I wake up crying, something that happens sometimes. Ally's still there on her side of the bed, and I see that it's almost 7am. I might as well get ready. I jump in the shower and clean up.

When I get out, Ally's awake and covering her eyes. "What are you doing?" I ask.

"I didn't want to see you naked or anything," she says.

"Well, that's why I changed in there. You're safe," I sit down next to her and shake my wet hair, " how are you doing with all this. I feel like we've barely gotten to talk."

She pauses and looks at me, "I'm scared, but ok. I don't really know what to expect really, I just know I'll do my best," she says.

I pull her into a hug, kiss her on the head, "you know I'm going to do my best to get one of us out right? I didn't volunteer for the fun of it," I say try to have a real smile on my face.

"I know. Why did you volunteer for me? I know there's more to it than what you told Michele," she asks, looking straight into my eyes.

"Besides being your big brother protector...I've got reasons, but that's mine to know. Just know I'm here for you, ok?" I say. She nods, and we hear Michele calling out, asking if we are up. "Let's eat. We've got a long day ahead of us," she says. We both get up and walk to the dining room and start the day.

After that, the day's a blur, Ally and I work on hatchets and knives. She's better than she thinks, and by the end, she can hit the moving targets about half the time. I'm better at the ax than the hatchet, and I'm ok with the knife. Ally and I go to the hand to hand combat, but she's too little to make any real progress. The trainer shows her escape moves but practices with me on some advanced skills.

I see the sword trainer and walk over, "my mentors told me to not show off too much on the swords today. I wish I could do more," I whisper.

She nods, "hun, you're better than the rest. so I'm not mad. Good luck tomorrow," and she walks off. It's the regular group; Titus's off by himself with two Peacekeepers keeping guard. He isn't allowed to be near the rest of us, and no one's sad.

"How was it with him yesterday?" I ask Melissa.

She looks over at Titus, "oh, he was locked in his room all night, Justin and Megan are useless, but they are good for that. He wasn't allowed out until this morning."

"Well, that's good at least, glad you're safe...for now,"  I say and she nods.

I start thinking about Justin. He won the games a couple of years ago and is also gay. He and his allie hooked up in the arena too much Capital fanfare before he had to kill him in the final showdown. Now, like most in his district, he is a morphling addict. I don't remember Megan. She must have won awhile ago....or I just remember the gay guy.

After lunch, Ally and I run the obstacle course. for being 12, she does alright. I run it faster, but I'm taller with longer arms, so it's less impressive. The tight shirt rips on the third run-through, and I see Romulus and Bella checking me out, even if Bella doesn't know she isn't alone. I ask Ally to climb on my back and hold on, she does with a questioning look, and I start the course. It's hard cause she is swinging, which makes me swing. By the midpoint, we have worked out a bit of a system, and we finish it up nicely. She hops off, and we high five, some of the tributes applaud us, and I give a fake bow. I look up and see the Gamemakers are watching us, and I assume that's a good sign. Atala dismisses us all with a reminder that tomorrow is a half-day, and after lunch, we will be called out for our private session. I ask her if I am allowed to work out with the weights later today, and she nods but says I can't be alone. Romulus overhears and smiles. Good, he got the message, we can't be alone, but that's better than nothing.

We head upstairs, and unfortunately, Gloriana and Jackson are the first ones to see us. "Did you get into a fight again," She yells, and I roll my eyes and open my mouth to say something sarcastic.

Thankfully Jackson speaks up first, "what happened? Are you ok?"

Michele comes right around the corner, eyes wide with an angry concerned mom face I haven't seen in years and now twice this week with Mrs. Nelson and Michele.

"I didn't get into a fight, my shirt ripped when I was doing the obstacle course, my shirt was too tight anyways," and I put arms up and flex my biceps to show them that the other sleeve is about to go too.

"Ok, I'm glad. Go shower and throw that out. You know you allowed more than one shirt, right?" Jackson says with a smirk.

"Of course, but it was clean enough, and I don't like to waste clothes," I say, but really I didn't know that. This was sitting on my bed yesterday morning.

