Camilla

"This concludes phase alpha, on day twenty-six. We will now be shifting to phase bravo."

The announcement echoed in Camilla's ears, but she didn't bother trying to understand what it meant. Counting the days only made time pass slower, and she was struggling to keep her sanity as it was. Because even though she couldn't see the other subjects in these sadistic experiments, not since the first one, she could still feel them. It was as if she was back on the battlefield, surrounded by the ones that didn't make it through the day, and unable to escape the feeling of their cold, lifeless bodies. The only difference was that the war hadn't killed these people; Camilla had.

She couldn't take her eyes off the pristine white ceiling above her, even as she heard multiple sets of footsteps enter and begin to bustle around the room. She didn't know what they had in store for her next, but it didn't matter. All Camilla wanted was for this to be over. All she wanted was for all of this to end.

The sound of clicking heels made Camilla freeze and go rigid, and her body shivered against her will as soon as a wave of icy air brushed her skin.

"Very good, Doctor Stein," Hester's voice sounded appreciative. "It's taken you a few years, but you've gotten much better at this."

Camilla had to resist her instinctual reaction to seek the woman out with her eyes. It didn't matter where Hester was located when Camilla couldn't escape, and making eye contact with her would only make things worse.

"With all due respect, Doctor Hester," Stein said, sounding slightly perturbed. "My experiments have actual scientific purpose. Fulfilling your... personal fantasies is an unintentional reaction that has no effect on my methods."

Hester scoffed. "Please. We're both professionals; we're both invested in our research. If you disagree with my opinions, then don't expect to reap the benefits of them. Who do you think gets you your subjects in the first place?"

"I never meant—" Stein began.

"I know exactly what you meant," Hester immediately cut him off. "Don't try to take back your words just because you're no longer able to suffer the consequences of them. It's pathetic."

"Doctors," a third voice timidly spoke up. "We're ready to commence phase bravo."

"Good," Hester said tersely. "Then let's get started." She made a sniffing sound, then gagged in disgust. "What is that smell?"

"Science," Stein replied with a hint of bitterness. "I'm surprised you're not well-acquainted with this particular odor."

"Well, it smells more like death. And not in a good way." Hester sighed. "Whatever. Just clean this up so I can start already."

As Hester and her clicking shoes left the room, Camilla felt her body automatically go limp as the tension evaporated from her limbs. Immediately after, the scientists began lifting her up and moving her around like a ragdoll, and Camilla let them. She didn't have the energy to resist, nor the willpower. All she could do was stare at the blank white ceiling, and let her mind be engulfed in its nothingness.

When the next phase started, it was obvious that Hester was the one in charge, and unlike Stein, she didn't share what her intentions were. In fact, Camilla wasn't sure if Hester had a goal at all, aside from fulfilling her desires to see Camilla suffer.

It took all of Camilla's willpower to keep her sanity while Hester put her through a series of tortuous scenarios, one right after the other. In no time at all, her mind became lost in a relentless storm of pain. She couldn't even hear anything past her own screams of agony, nor could she see anything through the tears that constantly muddled her vision. She could only feel.

She didn't have the mental capacity to keep track of what was being done to her. All that she could think about was the present, and even that would leave her mind as soon as it became the past. The only thing that would remain was the lingering pain throughout her body, and occasional flashes of the past, scrambled together in her mind like a disconcerting blend of memories.

A fire of chemicals roaring through her veins.

The feeling of suffocating, but being unable to escape it.

An unbearable heat searing into her skull.

The taste of warm iron filling her mouth.

The sensation of needles digging under her nails, running through her fingers.

Only once did she unintentionally try to heal herself. But after the collar on her neck played its shrill tone, and her body tensed as a wave of electricity roiled through her, she never tried it again, not even instinctually.

By the time there was a pause to it all, her mind was lost in a daze. She barely stirred when she heard the sound of clicking heels, and a familiar-looking woman appeared at her side, towering above her like a god.

"Subject three-four-two-zero," the woman said. "What is your name?"

Her name? She wasn't sure. She had to have a name; everyone did. But why did this woman refer to her by a number? Wasn't that her name then?

It's okay.

That voice...

I'll be here.

She knew that voice.

I won't leave you.

She loved that voice.

Just hang in there.

And she wasn't just a number.

She gathered the blood that had collected in her mouth and spat it out on the front of the woman's white coat, leaving a bright splatter of red.

"My name is Camilla Mitaka Tanoue-Wyatt," Camilla snapped back with as much defiance as she could muster. "And you can go to hell, you fucking bitch."

The woman's lips were initially pursed, but they quickly evolved into a manic half-grin.

"Good," she praised, her voice quivering as she struggled to conceal her excitement. "This would be boring if you made it too easy." The woman turned sharply, then barked to the rest of the room. "We're continuing."

As the other scientists scrambled to comply with her orders, Camilla braced herself for what was to come. If they were trying to make her forget who she was, if they thought they could brainwash her that easily, they were wrong. Camilla could live with the pain; she couldn't live with the idea of losing control of herself.

