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Abhinandan POV

"What?" I asked. "What do you mean?" I added, after a moment of silence by her.

She rubbed my chest gently and leaned closer to place her chin on my head and her other hand caressed my jaw.

The softness of her, the tickles of her jewellery calmed my mind and I tried to ask again. "What do you mean? Trisha,"

Inhaling deeply, she began to reply. "He is struggling, meetings and conversations exhaust him even more. I asked Maasa how is he doing and she also said that," she muttered and I gently pulled myself and looked up at her.

"She did?" I asked, and she nodded slowly. Her face looked serious and upset.

"I think, you should take all the responsibility so that he can focus more on his health," she said, and I gulped silently and nervously.

"Trisha, are you hiding something?" I asked, and she immediately froze. As the few moments of silence followed, I looked up to her face and she lowered her gaze, inhaling deeply.

"Do not lie, not this time," I muttered in a low voice and she shook her head, slowly.

"I am asked to tell you something," she muttered and I immediately looked away.

"I do not want to hear anything," I said, closing my eyes.

Baapusa was doing fine. He was just a little sick and laughed the other day and even yesterday. He was going to be fine. And, he loves to be a King.

How could I take the only thing he likes, away from him? The responsibilities, the Kingdom, and everything to which he has given his everything.

"Okay," she muttered and suddenly hugged me, wrapping her arms from behind around my neck. I closed my eyes and heard her say.

"Abhi, I am with you. I am not against you, I do not want anything bad for you. I kn... I know you do not like my interference or words in any of your family's matters. And, I did not want to take any of such work—"

"It's not like that," I immediately cut her off, "You are wrong about me," I tried to say and she immediately pulled her hands back.

"Ohh," she muttered and I shook my head.

"I did not mean to say that. I mean, it's not what I meant," I tried to say.

"I understand, do not worry," she muttered, and I noticed him stand up from the pool's slab. But, before she could go, I held her hand to stop.

She gulped, looking back at me.

"It's just I do not want to talk about my father, my sister and Rudra," my voice came out slow and she lowered her gaze before stepping closer and sitting back. I closed my eyes.

I did not know what was I feeling.

But, all of this was getting difficult, and even more difficult.

The more I wanted to be free, the more tied I felt.

Everything was making me feel choked.

Everything that happened. Nandani's wedding, my father's health, the changes in the kingdom, and Trisha coming into my life.

It was so overwhelming.

And, I did not know whom to talk to about all of this.

Ever since my grandfather passed out, I really could not put anything into words. I fail everything and in everything.

I was just turning weaker and weaker and I could see that the end of me was near, as a son, as a Prince, as a husband.

Because I could not do anything right.

And, the best thing to avoid anything was not to talk about it. I hated talking about anything that bothered me.

I noticed Trisha, filling the jars of water and rubbing the paste off my skin. It was feeling good. Her hand's touch was soft and inviting. Not inviting in a sensual sense but pleasing and comfortable.

There was absolute silence between us until I was done bathing and she stood up.

"I should go and sit in the sunlight to dry my clothes a little bit," she said, and I immediately held her hand again.

"Do not go," I said and managed to stand up. Her gaze widened a little, watching me step out of the pool and towering over her a little.

"You said, you are not against me," I asked, and she nodded, staring into my eyes.

"I am not," she muttered and I gulped, stepping closer and she took a step back.

"You are wet," she reminded me and I nodded, taking two more steps closer to her.

She knit her brows with slight confusion and took a step back with anticipation until her back hit a pillar and she looked back hesitantly.

"You are not, even after I forced you to marry me. It contradicts. How do I know that you do not hate me?" I tried to ask. This was the very thing that had irked me since the beginning.

She gulped, looking at me. Her eyes were piercing mine. She looked beautiful. Goddess. And, the way she inhaled, shivering a little, and I could not help but notice her rosy lips.

"Abhi, you are wet," she warned me again, placing her hand on my chest to stop me, "If you will move one more step closer, my clothes will be damped and Maasa will ask me to change. And, I hate changing," she said in low voice and I closed my eyes for a moment, before lowering my gaze to her hand, on my chest.

My hand could not stop itself from covering hers and I stepped closer, erasing the last few inches between us. Her eyes widened with shock and she looked up into my eyes.

"Are you mad? Maasa will kill me," she said, and I knit my brows wondering, "You are doing all of this because of Maasa?" I asked, and her mouth hung open.

