I AM SORRY FOR THE LATE UPDATE! I just got so caught up with Heavy Crown, my other book!

I hope you enjoy this chapter, it's sort of a filler and not that gr8 but better ones are coming your way!

This chapter is unedited!!

SONG: Earned It by The Weeknd

≫≫≫
                
Shaking hands with the dark parts of my thoughts, no

You are all that I've got, no

≫≫≫

   "Can I sleep with you and Harry?"

   "Come here, baby."

  Mateo ran up to the bed, climbing onto the edge of it and crawling underneath the blanket. A smile grew on Harry's lips when his eyes landed on the outline of Mateo moving under the blanket; head popping out in the space between Harry and Adriana. Mateo grinned adorably at Harry, then turning to his mother and crawling into her open arms, cuddling against her chest. Adriana brushed her lips against Mateo's head lovingly, stroking his hair as Harry gazed at them with a smile on his face.

   "Buenas noches, mi luna," Mateo murmured to his mother, voice muffled by the skin of her neck where his face was nestled into. "Te amo."

   "Te amo mucho, mi estrella," Adriana mumbled back, kissing his forehead.

   "Buenos noches, Harry," Mateo spoke up, realizing he didn't wish Harry goodnight.

  He briefly detached himself from his mother, shuffling a little towards Harry before cupping his left cheek with his tiny hand, and kissing the right one. The action made Adriana's heart tighten in her chest at the adorable action, somewhat speechless when Harry turned his head to face Mateo. He puckered his lips against the little boy's forehead, giving him a kiss and murmuring good night back. Mateo grinned at Harry, turned to crawl back into Adriana's arms, clutching her t-shirt. He fell asleep after a few minutes, snoring lightly, with his thumb stuck in his mouth.

   "He's so precious," Harry breathed quietly, making Adriana's gaze flick up to meet his, a light smile drawling on his lips. "He's got your eyes, and hair."

   "Yeah," Adriana murmured with a smile before it faltered when she started noticing the other features of Mateo that resembled his father. Mateo had his father's chin, and smile. She saw his father in Mateo so much whenever she looked at him.

   "You've raised him well," Harry told her quietly.

  Harry had admired Adriana a lot when it came to her being a mother to him. Despite the fact that she had a cocaine addiction, as far he knew, she managed to take care of Mateo and hide him from all the horrors of their lives. He deserved to live in a stable household. But Adriana was too selfish to let him go for her to focus on bettering herself, she had no one to take care of him for her and she certainly didn't want to give him to child protective services. It would break his heart to be away from his mother, and hers even more. She needed him to keep her sane.

   "I worry so much for him, Harry," she whispered quietly as Harry shuffled closer to them, slinging his arm over her hip and pulling them against him. "He's getting older and it'll soon be time for him to go to school and-"

   "You don't have the money for that," Harry continued her sentence, making her bite her lip, realizing that he was now going to offer. That was what he did.

  "Let me pay-"

   "Harry wait-"

  They both spoke in unison, then momentarily stopping. Harry knew she was going to try and stop him from paying again. This time he was way more determined. This was Mateo's education they were talking about. Education was important, according to Harry, and he didn't want to see Mateo not being able to receive it because his mother was broke.

   "I want to pay for his education. All of it."

   "Harry," she murmured quietly with wide eyes. "That is way too much."

   "Fine, I'll pay for it until you can support him yourself, please," Harry responded with pleading eyes.

   "You've already done so much–"

   "I haven't done enough," Harry shook his head, making her part her lips to argue back. But he quickly spoke up again. "Okay, how about we just talk about this tomorrow morning? Let's not argue about it now."

   "Okay," she whispered with a nod, only because Mateo was sleeping and she didn't want their arguing to wake him up.

   "Goodnight, my love," Harry murmured, running his hand up the side of her arm, leaning in to kiss her lips.

   "Goodnight, Harry," she murmured against his lips.

