*

I listened to the hausa program for kids on the radio while baba seemed to be concentrating on the road. I closed my eyes, leaning back on the soft seat, and for a while I could imagine our old happy day. The smiles, the picnics, the ice cream sundaes we shared, the midnight cartoons behind mama's back.

I leaned back, my mind leading the way, taking me back to the happy days.

Our last car trip. One of our best memories before the trials rained upon me. It was full of good stories about abba's childhood.

"What happened" I whispered. "Why did it end, why?"

"What?"

"The happy days. Our happy days" I elaborated

He was silent for a while. I thought he wouldn't answer me. He probably had thought it was one of my episodes. Acute psychotic episodes, Dr laweeza had said.

"You didn't learn to forget, to move on." He said with a gulp. "And it changed everything. Your mother still hasn't forgiven me. I indulged myself in so much work with the hope that one day, I'll earn her forgiveness." His voice was low and full of different emotions.

"It might seem to you that I don't care about you anymore but that's not the case Noor. It never has been. I still love you very much. It's just that so much has changed that it seems impossible for everything to be the way it used to be"

I watched him silently while he spoke. It was the longest he had said to me in ages.

"But I believe even if it doesn't  fall back the way it used to be, it'll be a good change. We'll make new memories..and new happy days. We'll become the happiest family ever.I promise." He conceded.

I nodded, feeling a burden taken off my chest. For a while I believed him. I believed everything will fall back in place like he said.

It was silent again before I spoke. "Can you park by that house, the one with the blue roof?" I pointed to the grand penthouse that looked more like it came from fairytales.

He gave me a questionable look

"It's my friend's house, I can stay there while you work"

"Are you sure?"

"She wouldn't mind" I answered opening the door and stepping out.

***

I pressed the doorbell.

Once

Twice

Thrice

I turned my gaze to the street and abba's car had already vanished. Just as I pulled out my phone from my mini purse to call Abba, I heard a clicking noise and the door opened.

A fair lady stood by the door. She wore a brown hijab that was soiled with water, and her hair was sticking out from the corners that revealed her face. She was slightly old, forty maybe.

"How may I help you" she asked and I could clearly tell she was affiya's mother.

"Um..My name is Noor, Afiyya's friend from school"

She smiled. "Noor! It's so nice to finally meet you. Fifi talks about you a lot" she chuckled. "Come in" I kicked off my shoes and followed her inside and the interior of the house made my jaw almost drop. The floors were smooth like silk, the walls were covered in peach, giving the whole living room a homey touch.

"You can go upstairs to her room" she said removing her hijab, revealing her robe. She must have been in the shower and I interrupted. "The second door by your right" she smiled sweetly at me.

The carpet felt soft against my feet as I walked through the corridors leading to the staircase. I sauntered slowly, not wanting to break their priceless looking vases. I couldn't decide if affiya's mom said the first door, or the second so I went into the first room.

Everything in the room was white. The sheets, the carpet, the curtains. There was a huge shelf by the right that was filled up with books, taking almost all the space. The room had a calming effect. I wanted to stay there for hours, tracing my fingers over each and every book.

The black suit hanging on the window rails hints that was not affiya's room so I retreated, closing the door behind me.

When I opened the next door, Afiyya screamed with excitement. "Noor! Is that really you" she jumped, hugging me instantly.

Her room was pink and girlish with soft teddy bears cuddling on her small bed.

"We are going to have so much fun today" she squealed, dragging me inside. "But first, what would you have, tea? Coffee? Juice?" I smiled at her over-hospitality.

"I'm good"

***

"And...checkmate" She grinned evilly

I stared at the board for some seconds, processing how I lost. I was good at chess, but she was better.

My phone rang and I picked it up, smiling instantly as if he person on the other side could see.

I missed Sa'ad. Terribly.

Without him, everything looked blurred. He was like a piece of spectacle to a myopic person.

"I am so so angry with you nooriy" Sa'ad grumbled into he phone. "It's been just a few weeks, and you've totally forgotten me"

"Sorry Sa'ad" I mumbled into the phone. "School has been really hectic...how's antie Luba, has the baby arrived yet?"

"Umma's fine..the baby's not here yet..."he spoke. He was silent for some seconds, fidgeting about his next words.

"Are you fine nooriy?"

I imagine the disappointment in his silver eyes while watching me place the cold knife against my wrist.

"Good as new" I gulped

"Are the nightmares, you know, gone?"

I felt the mask I had been wearing torn apart. I never told him about my nightmares. That's why Sa'ad is special. He doesn't pry nor asks. He just knows. 

I toddled in an awkward manner away from Affiya. I stood by the gigantic mirror listening to Sa'ad's uniformed breaths

"No" I answered truthfully. "I still get them every couple of days"

"It'll be fine...it'll all fall in place" he lamented. "Don't skip your pills. It's for good"

I nodded then remembered he couldn't see me. "Okay" my voice croaked

"I told you something at the airport when I was leaving...it's like you never heard me"

I racked my weak brain for anything but all I got was blank.

"Uh I'm not sure I remember, was it something important?"

"Oh no, never mind...I have to go now. I miss you alot nooriy. Everything without you seems dull and boring"

"Sane here Sa'ad. Miss you terribly" and how with that, I cut the phone.

When I got back to the bed, Afffiya had rearranged the board for a new game. She looked at me, watching my eyes as she spoke. "I didn't mean to prod but your phone speaker was a bit loud plus the room was silent..." she hesitated before she continued. "You didn't tell me about your nightmares"

I froze. I felt my past rushing back at me, hitting me at the wrong places. I pulled a grip on myself then I spoke

"Nothing really serious, it begun roughly three to four years ago"

She moved closer and placed her hand on my clasped fingers. "You know you can tell me anything right?"I altered my gaze to the rain falling outside as she spoke. "You always seem to have this look on your face, of fear. I can't place why you're afraid, and what you're afraid of. Whatever it is, I am here for you"

I sighed a little before pushing the chess board aside. "It's a long story..."

"I have time" she smiled.

And this is how I told her my past. My trials. My storms. And the way I couldn't conquer it all.

***

Eid Mubarakh💝💞

Also, The next chapter will be from three years ago

Have a nice and prosperous Eid

Husnah✍🏼❣️