YALL I can't even begin to explain how long it took to write this chapter and just get back into writing in general. When you stop for like two weeks, ITS HARD TO GET INTO IT AGAIN!

Anyways it's finally here and it's pretty long and sad! Please excuse any errors!

[WARNING: light description of rape]

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This is how it ends

I feel the chemicals burn in my bloodstream

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   "I think you should break up with Harry."

  The silence was almost deafening if not for the sound of Adriana's erratic heart beating in her chest, resonating in her ears. Her lips parted to protest against the idea suggested by Donnie. But nothing came out of her mouth, because she knew that that was the best thing to do. How else was Harry going to stay away from her? She knew if she didn't break up with him, he'd eventually approach her for an explanation. Plus she knew he would never just stop talking to her like that since he cared and loved her so much, he'd be concerned about her. Adriana really couldn't see any other option, so she nodded slowly in agreement

   "You just have to really convince him that you want nothing to do with him anymore," Donnie continued to speak. "Does he know Dean's Mateo's father?"

   "No," she murmured quietly, still unable to believe that this was actually happening. "He doesn't know much about Dean, because I couldn't bring myself to tell him about the horrible things Dean had done to me."

   "So what does he know about Dean?" Donnie frowned.

   "Just that he's a dick," Adriana muttered. "I guess it's easier to lie since he doesn't know much about my past with Dean."

   "You never told him about your past? Wasn't he your boyfriend-"

   "It was too hard to okay?" Adriana snapped harshly all of a sudden, dark eyes narrowed at him. "You haven't slightest idea of what happened to me in the past. I'm surprised I'm even alive today after everything I've endured, and I honestly only have Mateo to thank for that. Otherwise, I'd be dead right now."

   "Alright, I'm sorry," Donnie said slowly, eyes slightly wide at her sudden outburst. "I'm sorry."

  Adriana didn't say anything in response, and instead averted her gaze to the ground. Donnie decided to continue giving suggestions and tips, and Adriana listened quietly. But it was all making her heart break and she couldn't focus half of the time on what Donnie was saying.

   "If you be really cold and-"

   "I don't think I can," she mumbled softly with a pained expression. "He's going to start crying, and it will kill me Donnie."

   "Adriana," he said sympathetically, unsure of what else to say. "You have to be strong, you're doing this for his safety, just think about that. It's necessary."

   "I know I know it's just-" she started choking up, dark eyes suddenly glistening with tears. "I'm going to break his heart, aren't I? I-I mean I practically already did, but this would be like the millionth time or something, and I'll just be breaking him. I-I don't want to hurt him, h-he's the only person other than my son who's truly loved and cared for me in this world. Now I'll lose him b-because of that stupid asshole!"

  She couldn't stop the tears from rolling down her cheeks as she spoke, a small sob escaping her lips at the end of her words. She buried her face into her hands and tried to conceal her cries. Her heart ached terribly because she didn't want to hurt the love of her life. There was a constant reminder in her head that told her she already did hurt him; when he saw her with Dean and thought she was cheating. Adriana sniffled quietly as she tried to stop crying, knowing that she was ruining her make up while doing so. Donnie gazed at her in sympathy, chewing on his lower lip as he pondered on what to say.

   "Look, if you think about it, once you safely get away from Donnie with your son, you can go back to him," Donnie told her quietly.

    "W-What if he doesn't want me back?"

   "Of course he'll want you, he loves you, right?" Donnie arched a brow at her.

   "He thinks I cheated on him, I don't know how he feels about me anymore," Adriana sighed heavily and sadly.

   "The cheating may have caused him heartbreak, but it isn't easy to fall out of love with someone that quickly. I'm sure he still loves you, he's just in pain," Donnie explained, trying to stay optimistic. "Once you get away from Donnie, you can be honest with Harry, and explain to him what had happened and stuff."

   "All I'm saying is have hope," he said, and it made her laugh bitterly.

   "All I've done in my life is hope, Donnie," she told him with a sad smile. "All I've done is put my trust in faith and destiny and hope that something good will happen to me in this piece of crap I call my life."