I walk into my room, and I open a drawer I haven't looked in before and nothing. I look in all the drawers, and I found them In the closest.

"ok, so Jackson wasn't messing with me. Good to know, "I say to myself.

I shower and go to dinner. They have that fantastic salad again and just pile it up on my plate. Michele is asking Ally about her day and turns to me, "anything new to report?" She asks.

I tell her about doing the obstacle course with Ally and that the Gamemakers were watching that, and she smiles. "Good. That's good. They need to see you both. It will help."

"Oh, and Atala said I can workout with the weights tonight. I think it will help get a little bigger before the interviews. I don't know what Portia is planning, but I'm sure my arms will play a part....unless I am really going to be naked, cause then I need to do my abs," I end with a laugh.

They all smile, and Michele says, "sure. I don't mind, but you can't be alone."

" ok, can a Peacekeeper come so ya'll can plan then?" I suggest, hopefully.

They are more likely to let Romulus and I talk, but Jackson speaks up, "I'll go. I can spot you."

"Great, thanks. Can't wait," and dinner continues.

Later Jackson and I head down to the training room, he is wearing a tribute shirt, and I would be lying if he didn't fill the shirt out nicely. He looks over and sees me checking him out for a second before I awkwardly look away, and he just smirks. No idea what that means, but ok.

Jackson hasn't had a known girlfriend or a boyfriend for that matter. He doesn't seem like the type to try for romance. His partner in the games loved horses, and when he won, he opened up stables for the kids in the district to ride and learn about them. Ally loves to see them. The stables are close to The Nelson's farm, so it was easy to get to for us.

We walk about the gym and see Romulus and Brutus working out shirtless... I stop in my tracks and look at Jackson with a raised eyebrow.

He shrugs, "what do you want to work out?" he asks.

"Umm arms, chest, and back. The running around and jumping today worked out my legs," I say.

He points to the medicine ball, and we start. 90 minutes later, Jackson and I are shirtless and sweaty, doing my final set on the bench press. I'm happy to say I don't think I have lost any muscle mass since coming to the capital. Romulus and Brutus wrapped up about 40 minutes before, and it was a sad sight to see, but a fantastic view when he leaves. We finish and head up. I ask if I can go to the roof to cool off; he nods and hits the 10 and top buttons.

"Uh, thanks for coming. I needed that tonight. I miss working out with friends," I say.

Jackson turns to me, " I'm your mentor, I have to help you," and pats my shoulder and then a second later pats my other shoulder with the other hand. The doors open and steps of "be back in 30 minutes; Michele will want to go over your plan for tomorrow." I nod, and the doors close again. And the next second, I'm on the roof.

I look around, and I'm not alone. "Hey there, handsome," I hear Romulus say from behind the hedge.

"Hey, I only have 30 minutes tonight, sorry," I say as he pulls me in for a kiss.

"Then let's make it worthwhile," he says with a smile.

He kisses me on the neck, lifts up my shirt, and kisses my abs. I'm glad Jackson and I worked them out tonight; they are looking great. I breathe out his name, and he unzips my pants, and suddenly I realize this is going a different direction than I thought.

"Wait, Romulus. Stop," I say, and he looks up.

"what's wrong?" He asks.

"You don't have to do this. Don't feel rushed or pressured," I say.

he just smiles and replies, " there is a chance I won't be alive next week.....let me have some fun with a hot guy when I have him, ok."

Before I realize it, he is working me over with a slobbery blowjob, and I am in heaven. Within about 10 minutes, I finish, and he swallows it all. I pull him up and kiss once more before I return the favor.

When we are both done, I pull him close and kiss him, "I have to go, or I'll be grounded, but thank you," And kiss him again.

"I doubt we will have any more time together. I'm glad I got to experience what I did tonight," he says.

I nod, " I won't promise I'll be up here tomorrow night after the scores when I only get a 2, and you get a 12, but I'm glad too, night Romulus. Good luck tomorrow."

We walk to the exit, he gets on the elevator, and I take the stairs like normal. When I get back to the suite, everyone is sitting in the dining room talking.

