Troye Sivan is a seventeen year old male. He basically dropped out of high school because it became 'too much'. Well, not dropped out, but he often times doesn't make it out of bed in the morning for school. So he basically dropped out. His mother sometimes asks him if he wants to go to school that day, and he usually responds with a grunt and snuggles deeper into his burrito of blankets that keep him warm from the ass-biting cold freezer that we call a bedroom. Autumn and Winter both really suck for him. He doesn't move or eat. He just lays in bed and watches YouTube videos on his laptop. He basically only feels motivated to piss anymore. No, he doesn't even feel motivated to write as much as he used to. Let me fill you in a bit on his life, his best friend- or ex-best friend since he doesn't go to school anymore, is Tyler Oakley. He hasn't gotten a haircut since the end of July and it is now the middle of October. He has a blog on tumblr which is basically his diary. And in that diary he writes about his life experiences and fictional stories anonymously.

When he was sixteen he made the blog.

When he was sixteen and a half he developed anxiety.

When he was seventeen he began experiencing panic attacks monthly. Weekly if its been a bad month.

When he was seventeen he became anorexic.

When he was seventeen he turned to self harm to deal with his inner demons.

When he was seventeen he figured out the true meaning of loneliness. He finally figured out that there's something wrong with him, that there's a missing piece of the puzzle which is his heart. He figured out that he is depressed. Or at least partially. He has the kind of depression where you feel.. You feel like you aren't real, if that makes any sense. He feels like he's just walking through life. He has nothing to look forward to other than one of his favorite Youtubers uploading a six minute long video about everything and nothing at the same time. It's basically seasonal depression, if you will.

In the summertime he felt really suicidal. He figured out how to remove a razor blade from a pencil sharpener using only a small screwdriver that came with a kit he used to tighten his reading glasses with. Yes, he wears contact lenses most of the time so that he doesn't look like more of a loser than he already is.

Then Autumn came along and he felt.. He felt like nobody loved him. Like nobody cared. Nobody wanted to talk to him anymore. No one bothered calling him anymore. No one bothered knocking on his bedroom door anymore to check if he was alright and not hanging by a leather belt in his closet. Nobody visited anymore. Nobody tweeted him anymore. He was completely irrelevant, to be honest.

Even Tyler gave up on him. Or so he thought...

Just as Troye was crawling out of bed to grab his laptops charger, the door swung open. His eyes darted to the mirror beside him and he yelped, seeing that he looks like something satan would shit out of his bloody asshole when he's constipated. Then his eyes darted to the adorable blonde boy he once called his best friend.

"T-Tyler?" Troye croaked out, seemingly astonished that someone would bother coming into his filthy cave he calls a bedroom.

"You look terrible."

"You say that like I haven't heard that six times this week."

"Sorry.. It's just.. What happened to you?" His blonde friend looked up from the floor, eyes glistening with tears before he quickly blinked them away.

"I don't know what you're talking about.." Troye muttered, crawling back under his sheets without his laptop charger. You know, the object he originally got out of bed to fetch.

"Troye," Tyler warned. "You dropped out of high school! What the fuck?" Tyler was now standing beside Troye's bed with crossed arms and a glare aimed at him.

"I'm not talking about this. Why did you even come here? To yell at me?"

"I'm obviously here because I care about you and am worried."

"That's what my family used to tell me. But that was before they gave up on me."

"Why don't you ever respond to my texts or voicemails?"

"I have a phone?"

"Maybe you'd still have friends if you'd just charge your fucking phone once in a while.."

"Go away."

"You'll never get help if you just keep pushing everyone away."

"I'm fine. Go away." Troye opened up his laptop to see that danisnotonfire uploaded a new video with his roommate, Phil, which caused a small smile spread across his face. But that smile didn't last for very long.

"What are you even doing on there all day?"

"Nothing."

"Liar. Let me see." Tyler sat beside Troye and looked at his screen. "You watch Dan and Phil too?"

"Go away."

"No."

"What the hell do you mean 'no'?"

"I mean, I care, and miss you.. You're such an ass but I miss you so much. Why'd you drop out?"

"Does it matter? Nobody even liked me.. Plus, I'll never use any of that stupid shit the teachers teach me anyways."

"You need to get out of the house." Tyler closed Troye's laptop and grabbed it, setting it down on his nearby desk.

"H-" Tyler cut him off, rummaging through his closet to grab a coat and some boots.

"I'm not putting that on."

"Then I'll help you." And with that, Tyler put Troye's shoes on his feet and threw his coat at his face.