∙❧∙

  Adriana woke up that morning to find that Mateo wasn't clinging to her in his sleep like he normally did whenever he slept with her. She blinked and yawned quietly, sitting up and frowning before turning her head to look at Harry. Her lips parted in surprise, her heart swelling up in her chest for the hundredth time that week when her gaze landed on Harry and Mateo. Harry was snoring lightly with his eyebrows lowered; one arm over his head while the other was curled around Mateo. Mateo's tiny body was splayed across Harry's chest, sleeping soundlessly.

   "I swear these two are going to kill me one day," she murmured to herself with a shake of her head, before reaching down to press a quick kiss to Mateo's cheek and Harry's forehead.

  Adriana got cleaned up and changed into a burnt orange bodysuit with a pair of jeans on. She grabbed her duffel bag and tossed in her ballet shoes and other necessities. She planning on going to the club again to practice some ballet, as well as a few routines for when she gets back to work again. But as she cooked breakfast for the two sleeping boys, she remembered her promise to Harry to talk about her addiction and the steps they're going to take to help her get over it.

   "That smells good."

  Harry walked into the kitchen just as she thought of him, making her gaze snap to the left, a smile curling upon her lips. His morning state had her drooling. Dark curls messy, sweatpants riding low on his hips, low enough to reveal the band of his Calvin Kleins, and his low raspy voice. He ran his fingers through his hair, walking over to Adriana and wrapping his arms around her waist, pulling her back against him. He lowered his lips to kiss her cheek, his fresh breath fanning against her skin as he peppered kisses over the side of her face. She laughed softly, twisting in his arms before she turned off the stove and turned around to face him.

   "You're all dressed up," he noticed, hooking his fingers onto the belt loops of her jeans. "Where are you going?"

   "I was thinking off heading to the club to practice dancing again," she told him. "After we talk of course."

   "Right," Harry nodded in response. "What about Mateo?"

   "I'll probably drop him off at Jazmín's," she said, making him nod before his eyes lit up with a smile on his lips.

   "Actually, I don't have any classes today. Do you mind if I take him over to mine while you're at the club? I promised him we'd bake together some day and I've got a load of baking equipment I'm sure he'd love to use," Harry rambled excitedly, making her smile lightly.

  A part of her was hesitant and wanted to say no, because she had never trusted anyone but Jazmín, Iris and Hadiya with Mateo. But then the bigger part of her wanted Harry to bond with Mateo, and trusted him with her son.

   "Sure, baby. Mateo would love that," she told him with a nod, making him grin widely.

   "I promise you he's in safe hands," he said to her sincerely, before ducking down to kiss her firmly.

  Her hands cupped his soft cheeks as she kissed him back, his hands gripping her hips and moving her to push her back against the counter instead of the stove. They pulled away eventually, knowing that if they kept going they wouldn't be able to stop and they didn't want Mateo walking in on them. Adriana arranged plates of toast and omelets for Harry and her as Mateo was still asleep. They sat down by the circular table in the living room that served as a dinner table, having their breakfast.

   "You have to eat all of that," Harry insisted, eyeing the half-eaten omelet and toast Adriana still had remaining on her plate.

   "I prefer dancing on an empty stomach," she told him with a roll of her eyes.

   "Adriana," Harry scolded. "You gotta eat, baby."

   "I am," she snapped lightly, making hurt flash across his features at the tone she used. "Fuck, I'm sorry."

   "It's fine," he said with a sigh. "Are you carrying any cocaine with you? To the club?"

   "I..." she trailed off, before averting her gaze and biting her lip shamefully.

   "Give it to me," Harry spoke sharply, jutting his hand out while she raised her gaze to look at him.

   "I need to do it at least once, Harry. I can't survive on nothing," she defended herself, making him scowl and shake his head.

  "I'm pretty sure what you're carrying is enough for more than just one line, Adriana," Harry responded, making her retract and lean further back into her seat. "Give me your bag."

