A/N: Hello readers! This is the next chapter of TB and I hope ya'll enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Anyways, keep calm and laugh on my lovely readers :)

Warnings: Explicit language, New York slang, Michael Jackson's 'Thriller' inspired paparazzi, and a lot of pun n' games!

One way or another, I'm gonna find ya!

"The four of us would really like that." (Liam) *sarcastic*

"Huh?" (Niall) *looks at stomach* **believes it just spoke to him** ***hallucinations were a common side affect of Nialler hunger***

I'm gonna getcha! getcha! getcha! getcha!

"Please do. I don't want to be security's midnight memory." (Liam) *very fearful*

"Uh...Li?...You okay man?" (Louis) *looks at Liam like he's insane* **thinks that his dad is actually the one in need of a psychiatrist** ***Louis' "unhealthy" kinky pirate dreams can be dealt with later. daddy dearest obviously needed the therapy secession more than him***

One way or another, Im gonna see ya!

"I'll let you see me naked man! Anything! Just please take me home!" (Liam) *desperate/needy* **almost to the point of crying**

"Babe what?!?!" (Zayn) *furious* **about ready to kill this bįtch who is gonna see his daddy strip** ***jealous Zayn has no chill***

Im gonna meetcha! meetcha! meetcha! meetcha!

"When?! You should have met us an hour ago! At this rate we will be up all night waiting for your tardy arse to pick us the fück up! Jesus." *screams angrily to no one in particular as if he's a psychotic schizophrenic who had just escaped from the mental hospital*

"LEE-YUM!!?" (All) *Zayn: mad* **Louis: worried/alarmed** ***Niall: curious as to why Li and his tummy have the same voice***

"YES??!" Liam responded back angrily, after he harshly yanked out the Apple earbuds from his previously occupied ears, giving the two lads plus his boyfriend the look of death. His usually warm chocolaty eyes were now a dark nutty brown (get it? cuz he's nuts! lmao) shooting metaphorical daggers at his (as of now) ex-besties. Liam chose to temporarily unfriend them due to their impoliteness, because according to his delirious brain, they had absolutely no right to interrupt his therapeutic chitchat with Blondie song lyrics. The musically unorthodox conversation was a positive form of catharsis helping him let off some necessary steam.

But noo, his idiot children had to ruin the little progress he had made. It's like those twisted brats wanted him to lose it. However being the epitome of Zouiall parenting had its perks (insert evil laugh here), such as having tyrannical control over the despicable minions. Liam decided that when the sabotaging rascals were least expecting it, he would punish the little snots for their rudeness. His naughty kiddies disrespectful malfeasance was un-fücking-forgivable.

All three boys jumped back in shock at Liam's outrageously outrageous outburst. Louis and Zayn (Niall was currently looking at his Liam-impersonating belly in starving fascination) watched in fear as all the blood in Liam's body rushed to his face at 120 mph, causing it to turn a fast and furious pink. The two boys wished upon their lucky stars that Liam's nose would remain that peachy color, for the reason that it was the personification of a mood ring. The degrees of rage went as follows: opal - a little upset, tourmaline - pissed off, and ruby - fücking mental.

"Awe crap," they both groaned. Liam's nose was rosier than a July birthstone.

Red. As. Fück.

So red that it could stop traffic.

So red that it could guide Santa's sleigh while Rudolph was away on holiday.

So red that it'd be the prefect album art for Sage the Gemini's twerk-hit single.

It was so bloody goddamn red that it could even be mistaken for one of those adorable red noses that charitable celebrities wear in music videos to help raise money for Comic Relief.

It was redicious!

Seeing the demented expression on his lovers face, Zayn realized that Liam's nose rage-detector results were true. There was no denying it. His. Daddy. Was. Mad.

Mad as in he fell head first down the rabbit hole.

Mad as in his eyes looked loonier than the Mad Hatter's.

Mad as in his smirk simpered creepier than the Cheshire Cat's.

So fücking bonkers that if Zayn didn't play his cards right, Liam would probably start screaming: "Off with their heads!" in about 10 seconds.

