[2016]

It was a special – yet disturbing – morning. It marked a day I would never, ever forget – Abhi's death anniversary. It had been three years since he left the world and I couldn't believe that I lived that long, without him. That day simply more uncountable painful memories.

At around 6 in the morning, I walked into the prayer room, wearing his favourite outfit, and knelt down, before God. I existed in silence, for a long while, without moving a muscle. Absently, I stared at the plain wall, as the memories of the worst days of my life gushed towards me; I could feel a tightness in my throat and twists in my stomach.

Minutes later, I heard a noise in the background, which forced me to turn around. Darshan stood behind me, with small eyes, messy hair and wore a lazy, and sleepy, smile.

"That's too much dedication towards God", he said and yawned. "At 6. Really?", he mocked. "Come", I called him. "Not happening", he forced a smile at me. Without uttering another word, I shifted to the side, making space for him on the floor and left him with no choice. He sighed, loudly, and within second, he was inside the prayer room, beside me, with his legs crossed. I simply smiled, looking down at my palms.

"How can you wake up at 6---", he began talking, when I hushed him. "You're not allowed to talk", I instructed him and folded my hands together, as I prayed for Abhimanyu. Ever since his first death anniversary, I simply couldn't pray for him in peace. Every time I shut my eyes, I could see his face and the terribleness of the last moments we shared would run in my mind; it was something I couldn't control, and something I couldn't stay away from. I didn't know how to pray for him without feeling a tightness in my chest and stinging pain in my chest.

I lost him too soon. I lost him when we had too many things that we had to fix between us.

Once I ended my prayers, I looked down at my lap and traced my finger over my floral top, as breathed in and out, slowly. From the corner of my eyes, I noticed that Darshan stared at me, in silence; he probably had a thousand unanswered questions on his mind.

"Today is Abhimanyu's death anniversary", I revealed, in a quivering voice. "Oh...", his voice trailed off. "I wish I could skip this day", I smiled, painfully, with tears tumbling down the corner of my eyes. "I know everyone has to leave the world, someday. But, we deserved better...I---I deserved better", my voice cracked.

I reached that phase, where I simply could wear the mask around Darshan anymore. He was the only person, with whom I could openly talk about my pain, about how miserable I felt on the inside, about how...I was giving up. "He left me...when I needed him the most, and I'll always hold that against my life, destiny and...and...God!", I cried and slowly, he kept his hand over mine, grasping it as hard as he could. "I'll bring you some water", his voice was low. He almost stood up, but I held him back.

"I want to talk", finally, I mustered everything it took to open up to him.

[2013] 

Abhi and I coexisted in sheer silence, on our way back home from the hospital.

Between my hands, I held a report...which, changed our lives forever. I clasped the report between my hands and gritted my teeth, as I tried hard to force my tears back. My heart pounded in its chest, and that moment I terribly wished for my heart to simply quit beating. I didn't want to live, anymore. I was living through hell, and I just couldn't imagine what Abhi went through. I wanted to catch a glimpse of him, but I was too terrified to witness the pain his eyes bore. In the hospital, when the doctor broke the news to us, his eyes turned empty and...he looked like a different person. The look on his face stung my heart.

It was too much to take. I just wanted to die.

I felt a cold – yet soft – brush on the back of my hand, and moments later, the brush turned into a touch, and eventually a grasp. "It's okay", Abhi whispered, tightening his grip around my hand, and that was enough to force tears to creep out of my eyes. Though he said it was okay, deep inside, I knew that I broke him...in ways I couldn't fix.

"I'm sorry", I whispered an apology, in a shaky voice with lips that quivered. Silently, he tightened his hold around and exhaled loudly. "It is not your fault. We were destined to face this. Our life doesn't revolve around one factor, Navya. Life is never going to be complete the way we want; we'll have to complete our lives with whatever we have...and whatever we don't have, it's best we don't think about it and sadden ourselves. If we waste our time thinking about the things we don't have, we'll never have time to be grateful for what we have", he talked and I simply wondered...wondered how he managed to utter such positive words, despite the heartbreak he faced moments ago.

I had uterine conditions and my womb couldn't bear a baby. Our family doctor said that I had Fibroids; which...according to my understanding meant that – non-cancerous tumors had developed on the walls of my uterus, and that led to uncountable drawbacks. The biggest drawback was...Abhi and I couldn't be parents. I didn't know how to take that news; it was a pill too big to gulp down.

"We had---we had big dreams", I whimpered and licked my lower lip. "That wasn't the only dream we had", he said back.

He tried hard to stay positive, and I honestly did not know whom he consoled. "You wanted to have a baby so badly...I ju—", I tried talking, but he halted the car in front of our apartment and turned to look at me. "I don't want you to blame yourself for this. We're all humans; we're bound to be flawed in some way, or the other. Don't hold that too much against you and make your life difficult. Life has thrown a lot at us; we'll deal with this, too. There are other options; we'll look into each and every one of them. I promise, we'll have a baby and we'll make all our dreams come true; every single one of them! I promise", he cupped my face and soothed my heart with his words. "For now, you go home and freshen up. I'm going to go on a drive. I just need...to be alone", he wrinkled his nose and I smiled powerlessly at him. "Come back soon", I whispered, pushing the car door open, and he smiled back.

I stood outside and watched the car drive away.

[2016]

"And that was the last time I saw him", my heart took uncountable leaps, as I uttered the story to Darshan, who stared at me with tears in his eyes. "He said he wanted to be alone...I didn't know it was forever", I exhaled, painfully.

"Wh—how did it happen?", he almost gasped. 

[Nash's Note: W--what happened, then? Well, to know that, you'll have to wait a bit. But I'm sure it's going to leave you with shock, trust me! Until then, tell me; how did you like this?]