   "And something good did come out," he quickly said. "Mateo. Harry too, and Adriana this is only temporary. I'm sure he'll still love you-"

   "How can you be so sure?" she demanded with a loud tone. "What if it takes me months to get away from Dean? Or even longer? What if I never get away? Harry will move on, and find someone else who deserves him more than I do. Someone who w-won't hurt him the way I did, a-and do. S-Someone-" her voice broke. "But he'll never find someone who loves him as much as I do."

  The idea of Harry being with someone else pierced her heart and made it bleed profusely.

   "Didn't you ever feel like breaking up was inevitable?" Donnie asked quietly after she had finished rambling sadly.

   "I did at some point," Adriana murmured quietly. "Maybe I still do. But like breaking up like this? This is cruel."

   "Yeah...it is," Donnie sighed. The inevitability of them breaking up didn't make it less sadder than it already was. The fact that she is being forced to break up with him was also what made it all so sad. "When are you gonna do it?"

   "Tomorrow? Dean is going out to sort out some shit with his lawyers, and then I think he's meeting you? I'll get it done while he's gone," she told him, making Donnie nod in response.

  He parted his lips to speak, but Adriana's phone ringing cut him off immediately. She groaned when she saw who was calling: Morgan. That meant her shift was starting and she needed to head back to the club. Donnie racked his brains to think of something to say since he knew Dean was coming to the club tonight to see Adriana. He didn't want her to suffer again, it just reminded him of his sister and how he wasn't able to help her, thus he wanted to help Adriana.

   "Are you gonna be okay tonight?" Donnie questioned dumbly. "Okay, that was stupid but-"

   "You don't have to worry about me, Donnie," she told him  "I'll be fine."

  Donnie didn't believe her for one bit. Adriana didn't believe herself either, but she didn't know what else to say so she left it at that. Donnie watched her walk away with his heart stinging with pity and sympathy.

∙❧∙

   "Harry, please eat something."

   "I'm not hungry," he responded after a few seconds in a dead tone.

  Harry ignored her presence and continued playing the piano. Rita was worried sick about his lack of appetite for the past two days. He looked miserable, and she had half the mind to call up his parents because of how worried she was. But she didn't because she knew how much Harry would dislike that. She turned to leave and call Niall instead, wondering if he could convince Harry to eat a little. Harry sighed heavily as his gaze flickered over the lyrics of the new song he had written.

I walked the streets all day

Running with the thieves

'Cause you left me in the hallway

(Give me some more)

Just take the pain away

  He dropped his head against the piano, releasing a heavy sigh at the same time. He heard the door of his music room opening again, and groaned lightly under his breath, thinking its Rita bringing in breakfast to force-feed him. His lips parted to politely tell her to leave him alone.

   "Rita, please I don't want to eat-" he began to say as he pulled his head to look at her, but instead of finding the woman whom was babying him about eating. His gaze settled upon the woman he was madly in love with, and who had broken his heart.

   "Adriana?" Harry felt his heart collapse beneath his ribcage at the sight of her.

  Adriana pulled her lips into a tight smile, arms folding over her chest as she walked inside. She had wanted to call him beforehand and tell him that she was coming this morning, but Dean was intense and relentless last night and she couldn't even get a second away from him. He had left this morning to run some errands, and told her that he'd be back by afternoon, which gave her enough time to break up with Harry. She wanted to wait, and prepare herself for this moment, but she wanted to get it done with quickly because she couldn't miss this opportunity.

  Harry felt an odd sense of disappointment at the sight of Adriana because she looked just fine. He just couldn't tell that under the emotionless expression she was wearing and the heavily caked on makeup, there was a broken girl with horrendous bruises that not only tainted her skin, but her soul. Harry was confused with how she didn't look a mess like he did. He had fallen off the wagon as soon as he caught her 'cheating', forgotten to take care of himself for the past two days. His hair was unkempt, skin pale, t-shirt and sweatpants dirty from wearing the same outfit again and again. How did he look a mess, and she looked completely fine?

   "W-What are you doing here?" he cleared his throat after a few seconds of silence.

   "I came...to talk. I owe you an explanation," she spoke quietly. "I'm sorry I didn't call beforehand."

   "It's fine," he responded immediately by standing up from his piano bench, to stand before her.