"What? Why? And how can you even think like that?" she asked, and I noticed her lips trembling a little.

"I do care for you," she said, and I shook my head.

"No, you do not. You are just willing to fulfil your responsibilities and be a good daughter-in-law," I tried to say and she gulped, shaking her head.

"Why did you let it happen that night?" I asked, and she stood silent.

Since, that night, I could not help but feel that something was missing. She wanted a baby, and I could not help but feel that it was because she just wanted to fulfil what I asked on our wedding day and she wanted to go away after that.

"What?" she asked, her voice low.

"We slept together," I said, reminding her and she blinked all of a sudden, looking away. Her face turned red because of embarrassment.

"What do you want to ask? I do not understand," she said in a low voice and I placed my finger to make her look up at me.

"Do you want to leave me? Like, you said on our wedding day. That you will leave me after the baby. That's why you did not stop anything and last night, you said that you want a baby, too," I tried to explain and she inhaled deeply and shook her head.

"You think... that, I..." She lowered her gaze and turned silent. Her hand slipped down my chest and she looked up, shaking her head.

"No, I was not thinking anything. Apparently, I am not that smart and knowing how you think about me, is eye-opening," she muttered and chuckled a little.

"I mean, I did not even think of that," she laughed a little and I noticed a tear rolling down her cheek. She immediately washed it away.

"You should get ready. And, I should go out," she muttered and tried to go away from there.

My heart sank deeper and I could not help but pull her back. The noise of her anklet bells echoed in the bathing room, and I could not stop myself from stepping even closer and holding her cheek in my palm, to make her look up at me.

"Then why do you think that I do not like your interference in the family matters? Do you not intend to be a family forever?" I asked, and she stared blankly into my eyes.

"It's not like that," she said, and held my held to pull it low.

"What is it then?" I asked, "I cannot take off my mind from the thing that we have slept together and I still do not know what you feel for me," I added in a low voice and she inhaled deeply.

"Abhi, this is not the time. You should be getting ready as everyone must be waiting for us," she said, and I gulped, stepping back.

"You never want to answer that," I muttered, and took a step back.

"What did they ask you to tell me?" I asked, and she blinked silently, shaking her head. Her face looked upset and teary.

"Tell me, I am ready to listen," I said, and she looked up at me.

"Baapu-sa wants you to take the throne as a King," the moment, she uttered those words, I looked away. My heart stopped beating and what left was the intense pain through which I could not even breathe.

"Why?" I could not stop myself from asking. A lump emerged in my throat from the constant heartbreak, betrayals and brutal reality.

She stepped closer to me and held my hand.

I tried to pull back, but she held it firmly and cupped my cheek to make me look at her.

"Abhi, I know it is difficult for you. It is difficult for me, too," she said, and I shook my head.

"You do not know anything, Trisha. You do not know. The crown only passes on to the next when the King dies. Once I take the throne, I cannot, will never be able to give him back. And, why is he asking me to take the throne, why?" I tried to say, and she shook her head.

"It's just, he will be able to rest more and heal," she said, and I immediately pulled my hand.

"You do not understand what he is trying to do," my voice went a little up and her face turned shocked.

I immediately looked away.

I was hurting her, again.

Why the hell could I not do anything good in my life?

Why am I so stupid, so bad?

"I should go," I muttered and walked away from there.

Palming my face, I headed towards the dressing room and locked it behind me.

It was suffocating me.

King was the last thing, I wanted to become. I hated making decisions for anyone, I did not like ruling and all of my life, I was expected to do nothing, learn nothing but become a King.

And, the moment I lifted my eyes, my sight fell on the plates full of jewellery, attire, turban, knife and scents.

I could not control myself and before I could think of anything else, I pushed the plates off the table and everything fell with the loud clanking sound.

My inner side was screaming aloud, tears were on the verge of losing themselves. I hated it.

I hated whatever they were doing.

I could not handle it. How many times should I repeat to them? I could not become what they wanted me to become.

"Abhi," Trisha's voice rang loud in my head, and I fell to my knees with the thud. My hands pressed against my ear.

"Abhi, please open the door," her sweet, worried and breaking voice dripped down in my ear. And, I shook my head.

She did not have anything for me. She did not even like me. And, she slept with me so that she could leave me one day.

Everyone wanted to leave me, everyone left me, my grandfather, my friends, my father wanted to leave, and Trisha wanted to leave me. Nandani had already left me.