And since Zayn most definitely did not want his boyfriend to murder the entire JFK station populous, he knew that he had no choice but to intervene with cancerous narcotics - for that was the only remedy that would cure Liam's madness.

Zayn acted quickly by taking out a cigarette from his back pocket and placing it gingerly in Liam's hand. He then whispered "Smoke me." into his ear, hoping that his Daddy was as gullible as Alice.

Afterwards Zayn retreated quietly back to an anxious yet patiently waiting Louis. (Niall was still preoccupied with trying to figure out why his growling tummy sounded like Liam. Had he eaten him? Oh shît he ate Liam! Z was going to kill him...).

Liam's ludicrous thoughts of vengeful punishment suddenly stopped when he saw the single fag lying temptingly in his palm. He twirled it around in his fingers contemplating hard on his next course of action.

To smoke or not to smoke? To discipline or not to discipline? To forgive or not to forgive? To teach his baby boy a lesson by spanking his perky little ass in public like the kinky Daddy he was, or nah? Those were the questions Liam asked himself.

Both lads crossed their fingers - all ten of them (index with middle, ring with pinkie, and thumb with thumb (they needed all the superstitious luck they could get)) - in apprehensive anticipation, praying to Katniss that the odds were in their favor.

Liam, however, was a sensible man. So of course, he made the most rational decision; he would sacrifice his disciplinary tough love tactics in order to save his children from public humiliation. However they would not be able to escape the inevitable lecture that was soon to come. With that in mind, Liam begrudgingly placed the cig in between his lips, lit it with his fancy flip-open lighter, an exhaled sexy smoke rings into the airport's busy atmosphere.

The two boys rejoiced aggressively by high-fiving each other when their schizo dad instantly relaxed; the stress-relieving drug immediately taking affect on his body; soothing his tense muscles and extinguishing the raging fire in his eyes. (Their blonde friend at that moment was searching his pack for something to eat after convincing himself that he was not a cannibal. He decided that the mysterious phenomenon - his Liam-talking stomach - would forever remain the 8th wonder of his hallucinogenic world.)

Louis sighed in relief after glancing wearily at the momentarily chillaxed man across from him, while the Irish lad next to him cheered triumphantly after finding the flask of beer he had snuck on the plane, and began drinking it in attempt to fill the empty void in his tummy - the blonde not giving two shîts that it was illegal. In Liam's absence the honey fringed boy gave Niall a parental "really?" look before turning his head in Zayn's direction, staring at the dark-headed boy with nervous eyes.

"That cig is only gonna hold OCD for so long until he boards the crazy tube again," the eldest lad mumbled matter-of-factly.

"He's not crazy." Zayn said defensively giving Louis a pointed look. He hated when Louis called Liam "OCD" because he had ingeniously (note the sarcasm) re-acronymed the mental illness 'Obnoxious Controlling Dad', which Zayn found the least bit funny. His boyfriend's self-diagnosed disorder was not something to joke about.

"Sure Z, your boyfriend is sooo normal." Louis said rolling his eyes sassily. "You know because normal people talk to song lyrics in the middle of the fücking airport!" He continued on, never failing to miss an opportunity to be a smartass. "But that's none of my business." Louis finished, raising his hands in mock surrender.

Niall causally took another sip of beer oblivious to what his two mates were going on about.

"Oh shut up Louis." Zayn countered, annoyed at his friend's unnecessary spitefulness. "You know Li just can't handle when things don't go according to plan."

"I know, I know," Louis replied back, this time his voice laced with actual apologetic empathy. All three boys knew that Liam had a mild case of OCD or some kinda anxiety problem, because he would freak out during disorganized situations like the one they were currently in. Their driver-person-thingamajig (Louis was unsure of their official title) should have picked them up 60 goddamn minutes ago. However they were freaking MI-to-the-triple-A.

It also sucked that the guys had absolutely no freaking idea what he or she looked like! So since it was pointless for the four to search for them in an airport filled with about a zillion people, they had no choice but to wait patiently for their "tarty arse" - as Liam so nicely put it - to find them.

