I grabbed my Top Shop bag exiting the boutique with Kenzie by my side, I was done finally with my mother's Christmas present. I already have my Dad's, Ellie's, Ashton's, Cameron's and Kenzie's should be here by tomorrow morning.

This shopping day has been pretty tiring, because not only it was nearly Christmas which means the mall is awfully crowded, but also, I've been walking these paths back and forth since almost five hours.

We sat down in the Starbucks and Kenzie went to get us drinks. I scrolled through my Facebook account and watched the pics of Ashley's trip to London, it looks awesome, they're so lucky that their parents are carefree not like mine. 

"Hello babe." I jumped in my seat putting my hand on my chest, "Oh my God, Ashton." I laughed nervously shaking my head, he kissed my cheek taking a seat in front of me.

"So, are you alone here?" He asked.

"Nope, Kenzie's here." I replied and he chuckled crossing his arms over his chest. "Of course, you two are like inseparable."

"Do you have a problem with that?" I asked with a challenging look raising an eyebrow. "No, actually, I'm sure she'll be third-wheeling a lot with us. I really need to get used to that."

"Oh don't worry, she has Clifford under her spell." His eyes widened and he quickly answered. "So, Kenzie is the girl, Michael has been talking about non stop?" I nodded biting my lip.

"God Lauren!" He whined rubbing his face, "What?"

"That lip biting thing you always do, is driving me insane." I laughed shyly covering my mouth, when, Kenzie put in front of me a Starbucks cup and a cupcake. My mouth watered at the sight of these goodies and grabbed the cupcake package, taking a bite of it. It tasted heavenly good.

"Oh hey Irwin." She greeted taking a seat next to me, he smiled at her. "Wanna share Ash?" I asked him passing him my cup, he nodded with a huge smile sipping in my drink.

After our casual hang out in the food area in the mall, we dropped Kenzie at her house before going to Ashton's. I removed my converse in the entrance and we went upstairs to lay in the bed because that's what we really like doing.

Suddenly, I felt soft kisses on my neck and I opened my eyes to meet deep green hazel ones. He continued leaving short kisses along my neck and jawline. My fingers brushed through his blonde curls while his tongue worked on my skin.

"Ash.." I moaned tugging at the roots of his hair, and then, he met my lips involving directly his tongue. His hand was playing with the hem of my sweater, caressing softly my hip, the gesture sent chills all over my body and I found myself craving more. I bit his lower lip provoking a deep throaty moan and I lifted my back from the mattress so that he can remove my sweater. He took a quick look to my bra-covered boobs before licking his lips.

"You're so beautiful." He said against my neck, "So fucking beautiful and you're mine." He sucked on a spot on my jaw, leaving me a moaning mess, and I tugged on his sweater and he removed it eventually. I don't really know what's happening with me when I am with Ashton, I'm just following him, maybe it will lead to something. I just wanna move on.

I continued kissing him deeply, until his fingers brushed through my lower stomach and went to my jeans button. "I need you Laur." He murmured sensually, and I pulled out of the kiss. I was virgin and I couldn't do it. I'm not ready. I'm not fully trusting Ashton, so, I can give him something so precious, plus, something in the back of my mind was telling me that I'll regret it. I don't even know why. I'm pretty sure I like Ashton in some way, but, I always have Luke in mind.

"What's wrong?" He asked with a frown and I bit my lip avoiding his gaze. I'm so embarrassed being the only virgin in probably my whole high school, I feel so freaking inexperienced.

"I haven't done it yet." I mumbled meeting his gaze for the first time in minutes, he hid his face in the crook of my neck kissing the skin, while still rubbing my lower stomach. I exhaled deeply because of the great pleasure he was giving me, but, then, I put my hand on his stopping him.

"Please Ash, I'm not ready for that." I said, he looked at me before rubbing my cheek and hugging me against his chest, letting his warm skin makes me feel so secure and safe.

"It's okay babe, i'll wait for you." He whispered, "But, you should really trust me. You know that I'll never hurt you. I'll be extremely honored if you let me be the first."

"I trust you Ash, I'm just not fully ready, you know." He nodded kissing my forehead and we cuddled until we fell asleep.

We woke up the next morning at nearly eleven o'clock and my mum called me asking to take Ellie out to play in the park, because she had no one to take care of my her. Both, Ash and I went back to my house and I took a quick shower and changed into black legging, some plain black t-shirt, a red and black flannel along with a jeans jacket because it was freezing outside. I put on some black combat boots.

Ellie was holding both of our hands swaying them back and forth while we walked to the park. She was smiling like a little angel and I really was glad that I could make her happy, because she's always playing alone and she had practically no friends except some in school but she doesn't really like them that much.

"So, Ellie, wanna play soccer with me?" Ashton asked with a smile and my sister nodded eagerly, she let down my hand and ran with the ball in the opposite side of the park.

"Lauwen, join us!" She yelled and I shook my head, because I really suck at playing soccer, so, I just sat on the grass watching Ash and Ellie having the time of their life and I took few cute pictures. Ellie and Ashton really get along and Ash is so nice with little kids, he knew exactly how to behave around them unlike me, when I'm with Ellie, we just watch movies or make cupcakes but Ellie occupies me until they burn that's why mum doesn't really let us cook alone in the house.