  The awkwardness and tension made them both feel incredibly uncomfortable. Adriana didn't know how to start, Harry didn't what to say because there was so much he wanted to say. He couldn't even begin to fathom the amount of heavy emotions that were stirring inside his gut: the anger, the hurt, and the heartbreak. It was all too much for him and it was taking everything to control his emotions because he knows they'll eventually get the best of him. He tried to remember Niall's words, about hearing out her explanation and that if she really did cheat, then Harry shouldn't forgive her.

  His gaze hat was averted for the past few seconds, lifted up to meet her, and he could feel himself falling apart just by look at her. His lips parted to speak as a broken expression etched upon his face.

   "Why?"

  Adriana's face tightened with guilt, knowing he was referring to the 'cheating'. She knew it wasn't cheating, but she couldn't tell Harry that, no matter how much she wanted to. He'd call the police and everything would backfire because Dean has connections with the police, and she did not want Harry to suffer in Dean's hands.

   "I wasn't thinking after you left," Adriana tried to give some sort of explanation. "I was panicking, and you know how irrational I get-"

   "Yeah but irrational as in doing cocaine or something! S-Sleeping with another-another man?" Harry found it difficult to say it out loud. "That is what happened, right?"

   "Yes," Adriana uttered quietly, gaze averting to the floor. Hearing her confirm it made everything so real all of a sudden. He stepped back, and looked away as his face contorted with sadness and heartbreak. "But Harry, it wasn't just any man. It was Mateo's father, my ex."

   "Y-Your ex? The guy you left because h-he would've made you get an abortion?" Harry stammered in surprise. "You always said he was a dick. W-Why would you-"

   "He's different now," Adriana cut him off quickly. "He came right after you left, and I-I confided in him and one thing led to another-"

   "I-I can't believe you!" Harry couldn't help but cry in exasperation. "After everything we've been through? I thought you loved me."

   "I-" she began to say fiercely before she stopped herself. She was going to say 'I do love you'. "I told you I loved you that night. You didn't say it back, Harry."

    "And that automatically makes you think I don't love you?" Harry widened his eyes.

   "Yes because you know the way my mind works with the cravings. You were distant for the past few weeks, and you were getting tired of me. I know you were. The demons kept saying you were falling out of love with me, what was I supposed to do, Harry? You left!"

  Adriana was saying whatever came first to her head. She couldn't distinguish her feelings towards what she was saying, whether half of her words were genuine or lies. It was killing her on the inside to say the things she was saying to him, and seeing his reaction to all of it. She could tell he was on the verge of breaking down with tears, and she wasn't ready for it to happen. The last thing she had ever wanted to do is to hurt Harry, yet a large part of her knew she had always been hurting him since the beginning. She knew that even if Dean didn't come for her, Harry and her would fight over something else and would barely last long. The inevitability of them breaking up always terrified her, and now it was time.

   "And I said I was coming back," he retorted loudly. "I regretted it the moment I stepped out of your apartment. But I didn't know what to do at that point. Nothing was working; I thought I'd push you somehow to take things seriously. But clearly I pushed you in the wrong direction."

  A silence fell over them momentarily, and it was painful. Their gazes were held in an intense lock, unable to break apart as his pale jade eyes grew glossy while her dark umber ones darkened with guilt and shame. She wanted nothing more than to reach out and hug him, sob into his chest and tell him what Dean's been doing to her and how she felt like she just couldn't take it anymore. She wanted to kiss his cheeks and lips and rid his face of the tears she had caused to flow. Harry's feet carried him over to the piano bench to sit down, face dropping into his hands to hide his face.

   "I gave you my all," he began to say with a broken voice. "What hurts the most about this is...realizing that I had hope in our relationship. After all the fighting and arguing, I was still hopeful. I-I know I made a terrible mistake leaving you that night, but God Adriana, I don't deserve this! Why hurt me like-"

   "It wasn't intentional, Harry, I never meant to hurt you. I just-"

   "Then why did you do it?" he almost wanted to yell at her in frustration, but his words came out in filled with pain, breaking halfway through the sentence. "I can't even sleep at night because I keep thinking of you and him. I kept thinking about why I wasn't enough, and what I did wrong. I know the latter, but I didn't think it was enough to make you cheat."

