Since you horny fucks wanna marry Y/n so damn badly--

Y/n(the character) will be refered to as she/her. If you're not cool with this, then suck it up you granny mommy milker baby.

You(the reader) will be referred to as they/them. If, by some chance, you're still not happy about that, please refer to my hotline: 1-800-IDontCare-FuckYou

Enjoy<3

yOU Horny, horny animals

p.s: idk how tf I'm gonna write this--

P.s.s: I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR WHATEVER REACTION YOU GET AFTER READING THIS

~
Y/n skipped down the sidewalk after a succesful meat beating session with the backyard hooligans.

"Whew chile--if I was a biological male, I'd be limper than an eighty year old with erectile dysfunction." She stopped, eyes going over to you, who looked more lost than a white person in a Mexican Restaurant when they speak English. "HEY!"

You jumped, head spinning around to look at her. She marched across the road without looking both ways. "Are you lost babygorl?" You just blinked up at her.

"Uh... I just wanted to get some food..."

"OH?!" She grabbed your wrist. "PERFECT! I JUST KILLE--I mean--*cough* talked with a food store owner! Let's go get some!" Before you could reply, she dragged you faster than James Charles did to Tati. When you got to the place, Y/n unlatched herself from you to go get an armful of food.

"Get what you want!" She called back, "It's on me!" Still a little wary of the girl, you walked over to some shelves and got a few things that got your attention. When you walked up to the register, you saw Y/n walk past you to the doors.

"Don't we have to pay for this?" You asked her. She snapped her back in half to look at you upside down.

"Pay? PFFFFTTT that's what good upstanding citizens do."

"... are you not a good upstanding citizen?"

"Weeeeeeeeeeell let's put it this way, if the cops came, you'd be arrested for being my accomplice."

"I--... what--..."

"It's okay though, you can feign innocence and pretend to not know me--"

"Marry me." You were on your knee, holding out a ringpop to her. "Me. You. Marry me. Now." She blinked down at you before shoving a small back of chips in her mouth. She chewed a few times before swallowing it, bag and all.

"I mean shit, sure." Y/n grabbed the ringpop from your hand and popped it into her mouth, swallowing the plastic ring as well.

"Are you... going to be okay?" You asked, blinking at her. She laughed loudly.

"Oh yeah! My ass is like steel. Won't be able to feel a thing."

"Oh... is that so? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)"

"Yeah. Why? Watchu tryna do? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)"

"You ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)"

"Aight bet."

~
After you and Y/n had fucked in a dumpster at the back of the alley like an orgy of skunks, you and her were walking down the street, hand in hand.

"Hey! Y/n!"
She turned, seeing Ochaco and Midoriya walking side by side. The latter was holding bags.

"Where've you two rabbits been?" She asked, turning to look at them. The two of them blushed a bright red.

"We-we were were just running errands for Aizawa-sensei," he replied.

"Running errands huh... ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)"

"Who's your friend?" He quickly changed the subject looking over at you.

"Oh, this one?" Y/n raised your intertwined hands and shook them back at forth violently. "They're my house-spouse. Already consummated our marriage and everything. Proposed with a ringpop, but I ate it... among other things ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)"

Ochaco laughed nervously.

"Well, it's nice to meet you," she said to you, "How did you and Y/n meet?"

"Saw me after my weekly meat-beating session," Y/n replied with a shrug. Midoriya and Ochaco just blinked at the two of you.

"Oh... well, how long have you known each other?" He asked.

"About two hours."

"I--"
Y/n turned and sucked on your face, dislodging your nose, and swallowing it. Midoriya let out an ear-piercing shriek and Ochaco passed out.

"There. Now you're one step closer to an accurate Voldemort cosplay."

"Thanks," you replied, voice sounding uncanny to Squidward Tentacles.

"Speaking of tentacles," Y/n said, "We gotta dip."

"Where are you going?" Midoriya asked.

"Well, the platic surgeon in about four days, since it'll take three to get their nose back, and I have one more place I wanna go to with them."

"Oh..." Midoriya nervously chuckled. "Have... fun?"

"Oh yes we will ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)."

~
"So you're telling me you've never read Thomas The Train x Rasputin fanfic? Ever?"
You shrugged, shaking your head.

"I've never heard of it, so no."

"WELL YOU'RE IN LUCK, CAUSE I WROTE A SHIT TON!" Y/n slapped down an entire goddamn binder, entitled 'Fics That Are Legal, But Shouldn't Be'. She flipped the binder open. "OH PERFECT PART! This is where I wrote Rasputin fucking Thomas in his chimney with his eight inch shlonger."

"I--ma'am what the fuck..."

"Rasputin ran his clammy, calloused hand over the exterior of Thomas' chimney, making steam puff out of him. Thomas let out a shaky inhale. 'Please, oh alleged holy healing wizard man, please boink me like you probably did to Tsar Nicholas' wife.' Rasputin pulled out his huge daddy horse shlonger. 'Say no more, you dirty, dirty little tank engine.' Thomas let out a long, high pitched honk. 'Talk dirty to me more, Daddy Rasputin!'"

As Y/n continued to read the fanfic, you just blinked at her.

"Are you listening?" She suddenly asked.

"What? Yeah, of course!" You replied, "Who else wouldn't want to hear a train getting nailed by Russia's greatest love machine?"

"What did Thomas say when Rasputin slid his pp in his chimney?"

"'Oh yes! Heal me like you did the inbred-cousins child!'"
Y/n nodded in satisfaction.

"Good! Then let's continue."
After a while of reading, you suddenly grabbed Y/n by the arms, pinning her below you.

"Y/n, I can't take it!" You exclaimed. She blinked up at you.

"Damn, this position seems oddly familiar."

"Y/n, I can't hold back anymore!"

"If you somehow have two dicks, I literally won't complain, trust me."

"No, I..." You paused, a glistening tear which strangely looked like lube slid down your cheek. "I wanna do... it."

"It?"

"It."
Y/n pushed herself up, taking a long lick to the hollow of your throat.

"Shit, you taste good. You into cannibalization?"

"... can I eat your ass if I say yes?"

"Depends, how old are you?"

"You want to eat me, yet you're asking for my age?"

"I mean... depends on what kinda eat you mean."

"... what kind do you mean?"

"... I feel like there was a misunderstanding somewhere..."
You and her just stared at each other.

"Ass for an ass?" She asked.

"Bet, I get to be the top."

"Fine, but I get to fuck you first."

"Fine."

"Do you want my strap or my Russia's Greatest Love Machine shlong?"

"... you... have a penis?"
Y/n unzipped her pants.

"GotDAMN you're more hung than criminals in Japan--"

"... that's offensive," Y/n said softly. You blinked up at her.

"And like 90% of what you do and say isn't?"

"CORRECTION, it's 98%."

"..."

"..."

"God I love you."

"I love you too."
And that's how you two ended up fucking and snogging on the floor for ten hours straight.

... I might kms after writing this, ngl--

Ja ne!

 {Ruby Red}