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Trisha POV

How does it feel when someone stands by your side?

How does it feel when someone hugs you tightly and your fake strength rips apart?

How does it feel when someone's touch finally feels comforting?

And, how does it feel when all of it comes from the same person who happens to be your partner, your husband, your long-time friend, and someone whom you have known for years?

I just stared silently into his eyes. My lips curled inside as at this moment I found him so likeable, so adorable and trustable.

Let me tell you how it feels.

It feels... out of the World.

Spending twenty-six years of your life not once had you been hugged with this much intensity, where your face placed against a warm chest, where your tears are no longer a threat, where your words spilt out without much concern, where you can be just... you.

When people demand you to be responsible, sensible, soft-spoken, calm, kind, and a thousand other things but you break all of these and speak your mind, yell, let your wounds open in the air and finally breathe.

You feel light.

As light as a feather. Your courage finally returns, your guards break and in this moment, you just love this person so much, that you want to give him everything you have.

Your soft side, your caring one, you reveal your best.

And, I felt exactly like this at this moment.

I was foolish for hating him for so long, for restraining myself from not liking him as a partner for so long. I knew I loved spending time with him, yet I lacked the courage to accept that I would like to spend time with him for long, long and so much longer.

But, there was one problem.

"What happened?" he asked, noticing my gaze lowering from his eyes, and straightening my face up from his caressing palm.

"Nothing," I muttered and stepped back.

My father would not let me leave. And, all of this because he was proven right. As I told earlier, he cared less about my well-being but how right his words turned out.

Previously he was angry with me because he did not know what we talked about before marriage.

But, now he was happier knowing that he was right and I was wrong. And, Yuvraj helped him very well.

"He does not wish me to leave," I stated, looking into his eyes and he smiled weakly, lowering his gaze. "And, I do not stay here. He does not seem the same person as he was before. Now, he just cares about how right he was. He does not care about me. His smile proved everything," I said, and Yuvraj stepped closer held my arm over my elbow and slowly pulled me closer to him.

"He is still your father. He knows best, I think," he muttered staring into my eyes and I shook my head slowly.

"To Shantanu ke saath Suhaagraat mana le hum,"

"So, should I consummate with Shantanu," I muttered and he clenched his jaw.

"Kyu? Vivah se poorv kuch hua hai tum dono ke beech?"

"Why? Has something happened between you two before marriage?" he asked, and I could not believe it.

"Are you mad?" I asked, and stepped away but he immediately pulled me closer.

"Why do speak about Shantanu so much if you do not love him?" he asked and I sighed.

"He is my father's choice—"

"Was," he corrected and I nodded.

"Yes, he was my father's choice and you just took my father's side. Do you remember when you were against your father and you did not like me to speak about it? So, what changed?" I asked, and he inhaled deeply before looking away.

A pause of silence followed and suddenly he looked back at me.

"Spend time with him," he said, and my brows knit with confusion.

"What?" I asked, and he nodded.

"Yes," he said and pulled his hand back.

"I shall stroll around and go see the convoy once," he said, and stepped away and I gulped with slight nervousness.

"Abhi," I called him and he bit his lower lip and shook his head.

"I made mistakes and you are suffering because of them," he said, and my mouth hung open. "And, now you have to face your father's anger and negativity too," he said and shook his head.

"I am sorry," he muttered and turned around to walk away.

I immediately raced in my steps and held his hand to make him turn to look at me.

His eyes widened a little.

"Stop being a runner," I muttered in anger.

"I am not," he exclaimed in a low voice and tried to pull his hand back.

But, I quickly held his collar and pushed him against the wall.

"Yes, you are," I reminded him. "This is what you do when you are low, or realise your mistake. A good man or prince will look them in the eyes and amend them," I said, and he stared blankly into my eyes.

"Amend them? How?" he asked and I shook my head.

"Will you ever feel what I feel for you?" he asked, all of a sudden and my words stuck in my throat.

"What?" I asked, and he nodded.

"Yes, tell me if you will ever feel what I feel for you?" he asked again and I stood stunned. "You wanted to hear and I told you everything. I know you hate me and you do not feel anything. For you, I am ju... just a spoiled Prince, and an old friend, which is no longer a friend now. You told me that you hate me," he said, and I could feel my hand loosening its hold on his hand.

"But, I do not mind," he said, shaking his head. "I... I will try my best to be a husband. And, I have realised my mistakes. And, your father was right. I am not Shantanu, he... he is good, maybe a thousand times better than me. I sho... I should not have forced you. I ruined everything. We can... we can never be like that we were before. I tho... thought that marrying you would bring the same time back. But, I do not think that it will ever happen again. Be... because now everything has changed. We have changed, the circumstances have changed," his voice broke.

