T E N

COLIN IS A LOT OF THINGS; caring is not one of them.

Henry and Dexter used to describe him as prickly, and he's pretty sure everyone else thinks that way, too. When something goes awry, he's the type to sit back, offer his silent support, and let the friendly ones take charge—the only thing they can count on is for him to bring the beer. Then he'll drink quietly in the background while everyone else offers comfort and advice.

He's pretty sure beer won't do jack shit to help Sadie this time.

There is literally no one who is more unequipped to deal with her than Colin and it would be a big understatement to say that he is at a complete loss.

Okay—maybe not a complete loss. After giving it much thought, he'd come to the realization that there are a number of things that can be done for now: First would be to find out if his assumptions are correct; and—if she really is sick—find out if she's even aware of it. After that, he has to find a way to convince her that she has to get some help.

Real help. Not the shitty kind that he can offer.

The sooner someone else takes her off of his hands, the better.

He doesn't know much about the subject so he's mostly been relying on the Internet to make sense of things. Most of his observations about Sadie perfectly line up with the stuff he found online. This convinces him that it might be better to assume the worst.

Not that he wants that. Of course not. It's just that he doesn't want to end up doing some stupid shit that might make things, well, even worse.

He wouldn't go as far as to say that he hates her less than he did before. Nope. It's just that given the situation, sitting idly is hardly an actual option... right?

◇

Every semester, Colin always, always makes sure that he doesn't end up in the same classes as Sadie. He'd even cancelled a class and re-enlisted under a different professor just to avoid her in their first year.

"Have you always been this extra?" Henry once asked him over a three-way video call with Dexter. "Wait, no, don't answer. I remember now. Yes, you have always been this extra."

"I'm not," he had protested, but Dexter had responded with an apologetic shrug.

"You kind of are."

He scowled at them and hung up.

Maybe he was extra. Fuck it. All he knows is that if he'd given the universe even just the slightest chance to put him in a group with Sadie Reynolds, the universe would capitalize on every little bit of it. The possibility, however slim, was enough for him to go through whatever lengths to make sure it didn't happen.

Limiting their interactions as much as possible was a deliberate move on Colin's part, so there was really no opportunity for Colin to see the drastic change she'd gone through. He couldn't completely avoid her, not when they were in the same university, much less the same department. They would sometimes meet in the library or brush past each other in the corridor, but these moments would not have been enough for him to tell that she was going through something.

From afar, she had always looked like the confident and outspoken Sadie he knew from home.

This close, it was easy to spot the difference. So easy that Colin might as well have been blind all this time.

Their Monday mornings usually begin with Colin and Drew leaving early for a 10 am lecture, leaving Sadie still in bed. Colin always assumed her classes started later than his, which, to his relief, was correct.

Her attendance seems to be a big problem these days. At least, according to the remarks written by her professors. Knowing her class schedule might help him keep track of whether or not she's attending her lectures. So he took it upon himself to ask Daniel for a copy. Colin tried to be super vague about it, but Daniel had been more than happy to provide it.

Having different schedules has never been a bother before, but as he and Drew head out that morning, he feels a twinge of annoyance. It's like he'd dug a grave for himself, making it difficult for him to keep track of Sadie.

They arrive in class with some time to spare. Despite the lack of an official seating arrangement, students usually stick to the same seats, so they head over to theirs. Michiko looks up from her book and raises a hand in a greeting.

Drew takes a seat next to her. "Hey, Mich. New book?"

"Still the same from last week. I suck at reading now. I used to be able to finish a book overnight."

"My sister's like that, too," Colin says. "She'd buy a book today and the next morning you'll find her reading a new one."

"College has fucked my reading up," Michiko complains. "Not only do I never have time to read; I also over-analyze every scene like I'm about to write a fifteen-page essay about the main character's flawed, middle class aspirations."

Drew grins. "Sounds fun."

