Noor

The sun was down, giving the sky a bright pink radiance. We had visited almost every place on Sa'ad's list; and now, we sat on the car bonnet while watching the sunset. I watched the sunset while Sa'ad stared at me the whole time. His gaze started making me a little uncomfortable.

His phone rang and he picked it up. "Yes Umma, Yes, we'll be back before dinner. Yes...I know. Umma!..okay"

I tried to keep track of what he was saying but instead I stared blankly at a cricket that kept on hopping from one spot to another.

"It's getting late..we should leave now..." I voiced out, feeling my throat dry as I thought of his departure tomorrow.

I'll not see him by this time tomorrow

The drive home was silent. I tried to suppress my tears but after a while I couldn't. I sobbed loudly

"Noora? What's wrong?" Sa'ad inquired parking the car properly. I noticed we had reached home.

"You're leaving..." I sobbed. I wiped the tears but more came down and I gave up and let it flow.

"Noora....please stop crying...I don't like it when you cry" he spoke, his voice soft.

"I...It's just...you'll be gone by tomorrow and...and I'll be left all alone" My voice cracked and more tears fell.

"Who says you will be alone, aunt is with you, and so is your dad..." I gave him a pointed look when he mentioned baba. We all know the kind of relationship that exists between us. "I'll call you everyday noor, we'll speak everyday"

"FaceTime?" I asked looking at him and he nodded.

"Now stop crying, you look horrible when you cry. Your nose turns red and your face looks swollen" he cracked a laugh and I playfully hit his arm.

We sat in the car and spoke about everything, even though we had reached home.

"Promise me Nooriy" he said after a while

"What?"

"Promise me, that when I come back, you'll be the same way you were, years ago, the carefree and jovial noor, the one that doesn't think before speaking, the mischievous Noor, My nooriy"

"Promise me you'll see that therapist, that you wouldn't hide behind your fears, you'll overcome them. And when I'm back, My nooriy will be with me"

It took a while before I spoke. I analyzed what he was saying.

I should see a therapist.

I should go through hell again.

Can I be able to?

Without thinking much, I spoke. And the words that flew from my mouth were foreign.

"I promise Sa'ad, I promise"

Two promises noor, two.

When we went inside the house, aroma of fried rice filled my nostrils and I smiled instantly. I went directly to the kitchen where I found mama and auntie Luba, talking.

"We're leaving the cars parked here and the house keys too, they'll be safer here" Auntie Luba spoke.

"Mama...we're back" I announced taking out a bottle of orange juice from the fridge.

I ambled towards the stove and used my hand to lift off the lid from the aluminum pot, instantly letting it ascend to the floor while I yelped over the sudden pain. Mama skedaddled and guided my fingers to the sink where she splashed cold water on the burn.

"Noor, you should be more careful. What if you got seriously burnt? or the lid fell on your feet? Or..."

"Mama.."I spoke cutting off her long lecture. "I'm fine mama, don't worry" I gave her one of my expensive smiles.

"Noor...Does it sting? Should be go to the hospital..." Auntie Luba quaked.

"No no..it's just a small burn, I'm okay" I explained

"Burn? Where Nooriy?" Sa'ad exclaimed as he walked into the kitchen. He examined the tiny swell on my right hand and exclaimed yet again. "We should go to the hospital!"

"I'm fine! It's just a small burn, you guys are exaggerating. I've been through three broken ribs and an arm, I'm sure my body can handle a small burn" I said with a laugh. Everyone went quiet. It wasn't everyday I spoke about it, at least, I'm now making progress. Even though bit by bit, I'm slowly getting used to hiding it. I've successfully created a mask over myself, but deep inside, the pain, the sadness, the devastation, and the depression is torturing my soul.

It's like fire without flame, it burns but leaves no evidence for people to see.

And when they ask of how I'm doing, I respond as quickly as I can, so that they won't notice the earthquakes in my words, or the tsunamis in my eyes, or the fire slowly burning my heart.

It was 8pm when we finished eating dinner. I wasn't able to eat much, but I forced the food inside, chewed it, and swallowed it with a smile masked on my face. I can't keep on ruining everything. I've ruined my parents relationships, even though it's not my doings I still consider myself the sole reason they are now poles apart, I can't ruin the closeness between us and the Alee family.

Sa'ad and I went outside to the garden for some fresh air. I had changed into a simple shirt and sweatpants. I wore a small hijab that had small white pearls and ended right above my abdomen. We sat on plastic chairs. Sa'ad told me about the new school he's going to join in Malaysia, Kuala Lumpur. I wasn't paying attention to what he was saying, rather, I was concentrating on the depth of his voice, the way he sat, the ankle of one knee on the other leg; and he placed his palms on the lower half of the top leg. His silver eyes had turned grey, something that happened when he was happy. I looked at entirely everything about him. I noticed he had stopped talking, and was also looking towards me.

We stared at each other for exactly a minute, before I turned my eyes away. I spotted his bike, parked at the far end of the backyard.

"What is it doing here?" I stated.

"I brought it here, so you could take special care of my baby" he spoke cleaning the seat with a rag. I laughed at him for being so childish and we argued about who's more childish.

"You're childish Nooriy, believe me, I know you more than myself. That's why you're afraid of riding on a motorcycle" he insisted.

"I'm not childish" I whined pouting my lips and stamping my feet on the grass.

"You see what I'm saying" he giggled at my behavior.

"I'll prove it!" I yelled and he smirked

"We're going on a motorcycle trip to the ice cream store right now" I dictated and he laughed. "I'm serious Sa'ad, go get the keys" he hesitated before he gave in.

It took a single puppy face from me to convince the elders that we'd be back in just thirty minutes.

When the engine roared to life, deep inside my heart I wanted to tell Sa'ad I was joking and run to my room and cover myself with a duvet. But I didn't. I trust Sa'ad.

"Okay 'baby' you're gonna have to behave yourself for thirty minutes" I spoke giving quotation with my fingers at the word 'baby' referring to the motorcycle. Sa'ad laughed. 

*

I was happy. I felt it. I felt like the real me had returned. The jovial Noor, not the depressed/ mentally unstable Noor.

The strong wind blowing against my face, the butterflies I felt in the pit of my tummy, the soft giggles from Sa'ad, everything was so beautiful and magical.

But alas! I knew the happiness would last for today only. I knew I'd be left alone, in that same spot I have been for the past three year.

So I did what I thought was the best. Live in the moment.

I tried to capture every bit of memory. Every bit of Sa'ad. They way he carefully managed to hold three cones of Ice-cream with one hand, the way his eyes shone, or the way he spoke nonstop without noticing that I wasn't listening. My ice cream had melted but I didn't care. All I wanted to do was stare at him for eternity.

He was perfect in every way.

And I was the definition of imperfection.

*

Alright🙈
Please don't kill me. I know It has been very bad of me for not sparing time to write. I haven'ti updated in like ages🙈

I have a lot going on in my life at the moment, so please bear with me.

Who's also sad that Sa'ad is leaving?
Also, we haven't been seeing Rayhaan and Afiyyah. This story is about to take a dramatic turn...so, warm ya popcorns and fix ya hats, and stay tuned

Vote
Share
Comment

Love, Husnah Hussain🌹