And at this rate Liam was going to slaughter the boys before they even showed up.

At least we won't have to feed the homeless, Louis thought. It was the only silver lining he could find in the morbidly grey cloud that hung over his pessimistic head.

"Well we only have a few minutes until puppy boy over there goes barking mad." Louis said knowingly, mentally bracing himself for the bomb that was Liam to explode. When his cigarette fuse was out he was going to go off like a grenade.

"Oh cut him some slack Lou," Zayn said, his voice sympathetic. "He's having a ruff day."

Both Louis and Niall looked at their dark-haired companion unamused.

"That pun was terrier-ible Zayn." Louis deadpanned. He loved to mess with his best friend. Temperamental Zayn was rare and sadistically delightful.

"Bull shit-tzu!" Zayn shouted in outraged denial. "It was better than yours!" He would not tolerate this injustice. Where was his sensible Daddy when he needed him to defend his baby's honor? Oh yeah that's right - he was in crazyland.

Damn.

"I'dunno mate," Niall said joining in on the lad's "friendly" banter. "That pun was a little far fetched."

"Yeah you should to be put in the doghouse for that pun." Louis smirked.

"Speak for yourself Z. But Lou and I think you tail the worst puns." Niall joked, fist pumping Louis. Teamwork was key. Their double penetration would destroy the cocksucker.

"Yeah you don't see us howling with laughter." Louis continued. He honestly could do this all day. Teasing Zayn was just too much fun. It was one of his many guilty pleasures.

"Oh my God! Stop hounding me with your doggone puns!" Zayn yelled finally having had enough. He was furious.

"Good boy ZeeZee!!" Louis shouted joyfully his eyes filled with pride. "You finally made a decent pun - or puns I should say!" He petted the lad's quiff praising him like he would his own pet, messing up the perfectly styled dark hairs (plus the few blond ones), causing Zayn to retaliate by slapping his unwanted hand away angrily. He hated when people touched his hair - with the exception of LiLi and his Mummy.

After Zayn successfully ripped Louis prying paws off, the pleased twink looked to the Irish co-owner and said gleefully, "I think our Zaynieboo is officially well trained Nialler. He has reached our level of punnery. Should we give 'em a treat as an award? He definitely earned it." Louis winked cheekily at the canine bared mutt, who really wanted to take a nice chunk out of his master's butt.

Feisty. As. Fück.

Niall turned to friends interrupting Zayn mid snarl, "Well lads... 'M gonna go get some popcorn before the female dog show starts." He said pointing a thumb over an almost finished smoking Li, "If yeh know what I mean." He chuckled darkly.

"Are you calling my boyfriend a-"

"Everyone please take out your cell phones and recording devices now, the puppy pageant is about to begin!" Louis shouted interrupting Zayn as Liam took the last drag of his cigarette before putting it out.

"The first contestant of our show this fine evening is a marvelous lass, who was born and raised in wonderful Wooferhampton!" Louis said in his most posh British accent, using his iPhone 6.54890 as a mic, pretending to be a sophisticated host. Scratch that he wasn't a just a host, he was thee host. Put your hands in the air for MC Louis!

"The lovely Lianne is a Cockloving Spaniel,

That has given birth to over 25 litters because she can handle -- it.

She is better trained than the finest maid,

And she is better groomed than the hottest babe.

Even though her growl should not be taken lightly,

Lianne is more loving than the goddess Aphrodite!"

"Give it up ladies and gentlemen for..."

Louis stalled waiting for Niall to come back. Zayn impatiently hummed the Jeopardy song until the slower-than-a-snail blond sat down beside them, and then nodded to the unofficial announcer to continue on with his "flattering" int-rap-duction.

"BĮTCH ALMIGHTY!!!"

Liam stepped into the imaginary spotlight; nose redder than a cherry atop a banana split.

"I HATE THIS SHÎT!" Liam screamed. All three boys shoved a handful of Niall's popcorn eagerly into their mouths. They were sadistically excited to be entertained by the one and only Liam Payne.

