as Eijirou jabs a finger in his face.

"If that sweet boy in there gets caught up with your shit I'm going to help the police detain you and then kick your ass."

"Yes, fine, fucking whatever." Izuku grumbles with a roll of his eyes. Sometimes he feels more like Eijirou's little brother and less like his friend. "Didn't think you cared that much about Kitten."

"He's important to Shouto and, by default, important to me. And...yeah, Katsuki really is an amazing person despite the world attempting to strip him of it. He's overcome entirely too much for some old wrinkly bastard to ruin him."

Izuku sputters at Eijirou as he turns away from him to walk back to the penthouse, following close behind him.

"Old?! Wrinkly?! I do not have fuckin' wrinkles, you ass, take it back! And who are you callin' old?! You're older than me!"

"I said what I said." Eijirou huffs as he walks back in, trying to hide his exhaustion as best he could upon approaching Shouto again.

"Is everything okay?" Katsuki asks as he sees Izuku come close behind. The freckled man doesn't miss a beat with his smile. "Everything is find, Kitten. Just some work stuff. Hey, listen. I meant to ask...would you like to join me for dinner this weekend? I'd love for you to meet my parents."

Eijirou nearly gives himself whiplash turning to eye Izuku with eyes the size of dinner plates. His expression screams 'what the fuck do you think you're doing?!' but Izuku won't allow him to ruin his stroke of genius with his pessimism. He's got a game plan. He's gonna stick with it.

"U-Um. Are you...I mean...are you sure?" Katsuki is quite clearly uncertain himself. Izuku could understand why. They didn't exactly have any labels on their relationship and there were a lot of ways that it could be misinterpreted without clarity. That'll be a conversation they have tonight.

Izuku smiles.

"Positive, lovely. What do you say?"

Katsuki's cheeks bloom red and a shy smile spreads across his face.

"O-Okay, yeah, sure. I'll go."

Izuku's own grin spread and it must be incredibly smug if the look of distaste on Eijirou's face paired with the roll of his eyes was anything to go by.

As far as Izuku is concerned, this is exactly what needed to have happened. He's not sure when he'd become such a sadist, but in the end he'll be sure that Mitsuki and Masaru Bakugou pay for what they did with his own two hands and the the very thought of it makes him absolutely giddy.

"Lovely."

Katsuki will appreciate this when it's all over. But until then he needs to keep his cute little lover out of the fray.