damn she updates? who is she?

long time no see, huh guys! I will spare the apologies and let you get to the chapter. I am determined to finish this mf book because there's literally only a chapter and an epilogue left.

Anyways, that gif is concerning oop . Also, the quotes before the pics are usually song lyrics but this time I picked a stanza from a poem called The View From Halfway Down from the show Bojack Horseman (I fucking love this show), and I think it resonates well with Adriana's addiction and this chapter in particular.

Just to recap, Harry broke up with Adriana in the previous chapter after the whole self-harm incident. This chapter follows the breakup.

WARNING: triggering, explicit content containing drug abuse. Read at your own risk.

≫≫≫

But this is it, the deed is done

Silence drowns the sound

Before I leaped I should've seen

The view from halfway down

≫≫≫

"I will never be the same because of you!"

Harry's words rung in Adriana's ears as she snorted another line of coke off the edge of the bathtub, before rubbing the remaining bits into her gums. She sniffled heavily, dragging her hand against the back of her nose. She had lost count of how many lines she's snorted now, but she didn't care. The drugs she ingested were meant to fill the hollow feeling that her heart was drowning in ever since Harry broke up with her. It's barely been a few hours since it happened, yet she felt like she was experiencing the lowest of lows ever.

She pulled her knees to her chest as a single tear rolled down her cheek. At the same time, a drop of blood trickled down from her left nostril. It dripped down her upper lip, seeping into her mouth notifying her that her nose was bleeding. She blinked and splashed water onto her face, smearing her already ruined mascara before standing up from the bath. Her legs carried her over to the towel rack where she dried her body before sliding on a bra and underwear. She stumbled and caught ahold of the sink to steady herself. Her brain was foggy and disorientated, which frustrated her to no end because the cocaine was doing a shit job at distracting her from her thoughts.

Her eyes settled upon her reflection in the mirror, sucking in a breath at how horrendous she looked. Her skin was sickly pale now, pimples dotted around her forehead and chin. Her cheeks were sunken, highlighting her sharp cheekbones and the way in which cocaine was eating away at her soul. She barely noticed her physical health quickly deteriorating this past month after Dean had died and she had upped her cocaine usage. Her heart sunk in her weak chest at the sight of her body wasting away with every snort of the toxic white powder. Her hands touched her face gently, sighing heavily at the way her youth was decaying inside of her withering body.

A couple knocks on the bathroom door and a tiny whimper from a young Mateo drew Adriana's attention away from her reflection.

"Yes, Mateo?" Adrianna huffed in irritation, pulling on a robe and securing the tie around her waist. She pulled the door open, finding him standing there with his brows pulled low over his innocent brown eyes.

"Mamá, where is mi sol?" He questioned quietly, pouting at her while clutching his Simba toy to his chest. "And when is Papa coming back?"

"Mateo stop asking me so many questions for god's sake," Adriana groaned lightly, pressing a hand to her head and walking out of the bathroom. Mateo trailed behind her like a lost puppy. "I just need one night to myself cariño por favor."

"But Mamá," Mateo whined loudly, voice breaking in between. Adriana stopped in her tracks and turned around, immediately running to him and kneeling before him.

"I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry baby," she whispered, a string of apologies leaving her lips as she pulled him to her chest and hugged him tight. "Why are you crying?"

She pulled back to look at him, and his tiny face broke her heart. All scrunched up with tears in his eyes. Mateo was incredibly intuitive, and he could tell something was wrong with her mother, now more than ever. His heart hurt for his moon. Adriana brushed her thumbs against his cheeks, clearing them of tears before she kissed his forehead. She gathered him into her arms and took him to the kitchen where she set him on the counter and prepared some warm milk and honey, his comfort drink. Once she was done, she grabbed the mug and hoisted him up on her hip with the other arm and walked to his room. Setting the mug down, she tucked him into his bed. Balancing on the edge of her bed, she sighed heavily and gazed at him softly, running her fingers through his soft hair.

"Mateo," she spoke softly yet firmly, the somber tone of her voice stilling his worrying heart for a moment. "I'm going to talk to you about something that you may not understand right now, but you will one day. I need you to be calm when I say what I need to say. Okay?"

"Sí, Mamá," Mateo mumbled quietly.

"Papa...he's not coming back, baby," she whispered quietly. A tear slipped out from the corner of her eye when his brows furrowed in confusion. "He got into an accident...you know what happens to Mufasa in the Lion King? Papa passed away in this accident."

Adriana felt slightly ridiculous referring to the Lion King, but she felt that was the best way he'd understand death for the moment. Her heart tightened in her chest when she saw the truth dawn upon his face. For the next few minutes, Adriana was bombarded with questions as to what the accident was and whether it was a Scar pushing Mufasa off a cliff type of situation, which Adriana ended up explaining that all he needs to know right now is that his father has passed. This angered Mateo extremely, causing him to throw a tantrum, clearly in denial of the whole ordeal.