  She shook her head, making him widen his eyes before he stood up. He grabbed her bag before she could, rummaging through it and finding a zip lock bag with a considerable amount of cocaine in it. Without hesitation, Harry shot her a warning look before carrying it to the kitchen. Adriana's eyes widened in panic, jumping out of her seat and following Harry into the kitchen. She gasped when she saw what he was doing, emptying out the zip lock bag into the sink.

   "Harry! Stop!" she shrieked in panic, rushing towards him and grabbing his arm.

   He ignored her, turning the faucet of the tap and watching the water wash away the powdery white substance. Only a very little amount remained in the bag, just enough for one line.

   "You prick," she gaped, feeling panic and anger rise inside of her. "I spent almost 300 dollars on that!"

   "I'll pay you back," he shrugged casually, making her grit her teeth.

   "I'll just use it to buy more then," she retorted, making his eyebrows slope downwards, causing him to take another step towards her.

   "You will not buy more, Adriana. I did that for your own good," Harry spoke firmly, making her shake her head with an exasperated sigh.

   "You told me we were going to reduce the amount I take little by little. Not throw out half of my stash! How the fuck will I get over the cravings?" she exclaimed loudly.

   "You just said that was half your stash," Harry noticed, making her clamp her mouth shut.

   "Harry, don't fucking touch it," she snarled at him, grabbing his wrist to pull him back when he began walking towards the exit of the kitchen. "For fuck's sake, okay please just stop and look at me."

   "What?" Harry arched a brow at her, making her sigh heavily.

   "I'll only do a line today. I'll stay clear of drug dealers and anyone who has more cocaine, okay?" she said sincerely, making him frown a little.

   "Promise me," he demanded immediately.

   "Harry-" she started to say hesitantly.

   "I said promise me, Adriana. That way I can trust that you will do what you say," he told her, making her bite her lip with her eyes fluttered shut.

   "Okay, I promise."

   "Good," Harry nodded. "We start by reducing the amount of cocaine you do. Get you used to the smallest amount as much as we can. We still need to figure out more ways to distract you from your cravings."

   "Just having you around and spending time with you, or you and Mateo sometimes dull the cravings. I guess it's 'cause you both make me so happy I forget the demons are even speaking to me," Adriana told him quietly, averting her gaze to the floor and fiddling her fingers.

   "Princess," Harry murmured softly, cupping her chin gently and pushing her face up to meet his gaze. "I would spend every single day, hour and second with you if that's enough to keep your cravings at bay. If that's enough to make you happy."

   "Oh Harry," she whispered with her heart swelling up. "You make me want to cry."

  She cupped his cheeks, leaning up to place a kiss on his lips. After sharing a few lingering, sweet kisses, she pulled away and told him she was going to leave to the club. Adriana quickly rushed to her bedroom where Mateo was still asleep, curled up into a tiny ball. When she kissed his forehead, he stirred awake a little. She used this opportunity to tell him that he was going to spend the day with Harry and Mateo cheered in Spanish before falling back asleep.

   "What time will you be back?" Harry questioned as he opened the door for her.

   "Around noon? I'm not sure, really, I might go over and visit Iris and Hadiya right after dancing," Adriana told her, making him nod in response. "You sure you don't have anything to do today? Any errands to run? I don't want Mateo to be a bother to you."

   "No, babe, I'm totally fine. He won't be a bother, I have a fun day for us planned," Harry told her with a bright smile, before he leaned down to kiss her firmly. "Just tell me when you get back here, I'll bring him right over."

   "Okay sure."

   "Also, for our date tonight," Harry started to say, making her eyes widen slightly. "What? You forgot?"

   "No..." she murmured lowly, biting her lip to hide her grin.

   "Baby!" Harry exclaimed, making her laugh, leaning up to shutting him up with a quick kiss to his lips.

   "I was kidding, sweetheart," she smiled at him, rubbing her nose against his as he held her hips. "That's why I'm planning go to my friend's place. Try on a few outfits from them for tonight and your sister's dinner on Friday."

   "Oh," Harry mumbled with a slight smile. "Well I wanted to ask you to wear a skirt."