"Gross, when's the that last time you showered?"

"Four days ago. Now get out."

"First of all, ew. Second, I'm not leaving without you."

"Well then I guess neither of us will be leaving." Troye muttered, seemingly phlegmatic about the whole situation. But that just didn't sit with Tyler, so he grabbed Troye by the legs and pulled him off the bed, his ass hitting the floor with a loud thump that was soon followed by a drawled out groan.

"Tyler!"

"Oh come on, Troye! You brought this upon yourself."

"I'm not going outside looking like this. And shouldn't you be at school?"

"It's half past five. Either you take your little ass downstairs and out the front door, or I use force."

"You aren't intimidating, Ty. You're like four feet tall."

"Shut up you- you ass-nugget."

"Gladly." Troye stayed sprawled out on the floor, eyes relaxed and shut. Tyler somehow got him to stand up, then he laced his fingers through the Aussies, causing him to flinch slightly.

"We're leaving this dump and we're gonna have fun together whether you like it or not." There was literally no use in fighting it any longer, so Troye sighed and decided to just go along with it and see where the night takes him. Afternoon, if you will. Evening?.. Troye hadn't bothered to check his clock since yesterday.

"Fine."

Troye didn't bother to take his hand away from his blonde haired friends'. He allowed his cold hand to be held- caressed by his once best friend. They ran past his family without a word, making their way outside of the house and into the fresh open air.

"Well, I made it outside. Goodbye, Ty." Troye began to walk in the opposite direction while still holding the other boys hand. It ended with Tyler yanking him back to his side.

"You aren't leaving me again."

"Again?.."

"You never come to school anymore.."

"And?"

"And I miss you."

"Why?"

"Cause you're my best friend. Or at least I hope I still am." The sad look on Tyler's face and his meek voice shattered what was left of Troye's weak heart. He felt guilty for once. He actually felt something. Well, he felt emotion other then self hatred and agony.

"Why would anyone want to be my friend? I just bring everyone down and ruin everything and anything that I happen to encounter."

"Will you please stop saying that!"

"Why?" Troye ripped his hand away from Tyler's, leaving them both feeling cold and empty.

"Because- I can't fucking take it anymore! You're constantly skipping school and not eating and hiding away is your goddamn bedroom! You never return any of my calls or texts, you only wear black and it makes you look like a ringwraith! You don't take care of yourself and you've neglected your family and you best mother fucking friend! And I'm fucking sick of it!" Troye backed away as the shouts became too much for him to handle.

"Don't do this to me, Ty." Troye began running in the direction of the park.

The blonde boy approached him, tightly grabbing his arm. "Do what to you? Show you how I really fucking feel about you? I'm sick of this, Troye. I'm sick of you constantly running away from me. And I'm so, so sick of you constantly running away from getting help!"

"This isn't 'fun' Tyler." Troye grumbled. "Let go of me!"

"You keep pushing me away. Why? What did I ever do to y-you?" Tyler ignored the tears that were now streaming down his blushed cheeks that. His once porcelain-hued cheeks..

"Nothing- and that's the problem."

"That doesn't even make any sense. Tell me, why do you hate me?" His vice grip on the brunettes sweater loosened until he was only holding onto the sleeve with his fingertips. "Tell me that you don't feel anything towards me and I'll leave you. I promise I won't bother you again. Ever."

After what felt like years but what must've only been a minute, Troye came to a conclusion. Tyler isn't just asking about platonic affection. He likes Troye. He's interested. He wants to feel his lips pressed against his own. He wants it all. Whether he just wants dick or is interested in a long term relationship, Tyler feels something for the young Aussie. And that something is something that Troye may never be able to reciprocate due to his lack of self love and all around happiness. He can't truly love someone until he learns to love himself. Its sad but true.

"I'm sorry, Tilly." Troye allowed his teary eyes fall closed for a moment. After he had composed himself enough to not burst into tears right then and there, he savored the feeling of Tyler's hand on his arm. That was until it all ended and he opened his eyes again. He looked Tyler in the eye, pressed a soft kiss to his cheek then walked away.

He not only walked away from what could've been true love, but he also walked away from an escape. An escape from his ever lasting episodes of depression.

He walked away from Tyler and left him broken, sobbing on the sidewalk outside of his house.

Committing murder would've been less scarring than watching that boy fall apart.

But it's nothing compared to what Troye will do to himself when he gets home.

***

TO BE CONTINUED...

Bye|Rachel.

Twitter|@Troylerflamingo