Snapping the book shut, Michiko makes a face and straightens in her seat. "It sucks."

The good thing about college is that it's literally impossible not to make friends. Colin, despite his aforementioned prickliness, did not have trouble finding people he'd be comfortable hanging around with during class.

It's not friendship, per se, at least not the kind where they'd all hang out to grab dinner after class, but that's a good thing, too.

"Guys, I'm so fucking screwed. Move over."

The three of them look up at the newcomer, who immediately pulls out her laptop as soon as she takes her seat.

"Good morning to you, too, Trix," Michiko says with a laugh. "What's wrong?"

"I have a paper due lunchtime. I told myself I'd only take a short nap last night but, well, you know what happened next. Naps are fictional. Naps do not exist. I firmly believe no one is capable of actually napping because how the fuck does one even wake up from a nap?"

"What's the paper about?" Drew leans, peering at her screen.

"Don't ask." She looks up from the laptop long enough to shoot them a look of despair. "I don't even know at this point."

"I can never get anything done in my room," Michiko says. "I almost always end up falling asleep. There's a study café twenty minutes from campus. I don't think I'd have survived midterms without it."

This gets Colin's attention. "Study café?"

"Yeah. It's amazing. It's like a café, but not really. More like a shared workspace."

"Oh, I think I've heard of those," Drew says.

"There's a power outlet literally anywhere so you don't have to worry about your laptop dying on you. There's free-flowing coffee and snacks and the WiFi's pretty fast. Plus, no one's gonna give you a stink eye for staying however long you want. You pay by the hour."

Drew's eyes light up. "Free-flowing snacks?"

Colin almost rolls his eyes. Of course that's what gets Drew's attention.

"Nothing too fancy. Nuts and cereal, sometimes popcorn. They change it up every now and then."

"And it's unlimited?"

"I mean, yeah."

If they'd had this conversation last week, Colin would not have been interested. He has no trouble studying anywhere.

But it's Sadie that pops into his head.

And he hates it.

Why does he have to look after her? It's her life. It's her problem. He barely even tolerates the girl, for fuck's sake, so why, even now in a classroom with his friends, is he thinking about helping her improve her own fucking grades?

◇

"Uh, Colin."

"Huh?"

Drew tilts his head to the side. "Don't we have Accounting next? Why are you heading up?"

"I, uh..." Colin clears his throat. "Restroom."

"We'll pass by one on the way."

"The one upstairs is closer."

"Is it? Isn't it all the way to the other—"

"It's closer. And I really need to go. Why don't you go ahead and save me a seat?"

"I can come with—"

"No, you should go ahead. It's, uh, gonna take a while."

"Oh. Oh." A look of understanding crosses Drew's face. His eyes momentarily drop to Colin's gut area. "Okay, okay. Got you."

The guy looks proud of himself for figuring this out, so Colin forces a smile. "Great. Well, I'm off. See you in class."

Colin dashes off before Drew can say anything else.

He hurries up the stairs, taking two steps at a time, and looks back once to make sure Drew isn't following him. When he gets to the landing, he pulls his phone from his pocket to double-check Sadie's schedule.

Room 215.

All he needs is a quick peek. Really, just a split-second. He couldn't tell Drew what he was truly up to, so he let him think he needed to shit instead, which, as far as Colin is concerned, is way better than the truth.

The corridor is filled with students, and though it's probably not the case, he can't help but feel like they all know he should not be here.

When he reaches the room, he's glad to see that the door has been left open. He walks by, slowing down just enough for him to catch a glimpse. He's had a class in this room before, so the layout is familiar. His eyes scan the seats.

He lets out a breath, not realizing he'd been holding it all this time.

He'd recognize those curls anywhere.

He hadn't seen much, not really, but it's enough. All he needed was to make sure she'd made it out of bed.

◇

Colin's classes end at four, but Drew has a different class elsewhere so Colin decides to go ahead. He doesn't have much to do for tomorrow, so he takes this free time as an opportunity to shop for groceries.