"Lukey!" My heart dropped when I heard the high-pitched excited scream that my sister let out and I nearly dropped my phone. I looked at Ellie running to my ex-friend, if I may say, and he lifted her up in his arms kissing her on the nose.

"Please Lukey, play with us! Please!" She begged doing her typical puppy eyes, and he looked at me quickly before nodding with a huge grin.

"Hey mate, pass the ball, I'm going to kick your butt!" I chuckled quietly when he said butt instead of ass, and I continued scrolling through my Tumblr and texting Skylar. The three others were screaming and cheering kicking the ball, and their laugh warmed my heart, I love when my sister is happy and I'm glad that Luke and Ashton are making her happy.

"Oh Ellie, you kicked it there, you need to go search for it!" Ashton said shrugging and I decided to protest, "No Ash, one of you needs to go with her! Mum will kill me if something happens to her."

"Oh yeah, I'll go with her babe." Ash said grabbing Ellie's hand and they went behind the trees searching for her ball. The vibe suddenly became so freaking awkward and Luke was standing there swaying back and forth on his heels. I kept reading some imagine with Jack Gilinsky avoiding having to make conversation with Luke who has been ignoring for weeks, but too bad, he insisted on that.

"So, how are you?" I lifted my gaze raising an eye brow, why is he talking to me?

"Fine, actually." I replied. No, I'm still pathetically thinking about you when you're ignoring my ass the whole time.

"You and Ash huh?" I showed a very fake smile eyeing him up and down.

"You and Madison huh?" I answered referring to his new so called relationship, he cleared his throat but before he could answer, Ash and Ellie came back. I met Ashton's gaze, but he looked away to glare at Luke and I furrowed my eyebrows confused. That was really weird. They were playing together normally earlier.

Luke left after few minutes and I was walking back home with Ellie between Ash and I holding both of our hands as usual. I decided to ask him about what happened earlier.

"Why did you glare at Luke earlier?" I asked and Ellie looked at me trying to understand what I was saying. I smiled at her, before she could attack me with questions that I couldn't answer.

"Nothing Laur, we're not on good terms because of something in soccer team." I raised an eyebrow because I couldn't believe this. I decided against arguing over this, because I knew Ashton will accuse me of not trusting him and it's just that I know him too well to know exactly if he's lying or not. He had that thing of rambling and scratching the back of his neck when he's lying but oh well. 

The next day, I was sitting on the stairs of my porch scrolling through my phone, as usual, Ashton left yesterday evening after few games with Ellie at home and a delicious dinner with my mother. I enjoyed having him around, I loved how we would sit on my bed talking about dumb things, I loved how he would hold my hand and kiss the back of it then kiss my cheek when we're watching something, I loved being competitive with him when we play video games or when he shows me new drum solos. Our love for drums is very strong. 

"Hi Lauren." The sound woke me up from my day dreams about Ashton and I met baby blue eyes who were staring at me deeply, it's like they were staring right into my soul.

"Hey." I replied quickly. He buried his hands in his pockets before keeping the conversation. "I came here to say good bye." He said and I felt my heart cracking, where is he going? No. This could not be happening. Why am I so surprised, this is not his country, he has to come back to his home eventually.

"I'm going back to Australia, for Christmas for few days. I may be back for new year's eve." I let out a breath that I didn't know I was holding and I decided to answer.

"Oh, you have to see your family there."

"Yeah, so." He messed with his lip ring, something that drives me insane, shut up Lauren, you like Ashton, then he added. "But, please, I want you to be careful around Ashton, I don't want you in pain." I found this extremely stupid and I was holding myself from laughing in his face, he was the one who ignored me and went feeding his fuck buddy bullshits about me. Ashton was the one who made me happy all the time he was making my life hell and he has the guts to talk about being in pain. I'm making a huge effort to not yell at him.

"Ashton is my best friend and I know that he won't hurt me because he cares. He has done that mistake once, he won't do it again." I managed to say, even though I'm not quite sure of that. I just wish that I'll be right eventually. Luke just rolled his eyes, but he stepped closer to me and wrapped his arms around my shoulders hugging me to his chest.

That was it. That was what every heartbroken teenagers talk about in Tumblr, that was what every book tries to say, that was the feeling I've been craving for months. I closed my eyes resting my head on his chest letting myself melt in his arms. His face was buried in my hair and his breath tickled my neck causing my heart beat to quicken. I forgot about all what happened, all the pain, all the tears, all the words, everything disappeared when my chest met his. Even though Ashton felt like home due to all the time I've known him and all the things he has done to me, but Luke felt like absolute heaven. Luke felt like something that leaves you dying to get more, Luke felt like drugs. I realized that the only feeling I've been missing in the bottom of my heart was back for few seconds before we pulled away of the hug.

"I gotta go." He murmured keeping his eyes glued to mine and his hands still on both of my shoulders. "Yeah, safe trip." I said and he stepped back dropping his arms to his side. I miss his arms already.

"Thank you, see you in the party." He replied and I nodded smiling. I opened the front door and collapsed on the couch thinking about what happened earlier. I feel so stupid and submissive to his charm. I should've yelled at him, I should've told him to go hug Madison instead of me, I should've asked him why he made fun of me with her. Too many questions but I couldn't form one in front of him. I hate being weak.

-

lucaaas you're so confusing

x