I stare at him as he knelt down the ground with the carpet hugging his other knee tight. I could be blushing right now but I just.. I just can't. Joe don't deserve me in any ways. He just... Don't.

I mean, I could give him a thousand reasons that I like him. But contrast to that, I have the millions of reasons that he shouldn't choose me to be with him.

My head just hung in to the air while staring at Joe, still lost for words. I just gripped around the leather couch and stopped moving, a single tear rolling down my eyes.

If only I'm free.
If only.

Waterfall began to crash down my cheeks, I struggled to catch for air seeing Joe in blur, Tristan was in the verge of crying too. Joe stood up worried because of my reaction, he set my child down in to the ground as he looked at me, he offered me a handkerchief and hugged me immediately.

If only I'm free,
I could've be your girl,
I'd be loving you until you see
That I'll be everything you need,
But everything turned in to a swirl.

I'm so sorry for giving you shit,
Because my life is a complete example of crap.
Trashed, i am worthless.
I am never good for you Joseph.

If only I'm free,
You're happy with me.

"J-Joe... I... I just... Can't." I sobbed in to his shirt, after hearing what I just said, Joe crashed his head in to the crook of my neck, heaving sighs and pats my back.

"It's o---"

"No it's not over yet Joe. Let me finish." I said, not wanting to hear anything from him, the same phrases that I'd never like to be repeated. It will be okay. It's okay. Its not. And it never will. Lies.

"I never want you to lie to me Joseph. And I never want you to wait on me. I never want to be in a relationship with you because I'm not flawless like anyone from modeling industry or a girl from media. I am behind the media. I never want to be in a relationship with the biggest fear of that all things fall apart," I cried, he just hugged me tight, tears drop in the crook of my neck. "Joseph, I like you," I confessed, I really mean it. For years.

"Get a room. And please, the baby is too young and still innocent," the voice chimed in, breaking us from the dramatic air that covered us for a few.

I sat and fixed myself, wiping the tears fallen from my eyes and looked at the back, seeing Patrick holding Tristan.

"If you ever need us, I'll be on my room." Patrick stormed and just held Tristan, I just sighed and facepalmed myself.

Patrick dispersed in to his room, leaving us alone in the living room with the television still in, the movie repeated itself automatically. I sighed and looked at Joe, he's still wiping the tears that he didn't hold back.

But it's for the best.

"You didn't mean it all aren't you?" Joe started, I looked at him with the intensity that could make him leave a hole in his seat.

"What do you mean?"

"You didn't mean it all. You're just in love with Patrick and loving him was wrong for you because of your best friend that is still missing for Pete's sake." Joe ironically laughed making me choke for what just he said. Really?

"I never like Patrick!" I yelled, defending myself still looking at him. Tears left my eyes and it continued its way on my cheeks, leaving stains on my clothes.

"If I ever lied to you, I would've denied you the moment Patrick just came down here. But not. I stayed. Because I mean it all Joe. I like you, for almost many years that only God knows for how long," sigh escaped mouth as I cupped my chin, quickly wiping the tears away from my face. "If I don't like you, I should've said yes and ran away with your money, tell things that would ruin you and your band and leave you devastated."

"But you did. Except for leaving with my money and ruining the band. But that was close."

"You're blaming me?" I scoffed as I heard his remark, the couch stretched more distance and the both of us left yelling at each other.

"I fucking did it because I want to fucking leave you for good! I want to be away from the things that I'm hiding at, but you all come to me, the problems just weight me down more, my life starts to mess up knowing you liked me back. And telling me I'm a liar? You know what? Maybe talk about how miserable my life was when I'm gone. You want that?" I screamed as I raised my arms in stress, I don't ever want this. Leaving us on distress.

"But who could love me when I'm out of my mind? I ran away because I wanna leave my mind so I won't worry again. But you loved me. And it I... It made me feel like I'm happy. Yes. But I have many troubles tracking me down until my breathing stops forever!" I sobbed, hugging my knees with my arms, cried harder when I felt him cropped the distance and felt his embrace again.

"Sophia," he consoled, "just tell me, what's the problem. I don't need those yelling and crying. I want you to look at me in my eyes."

He held my chin and grazed my cheek, his green eyes met mine. It's confused and troubled. It reflects me.

Pain just keep on weighing me down, making me feel dizzy with the air hanging me down, trying to pull me and make me drown in to the water. A boiling water.

"crybaby," Joe  teased, it made me stop crying. "But still you're a faded moon, stuck on a little hot mess."

"They only want the best for me, and you're the best for me Sophia. I may never told you that I've been liking you ever since I don't know. But I'm not the boy I was before. I was just venting, and god. Look at me now.  You held me down in to this starless city. You took all the brightness and I need you to be stuck with the mess. A hot mess with me." Joe spat, I was lost for words. His poetic approach nearly killed me. Killed me with his sweetness.

"Tiffany Sophia Blews, would you even like to tell me the reason why am I rejected?"

"Tell me first why I'm a moon, a faded moon." I teased him back, Joe smiled and just rolled his eyes. I sniffed and badly need a tissue. Hellos to my watery nose, I feel so embarrassed.

"Because you're illuminating my world. But you're slowly fading because you rejected me." He said with hurt in his tone, I smiled just to make him reflect what I am doing.

It's for the best.

Thin silence covered the whole room, none of us wanting to talk so I never dared to break the silence. It should be like this. I like this kind of silence because I could let myself wonder what he's thinking. Does he still think about me?

"When I come back, maybe we could make things work." I said, finally getting the guts I need to say what I came here for.

"Why? Where are you going?" He asked as he slide his hands through his hair, I smiled.

"Going back to Chicago. I'm searching for someone again."

'It's Elisa.' Joe whisphered as his bluish gray eyes locked at the carpet, still his thoughts were scattered.

"Yes. And I'm planning to have Patrick with me. So we could make things work after this mission and Patrick will be happy with Elisa," I smiled, Joseph silently looked at me, not showing any emotions and all.

"Can I go with you too?"

"I'm still planning Joe. If ever, I could bring you too when I finished talking to Patrick. But for now, I'll be your faded moon, until you saw someone who replaced me and bring you the brightest thing that you'll ever have." I smiled through the pain stabbing my heart as my guts slowly overwhelming my whole system until I was out of my mind. It's what I am. No one could change that.

Just a little Joe and Sophia moment with a bitter Patrick 😁 appearance! Hello to everyone! How did you find my song reference?

My favorite line for today is :

I never want to be in a relationship with the biggest fear of that all things fall apart. ~ Sophia

Could you tell that my favorite Fall Out Boy song was TIFFANY BLEWS and FROM NOW ON WE'RE ENEMIES? What's yours?

😘 have a great day faded moons!

Stay young and classy,
Pretty and sassy,
Amazing and jolly
Car Crashed Hearts

Musichearted_
🎶♡_