Present day

May 17, 33 AE

Elsie couldn't sleep. Which was ridiculous because after the day she had, her body was exhausted. But her mind was wide awake, buzzing after what Camilla had admitted to her. It definitely hadn't been what Elsie expected to hear, and for more than one reason.

First, Elsie hadn't realized how underhanded the Academy, and probably the entire Org, could be. In retrospect, she probably should have expected that considering how high-profile and powerful the Org was, both physically and politically. Like most outsiders though, Elsie probably chose to only see guardians as noble heroes since nothing could prove otherwise.

Second, it turned out Elsie didn't really know Camilla at all. For most of the time Elsie had spent with Camilla, Camilla had been under the influence of whatever ridiculous concoction the Org came up with to make her closer to their image of the ideal guardian. The only time Elsie might have seen Camilla's true self was when they were trapped underground at the Games and at Elsie's family home, and possibly even the first few days that Camilla was guarding Elsie, since Elsie remembered how stoic Camilla had been at the time. They were supposed to be friends now, and Elsie was sure that Camilla had a good idea of who Elsie was, but how well did Elsie actually know Camilla?

And that led to the third thing, which was that maybe Camilla was different than what Elsie had initially imagined. When they first met, Elsie saw Camilla as energetic and carefree with a mind of her own. After their falling out, Elsie was completely certain Camilla was a lying asshole. And once the Games happened, Elsie didn't know what to think of her anymore.

But now, from what Elsie could piece together, she understood that Camilla was cynical, snarky, and a little on the grumpy side, but she was also stubborn, sharp, and a hell of a fighter. Camilla may have thought of herself as weak for playing along with the Org so docilely, but Elsie disagreed. She was braver than she thought, and Elsie felt a bit honored that Camilla was willing to trust Elsie after the shit she had been through.

It was these things that kept Elsie up late into the evening and early morning, and by the time Camilla showed up to relieve the night shift, Elsie was there to greet her at her door.

"You look disgusting," Camilla said candidly, her eyes narrowed at Elsie's disheveled appearance.

"Thanks," Elsie said. "Get in here."

Camilla complied immediately, which made Elsie curious. "Are you...?"

"High?" Camilla finished Elsie's question, almost sounding bored. As if the bombshell that she told Elsie the day before didn't detail the obvious violation of probably dozens of laws and ethics codes. "No. But I got the Org's approval this time. They, the drugs, I mean, tend to slow down my recovery."

Elsie nodded as she tried to process that information in her sleep-deprived mind. She finally caught the implication after a lengthy delay. "Wait, what do you mean 'this time'?"

Camilla shrugged slightly with one shoulder. "Sometimes... I don't want them to know I'm going off their meds. I like going about my business with a clear head and on my own free will, even if that means I have to put more of an effort into acting friendly when I'm in public. It's like a pathetic form of rebellion, I guess."

"I don't think you're pathetic," Elsie blurted out immediately.

"Thanks..." Camilla said suspiciously before glancing around Elsie's messy condo. "Um... I don't mean to be rude, but do you have coffee?"

"That's like the only thing I consistently have," Elsie said, and she led the way to the kitchen.

The coffee left in the pot was still fresh, but it probably also contained the essence of the past dozen batches of coffee before it. It was fine with Elsie, but she was thoughtful enough to not subject that nastiness on anyone else, so she poured the remnants in her own empty mug, washed the pot with actual soap and water, and brewed another batch.

"So do you ignore the Org's direct orders often?" Elsie asked as they waited.

"Not really," Camilla said. She sat down at the kitchen table and dusted off some crumbs from the area in front of her. "When I'm medicated, I think I take their words very literally actually. Apparently, I think it's hilarious when I do something technically how they asked for it, even though it's obviously not how they wanted it.

"The only time I actually disobey them is when I need a chance to think for myself. Or if the situation calls for it. Like when you visited your parents, or when I first was assigned to you."

So she had been sober then, just like Elsie thought. "Was it because you were still recovering then?"

"Well, there's that too," Camilla said, then paused briefly. "The drugs help me tolerate most people. I wanted to make sure I could trust you without them."

"And?" Elsie asked, even though Camilla had already told her the answer. "What's the verdict?"

"I'm still here, aren't I? But I might leave if you don't get me coffee soon."

Thankfully, the coffee machine stopped gurgling just then, and Elsie busied herself on pouring some into one of her few clean mugs and stirring in a bit of sugar. When she turned back to the kitchen table, Camilla had her head in her hands with her eyes squeezed tightly shut.

"What's wrong?" Elsie asked, setting the coffee down on the table. "You want some water instead?"

"No, this is good," Camilla said as she opened her eyes and brought the mug closer to her, blowing at the coffee to cool it down.

"Are you sure?" Elsie asked, not really buying Camilla's word.

Camilla took a sip, but stopped and cringed at the heat. "I... tend to get headaches if I stop taking their meds after a long time of being on them," she said, not taking her focus from her mug.