Before that, however, he decides to linger for a little bit, hanging around their department building with Trixie and Michiko. According to Sadie's schedule, she has another class left. Four-thirty, the auditorium.

She'll have to walk past this spot to get there.

Not that he stayed to check. Of course not. He's just hanging out with his classmates, and they just happen to be sitting here, in this spot. Which he had not chosen.

Really, it's just a coincidence.

"Preparing for U-Days is so stressful. I'm balls deep in e-mails with event partners and I'm always getting them mixed up with sponsorship requests," Michiko complains. "It's a disaster."

She's part of the university council, who's in charge of organizing their university's most-awaited celebration. It's still a few months away, but for a week-long event of that scale, it's no wonder preparations are already under way.

"What about the bands?" Trixie asks her. "Are you in charge of coordinating with the bands?"

Michiko groans. "Remember? I only get the boring tasks. I'm at the bottom of the food chain."

Colin tunes in and out of this conversation, his eyes surreptitiously scanning the passing crowd.

"But you must have an idea about who will be in this year's lineup, right?" Trixie leans forward, her full attention on Michiko.

"You know I can't tell you."

"Come on, I'm not asking for much. Just one band would do. No, just a hint would do."

But whether Michiko gives in or not is completely lost on Colin, because that's the moment Sadie emerges from the right wing corridor. She's walking with her friends, laughing at something Nikki (Colin knows her from a previous class) is saying.

She turns abruptly then, taking him by surprise, and he looks away a second too late. He tries to pretend that he hadn't noticed her and hopes, against all odds, that she'd just move along and ignore him like a normal person would.

Of course she doesn't.

"Hey, Colin," he hears her say. Then, her shoes come into view. "Isn't it weird how we don't really see each other much around here?"

That would be me avoiding you, he thinks, forcing himself to look up.

Sadie points to the general direction of the auditorium. "I still have a class to go to."

"I know," he replies without thinking.

He doesn't realize his mistake until Sadie says, "You do?"

"What?" is all he manages to say. Blinking rapidly, he follows with a resolute "No. Why would I know that?"

"But you just said—"

"I mean, it's obvious."

Sadie narrows her eyes at him. "Right," she says slowly. Colin waits for her to push back, already trying to come up with a reasonable argument to whatever she's about to say, but she drops it. "Well, okay, then," she concedes, and proceeds to say something far worse than what he'd braced himself for. "I'll go ahead. See you at home."

Colin freezes.

Sadie, blissfully oblivious, runs to catch up with her friends, her curls bouncing behind her.

Colin keeps his eyes low.

"What was that?" Michiko breaks the silence.

"What was what?" he says, already collecting his stuff. Partly so he can make a hasty retreat, partly to give himself an excuse not to look them in the eye.

His ears are warm and he can't do anything but pray for them not to notice how red they must be.

"'See you at home'? What home? Since when were you this close to Sadie Reynolds?" Trixie, a.k.a. one of the most persistent people on earth, pushes through. "Is this why she and Daniel broke up?"

"We're not that close," he says. We just live together.

"You sounded pretty close to me."

"We're really not." He shoves the rest of his things into his backpack and immediately stands up. "Well, I'm heading out. Have to do a grocery run."

Not for the first time that day, he makes his escape and heads out, his strides long and hurried. Trixie calls after him but he pretends not to hear and just walks even faster.

He groans under his breath, cursing himself. Lingering around was a catastrophically bad idea.

In fact, this whole Sadie thing is a catastrophically bad idea.

Just two weeks left, he reminds himself then. That should be plenty of time for him to find someone else—anyone—to take care of her.

All he has to do is get through the next few days. Once she's out of the apartment for good, he'll be able to rest easy.

He'll go back to keeping his distance, and there'll be no way for her to make him worry like the stupid dumb fuck that he is.

