"So, how are things going between you and Jackson?"

I shot Lanie a look. "How many times have I told you that that subject is off limits, L? I don't want to talk about it yet. I'm still trying to work things out."

Lanie dipped another chip into her salsa. While everyone was having a barbecue party at Lanie's, including Jackson, she and I decided to have a girls afternoon. We got mani-pedis, facials, and now we were having lunch at a restaurant by my place.

I was originally supposed to pick up Lanie from her house, but I was worried I would run into Jackson. I just wasn't ready to face him yet. I needed to figure out what I was going to say to him and how I was going to say it. This whole infertility thing wrecked me and the only person who knew about it was Jamie. I haven't even told Lanie.

"What kind of things?" she asked as if she sensed my thoughts.

I took a sip of my tea. "Lanie, I'm not going to budge on this. I'm not ready, so stop pushing."

"Fine," she sighed. "Keep me out of it. You know, you should be so lucky. I'm an excellent listener."

I chuckled at that. "I know you are, and I plan on giving you all the details soon. I promise."

Lanie reached across the table and placed her hand over mine. "I know," she said softly. "I just worry about you. You don't normally hide stuff from me. So naturally, I can't keep my mind from assuming the worst. And you and Jackson have always been so solid. It's weird when you guys aren't in sync. It's like...the Earth is tilted off it's access of something."

I nodded. "That's a good way of putting it. It feels like that sometimes. When I think of not being with him, it seems unnatural."

"You still love him, right?"

There was no hesitation in my answer. "With all my heart. I still feel like Jackson and I are inevitable. We're endgame. In it for the long haul. I just have to get my head on straight."

Lanie leaned back in her chair. As if she knew I wanted a change of subject, she said, "Speaking of getting heads on straight, Ayden is doing a lot better."

"Really? No more nightmares?"

Lanie's smile was answer enough. "No nightmares. He still sees his therapist twice a week, though. He said just because the nightmares are gone, it doesn't mean they wont come back. He wants to make sure he's one hundred percent first. For me and the baby. And himself, too."

"Lanie, that is so great. I'm glad he's doing well."

"Nate is doing better, too," she added. "He doesn't open up to me, but Karma's been giving me some reports. She said his leg has about eighty-five percent function and his nightmares are less now. He's on the road to recovery."

I couldn't help but think about what happened to Ayden and Nate last year. Lanie had been so close to losing both of them when they got stranded in the dessert overseas. Thank God for Ayden's medical background. Without it, Nate would be dead. Maybe Ayden, too. That would have been a terrible tragedy.

I couldn't even think about what Lanie would have gone through if that had been the case. And Jackson...he had been an amazing friend to Lanie during that time they were missing. My chest tightened and I felt my eyes fill with unshed tears.

"Hey, no crying at the table. You know the rules."

I couldn't help but chuckle. I wiped my eyes. "Yeah, I know. Sorry, L."

"No need to apologize. Believe me, I get it."

I pulled cash out of my wallet and set it on the table. "Ready to get out of here?"

She got to her feet. "Yes! As much fun as we've been having, I miss my little munchkin."

I laughed lightly. I missed little Nate, too. With everything I've been dealing with, I've barely gone over to Lanie's house to see him. Not to mention, there was always the chance of running into Jackson there. That was also why I haven't been to the bar in a while either.

Wow. I really needed to get my shit together. I couldn't keep avoiding going to my favorite places, or dealing with Jackson, because I was scares. This needed to be dealt with.

Lanie and I talked about nothing in particular on the drive back to my place. She left her car there and we took mine while we had our day of fun. Once I got back to my apartment, she came inside with me for a minute to rummage through my closet. She found a dress she wanted to borrow and I teased her about returning it in one piece as I walked her to the door.

"Please," she scoffed. "You and Jackson are the ones who like to rip off clothes in the throes of passion."

My chest ached. Yes, we were. I learned that first hand the night of my bachelorette party in Hawaii. I had borrowed a dress from Lanie that night...

Jackson knelt in front of me and reached for the bottom of my dress. I knew what he intended when his hands gripped the ends of the slit.