"I hate when things are so bloody unorganized! What happened to the so-called game plan? Coach knows I have issues, and he is well aware that this crap drives me fücking mental!" All the boys nodded in agreement. They could testify to this truthful allegation in court having witnessed Liam's madness first hand.

"You think that son of a bįtch would have sent us at least a picture of this so called "person" who is supposed to be picking us up! Or at least what they are wearing! This is worse than looking for fücking Waldo in a Christmas catalog!" It took all of Louis' self control not to laugh. However Niall couldn't hold it in, and started coughing hysterically after choking on his Beer. Serves him right, Zayn thought vengefully. The Irish cûnt deserved the universe's karma in punishment for laughing at his boyfriend.

"For all we know a crazy arse fan with an alter ego of a serial killer could claim to be our chauffeur and kidnap us, and saw off our body parts one by one, until we're dead..." Liam raged on. "An-and then the lunatic will seal our penises in glass jars and sell them on EBay!!! I don't know what I'll do if some little greedy bįtch is bidding for my baby boy's díck on the internet. And oh God! What if they fuck themselves with it and get pregnant with his babies?!! ZAYN I WON'T LET THEM HAVE YOUR BEAUTIFUL DARK-HAIRED TANNED-SKINNED BABIES! I WON'T!!!"

Liam literally began to shake violently with anger, his whole face turning into a tomato. The four boys looked at each other in alarm. It was official. The lad had gone off the deep end. And if they didn't act fast he was going to drown in his own insanity.

"Damn. When dad gets mad, you know its bad." Louis whispered in fear. He was afraid his old man was gonna bust a vein or die of an aneurysm.

"When Daddy gets crazy, you know he needs his baby." The Bradford boy said reassuringly to his best mates. He would fix this. Zayn Malik to the rescue.

"When Liam get's upset, you know Zanyie's wet," Niall joked (figuratively of course. Both him and Louis were well aware that he's not a girl. But having known the kinky bastard for a while, they were sure that he was probably already lubed up and ready to take necessary action to calm his Daddy down if needed. The boyfriends were a very sensibly prepared couple. Zayn's ass was a metaphorical first aid kit).

"Liam babe.. calm down," Zayn said, cradling his berserk boyfriend in his soothing arms. "Only you can have my babies. Well actually you can't." Liam gave him a murderous glare. How dare his lover deny him of his natural rights? "But a surrogate can!" Zayn chuckled hesitantly, wording his next sentences carefully, not wanting to anger his lover even more. "Liam, you can father them okay? Alright babe? You can have the honor of being my baby daddy." Liam looked slightly happier with that resolution.

After Zayn gave him a few chase lovebites on his neck, Liam calmed down for the most part, but he was still on edge. His OCD would not let up until the unorganized situation was organized. In other words, until their príck of a driver showed up.

"I mean look around, there's like half a billion people in this godforsaken airport Zayn! How the hell are we going to find them?!!" Liam cried into his chest. "You know if you calculated the probability, you would see that our chances of finding them are about the same as me having sex with a girl!" Oh no. Not nerd Liam, Zayn thought hopelessly. He was starting to feel like all his efforts were in vain.

"Aladdin! Jasmine! Jafar! Fücking LAGO! Please if you're out there, let me borrow the lamp! I promise I'll return it! I just need the Genie's magical assistance to find our missing picker-upper. I'll even give you my other two wishes!" Liam was now crying, and in utter despair dropped to his knees at Zayn's feet, as if the lad was Walt Disney's gravestone, and continued begging complete nonsense to the deceased man.

While mentally insane Liam pleaded to the ghost of Princess Jasmine's creator, Niall suddenly got hit in the face with a paper airplane. He stopped listening to his friend's broken sobs and looked in the direction that the airborne childish toy came from.

Then he saw her.

Her as in their driver.

The Irish lad knew it was her "tardy arse" when he saw the large poster she was holding. It had a huge graphically drawn picture of Uncle Sam on it, but instead of the classic 'pointing finger demanding for them to join the army' pose, the old man was flipping them the bird! Yup that's definitely her, Niall thought, his initial smile now a flat line, dead as can be.