"But, do not worry. We will do whatever you want. We will..." he looked up into my eyes while stepping closer. "I will do everything to keep you happy. Of all the things I wanted to do, your hating on your father was the least one. I did not wish for it. He... he is a good man. He raised you, Trisha. I know how it feels to be angered with your father. Please, do not become the one I have become to my father. There is still time for you," he said and came closer to hug me again.

One more tear rolled down my cheek and I realised what he was trying to say.

We could not change whatever happened, but we could decide what happens now. And, wanting to run away from here just because my father was angry did not feel right.

"Okay," I muttered and closed my eyes.

"Okay," he repeated after me and pulled back slowly.

"I should go," he said, and I felt the sting in my chest.

Why did he want to leave me? I wanted to hear more from him. I wanted him to stay with him.

But, I planted a smile on my face and nodded.

"Of course. You have to see the convoy and tell them too," I repeated and she smiled weakly and walked away from there.

Something did not feel right.

Was it because I brought up Shantanu in the middle?

But, I did not have the intention to hurt. It was just spontaneous and he was trying to take my father's side when I did not want him to.

Well, I did not hate my father completely. I did not hate him even a bit. But, I was hurt by him, too. He should have understood that I tried to be what he wanted me to be. I did everything, whole my life, he asked me to do and wished me to do.

And, the way he was behaving was killing me.

I mean, Yuvraj is not a bad man either. His family is good, he is good, he is thinking about me, he respects me, and he tries to do everything to keep me happy.

Sighing deeply, I tried to control my emotions and went out, too.

There was still time for dinner, so I went to meet my buffaloes. They immediately mooed with happiness and I could not help but feel the waves of joy run into me.

They looked lovely.

I spent the late afternoon with them. My stomach growled with hunger and an unknown sense of loneliness.

My solace was shattered. Even though I was trying to be my older self, unbothered one, his thoughts were consuming me at the finest.

His words.

The way he plated his feelings before me was surreal. I hated feeling special to someone, it irks me, as being special to someone also brings responsibility to make them feel special too. And, I was bad at making someone special.

Especially, him.

I was surrounded by my milky friends but his non-milky thoughts were the only thing that was thirsting for me.

I cleared my throat.

What the hell was I even thinking?

You wondered what I think? I just remembered his touch on my cheek. It was beautiful. It was manly yet soft. It made me feel vulnerable yet comforted.

How can comfort and vulnerability come together? It never happened in my life before.

Speaking of life, mine has completely changed now through and through.

It was not just the wedding, royalty, Kingdom and responsibility now, but him too.

The remains of the sunlight at dusk fell upon my face. The orange hues spread like someone had scattered a lot of colour in the nearly turning grey sky. How beautiful it looked.

I have noticed it before.

I was a fan of sunrises but the sunset was almost the same but in reverse.

A chuckle followed.

Reverse.

My life had been reversed. I was restrained from colours, taught to not be fancied by tastes of tongue, brightness of colours, appeals of beauty.

I was told to be focusing on what was inside me. I was told to shut all the nine doors of mine and to focus on the tenth as the sages do.

But, I realised that my doors were just opening. The colours seemed to attract me, and the taste of food changed after eating with him, the beauty felt like a need to have his eyes on me.

I never thought that someone would like me. But, all the while he was keeping an eye on me.

Not just for a moment, but for years without the world knowing.

"Didi," suddenly, Agastya's voice caught my attention and I looked up at him.

"Agastya," I called and watched him step towards me and I asked. "Are you hungry?"

He shook his head, sat beside me and looked at the Buffalo eating chaff.

"Do you what you did was right?" he asked, and I gulped looking up at him.

"What?" I asked, and he lowered his gaze with slight nervousness.

"I mean, marrying Abhinandan?" he said, and I looked away for a moment.

"I believed you were the person who was least the fan of the idea of right or wrong," I said, and he chuckled.

"Of course, I am. For me, nothing is right until your heart says it's right and nothing is wrong until it hurts somebody," he said, and I knit my brows.

"How easy it is. Making everything right according to your illusive world," I said, and he smiled weakly and questioned.

"So, you still think that what you did was wrong?" he asked, and I nodded.

"Yes," I muttered. "I mean my father is still angry, and somewhere it should not have happened. There are certain rules that are laid for the smooth functioning of the World. If somethings are called forbidden then there must be some reason for them," I said, and he looked up at me.

"Rules?" he breathed. "Rules, rules, rules... rules," he inhaled deeply and I noticed him scratching his dagger, and clicking his tongue.

