i dropped my hands and stared at her. she smiled at me and continued eating.

"i missed you, choyeon."

i dropped my gaze on the ground and i felt like i was in so much pain. the pain lingered between my chest and stomach, almost unbearable. tears were almost peeking at the edge of my eyes so i quickly stood up.

"i'll go to the restroom real quick."

she nodded her head and i quickly found my way outside. walking towards the back of the school and leaning towards the wall.

i held my chest and i winced.

"hey," i heard beside me.

i saw jungkook looking at me and he quickly approached me, holding my shoulders.

"did something happened?" he worriedly asked.

"c-choyeon? she's choyeon?" i asked, tears threatening my eyes.

jungkook stopped and looked in to my eyes, expressing and asking if i know who she was.

"she is." he sighed.

i heaved a sighed along with my tears.

"when did she come back?" i asked randomly, basing on taehyung's statement back then.

jungkook hesitated for a moment, "two years ago."

and that's when it hit me.

was i a substitute? did he push me away because she was already there? did he think all along i was her?

or worse,

did he made love with me, pretending i was her?

i stopped my tears and looked at jungkook, who seemed so sorry. his head was low and he looked like he didn't want to spill these soon.

"who is she to him?" i asked.

"someone special." he said, as we walked towards under the tree.

we stayed silent because i know it wasn't jungkook's job to explain it to me.

"he said he loved me."

maybe she was really special.

because he never said he loved me.

was that why he just easily let me go? was that why he never really appreciate and rejected my feelings?

because he never really liked and loved me.

because i was just a substitute.

why was he acting last time like that then? why did he act as if he owned me, like he liked me, like he still wanted me?"

"why do you hate her?" i asked jungkook.

he looked at me and scoffed, "i don't."

"you obviously do." i laughed and he rolled his eyes.

"i just don't feel her." he shrugged.

we both stood up and went over our next class. unfortunately, she was my classmate again and jungkook sat in the back, knowing she was planning on sitting beside me.

she happily sat beside me and nudged me that i didn't come back but it was okay.

she smiled and pulled out her notebook again when the professor went in.

i stared at her.

i couldn't hate her.

it wasn't her fault.

but it hurt.

it badly hurt that he pushed me away because of her. it hurt that i thought i was special, at least to him.

i guess i stayed as a victim to him.

i know it was stupid to feel something towards someone too prone to hurt me. i knew from the beginning that he would hurt me, but i didn't expect it would be emotionally.

what's with her that i didn't have?

why couldn't he just stop hurting me and stay away from me? why did he even pulled me the other day?

why did he even acted like he wanted me back so much?

why did he act like he own everyone?

the class ended and i quickly stood up, gathering my things. she was about to call me but i quickly pulled jungkook away.

he stumble a little but we successfully went out the university, both panting. maybe i walked to fast.

i didn't want to see her.

it hurt me more.

giving me insecurities and anxiety.

"y/n! wait!" i heard a voice behind us.

i stopped and both jungkook and i looked at each other.

we decided to act like we didn't hear her and walked continously.

"y/n, wait—" she stopped. "taehyung oppa! you're here early."

i stopped walking and turned around, seeing taehyung with a suit. i noticed his new dyed red hair and it was too bright to not notice.

she automatically went over him and hugged him.

i stopped breathing and i was being punched internally in my chest. it was too hard to breathe, i felt like anytime, my tears would drop.

i didn't like that.

taehyung's eyes went over me while he was wrapping his arms around choyeon.

i couldn't breathe so i turned around and pulled jungkook away. when we arrived over his motor cycle, we quickly hopped on without saying anything to each other.

he dropped me off and i went inside the house without saying goodbye.

i laid on my bed, digging my face on the pillow while stopping my tears.

he didn't deserve these tears, i know he didn't.

i let the hours passed by and almost nine pm, it was when jungkook texted me that he was outside. i immediately dressed myself and sneaked outside.

i met jungkook with his usual clothes, this time with a cap.

he helped me hop in and he started the engine of his bike. i clenched my hand in his jacket so that i won't fall.

it was a short ride and we arrived in front of the bar.

we were checked by the guards and surprisingly, we were in immediately because jungkook knew the owner and he  said he was regular here.

we sat on the bar stool and ordered our own drinks.

when i had the first sip, i lost it and burst into tears.

my tears started rolling down and i couldn't help but sob every second. i felt his hands slowly went over my back and tapped it gently.

i sobbed quietly and jungkook let me cry as long as i can.

"i-it hurts," i said between my sobs, "why does he do this? why—" i was cut off by my sobs.

jungkook sighed and continued on tapping my back while he sip on his alcohol.

i cried my heart out, hoping to let out the pain along with the tears. hoping i would feel better if i cry until my eyes are swollen. hoping the tightening of my chest would stop and alcohol would vanish it all.

i started gulping the alcohol down my throat, feeling the burning the sensation inside.

we both didn't talk and just gulp the alcohol.

we had six bottles already and i felt like throwing up. my stomach felt like up side down and jungkook nudged me.

"what is," i hiccuped. "it?"

"i—i love alcohol." he chuckled.

"same." i laughed along with him and we let our selves drown by the alcohol.

when we both felt like throwing up, we stopped and tried to leave the bar. we stumbled together as we were holding each other side by side. his arms was on my shoulders while mine was on his waist.

we stopped walking when we saw someone familiar entering the bar.

i blinked my eyes and all the pain came back even though i was drunk.

that red hair.....

taehyung with a girl.

not choyeon but a grown up girl, a woman.

she looked rich and something clicked inside my mind.

his wife?

that time, i felt the need to throw up.

he's disgusting.

how can he play with multiple hearts?

again, i was close to bursting tears when we arrived at the parking lot.

"g-get me home, fast." i ordered to jungkook, close to crying.

i hit my chest with my fist to stop the pain. it was tightening again and this time, it was so unbearable.

my fist started getting stronger each punch and jungkook grabbed my fist. his hands wrapped around it and i looked up to him.

his eyes were looking down at me with full of worry.

my eyes was teary and i couldn't help but to roll down a tear.

jungkook held my hand and put it down beside me.

he stared at me and i was surprised when he lifted me up on his bike's seat, getting closer until he was between my legs.

my heart started beating so fast that my tears started backing off. the pain in my chest started to go away and started to grew nervous.

he started leaning in and i stopped breathing.

his lips brushed on the side of my mouth until i felt his lips against mine. it was too soft and warm. my eyes was wide open while he was closing his eyes, wrapping his hands slowly on my waist to get me closer.

i was too drunk to push him away.

but if i wasn't drunk, would i push him away?

he leaned away after a moment and stared at me again, looking down on my lips.

"you deserve better, y/n."

+

quite long huh

guys, this is all i could write for now and thankyou so much for 20k and 30k for virginity💜 i love y'all so much!

i hope you guys liked this chapter though it  was lowkey shitty ksjskjss

anyways, thankyou for patiently waiting💜 joonnight!💜