   "Oh," Adriana smirked while he smiled shyly with flushed cheeks. "And why is that?"

   "You'll find out tonight," he told her before ducking down and pecking her lips. "Okay, you have fun, my love. I promise I'll take real good care of Mateo."

  They bid goodbye to each other, Harry grabbing her cheeks and planting a firm kiss on her lips, whispering to her to remember her promise to him. She kissed him back in response, before leaving, clueless off what her demons have in store for her at the club.

∙❧∙

  Adriana's body froze with her face contorting into a tight scowl when the classical music she had playing was halted. Her arched brows sloped downwards as her arms dropped by her sides. Adriana snapped her gaze towards where Bennie's, the club's DJ; laptop was situated connected to the speakers. Her scowl deepened when she saw that it was Morgan.

   "Adriana," Morgan smirked at her, while she frowned deeply, dropping her hands when the music stopped.

   "What do you want, Morgan?" she snapped lightly, wishing she had come during a time he wasn't in the club.

   "A brand new routine for Earned it by The Weeknd," Morgan told her firmly, making her heart drop to her stomach. "Don't know that song?"

   "No, I do," she responded quickly, making Morgan frown at a little at how tense she got at the mentioning of the song.

   "Okay...well the new routine is for when you return to performing, which is when again?"

   "Tomorrow night," Adriana told him, making him smile in response.

   "Good, I'll arrange a show for you. You have this morning and tomorrow morning to prepare a routine, don't disappoint me, Adriana!" Morgan said as he walked away from the DJ area, and disappeared into the hall that led to his office.

  Adriana sighed heavily, knowing already that there was no point in arguing with Morgan to make him change the song. They made a deal that the song choice would be Adriana's one performance per week. Normally, she agreed with his song choices, but this one, despite it being the perfect song for a strip dance, was a trigger for her traumatic memories. Adriana ran her fingers through her hair with a sigh, pulling her long, dark locks up into a tight bun at the top of her head while she headed to the MacBook that was sat on the floor, and searched up the song. 

  She began playing it, feeling all the hairs on her skin standing up as the song triggered many wonderful and traumatic memories. Her eyes screwed shut as she let out a shaky breath, trying to clear her head of the horrific images that flashed in front of her eyes. Her stomach turned and she immediately stopped the music, swallowing thickly while her face contorted with emotional pain. She inhaled deeply, and then exhaled deciding to think of the pleasant memories the song triggered. She started playing it again.

  Normally when creating new routines, Adriana usually first comes up with a ballet routine, and then switch it up a little to make it more sexy and sultry, and finally in cooperate pole dancing into it. But with this song, Adriana already had a routine prepared for this song. This song was the one she danced for during her audition for ballet school at the Houston Ballet Academy. She remembered picking the song was a little ballsy compared to the other candidates whom all picked classical pieces to dance to. She wanted to surprise the judges, and she certainly did with her extraordinary talent. Ultimately, she got in with a full scholarship.

  She ran through the routine she used during the audition, smiling lightly when she remember the awe-stricken expressions that were etched upon the judge's face, whom were all stoic during the other auditions. Her fingers paused and replayed the song as she kept those pleasant emotions she felt from reminiscing intact, while she stood up and began dancing. She paid no attention to the lyrics, just the classical string instruments in the background of the song, along with The Weeknd's smooth, lavish singing along with it.

  Her dancing started out strong and precise, leaping into the air and spinning sharply yet gracefully with strong, flexed legs and pointed toes. She pirouetted with perfection, slim body in a revolving whirl of agility and graceful precision. This was during the first half of the song, where she focused on remembering the routine well and the reminiscent of the happy emotions she felt when her audition was a success. But at some point during the song, her ears started paying close attention to the lyrics of the song.

  You're my favorite kind of night.

  She had to continuously push the darker thoughts that tried to creep up when she listened to the words. The demons inside of her that came with the cocaine cravings noticed her discomfort, deciding to play on her mind so that she could satisfy the cravings that were going to hit her any second now. Adriana's movements gradually got sloppy as her mind began bringing forwards the different scenarios he repeated those words from the song to her, while taking her against her own will.