"No Mamá, tell me! I am a big boy!" Mateo insisted angrily, upset that she wasn't giving him the whole story. She sighed reaching out for his hands instead he slapped hers away.

"Mateo don't be difficult. I know you are upset," Adriana spoke patiently, grabbing ahold of his hands gently. "But I am here to take care of you and love you even though Papa isn't here anymore. I always have been."

"No! I want Papa!" Mateo began sobbing, breaking free from her grip.

"Mateo, please," Adriana grabbed his flailing arms and pulled them down gently, attempting to take him into her arms. Adriana didn't know whether telling him about Harry right now was a good idea or not but since he asked, she couldn't help but blurt it out. Kill two birds with one stone. Adriana knew that the anger most probably stemmed from frustration that he only just got his father back only for him to be eternally snatched away from the child so quickly. "Mi Estrella, please remember it's you and me. It's you and me against this world."

She kept whispering those words as she clutched him to her chest, rocking him back and forth as he hugged her and cried. A heavy flood of tears streamed down her cheeks as she held her wailing child in her arms, every sob he let out snapped at her heart strings that was barely holding her broken heart together. Eventually, his crying wore him out and he was tired. Adriana fed him the milk and honey to soothe his throat before tucking him into bed. As he drifted off to sleep, Adriana knelt by his bed and sponged a sweet kiss onto his forehead, whispering a few words to him.

"I am so sorry, mi Estrella. Te amo."

Adriana carefully slipped out of the room as soon as Mateo shut his eyes. She entered her room, with sweaty palms and a rapidly beating heart. A part of her deeply regretted telling Mateo about Dean dying the way she did. She was afraid she traumatized her child. This fear almost paralyzed her, thoughts utterly scattered as her chest began rising and falling at a quick rate. The anxiety she was feeling was unlike anything else she's ever felt before. All her life she tried to raise Mateo and shelter him from the horrors of her life but now she was helpless in stopping them from unveiling themselves and ruining him. Her anxiety attack rendered her upon the floor, chest heaving heavily. She desperately tried to cling to a singular thought that would provide her with a solution to save her brain from the state of disorder it was in.

Drugs

She heard a whisper amongst the chaos occupying her brain, giving her a dangerous idea. However, she had finished every bit of cocaine she had, and she didn't have the time to get more. Besides, Donnie wouldn't give her any even if she asked. She racked her brains for anything that would provide her with sweet release from the insufferable pain of her anxiety attack. Her eyes widened when a lightbulb lit up in her head, cunningly caused by her demons. Dean had left his heroin kit at her apartment when he had packed to leave that one dreadful day. Before she could decide for herself whether this was a good idea or not, her feet carried her towards her chest of drawers where he had stuffed it under a bunch of clothes. Her fingers closed around the small black pouch that contained a new syringe, a gram of heroine, a spoon, and a lighter.

Her mind was racing as she worked quickly to liquefy the heroin on the spoon, hovering the lighter under the spoon and watching it bubble rapidly. She knew how to do it because she used to watch Dean do it a couple of times with his friend when they were together in high school. Once it was done, she set the spoon down and used the syringe to extract the liquid before holding it up to the light emitted by the lamp on her bedside table and tapping it to release any air bubbles. Placing the syringe horizontally between her teeth to hold it, she grabbed her belt that was nearby and tied it around her left bicep.

Taking the syringe back into her hand, the tip of the needle hovered before her skin for a mere second before she decided to go ahead with it. The drug infiltrated her bloodstream, the liquid euphoria gave her body life and eliminated the chaos in her head for a moment. The sweet sense of relief she felt in that one precious moment caused a soulless smile to stretch across her face. She fell back into her bed, yet it fell like she was falling back in slow motion, looking up at the empty ceiling. In that moment, she was completely free. Flying so high she could touch the ceiling. She was free up until the moment ended and her face slowly morphed into an expression of confusion and paralyzing fear as she came down, feeling everything from her body to her soul.

She felt the most alone she had ever felt in her entire life.

1 hour later

Mateo stirred awake to a loud thud coming from his mother's room next door. Yawning quietly, he recalled his conversation with Adriana right before he fell asleep and felt a pang in his little heart. Deciding that he wanted the comfort of his mother, he got out of bed ready to crawl into hers. He clutched his Simba toy to his chest as he approached Adriana's room that was half open with the lamp light spilling out of it. He stood in the patch of illumination that came from her room, encountering his mother sprawled across the floor barely conscious.

"Mamá?"

His wide curious eyes filled with worry when he didn't hear her respond the first time he spoke in a whisper. He slowly approached her, setting his Simba toy on the floor, and resting his hand on her shoulder, shaking her a little. Adriana emitted a tiny groan and his heart soared in his chest. Her face was deadly pale, breathing extremely shallow and she could feel her heart beating weakly in her chest.

"Mamá, wake up, por favor," Mateo begged her quietly with a sniffle.