"Uh lads... I think I found her."

The rest of boys followed the blonde's line of vision. All four cringing at the sign in unison.

Liam gulped loudly.

"Be careful what you wish for babe..." Zayn said bitterly as they walked toward her.

But when the blond saw her close up his frown turned upside down, and his díck fücking twitched.

Their chauffeur was in her 30s and had dyed purple hair. The lilac waves cascaded beautifully down her back, rippling wildly in the air. She wore black high-top converse and a backwards baseball cap, with tight skinny jeans that made her bum look slap-tastic! A large Yankee's jersey covered her chest, that had 'SMITH #1' printed on the back announcing that she's the best. Her nose, eyebrow, tongue, lips (snake bites), and ears (2 lobe and 6 helix each) were pierced, the metal not suppressing her femininity, only making her look fierce. Her smoky eyes were sharper than the bluest sea glass, and her killer candy apple lips were made for speaking sass. And just maybe with the leprechaun's luck, later tonight she'll use them to suck. Because holy shít! This hawt mamma was...

Sexy. As. Fück.

Purple Hair (is what the boys decided to call her until the discovered the revelation that was her name) was so fine that if she weren't old enough to be his mum, Niall would ask her out right then and there. She was practically a retired Victoria Secret model!

But hey... Age was just a number. Right?

Right.

He didn't have to act his age. Right?

Right.

Then its settled, the blond decided.

I won't act my age!

His plan was brilliant! He'll act older. Wiser. Grown-up! He'll do anything to prove his newfound maturity.

No I won't act my age!

He'll act 75. Hell he'll dye his hair gray! He'll adopt 50 kids! He'll do anything to get on her level.

No I'll act the prefect age around you!

Purple Hair took the paper plane from Niall, interrupting his silent lust fest, and then gave it to the little boy next to her. "Thanks squirt," she said and ruffled his hair once in gratitude, before shooing him off to his parents.

Niall wished he was the lucky little punk that got to feel her angelic touch. Ugh. It wasn't fair. Maybe reverse psychology was key? Ya scratch his first plan. If he acted younger instead of older, he could probably get her attention. Maybe that would work! It was definitely was worth a shot. He's got nothing to lose. Well except for his dignity. But whatever. With great love comes great sacrifice - or however the stupid saying goes.

"Hello ma'am." Liam said politely to the woman. "Meh name's Liam Payne from London's football team and these are meh mates," he pointed at the shortest first. "Louis Tom-"

During puppy-faced boy's intro, Purple Hair looked off into the distance, not really paying attention to the four at all. She then rudely cut Liam off mid sentence stating hurriedly, "Sorry kid but can ya holla at me late-a? Cuz right now we gotta get the fuck outta here! Them paps are finna find us if we don't bail. Aight?"

She smacked her gum impatiently with her hands on her hips, waiting for the slow pokes to respond. Their reaction time was worse than a deer's caught in the headlights.

Liam, Niall, Zayn, and Louis stood there in a daze, all of them wondering what had just come out of Purple Hair's mouth. Was it English? Liam wanted to call international affairs and request the services of a translator. Niall wanted to call in the local Nandos and reserve the entire restaurant for their first date.

"Ya'll heard what I said? Or do I have ta break it down for ya? The buggin' paparazzi are going to be on our asses if we don't peace the fuck outta here. Like now. I saw them at the door with their flashy cameras 'n shit just waitin' to grill y'all. So unless you wanna get bombed I suggest when I move..." Purple Hair said as she began walking away.

All four boys still stood there in the middle of JFK's plaza looking at Purple Hair in flabbergasted confusion. Louis swore he just learned about 5 new words. Liam and Zayn were about to retrieve their phones to look them up on urbandictionary.com. And Niall was trying to stop his díck from hardening at just the thought of hearing his name being screamed out in her New Yorker accent.

However, before any of the four boys' could even process her smart instructions Purple Hair shouted at them again.