"Didi, imagine you step on a vacant land and then there you find thousands of people. And, you are the only one who looks better than them, knowledge than them, and you find them irritating," he said and I smiled a little.

"Irritating because they do things differently. Like they eat raw food, they live however they want. And, when you try to correct them, they do not oblige. You feel low by it. How can you live in such a different place? And, imagine if, in that place, you get those people liking you, hearing you. What will you do?" he asked, and I knit my brows.

"Tell them to cook the food because it's healthy," I said, and he nodded.

"But, everything you know can be correct? Raw food is more powerful though less tasty," he said, and I saw him turning serious a little bit. "You know when someone gets the power, he likes to see people working according to them. When someone gets the knowledge, they love to show it off, and that is how ancestors made the rules. They wanted to spread that knowledge but it was way too tiring to teach so many people. So, they made the rules to make it simple. A commoner cannot marry a royal, why?" he questioned and I shook my head.

"Because a commoner is a different blood, it's considered cold, and he lacks etiquette, knowledge and many things only possessed by Royals. A commoner is weak, it's said that he can only look up to survival, not leadership," he said, and I gulped blinking silently.

"But, you are different. You know the etiquette, you are the knowledge yourself. You know everything that the Princes come here to learn, you are perfect to join the royalty. So, why feel wrong about it?" he asked, and I smiled weakly.

"That's a good way to see it," I said, and he smiled.

"You are truly a good person and trust me you are made for more than just survival. A woman who is meant to be a sage will never be attracted by politics, or dirty scheming and stay true to her heart. The way you have fed thousands of children who stayed in the Ashram is commendable. You were never late for even one meal. You have done it for whole your life, didi. I do not know why Guruji never saw it in you. You are a provider, you are caring and you are knowledgeable. Your thoughts are refreshing and you are now a great asset to Mahabaleshgarh," he said, and I could not help but feel warmness in my cheeks.

"It's difficult, Agastya," I managed to say.

"Well, it's simple. If you will just start looking behind the shell of righteousness you have created for yourself, if you will stop counting on your mistakes, you will know that you have gotten a golden opportunity. Abhinandan is a real man. He is soft, trustworthy, loyal, and everything a woman can ask for. And, he likes you. He is yours to tame," he said the last few words slowly and I looked up to his eyes.

"Tame? he is not an animal," I said with a soft chuckle.

"He is not, didi. And, even animals desire someone to love them. He does too," he said and stood up inhaling deeply.

"You know what is the difficult thing to do?" he asked, and I shook my head.

"To forgive ourselves for our mistakes, and it's even more difficult for the people like you. And, it is the only thing that prevents you from doing great things," he said, and I blinked silently, nodding my head.

"It's just one decision of yours, you have taken for yourself. Be proud of it, if others cannot," he said and a smile appeared on my face and I nodded.

"Do not make it obvious that you do not like your  Guruji much, Agastya," I said, and he laughed.

"Oh, did I make it obvious?" he asked, and I stood up and inhaled deeply.

"I can keep a secret of you preaching his daughter indirectly against him," I said, and he chuckled and shook his head.

"Now, you made it obvious," he said, and I chuckled too.

"Come on, I am hungry. Give me the leftover Kheer, at least," he said, as we both walked back towards the cottage. It had turned darker now.

I handed him the bowl of Kheer and indulged myself to cook the dinner, while all the time I was waiting for him to return.

"Where is Yuvraj?" suddenly my father's voice caught my attention as he came back from the Ashram and finished washing his hands and face before sitting across from me for dinner.

"Went out to see the convoy," I said, plating for him and he chuckled.

"Good. At least he has a regard for the soldiers who work for his Kingdom, unlike regard for his teacher," he said, and I had heard this before too, in the morning.

"He respects you a lot," I said, and he looked up at me.

"What have you become? Where is your self-respect?" he asked, and I lowered my gaze. "He married you forcibly and you allowed him? You did not tell me, you did not tell anyone and just enjoying all these royal things?" he asked, and I shook my head.

"I mean, if royalty was the thing you wanted, you could have told me and I would have found you a Prince. From where did this desperation come, I am failing to understand. Did all of this money, power and sparkles attract you always?" he asked, and I shook my head.

I did not have any answers for his words. He would not understand what I was feeling now. I was losing my self-respect? No. if yes, how?

"No, Pitaji," I managed to say and poured him lentil in a bowl.

"Then why did you not tell me earlier?" he asked, and I remained silent.

He did not say anything thereafter too, and I served to Agastya as well. They two left for Ashram after eating to sleep and I just kept waiting for him.

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