By the time I was done showering and preparing myself, Matthias had his system set up and was sitting on the couch. He was reclined with his head leaning against the backrest and his eyes were shut.

As I tiptoed closer, I thought that that if he was really out I would just let him sleep, but he opened his eyes and met mine. I frowned at him. "Did you get any sleep at all? You ran rounds last night."

"I was filling in, and yes I slept."

"For more or less than an hour?" I pressed.

"I promise I'll take a nap here later if necessary," he said.

I rolled my eyes at him as I sat down beside him on the couch. His warmth flowed into me, sidelining the fear and it was pushed away further when his lips caught mine.

I broke the kiss, thinking about the fact we were in Serge's house. The image of him walking in on us caused the curse to spike again.

Matthias seemed to understand my reluctance and instead of pressing me, he switched on the console.

"What do you want to play?" he asked.

"I don't know, you pick." I shrugged.

He raised an eyebrow.

"Fine, something where I can punch you in the face."

He grinned at my challenge. "I'd like to see you try."

I poked him in the side and he acted like he was wounded.

"You're such a wimp."

"Ouch. And here I thought you might be nicer to me now that you're going to be stuck with me forever."

"You do know it's unrealistic to go into a relationship expecting the other person to change, right, Matt?"

"Always an answer for everything."

He tossed me a controller. I started rolling through the menu and tried to decide on a character. I went with an old favourite and then we jumped straight into the game.

* * * * * * * * *

A few hours later, I sat on the couch playing a single player puzzle game while Matthias snored beside me. I smiled to myself and wondered if I should get him a blanket.

He probably did not need one, he generated heat, so I just stayed beside him and let the warmth diffuse into me.

After a while, Matthias began stirring. I paused the game and looked over at him. He stretched and my eyes travelled the length of his arms.

"Sorry," he muttered.

"You need sleep," I pointed out dryly.

"Don't worry so much."

"You don't take care of yourself enough," I complained. He was always pushing aside his own needs in an effort to take care of me.

"I'm fine," he said, brushing aside my concerns.

I rolled my eyes at him and made sure he saw. He just laughed at me and put his arm over my shoulder.

Such an odd mix of comfortable and unsure. He touched me like he used to, but it was strange to try to move beyond that. I smiled at him.

He picked up a controller. "Play something?"

"Yeah," I agreed.

* * * * * * * * *

I was disappointed when it came time for Matthias to leave. He took the edge off, as always, and without him there the curse surged back, reasserting its dominance over me.

Every time it was pushed back, it awaited its moment to slide back in and push me further.

I wanted it gone. If only this thing with Matthias would be the cure. Though it would not solve the issues with the Trifecta, it would at least take one issue off the table. I could not wait.

After Matthias was gone, I found that he had left a letter on my bed. I was not even sure when he had managed it, but his actions put a smile on my face. I saved it to read when the curse was harshly pushing at me, as a small form of release.

I did not see Matthias again for a couple of days, because my father had him busy between training and patrols. I missed when I had lived close to him, when I had been free to see him any time that I wanted to make the journey over to see him. I also just missed him and not only for the relief he brought to the curse.

What it would have been like if we had taken these steps in our relationship before everything? I imagined exploring being more with Matthias without all the extra pressure pushing in from the sides.

It seemed sweet. I could only dream that one day I might have that in truth.

Monday brought with it my constant reminder of the anniversary of the curse, nine long weeks of my life that it had consumed like it was nothing. I dragged through the day.

On Tuesday morning, I went through my usual routine, going with Serge to his pack offices and hiding in my little spot so he could get more work done. I tried to read, but was interrupted by the pinging of my phone.

It was a text from my dad, but not actually my dad.

Dad: Would you have time for a visit today? - Moramay

I had time, but I probably should ask Serge.

Me: Why?

Dad: Alexi wanted to visit and Caroline and I were thinking of coming to start dealing with wedding details since you wanted us to help, right?

Me: Just a sec

I pushed up from my desk and swallowed hard. I pushed out of the door cautiously and tiptoed down the hall to Serge's office. I swallowed hard and made myself knock against the solid wood.

"Come in," I heard him say.

"Elise, what is it?" he asked once he spotted me.

I swallowed hard. "Could Moramay and Matt's mom and Alexi come for a bit?"

I risked a glance at his face and he nodded. "Of course."

"Thanks," I told him.

"I'm mostly surprised Alexi didn't just grab the other two and come barging in."

I smiled a bit. He sure seemed to get Alexi. "I got a text from Moramay."

"Makes sense then." He paused. "If Moramay needs to talk to me you can send her in here."

"Thanks, S-Serge."

"You're welcome."