"YOU MOVE!"

She then started walking even faster - if it was humanly possible - toward the back exit of the airport.

Maybe she is grown up version of Lava Girl? Niall thought, as they all began chasing after her.

And if his kinky dream came true, he'd soon be her Shark Boy.

"'Murica must really hate y'all cause they didn't give ya celebs any security. Its like they just threw ya in a snake pit with no way to escape," she said shaking her head. "Damn let me tell ya, there's no shame to their game. Fücking dícks. But I don't get why I have to get dragged into this shît with ya. It ain't my problem! Ya'd think they'd leave me be! But naah they wack n' got me hustlin' around after yo rich asses - got me in the middle of yur international beef. Like Imma BigMac patty in between yur dough filled buns." Dairy Queen shouted at them as she ran, her hair a raspberry blizzard behind her.

"But I ain't no anaconda."

Purple Hair realized that she was talking to self when she noticed that the boys are lagging behind. "C'mon ya slow pokes let's go! Faster!" She yelled and then decided to provoke them into speeding up. "I thought ya'guys were the reppin' players on that soccer team of yurs? Thought y'all were ballers eh??! Yet right now y'all are dilly dallying like the old ladies who walk with their 20 cats in Central Park every mornin'."

After being compared to cat ladies they boys began to move quicker. This woman was meaner than coach!

Purple Hair then ran into a crowd of people, leaving their sight for a few scary seconds before Liam spotted her lilac lioness mane in the thick masses.

"C'mon! C'mon!"

"We're losing her!" Liam shouted. He would not be stranded in the middle of the airport again. His OCD brain would not be able to handle it.

Louis being the slowest, all the weight of his bags dragging him down, was holding the four lads back. So Liam, being the sensible dad he was, grabbed the eldest' luggage and carried it for him, allowing the twink to move faster.

But he was still too slow.

"Louis! Hurry your little legs up! I don't wanna lose her because we can't find your short arse in the crowd."

Louis rolled his eyes annoyed that Liam seemed to care about keeping up with their sexy driver more than making sure that his precious son didn't fall behind. His dad deserved to be slapped.

"God dammit!" Purple Hair cried angrily after she stopped abruptly at the back exit of the airport, her eyes widening in the utmost horror.

"This time get ready to run!" She shouted before shooting off through the double doors and into the awaiting mob of flashing lights.

The boys followed after her, but immediately regretted their rash decision. The paparazzi exploded on them. It was like unleashing a herd of deranged cattle across the parking lot. They were stampeding faster than Lightning McQueen, shouting their names and mercilessly grabbing at Louis ass, desperately trying to get the attention of the famous footballer.

"YO! YO! LEWIS!"

"LEWIS TOMATOSON!"

A high-pitched, ear slitting, name-annihilating voice called after him.

This bįtch, Louis thought beyond irritated. He hated when people purposely fücked up his award winning title. Yes it was more than just a name. The words 'Louis Tomlinson' were divine and deserved to be worshipped. Daily.

"HOW DOES IT FEEL TO BE KICKED OUT OF THE WORLD CUP?"

She egged him on.

"HOW DOES IT FEEL KNOWING THAT FOR THE NEXT MONTH THE ONLY THING YOU'LL GET TO BE PASSING IS BREAD OUT TO THE HOMELESS?"

She laughed satanically like a nasty hyena.

"HOW DOES IT FEEL KNOWING THAT GRIMSHAW WILL SCORE ALL THE GOALS IN SPAIN, WHILE THE ONLY THING YOU WILL BE ABLE TO SCORE IS A DATE WITH A DISEASE INFESTED BUM?"

She wiggled her off-point eyebrows suggestively at him, her maliciously gay homeless pun sadly not going amiss by Louis' ears.

The deceivingly innocent-looking feather haired boy saw red. His usually smiling face baring teeth, wanting to rip the lady's boobs off and shove up her shît infested ass. And then choke that homophobic witch while screaming, "How you like them titties, bįtch!"

Zayn grabbed the outraged little firecracker by the back of his shirt, pulling him along before he could go off on her.