The more I wanted people around me, the more I wanted to smile, the more I wanted to talk, and the more they were walking away.

Some wanted me to be the King, some inspired me to be their idol.

What the hell was about what I wanted?

I broke into uncontrollable cries and palmed my face.

My father wanted to leave me, too. And, with the burden that I could never carry. I did not want to sit there and look at the hundred thousand people staring into my eyes, waiting for me to be perfect, their idol, their God, and make decisions for them.

I could not sleep at the right time and wake up without a heavy head in the morning, how could I even do anything?

The more I wanted to run away from all these, the more everything was coming to me.

"Abhi, please open the door. Please, please, I beg of you, please," Trisha's breaking, crying voice broke my heart even more and I shook my head.

"Go away, just like you want to," I yelled at her and she began to bang the door even more.

"Abhi, please, open the door. I do not want to leave you. Why do you even think so?" she yelled back at me, and I cried even more. The fresh tears rolled down my cheeks uncontrollably and I did not want anyone to see that I could cry too.

The Kings do not cry.

The royals cannot make mistakes. It was not in our blood. It was not what our ancestors wanted from us.

"Abhi, please open the door, you are scaring me," she cried from the outside, and I inhaled deeply, shaking my head.

"Please, go, I will meet you later," I tried to say, but my voice broke even more.

"Abhi, please," she raised her voice, banging even harder on the door, that it echoed in the room.

"I wish to be alone, please, Trisha, for God's sake, leave me alone," I yelled with a loss of control and palmed my face to control myself.

I broke into even more cries.

I was alone.

I was terribly alone.

Despite being with everyone, I was nothing but alone. Everyone would leave me, the ones who love me and the ones whom I love.

Nobody cares about me.

My father cares about the throne.

My mother cares about my father and his words.

Nandani has her love life, great life and best life.

Trisha...Trisha hates me.

I hate everyone, too.

If they were so desperate to leave me, I would leave them before they could.

As I lifted my blurry, tearful gaze, my sight raked around only to find a fallen and naked blade near me. My hand immediately clung to it.

And, my first two fingers got the cut and began bleeding.

"Abhi, open the door. I am warning you very last time," I heard Trisha raise her voice and I threw the knife away.

The anger, frustration, hatred, love and everything mixed up in me and immediately got up and walked towards the door.

And, the moment I opened it, the words sprung free out of my mouth.

"What the hell do you want? I want to be alone," my heart was beating so loud that I could hear it through my chest and the moment my sight fell on her angry face, my fingers trembled a little.

She barged inside and pushed me away.

"You. Are. Not. Alone. In. This," she yelled in a high voice and I closed my eyes for a moment.

"It is difficult for me, too. And, I am into this because of you," she broke into cries, and I immediately palmed my face.

"I am sorry," I breathed. The visuals of our wedding replayed in my mind along with our teenage life, my childhood, my parents and everything around me.

"I am into all of this because of you and I am suffering, too," she said and looked into my eyes.

I shook my head. "I am sorry,"

I had made a terrible mistake. I had made the worst mistake of marrying her.

"I am sorry. I should have married you. I thought I thought you felt something for me. I thought you were only denying it because of your father. I thought, that your feelings, your care for me for real," I muttered and she looked into my eyes.

Her face turned blank.

"You want to leave me, right?" I asked and stepped closer to her. If I had to be the King, I should make things right, "You do not have to wait for the baby or make any baby for me or my family. I know you do not like any of this, and you do not have to suffer, you can leave me," I tried to say, my voice breaking and my heart sinking deeper and deeper, just by saying all of this.

For some time, I thought that maybe one day she would say something about her feelings but she would never, because there were not any feelings.

And, before it could get even more messed up, I should make things right.

"You can leave me," I muttered. "You can go back to wherever you want. You do not have to pretend to be happy with me, you do not have to sleep with me or do things that you do not want to. I am sorry, I know I made a mistake and I cannot correct it, but at least one of us should be living the life we want," I tried to say and looked into her eyes.

She stared silently and lowered her gaze to my hand.

Fresh tears rolled down my cheeks when she held my hand and pulled me closer to the front of the mirror.

I felt ashamed of looking at myself. The still-wet cotton towel wrapped around my waist. The room was a mess. The blood was dripping down my fingers.

And, she held my chin and moved my gaze from my reflection to her face.

Her eyes were red and she muttered in a low voice.

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