"Wait! I borrowed this dress from Lanie. I told her I would return it and promised not have sex in it."

He met my stare and pulled the two pieces of fabric apart, causing the dress to split open and reveal the black lacy lingerie I bought to show off for him.

"We're not going to have sex in it-and I'll buy her a new one." His voice was an erotic growl that made me feel like I was the most beautiful woman in the world.

"Helloooo? Harper?"

"Sorry, what?"

Lanie shook her head and gave me a hug. "I just said thanks for the food. I love you and I'll see you later."

I returned her hug. "I love you, too, L. Drive safe."

After she left, I walked into my kitchen and grabbed a bottle of wine from the refrigerator. Just as I went to uncork it, there was a knock on the door.

I laughed as I walked back to the door. "Lanie, did you forget-" When I opened it, my mouth dropped. "Mom? What are you doing here?"

My mom rolled her eyes and shoved her way inside. "That's no way to speak to your mother, Harper Anne."

I shut the door behind her. "Still doesn't answer my question, mom. We haven't talked in months, and now you just show up? Why?"

She averted her eyes to avoid looking at me. Something was definitely up. "I know that you and Jackson have broken up and I wanted to make sure that you were alright. I know how much you cared about...that man."

The way she said 'that man'-like Jackson was a piece of shit. I see her hatred for Jackson was still fresh. "I don't know what you're talking about. Jackson and I are still together."

Okay, we may be on a break, but we were still together. I'm pretty sure he would agree with me on that one. Especially after the last time we saw each other. I felt horrible about calling him the morning after from the café, but Jamie got to me when she brought up the infertility stuff. I knew that if I didn't take some time away from Jackson, then I would tell him before I was ready.

"I told you this would happen, Harper. I tried to warn you who he was," she warned. "I told you Jackson Reese wouldn't be able to make you happy. He would make you miserable and you two wouldn't last. Now look at you. You barely leave the house, you haven't eaten."

"How do you know that, mother?" I snapped. "Have you been spying on me?"

It honestly wouldn't surprise me. It was so like my mom to spy on me and see what was happening in my life. It's been months since we really talked, and she probably though the break between Jackson and I was a good way to wedge herself back in my life.

Hell, she was probably going to ask me to marry someone else. Yeah, no thanks.

"I don't need a spy on you, Harper. It's a small world and word gets around. Besides, I can tell just by looking at you that you've barely eaten."

I scoffed at that. "Wow, mom. Telling me I look like shit. That's quite the compliment."

"Don't take that tone with me, Harper Anne," my mom sneered. "I just want what's best for you. That's what I've always wanted. Yes, I made some terrible mistakes in the past, but I apologize for that and I want to try to make amends."

"You're right, mother," I said quietly. "I am miserable. I'm unhappy. And, yeah, I can barely eat. Jackson and I are broken up. We wanted different things and it just wasn't working. Is that what you wanted to hear? Well, I'm sorry, but it's not true. I love Jackson more than anything. We may be on a break, but we will work things out."

She shook her head at me. "You've never listened to my advice. What is it going to take to make you see reason?"

Oh. My. GOD. Has my mom gone mental? What was her deal that she acted this way? What happened to the loving, supportive mom I had growing up? Was she tainted and ruined by money and greed? Is this all because I never married Ryan? It was pointless to ask her since she never gave me a straight answer before regarding the situation.

I ran my hand through my hair and exhaled a heavy sigh. "Mom, I love you, but I need you to leave. I appreciate you coming by and trying to convince me that Jackson isn't for me, but it's not going to work. Besides, I have a lot of stuff to do for work."

My mom grabbed her purse and walked to the door. "Fine, Harper. But don't forget I tried to warn you."

After my mother finally left, I locked the door behind her and leaned against it. "Shit," I whispered. "What the hell am I doing?"

If this interaction with my mother accomplished anything, it was that I needed to talk to Jackson. Like, now. Jamie was right-I needed to tell him the whole story. I needed to stop being afraid and just be honest. The only thing I was sure of, was that he loved me. He loved me more than anything and I needed to have faith that this wouldn't come between us.

My only fear now was the time we had spent apart. Had I already ruined our relationship?