"NO Z!" Louis screamed. "Lemme at 'em! LEMME AT 'EM!" He threw air punches at the sorry excuse for a human being, hoping that the force of his rage could still be felt. Her ugly face deserved to feel his fists of fury!

As Zayn successfully dragged Louis away, the paparazzi shamelessly continued to snap pictures of them, while they chased the five to their car.

"It's the pink jeep up ahead!" Purple hair shouted. All the boys were secretly glad they listened to her and regretted not taking her wise advice to run seriously.

As soon as they all got to the hot pink ride, Liam, Zayn, Niall, and Purple Hair grabbed on to the above ceiling bar and used it to jump over the doors and hop into their seats. Louis being too short used the car door.

As Purple Hair retrieved her keys out of her purse, Liam punched a pap that was trying to stop them from leaving. Zayn helped out by spitting in their faces and Louis scratched one that was yanking on his fringe. It was all out war.

"GO! GO! GO!" Niall screamed. "One is about ta climb inside!" The pap put hands around the blonde's neck, choking him as she tried to on pull herself up. The ravenous reporter was about to bite his neck in attempt to pry the Irish's paws off her, when the car suddenly came to life.

Broom! Broom!

"Get out me car!" Purple Hair sang gleefully as she shifted the Jeep into drive, the acceleration causing the pap to fly off.

Gone with the wind.

Purple Hair was driving so fast out of the airport parking lot's exit, that she didn't have enough time to break before she hit a pap standing in the middle of the road. All the boys flinched when they heard the loud crunch of his legs being ran the fück over.

"You hit him!" Louis cried out astonished, gazing back at the crushed reporter in horror, his immovable legs were bent at an odd angle. "Man look at him! He's wrecked!"

"Oh well. Asshole had it coming" Purple Hair said, indifferent.

Louis bit his lip trying to hold back a smirk at the accidental pun. The unintentional ones were always the best.

"Jesus Christ! What is this?! The Purge or some shît?" Zayn cried out, overwhelmed by the publicity attack.

"More like a zombie apocalypse!" Niall countered. "I mean did yeh see that one that almost bit me?! She was going to eat me brain!"

"Tell me about." Louis groaned, the memory of that rude assbįtch in still mind. "Those bloodsuckers are worse than the Volturi."

"Really mate Twilight?" Zayn said incredulous. "Lou you really gotta stop reading Lottie's books. What if you start referencing 50 Shades of G-"

The dark-haired lad was cut off by a sudden bright flash of light and the unmistakable clicking sound of a camera.

"THERE'S ONE OF THE ROOF!" Liam shouted alerting his fellow passengers of the sudden rise in danger.

Purple Hair braked hard once informed of the above threat. The woman flew off the car landing directly in a food stand.

"Good Heavens!" Purple Hair shrieked.

"Bloody Hell!" Louis yelled.

"Blimey!" Liam shouted.

"Holy shit!" Zayn screamed (like a little girl - Liam found it cute though).

"¥?#£@&$%!" An Irish accent cursed.

"NIALLER!" All the boys censored together.

"You can't be saying that kinda rubbish in front of a lady, you git!" Liam scolded him harshly, disciplining his child by slapping him upside the head. He was in full out parenting mode.

"Sorry Li..." The blonde baby said hiding his head shamefully in his father's lap. He hated getting yelled at.

"Its alright love. Just don't do it again." Liam whispered sweetly in his ear.

"Okay?"

"Okay."

Zayn smiled fondly and stroked their son's bleached hair loving. He was just so fücking adorable Zayn wanted to cuddle him to death.

Purple Hair raised an eyebrow after witnessing their odd behavior in the review mirror.

"Are they always like that...?" She wondered aloud.

"Yes." Louis replied back honestly. Zaniam was real.

"Should I be worried?" She asked, truly concerned.

"Most definitely."

X

Uuuhh I don't even know what this chapter even is...

Thanks again to all of you for reading. Comments/favorites are greatly appreciated!

Until next time... :)