  And you deserve it

  The way you work it

  She was still determined to keep dancing until the song finished, but she could hear the demons talking in her head, disguising their voices as his deep, malicious voice. It was making her lose control. Towards the end of the song, a saut de chat was a ballet move that was in cooperated in the routine and she was determined to do it. With all her strength she pushed herself off the floor, leaping into the air with her arms above her head and feet stretched out into a split position. But as her mind was a chaotic mess, which she shook her head to clear up, she immediately got distracted and messed up her landing. Just as her right foot touched the ground, it landed on the side of it, causing her to lose her balance and for pain to shoot up her leg as she tumbled to the floor with a groan.

  A deep scowl was etched onto her face as she pulled herself up in a seating position, rubbing her elbow, which she landed on. She reached out to untie the ribbon of her ballet shoe, removing it and rubbing the side of her foot with a pained expression. Her face contorted in pain and frustration even more when she heard the demons murmuring in her head again. I'm going mad, she thought to herself before she heard a voice speak up.

   "Pathetic."

  The blood in her veins turned ice cold when her ears heard his voice. Gaze snapping up to find him standing in the mirror in front of her, muscly arms folded over his chest, gazing at her with dark eyes and a malicious smirk.

   "You-You're not real," Adriana stammered in fright, scrambling to stand up, backing away when he let out a sinister chuckle. "You're not there," she whispered to herself in fear, squeezing her eyes shut.

  When she opened them again, he wasn't there. She was staring at her own reflection again, a sigh of relief escaping her lips with her eyes fluttering close again.

   "You sure about that?"

  She jumped in shock, spinning around to find him standing there, in the flesh, right in front of her. This can't be happening, was one of the many panicked thoughts that rushed through her mind when her body began to tremble in fear.

   "You know I'll always be around, sweetheart," he spoke to her in a sickly sweet voice, approaching her slowly, causing her to take steps backs. "You can never get rid of me."

   "Stop," Adriana stuttered in barely a whisper, paralyzed with fear when her back met the mirror.

  He was real, in Adriana's eyes. His hands gripped the railing beside her hips, leaning in close to her until his breath washed against her lips, warm and suffocating. Adriana's breathing was erratic, fear rocketing up her body and paralyzing her right on the spot. The fight or flight mode was never in her favor whenever she was with him, because no matter what she did he was always stronger and his intentions were always inevitable. She gasped when his hand darted up to cup her jaw firmly, rough fingertips digging into the skin of her cheeks while he leaned in close.

   "My very being has tainted your mind and soul. No matter how hard you try to for get me, you never will, Adriana."

  His words echoed in her ears as he snarled at her, his vice-like grip tightening on her chin while he pressed his hard body against hers, pushing her against the mirror. Her mind couldn't formulate a single thought, hands fisting his t-shirt that felt so real in her hands, trying to breathe. He pulled her head back with his grip on her face, before slamming it against the mirror behind her, causing her to cry out loudly in pain, tears slipping from her eyes.

  A sob left her lips when he finally let her go, causing her knees to buckle and for her to drop to the floor crying. She heard his footsteps as he walked away while she buried her face into her hands, praying for this to be all just a dream, a nightmare, a hallucination. Her eyes widened in realization, head shooting up from her hands and eyes darting around for him. But he wasn't there. It was all just one big hallucination.

   "How?" she whispered to herself, shaking her head because he felt so real.

  She felt his warm breath, his hard body pressed up against hers, pinning her in place. She felt the power he had just from the iron grip he had on her chin. She felt the roughness of his calloused fingertips digging into the soft skin of her face, most likely leaving bruises. But the bruises weren't there. None of this ever happened, it was all just one big hallucination. Adriana's face contorted in pain and frustration, tears flowing unchecked from her eyes as she shook her head, wishing that her cravings would just stop.

  It will only stop if you have some.