Just two more weeks, and she'll be out of his hair.

◇

"Strawberries?" Perry looks at the pack of freeze-dried strawberries, and then at the fresh strawberries also on the counter. "What's with all the strawberries?"

"What about them?" Colin asks in reply, not quite looking him in the eye.

"I've lived with you for some time now and I don't think I'd ever seen you buy strawberries before."

"I just saw them and felt like buying."

Colin had not expected to find Perry home, but his tutoring was apparently cancelled so he'd come home earlier than usual. When Colin arrived with groceries, Perry immediately volunteered to help him put them away.

There's not much, really; just some snacks and a few essentials here and there. They generally don't buy a lot of groceries. It's more a matter of making sure they have something to munch on when they're too broke to eat out or order in.

"Are you pregnant?" Perry looks up from the grocery bag he's in charge of. "Tell me honestly."

"Fuck off."

"Explain this, then." He reaches into the bag and takes out an item.

It's strawberry milk. A whole liter of it.

Colin feels the blood rushing to his cheeks.

"I may not be the father," Perry plows on, "but you know I'll be here for you, right?"

"You know," Colin says in a pathetic attempt to sound nonchalant, "I actually won't be surprised if you've used that line to pick up single moms before. Have you?"

"What do you take me for?"

"Someone desperate," he deadpans.

Perry gasps. "So moody! Are you gonna be like this for the next nine months?"

"No one's forcing you to eat them, okay?"

Colin grabs the milk, snatching the packs of fresh and frozen strawberries as well. He heads for the fridge, anxious to put them out of sight. He slams the fridge door without meaning to.

Once that's done, he goes back to organizing the canned goods.

"I just want you to know that I'll be here for you every step of the way, Colin. You can be moody, you can have cravings—"

"Shut the fuck up."

"—you can tell me to shut the fuck up, but that won't make me love you less. I know it's just the hormones."

"Dude, seriously?"

Perry flashes him a smile and opens his mouth to say something. He doesn't get to, though. The door opens, and in comes Drew and Sadie.

"Oh, you went shopping." Drew kicks his shoes off and unceremoniously drops his bag on the floor, heading straight to the grocery bags. "Did you buy gummy worms?"

"No, but he bought lots of—"

"—chips," Colin says before Perry can finish the sentence. "I bought chips. Lots. Look, you'll find them there."

Sadie gingerly steps closer, looking around the stuff they've yet to put away. "Did you carry all of this alone?"

"It's not much," Colin mumbles. The grocer isn't that far anyway.

Something about her proximity makes it harder for him to breathe, so he goes back to his task and concentrates on that instead.

"Let me help," Sadie says.

From his peripheral vision, he sees her pull her hair into a bun. Then she bends over to check the unpacked grocery bags. She takes something out. Colin peeks, and when he sees what it is, he stops in his tracks.

Fuck.

She'd taken the beer out. He watches in horror as she walks to the fridge.

His fight or flight instinct tries to kick in but what can he do?

He might as well just be dead already.

He can't, like, stop her, because that would be suspicious. He can't run away either. Where would he go? The bathroom? It worked on Drew once. He'll probably think Colin had eaten something bad.

Before he can come up with anything, she opens the fridge door.

All he can do is turn away, because he can't bear to watch, and act normal. He takes a breath and holds it in, his fingers wrapped so tightly around a can of tuna that his knuckles had turned white.

"Oh, strawberries," Sadie exclaims. "I love strawberries!"

Just as Colin had expected, Perry says, "Ohhhh." He feels Perry's burning gaze at the back of his head. "That explains a lot."

◇◇◇

a / n :

I don't really have a lot to say, other than thank you  for reading this! From here on out, you'll be able to witness Colin being a soft boi for our girl Sadie here. I'm excited to know what you guys think! I love this ship to bits and I'm probably more excited about their development than you are.

Thanks for all the support and see you again next Friday.

Love, always,

Sam