   "Jesus Harry, it's not all about you," she forced herself to say with a hiss. "Dean isn't just some random guy, he was my ex. He's the man I loved before you walked into my life! He protected me and saved me from my father! He paid for my ballet classes that made me the dancer I am today, because he wanted to support my dreams. Yeah I dumped him because he was a dick and would've never been able to provide for Mateo-"

   "I don't understand why you're saying all this to justify what you did," Harry interrupted her with a sniffle. "So, you had history with the guy, that-that just makes it worse!"

  "I just don't get it, I-I don't get it!" he continued to cry softly, face dropping into his hands, elbows propped on his knees. "All I ever wanted to do was take care of you, Adriana, b-because I love you. I just wanted to make you happy, that's all I've ever wanted for you."

  It took everything within Adriana to stop herself from crying at his words. On the outside she seemed cold and unfazed, but on the inside, everything was falling apart. She was losing her sun, and nothing made her sadder.

   "I know, Harry," she sighed heavily, unsure of what else to say.

   "I-I mean, I tried so hard to help. I know I wasn't good at it, and-and I was insensitive a lot of the times and not understanding, but I tried-"

   "Fuck I know, Harry," Adriana forced herself to snap at him. "It was never working, you know that."

   "But cheating?" Harry immediately responded with a whisper. "Y-You're not even sorry for doing it! You don't even look guilty, or s-sad. W-Why is that? Do you even love me?"

   "I..." she wanted to push him away, but it was too hard for her to deny her love for him. "I do, Harry."

   "Then I don't-I don't get it," he shook his head immediately, face contorting with sadness. "If you love me, I-I don't under-" he let out a tiny sob, before covering his mouth. "They all told me you were gonna hurt me one day, and I-I never believed them. You yourself warned me, why-why didn't I listen?" he was rambling hysterically to himself.

   "You said you'd ruin me," he continued to speak, repeating her words from what she said before they got into a relationship.

   "And I did," Adriana uttered to finish off his sentence, voice coming out more broken than her own heart was if that were possible.

  She then walked over to him and knelt down in front of him. Her dark eyes were glossy with tears when she looked at him, and in them was every single emotion she was feeling, and she didn't bother to hide it for once. Her hands slipped up his arms to pull his hands down from his face that he was trying to hide. They cupped his cheeks, and as much as Harry wanted to push her away, he let her. She gazed at her sun, whose powerful rays were now completely diminished due to her mistakes. Her sun that always had this beautiful radiant smile was now sorrowful with watery, jade eyes, mottled cheeks, and a broken expression. It was then she realized that it finally happened. She broke him.

   "I thought it'd be different this time, Harry," she spoke honestly. "I thought this would work, and I wouldn't fuck it up because I promised myself I would try. But I was wrong." His eyes fluttered close, tears escaping from them at her words.

    "I know I can't be forgiven for what I did, and I shouldn't be because I don't deserve your forgiveness," she continued to speak. "I-I can't imagine my life without you, Harry," she whispered desolately, her tone genuine for the first time in this conversation. "I can't imagine not being in your arms again, or-or seeing your beautiful smile or your kind heart." Her voice broke.

   "Adriana-" he began to say, unsure of why she's saying all of this now, when she was acting cold while he was talking.

   "Please, just let me," she cut him off with a small beg. "I don't deserve you, I never did, and now more than ever. I don't deserve your love and your kindness, I'm not worth it, I never was and I never will be."

   "Stop, please," Harry whimpered with tears rolling down his cheeks. He didn't like the way she was victimizing herself, but he didn't know she was just speaking what she felt like was the truth. "Nothing you say or do will make up for what you did. It's just changed everything, I can't- I can't forgive. I can't do this-"

   "I know I know," she responded immediately, feeling his face slip from her hands. She grabbed onto his hands instead, gripping them tightly. "Y-You were the only thing that gave me real hope, Harry. Hope that I can get better. When I look into my heart that's tainted with so much pain and darkness, you and Mateo are the only light I can see. I will never forget that. I'll never forget the things you did for me to make me happy, your endless efforts and unconditional love."