  She heard the voices speaking to her, urging her to have that white powder she had in her bag, which was enough for one line.

  You would do it if you don't want to see him again.

  Her hands pressed down on the ground as she pushed herself up, talking wobbly steps towards where her duffel bag was set down next to the boombox. I'll only do a line today. I'll stay clear of drug dealers and anyone who has more cocaine, her promise to Harry echoed in her head along with the voices urging her to snort. She only had enough for one line anyways, and she was desperate to keep the voices quiet and avoid hallucinations.

  Her hands rummaged through the insides of the duffel bag desperately, locating the small zip lock bag that contained enough white powder for just one line. It was very little, so without even bothering to gather it up into a line, Adriana tapped it out onto the back of her hand and brought it up to her nose. Pressing one side of her nose with her finger, she sniffed audibly with the other one, sucking in the white powder before pulling her head back with a sniffle. Her eyes fluttered shut, content for only a few seconds as the voices became quiet for a second. But then they began chanting for more because what she had wasn't enough.

  She thought to herself that she should just head to Iris and Hadiya's right then, because she didn't have more cocaine and to avoid trying to scoop out drug dealers or anyone else who had cocaine. But the demons were relentless, and forced her to think, and suddenly she remembered something. She remembered that she kept a stash of cocaine in the wall behind the mirror that was on her dresser. Without hesitation, she stood up, grabbing her phone and bag and started heading to the dressing room.

  When she got there, desperation fueled her blood as she sprinted to her dresser, dropping her bag onto the floor and setting her phone down on the table. She reached forwards and pushed the mirror aside, revealing a hole in the wall where a small zip lock bag of cocaine was stashed. She retrieved it, setting it on the table next to her phone as she reached for her duffel bag to get her compact mirror and a card.

  While she retrieved those things and began dividing the cocaine into three lines, the malicious demons' voices grew louder in her mind, praising her for giving in, telling her that the hallucinations of him won't bother her anymore if she did this. Telling her that snorting coke and suffering from its side effects was worth getting over the pain and trauma she had endured ever since she was born. They manipulated her and told her that it was worth it as long as it helped her forget the pain.

  A small part of her fought against the demons, the part that cared for Harry and Mateo. The part that wanted to better her. But unfortunately, the demons were taking over her, making her roll up a one dollar bill as she breathed heavily, desperate for the high. As soon as she rolled it up tightly, she lowered her head and positioned it over one end of the white line. But before she could inhale, her phone binged and lit up. It distracted her momentarily, seeing that it was a message from Harry.

  Suddenly, she forgot about the voices, hand reaching out to unlock her phone and open up the message, which was a picture. She couldn't describe it but a strange feeling washed over her when her dark, crazed eyes scanned the picture. It was a picture of Harry and Mateo together, Harry taking the selfie with the biggest grin spread across his lips, and Mateo also smiling adorably with his cheek pressed against Harry.

  Adriana didn't know exactly why, but she started crying.

  She started crying because seeing the picture gave her an odd surge of strength, strength to help her fight off those demons. The rolled up dollar bill slipped from her hand as a relieved smile tugged at her lips, tears leaking from her eyes as she stared at the picture long and hard. The more she gazed at Harry and Mateo's faces, their bright and happy smiles, the more she felt the voices fade away. For the first time in a long time, Adriana felt as if she had hope. She had hope that maybe this time she could stop, for good. She had hope that her little boy and the man that had her heart could stop her from drowning.

  Her thoughts dissipated momentarily when the phone vibrated again, her eyes flicking to the new message that appeared below the picture on the screen. Adriana's lips parted in surprise, eyes tearing up again as her heart swelled up in her chest.

  We love you Mamá.

≫≫≫

∙ JSJSJS I promise the next chapter will be better !!!

∙ I was thinking of maybe doing a Q&A at the end of the next chapter, solely on questions about the story addressed to me or the characters. So you can ask the characters questions, refrain from asking Adriana too much about her past lol.

I doubt many people would comment Qs but let's give it a try!

thiora ♡