"Oh, Kyle, sit down. We need to talk about tomorrow. We just figured out what Ally will show them," Alejandro says with a smile.

"Oh, do tell," I say with a smile.

"I'm going to run the obstacle course and end with throwing knives cause my aim is the best with that," I nod and agree it's a good plan.

"That's fantastic. Ok, what about me?" I ask.

"Oh kid, the sky's the limit with you; what do you think will wow them?" He asks.

I think for a second and say, "I wish I could use a pitchfork. I am amazing with one of those; the spear just doesn't feel right. I guess I could do that and sword fighting."

Alejandro is very excited about our chances tomorrow. Michele looks at us both, "ok, so tomorrow morning, just do survival skills and knives. Ally, get as much practice as you can. Now let's watch the interviews from last year so we can start prepping," everyone gets up but me.

"I'm going to bed then, have fun," I get up abruptly and start to leave.

"No, Kyle come watch with us," she says sternly.

"No!" I snap. "I'm not going to watch an interview for my dead bo.....my dead best friend. I won't, and you can't make me. It's not like you can send it to my death. that's already happening." I storm off, and I hear Ally say my name, but no one follows me.

It's finally happened. I'm in tears in my room, heartbroken over Jonah, heartbroken over Ally, heartbroken that I'll never see Evan or Callum again. Someone finally knocks on the door.

"I love you, Ally, but go away, ok," I say through tears.

"It's not Ally, sweetie. Can I come in," it's Portia.

"come in. I look like garbage but come in. When did you get here?" I ask.

"Michele called me when you stormed out. She is sorry about that. She didn't think about it, the games put a lot of stress on her each year, but I'll let her talk to you about that. Tell me what's happening. Tell me everything. It's my job to help," she says, pushing my hair off my forehead.

I start from the beginning. My mom. My father. Jonah confessing his love. Jonah and I together. Jonah getting reaped. Jonah dying and my being broken on the inside and everything with Ally. The whole time I cry and sob, she just nods and asks questions where there are pauses.

In the end, I feel better. She looks at me, "Kyle, you are so so brave. I knew you were, but I didn't know the level of it until now. Go wash your face in cold water. I'll talk to Michele and send her in, and we can watch the interviews from another game, ok?" When I roll my eyes, she adds, "She needs to talk to you."

I mumble something like ok and get up to wash my face. When I come out, Michele is there, clearly trying to hold it together.

"I assume she told you everything?" I ask.

She shakes her head, "no, but I know I crossed a line, and I'm sorry. I honestly didn't think about it. Jackson found the interviews from the 64 games that Finnick Odir won. We are going to watch that," she says and adds, "I am truly sorry."

She opens her arms for a hug, and I go to her. Between her and Portia, I have a pair of good moms. We go out to the living room, and I mumble an apology to everyone, Michele nudges me, and I say it clearly.

I sit down, and Ally sits next to me and snuggles in close, and whispers, "are you actually ok?"

I nod and then shake my head, "no, but I'll be ok. I promise."

She kisses me on the cheek, and we sit down to watch the interviews. Alejandro, Portia, Gloriana, and Michele pause every so often to give us pointers to think about for prep on Thursday. I feel like I can handle myself well, but we will see how the practice ones go.

When we finish up, Michele asks us what our arena tokens will be, and I shake my wrist to show my bracelet, and Ally pulls a locket out of her shirt.

"where did you get that?" I ask.

"Dad gave it to me when he came to see me. It was moms, and he wanted me to have after the reaping anyways," she says.

"Oh ok, well, I'm glad he had something nice for you that day. He always loved you," I say with a sad smile.

Jackson, Michele, and Alejandro look over awkwardly at us and then to Portia and Gloriana. The latter of the two seem to have pieced together that my father isn't the best man to me.

"Good night everyone, I'll be better tomorrow, I'm sure," I sigh and walk back to my room.

I crawl into bed and close my eyes, and for the first time in a long time, I don't dream of Jonah. I don't dream of anything, really. I'm dead to the world until morning.
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