  She wanted to kiss him, because she knew it'd be a while until she'd get to feel his lips against hers again. However, a small part of her felt like she'd never be able to kiss him again. But she couldn't do it even if she wanted to; the only thing -she could even manage at the moment was holding his hands and touching his face. Anything more than that would trigger memories of Dean, and the last thing she wanted was to be reminded of the terrible situation she was trapped in with him. Harry looked at her with glistening eyes, eyelashes clumped together due to the tears, lips extra pink and cheeks wet. He looked at the woman he called his Princess, his love, his moon. The woman knelt in front of him wasn't those things to him anymore.

   "I wish you all the happiness in the world, Adriana," he began to say, tone filled with heavy emotions. "I pray that one day, you'll get better for your sake and your son's. I just won't be there to witness it."

   "Harry-"

   "I think you should leave," he whispered ever so quietly, the tone of his voice shattering her heart finally. "Please."

  It was a miracle that she still managed to keep the tears within the boundaries of her eyes, but as soon as she stood up from her crouched position and her back faced him; the tears began flowing. She looked back at him for a glance, heart breaking at the way he sat there on the piano bench with his face in his hands, body hunched over. I didn't cheat, she wanted to say. I was raped, Harry. She didn't have the strength to say it even if she had the opportunity to.

   I love you, she mouthed quietly, with tears dripping from her broken eyes. Then she left.

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   "Adriana, baby."

  Dean's heavy moaning and breaths echoed in Adriana's ears as he took her hard against the mattress. She wasn't fighting back as usual and even though that caught Dean off-guard a little, but as soon as he entered her he took advantage of it as much as possible. Adriana was numb. The break up had drained every ounce of her strength and thus left her as this hollow, broken shell of a woman, one that didn't have the strength to resist Dean this time. Her cheek pressed harshly against the pillow, body shifting back and forwards as Dean took her from behind.

   "Fuck," he finally came; spilling into the condom he was wearing.

  It took a few seconds for Adriana to snap back to reality, realizing that it was done and he had pulled out. She moved to lie on her back, noticing that Dean had gone to the bathroom to clean up. Her mindless, dead gaze shifted to his backpack that sat in the corner of the room. She could feel the cravings gnawing at her brain like hungry rats, urging her to feed. Before she knew it, her feet were carrying her towards the backpack where she crouched down and retrieved a small plastic bag of cocaine. When Dean came into the room, she quickly brushed past him to use the bathroom. She wrapped her robe around her tightly as she got her compact mirror from her make up bag that was in the bathroom.

   It'll help you.

   It'll take the pain away

   It'll make you forget.

  At this point, that was all she wanted. She wanted to forget. She wanted to forget the pain that hit her heart every time she'd do the simplest things that would immediately remind her of Harry. She wanted to forget the way he hurt him, the look of shock and heartbreak on his face when he saw Dean and her. The way his voice broke and tears streamed from his eyes when they broke up. She wanted to forget the ache in her sex that was starting to become permanent due to how many times Dean would take her. She wanted to forget that her life was a nightmare she'd rather die than experience.

  Her fingers stroked the razor blade that was her friend, dark eyes eyeing the white powder that sat on the mirror. She organized the powder into two lines, heart pounding wildly in her chest as she did so. A small part of her was screaming at her not to do it, because she had been progressing a lot with Harry, and that she should keep it up even if he wasn't with her. But she couldn't. The cravings were torturous after she broke up with Harry, and she just couldn't handle it anymore.

  Her head lowered, dollar bill rolled up and in hand, nose coming close to one side of it while the other hovered over the powder. Her eyes fluttered shut as she snorted the cocaine, pulling her head back as soon as the toxic drug shot up her right nostril and into her system. Before the drug could start intoxicating her system, she gazed at herself in the mirror. She gazed at the damaged girl who looked like death. She could almost see the disappointment and sadness on Harry's face when she imagined what his reaction would be if he knew she had relapsed. Her eyes fluttered shut as her time ran out for the high to begin, lips parting to utter a few final words.

   "I'm sorry, Harry."

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∙ I got hella sad writing this chapter, it was so hard ):

What do you guys think?

I know it's hella frustrating because harry thinks she cheated but in reality she was raped. At this point I feel sorry for everyone in this story.

Except Dean.

What do you think will happen now? Any future predictions?

Until we meet again...

thiora ❤️