I retreated from the room and went back to my hiding spot to send a quick text to Moramay.

* * * * * * * * *

They arrived so quickly I almost wondered if they had not been prepared to go before Moramay decided to ask.

My little office space seemed tiny with the three women squished inside it with me. Normally I found the closeness of the walls soothed me, but I found it somewhat stifling.

Professor Alexi eyed her two companions. "You two go wait outside, I want to talk to Elise and there's not enough space."

Matthias's mother simply rolled her eyes and Moramay seemed nonchalant as they left the room.

"That's better," Professor Alexi said, sitting stiffly in the chair against the wall.

Her predatory gaze settled on me. "So, I hear you've come up with a theory to remove the curse and have even taken steps in that direction, have you? Now, tell me everything."

I nodded. I told her about how I had decided to take that step with Matthias and how he affected me, the way his presence seemed to chase away the chill of the curse when he was around, even as my defiance towards it aggravated it. I did not mention Serge's proposal, because I did not trust that not to get out.

It was a secret for only the three of us and it was no one else's business. I may not have chosen him, but I could protect him from the censure of our people in this one small way.

I talked with her about the funeral I had been forced to attend and ran through all my other activities.

She looked up from her scrawling notes when I was done and nodded. "I don't suppose you have your journal here?"

"Actually, I do have the newer one, but the older one is still at home."

"Figures," she muttered. "Well, I'll go send Moramay and Caroline in. I'm going to go speak with Serge."

The cold ran over and through me at her words. I pushed it away and she got up. She opened the door and walked out with barely a farewell.

Well, at least her attitude was predictable.

Moramay and Caroline returned, Caroline dragging a hard plastic chair along with her.

"So, how are you now that Alexi is done with you?" Moramay asked with a knowing smile.

"I'm fine," I said only partially untruthfully. Professor Alexi was easier to take now than when she had first been prodding me.

Caroline smiled understandingly. Everyone knew how Professor Alexi was, intelligent, but abrupt and hard to take in general.

"And you're sure you and Matthias want us to plan everything for you?"

I nodded. "Yes, I'm sure."

"Do you have anything you want? Like a theme, colours?"

I shook my head again. "I really don't care, and neither does Matt. You two know kind of what he and I like, right?"

"Well, of course, but don't you want input?" Matthias's mother asked.

I considered how to convince them that I could not care less. "Decisions are hard right now. And Matt doesn't care at all."

Moramay watched me. "What if we give you final say on the plans?"

"That sounds great, thanks," I said. I could simply agree to whatever they suggested. Decisions were easiest when there was only one option available.

* * * * * * * * *

Once I had gotten home, I ate supper with Serge and we went out for a run. Finally, when I was hidden away in my room, I pulled out the envelop that Matthias had left me and opened it up.

Hey Elise

I'm writing this one because I've got some extra time between now and when I have to go out on rounds. I can't get you out of my head, but you're probably sleeping right now and I don't want to disturb you. I hope your dreams are peaceful although I know you've told me otherwise.

There's honestly not a lot to say about what is going on around here. Things seem pretty much like the same old thing, my brothers and sisters are as annoying as ever, my dad is my dad. Mom's excited about our wedding. She's been harassing me with ideas. I told her I'm not interested about any of it but she's convinced I have an opinion buried somewhere deep down. It must be really deep because I can't find it. It's not that I don't care, but you know I'm not fussy.

I guess we never really talked about this stuff over the years. I've seen girls on tv fantasizing about their future weddings, but I've never heard about you talking about anything like that. Maybe you don't, or maybe you do and you just never talked to me about it? Maybe because we were keeping everything so separate? I wish I had known.

I don't know if you know how much I miss you. I think back to the time when I used to see you every day and I would never have written you a letter in a million years. I miss those times. You're closer to me than anyone, you've always been beside me and now that you're not I feel empty.

Although I never told you, I fantasized about you being mine for so long I was almost afraid it would be less than what I hoped it could be, but my mind has nothing on the reality of being with you for real. I want you in every way. I hope you feel as much as I do.

I love you.

Matt

I curled up under the covers and read Matthias's words over and over again until they were imprinted in my mind. Then I pulled out my notebook and set down to work.

Matt,

When you first started doing this, you were right that it would be too hard for me to respond. I can't say it's easy, but it is easier. Right now asking for more than that seems too much to ask.

I love the notes you keep sending and this one you left is the best of all. I love you, too and I have for a long time in a lot of ways. You've been my friend forever and the only reason you weren't more is because I was afraid to take the risk.

I love you, too.

Elise

I ripped the page out of the notebook and folded it. I would find a way to get it to him tomorrow.

I went to sleep with my mind on Matthias.