She held a hand over the top, and a plume of steam rose from the coffee and dissipated into the air. Once it had reached whatever temperature she liked, Camilla took another larger sip before continuing. "Withdrawals, you know? You probably get them without coffee."

"Maybe I would, if I ever stopped drinking it," Elsie agreed, taking a seat as well.

The two sat in silence for a bit as they drank their coffee. For Elsie, the silence was unusual, but her brain was lagging too much from the lack of sleep to start or keep up a conversation. She was at least awake enough to notice how Camilla kept her focus on her mug, and she had hardly looked at Elsie since she arrived.

"There's something bothering you," Elsie guessed, but she didn't phrase it like a question.

And Camilla didn't deny the statement. Though she didn't immediately confirm it either, and her attention was still fixed on her mug.

"You're not... mad at me?" she eventually asked, finally lifting her gaze to look at Elsie.

That was a ridiculous question.

"No," Elsie said, confused. "Why would I be mad at you?"

"Well, I was lying for most of the time we've known each other," Camilla explained, as if it was obvious. "Everything you knew about me was an act."

"Yeah," Elsie agreed. "But I wouldn't have expected you to tell me all that."

"Still," Camilla insisted. "I could've told you something. Maybe not the whole truth, but part of it."

Elsie raised an eyebrow. "Do you want me to be mad at you?"

"No! It's just..." Camilla's voice trailed off, and her eyes drifted back towards her mug.

They both fell silent again, and Elsie tried to see things from Camilla's perspective. It was a little tough, given that they didn't think very alike and Elsie's brain just wanted to sleep, but she tried her best.

"It feels wrong that I'm not?" Elsie guessed. "That my reaction isn't what you expected?"

Camilla hesitated, then nodded slowly.

Elsie sighed, then sat up a little straighter. "Tell you what. I am mad. Not at you, but at them. The Academy, the Org, all of them. But there might be something you can do to help."

Camilla immediately began to nod, but then halted and narrowed her eyes suspiciously. "As long as it's reasonable, and I'm not making any promises just yet."

"Of course," Elsie agreed, then leaned a little closer to Camilla. "If you want, and only if you're fine with it, I want you to be sober when you're guarding me."

Camilla tensed a little, her eyes wide, before looking at Elsie as if she was crazy. "Are you serious? I would never get that approved."

"Who said anyone has to know?"

"They'll find out eventually," Camilla said with certainty. "I mean, they don't give me random drug tests anymore, but they still keep an eye on me through the media. They know how my personalities differ, and if they hear that I'm acting weird then they'll look into it."

"I'll help cover for you," Elsie assured. "If people are bothering you in public, I'll just say that you're working and can't be distracted. And if the Org asks, you can say that I get irritated when you act hyper so you were just trying to tone it down. Which is true."

Camilla winced a bit. "Was I that irritating?"

"You couldn't tell?"

"I don't... I don't really remember," she admitted hesitantly.

Elsie paused, then felt herself get mad at the Org all over again.

"Don't worry about it," Elsie continued hurriedly. "But you can just tell them that if they ask."

Camilla nodded, but she still seemed reluctant.

"Camilla, I don't want to force you to do anything that you're not comfortable with," Elsie said, hoping Camilla could tell she was being completely sincere. "If you think it's safer to keep doing what you've been doing, that's fine, and I'll stand by you one hundred percent. Yes, even though I said you were irritating. I'm willing to tolerate that if that's what you want. Or, we can think of another plan entirely. Whatever."

Elsie looked directly into Camilla's eyes. "I just want you to be able to do what you want for a change."

Camilla returned Elsie's gaze. Even though she didn't say anything, Elsie could tell that she was contemplating her options carefully.

"I—I don't know," Camilla finally admitted.

Elsie nodded. "That's fine."

"I mean, I want to do that," Camilla continued quickly. "Live without their control, I mean. I really do. I'm just... I'm not sure how long I can pretend."

"It doesn't have to be forever," Elsie pointed out.

Camilla carefully nodded at Elsie's words, as if that hadn't occurred to her before.

"Remember, you don't have to do anything you don't want to do," Elsie repeated. She didn't want to be like the Org. Not to Camilla.

But Camilla shook her head slowly. "No. I want to do it." She looked Elsie in the eye, determination set on her face. "I want to do it. I'm positive."

Elsie's smile was wide. "Okay. And remember, you can back out if you want to."

"I know, I know," Camilla nodded, sounding a little impatient. "I'll let you know."

Elsie scoffed a little, but she was still smiling as she got to her feet. "Good. Well, I'm hungry. Do you want anything? I make excellent toast."

Elsie did end up making toast for the both of them, but Camilla also volunteered to make eggs and bacon. Her naturally good mood was worlds different from her medicated joy, and it reminded Elsie of the impromptu snow day Camilla put on back in Arizona. Elsie wanted to take this evidence back to the Org and wave it in their faces, showing them all that Camilla could be happy and personable. They just didn't give her any reason to be.

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NOTES

Elsie is probably made up of a minimum of 25% coffee at all times.

Also, thanks for reading!