by Amanda (AmandaTayteTait)

Personal Story

Lyrics inspired by ProjectNotAshamed

This article was inspired by the suicide journal

'You must've made some kind of mistake
I asked for death, but instead I'm awake
The devil told me "No room for cheats"
I thought I sold my soul, but he kept the receipt' (doomed)

There's a common misconception that people who want to commit suicide are doing it for attention but that is far from the truth. We may appear to be searching for something but all we really want is love, all we need is acceptance. A clear reason to hold on. We want silence from the suffocating pain of breathing because most people don't understand it really does hurt to breathe and the whole time you lay there you are searching fighting for that non existing reason to hold on. For the life altering pulse that will offer you internal peace.

'The thing about suicide is it doesn't end the pain, it merely transfers it to the living.'

Which brings about a second misconception that committing suicide is 'selfish'. No asking a person to continue breathing for the sake of others, that! that's selfish! What ever happened to a world in which a person is told to hold on to the promise of a better tomorrow. For the joy of watching a sunset, feeling the rain, discovering a new favourite book, hearing a new great artist. I remember hearing Tori Kelly for the first time and oh lord her voice is magical. Her words the melody these are the things that are worth holding on for.

Never tell a person to live because of another person. Make them smile, give them a reason to live. As stupid as it may be its the little things that are worth holding on for. My best friend told me I couldn't die because she was still a virgin and here I stand a year later still breathing. The reality is we know there are people who will miss us, hell they might even love us truly but we don't feel it. The reality of depression is you feel completely and utterly alone even in a sea of people. Actions speak louder than words. Don't stand there and say I love you show me.

Don't promise the universe to me, play my favourite game with me because those precious moments I'm spending with you are precious moments I'm not alone stuck in my head chasing all my demons. Words more often than not don't hold as much weight because we have been disappointed, broken so often that the only solace we see is death.

Realise that people are different I'm a happy bubbly person by nature who will avoid talking about her feelings at all costs and a lot of people often asked me why I never told them how I felt but its simple really no one asked. Sure people say how are you all the time but did you really ask? Ask, sit take a moment and ask.

"How are you?"

"Fine."

"Are you sure? How are you really? I'm here if you need to talk about anything."

It's really that easy. Don't just promise to be there, actually be there!

Don't sit and tell a suicidal person about the future and things they have to look forward to because they have likely spent more hours than not searching for these things. Searching for a future, they are not lazy because they can't get out of bed sometimes they literally feel they have no reason to wake up for. Don't minimize this issue; PROVE THEM WRONG. Be willing to stay in and watch their favourite series. My personal poison is reruns of Vampire Diaries. Seriously, this series has saved my life more than once.

Be willing to talk about that issue you find silly over and over because it might be small for you but its likely a mental hurdle for them. Like seriously sometimes I think myself to death and it helps when my friends don't make me feel like I'm crazy because trust me I feel crazy enough hell I probably am but don't add to the pile of mental mountains we are already climbing over, help us chop it down.

Never tell me you know what I'm going through. Okay I get it people feel grief, abuse all that crap I might not be unique but my feelings, my reactions total. One hundred percent unique. So sympathise with me sure, empathize sure but don't assume because you have been In similar situation you understand what a person is going through.

Also be willing to accept that we might never be okay like seriously depression or any other mental illnesses are not a one day, wake up and the world is rosy type of situation. Its a life long battle. That's what living is for us a battle. A battle against your own mind. A battle against the world and its expectations. Again don't minimize this. Don't minimize how hard it maybe for a suicidal person to talk in a crowd because they battle with anxiety. Don't minimize the battle and hundreds of hours its taken for them to finally open up to you. Even if all they have said is "Hey I feel like crying today and idk why". It takes courage to open up and the most important of all.

NEVER EVER EVER BREAK THEIR TRUST. like the old saying goes it takes a pin to drop a camels back so don't be the last reason they need to leave this earth. Be the reason the choose to stay.

So a quick run down of what do:

1) Check In

If you're concerned about someone and concerned they might be thinking about suicide, Check In with them. Often people thinking of suicide give out lots of signals that they are not okay. One of the best things we can do is ask how they are and be prepared to listen.
Here are some ways you can ask:
Q) Mate, I get the feeling something's on your mind. Are you OK?
Q) You don't really seem like your old self and I'm concerned. What's going on with you?

2) Listen Without Judgement

3) Ask them if they have a plan

When someone tells you they feel suicidal, or feel like ending it all - DO THEY HAVE A PLAN? If someone has a plan then you may need some help to keep them safe.  Connecting in with a professional or someone who knows suicide first aid is the best thing to do

4) Take them seriously

When someone tells you they feel suicidal, or feel like "ending it all" - TAKE THEM SERIOUSLY . Every attempt to reach out for help is an opportunity to help keep someone safe.

And if you are a suicidal person and you are searching for a reason to stay I can't promise you, great days, I can't even promise that its all going to be okay but I can promise one thing. Moments. Moments in time when the world simply makes you smile. When your heart cries tears of joy from the pure simplicity of it all. I can promise there's always going to be moments where you feel at peace with the world and all it has to offer. Watch out for the stars tonight I will be watching them with you! *hugs*

For more do's and don'ts check out the suicide journal.