"Mateo.... help...." Adriana murmured softly, her blue lips shaking lightly. "Phone....call..."

Mateo looked around for her phone immediately, spotting it on the bedside table and bringing it over to her. Mateo skillfully typed in her password as he always used her phone for video games and YouTube. Her phone opened onto the contacts page where he spotted Jazmín's name on speed dial, immediately pressing that, and calling her. Luckily, Jazmín picked up instantly, a sleeping voice rang in Mateo's ears.

"Adriana, girl it's late as hell-"

"Aunty Jazmín!" Mateo cried loudly, causing the woman to sit up in her bed quickly. "Mamá won't wake up! Please help me! She won't wake up!"

"Mateo, wait right there I am coming!" Jazmín jumped out of bed, shoving at her husband who was grumbling quietly at the sudden movement. "Call 911! Now! I think something happened to Adriana!"

"Adriana?" Marco frowned at her, sitting up. "You're still talking to her? After everything that happened to us because of her?"

"Marco please, she has a son too! Just call 911 for fuck's sake!" Jazmín snapped at him, causing him to roll his eyes and grab his phone.

Jazmín grabbed her key ring which had an extra key to Adriana's apartment and rushed out of her own. Her mind was racing thinking about what could've happened to Adriana for her son to find her unconscious like that. She thought about this as she unlocked the apartment, sighing in relief as it clicked open immediately and she stormed into it before turning to the right. Her heart broke at the sight of the sweet little boy sitting beside his mother in tears, holding her hand. Jazmín's husband trailed behind her, on the phone with the emergency services. They quickly raced to Mateo's side, where Jazmín grabbed ahold of him and pulled him away while Marco approached Adriana.

"Oh my god," Jazmín gasped, tears immediately springing into her eyes at the sight of Adriana. She scanned the room, noticing the spoon and the syringe on her bedside table. "Marco, I think she overdosed. That's heroine!"

Marco knelt beside Adriana and turned her body gently, so she was laying on her side, in case she was going to vomit to prevent her from choking on it. She was barely breathing now, and she looked pale and lifeless. Marco felt her wrist for her pulse and detected it, but it was barely beating at this point.

"She's still alive," Marco uttered urgently into the phone, before informing the emergency services that Adriana had overdosed on heroine. "But she's breathing very shallowly."

"Mateo just stay here," Jazmín said gently while she made him stand by the doorway, handing him his Simba toy. "Your mother's going to be alright, okay? Don't you worry, we are taking her to a hospital. Let's just pray together for her."

Adriana was finding it extremely hard to stay awake at this point. Her half-closed gaze landed upon her son who was staring at her with tear-filled eyes. Her arm that was outstretched in his direction shifted slightly, hand and fingers raising ever so slightly to reach him before dropping. The look of horror on his face was suddenly covered in a red and blue hued light, flashing brightly through the bedroom window of Adriana's room. The muffled sound of the ambulance alarm rang in the background as Adriana's eyelids began to flutter close.

Red, blue, red, blue. The bright lights spilled through the windows and engulfed the broken woman on the floor. Mateo crawled towards her but before his hand could brush against hers, he was suddenly pulled away by Jazmín. The ambulance crew had arrived and needed the room to be cleared. Mateo emitted a loud screech, fresh tears springing from his eyes as he watched over Jamzín's shoulder the image of his mother grow smaller in his line of vision, while unfamiliar people rushed into the room.

Red, blue, red, blue.

≫≫≫

ahhhh that ending sorta sucked I was trying to be poetic with the repetition of the red/blue lights. Let me know what you guys think of the chapter! I'm defo rusty at writing but I am pretty satisfied with the overdose scene, it took me so long to write!

y'all writing that scene where Mateo finds Adriana unconscious on the floor felt like a parallel to when Simba finds Mufasa dead OOF this was pretty painful to write and poor Mateo really didn't deserve to witness this ):

what do you guys think will happen next? predictions?

I think there's only one chapter left and just an epilogue, or I might just combine the two and do only an epilogue I'm not sure yet. But basically we are pretty much at the end of the novel. It's kinda crazy how far it's come, I started this in 2017 and now it's 2021! If I was a consistent writer this book would've been done AGES ago but oh well.

I want to say thank you for those who've stuck with this book and are reading this author's note right now. You have my unconditional love and appreciation. I seriously admire y'all for sticking around, this book is seriously not easy to read and is my least loved novel but it is the one I'm most proud of writing so thank you so so much for reading <3 I apologize once again for being one of those authors who takes years to update but hey writing fanfiction when you've fallen out of your fanfiction/harry styles phase is really fucking hard. Anyways, at least this book will be finished and I'm hoping finishing it will give me motivation to go back to writing Heavy Crown because honestly I really want to finish that book because it deserves to be written and not have the plot explained in an author's note so fingers crossed that doesn't end up happening LOL.

Until we meet again....

Thiora <3