Personal Story

Who You Are by Jessie J

' I stare at my reflection in the mirror:
"Why am I doing this to myself?"
Losing my mind on a tiny error,
I nearly left the real me on the shelf.'

I don't know what its like for everyone else but when I stare in the mirror all I see is everything that's wrong. Its not on a scale of just hey I hate one thing but I literally wanna cry when I see my face and its ten times worse when I see a picture of myself. My friends don't get it. I mean we are the selfie generation after all but for me its not a small thing. I hate half my face! I literally hate half of me! I mean the other side is cute i have dimples and the cutest smile ever(yes i have an ego too) but the other side is scarred, flawed, ugly, nothing pretty about it and just looking at it makes me cringe and want to not exist.

' Brushing my hair-do I look perfect?
I forgot what to do to fit the mould, yeah!
The more I try the less it's working, yeah
'Cause everything inside me screams'

For a very long time I wanted to be perfect. I learnt to take pictures in such a way that hides what I hate. Learnt to lie about the reasons why I could never take pictures in a crowd because who wants to admit to people that when I look at myself I feel like an orger? Not me! I certainly hated being told I'm pretty because words mean nothing when you don't believe it yourself. Its like staring at people and thinking why are you lying to me? Do you want something? When a guy asked me out I literally asked myself why? Why me? Why not some other prettier girl? Why not one with perfect skin? Perfect hair? Perfect shape? One with no scars.

'Don't lose who you are in the blur of the stars!
Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing,
It's okay not to be okay.
Sometimes it's hard to follow your heart.
But tears don't mean you're losing, everybody's bruising,
There's nothing wrong with who you are!'

It took me years to be able to put up a picture of myself as my profile picture until I started actually realizing that there's nothing wrong with being who I am. I still have the scars, I still struggle to take pictures all the time but now I can sort of stare at my smile and be like its pretty and see my eyes and not want to hide away. I can wear my hair up and not pushed to the side. Because I learnt that its the imperfections that make us human and its not easy. Lord no! It takes staring in the mirror each day reminding yourself that you look beautiful messy hair and all. It takes those God sent people in your life(for me its my twin) who love your imperfections who remind you of just how good you are. With no changes. Scars and all! It takes strength but you should always remember that there really is nothing wrong with who you are. Its hard but one day you will start to believe it.

PS: To my twin I love you so much thank you for helping me through all my little issues (I know there's lots too) you are my little brightness in the dark.