So with her reaffirmed resolve, Camilla focused her mind on surviving. She remembered what that other meta had told her long ago, about holding onto the memories that made her happy, and Camilla searched what was left of her mind for that feeling of love that had brought her to her senses just moments ago.

There wasn't much left, only distant recollections of a warm embrace, a gentle touch brushing against her cheek, and a soft kiss gently placed on her head.

Camilla, Elsie's calming voice echoed in her mind.

Camilla took those memories, took the sound of Elsie's voice saying her name, and played them over and over in her mind like a mantra, vowing to never forget them. She knew it was a pointless thing to hold on to, and that the real Elsie had probably moved on long ago, but Camilla didn't have a choice; her memories were all she had left.

And so, when another bout of pain threatened to take over her mind, Camilla persisted, grasping on to her memories of Elsie like a lifeline, not ready to drown just yet.

---

Her eyes snapped open at the feeling of someone's hands gripping her head. The woman standing stoically above her looked familiar, but she wasn't sure how.

Relax, the woman's voice echoed in her mind. Remember who you are.

Who was she? She couldn't remember, she couldn't think, not with the agony that encompassed her entire body.

Remember what makes you happy, the woman told her.

But she didn't know that. Was she ever happy? That was hard to believe. Could she get a hint?

I can't do that, the woman replied. I can't influence your memories, or else you might doubt them in the future. You have to remember on your own. Don't let them win.

She searched her mind, but there was nothing. Nothing but flashes of pain and suffering, of blinding light and chilling darkness.

Her gaze drifted from the woman's face to the bare white ceiling above them. It was so pristine, like freshly fallen snow. Was it snowing? It felt cold enough to be.

Focus, okay? Don't lose yourself now. Remember.

She remembered snow. She remembered laying down on snow, staring up at the cloudy sky above her. And someone else...

Who?

Who?

It's okay... another voice echoed in her mind. I'll be here... I won't leave you... Just hang in there.

She knew that voice. But from where?

This isn't real, Camilla. You're dreaming.

So her name was Camilla. But whose voice was that in her memories? And who was the woman talking to her now?

I'm not important, the woman said. But that other voice—you have to remember her name.

This time, Camilla managed to come up with the right name much faster than she had done with her own.

That was Elsie, she said.

Yes, that was, the woman confirmed. Just hold onto her name, and your own.

Why? Camilla asked, unable to keep the worry from her own thoughts. What's happening?

They want me to wipe whatever's left of your memories, the woman said. They want me to make you completely compliant to them and only them.

But don't worry, she quickly added, probably sensing Camilla's sudden fear. I won't do that. But you have to pretend I did. You have to pretend to be under their control, at least until we can come up with a plan to escape together. My abilities alone aren't enough to break out of here, and no other meta has managed to make it this far in the experiments with some semblance of themselves still intact. But now that you have... and with everything happening on the outside... maybe we actually have a chance. Maybe it is possible.

Escape? Camilla barely knew her own name; she had no idea where she was, or what an escape would entail. Still, she also knew that she didn't want to stay there.

But pretending to be under their control? Camilla didn't know why, but the idea made her feel nauseous. Somehow, she felt as if she had done that before, and she pretended to be someone's puppet against her will. The vague memory left her disgusted and ashamed, and Camilla refused. She wasn't going to pretend ever again.

Don't be ridiculous, Camilla, the woman said. Look at the state you're in—if you don't pretend now, you'll never get another chance. They'll take away your name and Elsie's, forever.

Let them try, Camilla replied stubbornly, quashing any self-doubt that threatened to undermine her confidence.

You're a real piece of work, the woman said with a resigned sigh. Fine. Do what you want. I still think you're an idiot, but... I'd be lying if I said I wasn't rooting for you. Do you have enough energy for an attack?

It took Camilla a moment to remember she had meta-abilities. I do, but for what?

I need you to attack me, the woman said. You need to show them that my abilities don't work on you.

Camilla hesitated. She wasn't even sure she could use her own abilities.

You can't let her conditioning get to you, the woman urged, as if it was easy. Not if you're going to fully commit to your little rebellion.

I know, Camilla replied irately, even though she didn't actually know what "conditioning" the woman was talking about. She took a moment to steel herself. Okay. I'm ready.

You have to act fast, the woman reminded her. The collar is active. Don't give in to it.

I know, Camilla repeated without actually knowing anything, and simply trying to force herself to not panic. I can do it.

Whatever you say. Just waiting on you now.

As determined as Camilla wanted to feel, it wasn't that easy to go against every instinct in her body screaming at her to not use her abilities. Eventually, Camilla decidedly shut her mind off to everything, including her fear, and directed a surge of energy at the woman.

But when electricity began coursing through her body almost immediately, Camilla couldn't tell if the attack hit or not, so she stubbornly kept pouring her energy out, refusing to back down. She kept going until her body couldn't take it anymore, and she let herself be engulfed by darkness.

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