"She picked up the pieces of her life and created something beautiful, and from that day forth, she shone like the sun, twinkled like the stars, and changed the definition of broken"~

Noor

"Are you okay, Noorie?" He asked for the gazillionth time that night. I had zoned out completely. I didn't realize I had been holding the door knob for almost three minutes. I realized I didn't even thank the kind man that brought me home today.

"I'm fine Sa'ad" I spoke with a silent tone. I pushed open the door with my feet, and stepped inside. Mama was sitting the couch rubbing her forehead with her fingers mumbling some words I could not quite place while auntie Luba sat adjacent to her. They kept quiet as soon as I came in which made me suspicious that they didn't want me to hear whatever it is.

"I'll go and change" I finally spoke when I felt water dripping from my clothes. A throbbing headache beginning to form as I walked. My fingers were shaking rapidly but they begun to normalize when I rubbed them together. I don't want anyone noticing my trembling fingers, especially mama, she'd freak out thinking I'm having one of my 'fits'

The hot water had a soothing effect and calmed me down instantly. The water was so hot that I felt as if I scalded my skin. I dried my hair and slipped into loose sweatpants and a big shirt that was too big for me. I don't think it belongs to me because it kept slipping off my shoulders.

I sauntered downstairs and soft mumbles were shushed yet again.

There's definitely something.

I walked straight to the kitchen to eat something. My stomach growling loudly because I had skipped lunch today. The Yam porridge I cooked had turned cold.

Sa'ad was cooking, looking like an expert chef, which is nothing surprising since he is a very good cook, sometimes even better than me. I trudged through the soft kitchen tiles to warm my porridge. I silently hoped he did not notice my trembling hands earlier.

But one of the things I have never learnt since childhood, is to hide something from Sa'ad. When I'm guilty of something, it is very evident on my face, or actions. Like when I throw my medicines down the sink and mama asks me where I've been, then my immediate response would always be 'what medicine, I never did anything'

I sat on the white counter and waited for the microwave to do it's job.

"Where did you go today?" He asked without looking up from the finely cut vegetables.

"I...uh..I went for a quick walk" I spoke wrapping the hem of my shirt around my index finger. I habit I find myself addicted to.

"A quick walk? For more than two hours? You know how worried we were Noor? I gulped hard. "You were found on the streets lying unconscious, do you realize that something bad could have happened"

What bad could have happened? I have seen far worse than anything

"I'm fine now" I forged a smiled but he looked away and served noodles into four bowls.

Hey I'm the one that gets lost and almost served as dessert to a hungry looking dog and he's the one that gets angry...great.

He balanced four bowls of hot noodles on his two arms and disappeared.

"Yay! Noodles" I giggled forgetting my bowl of porridge in the microwave.

He finished his food in seconds while I ate mine slowly. He dramatically urged me to tell him how I got lost.

"You forgot your way home!?" He asked with a surprised look.  I gulped hard avoiding his eyes and pushed the empty bowl of noodles to a side. "Are you sure you aren't skipping your medication?" He asked and I flinched.

"Oh...no no. Why would I" I lied flatly, tracing my fingers along he edges of the glass table. Unintentionally, I looked up to meet his silver pupils boring into making mine and I knew my lie was caught.

Another thing I never learned, is lying. Mama says my I bite my bottom lip whenever I tell a lie.

"Why do you skip your medicines Noora, don't you want to get better?" He sighed when I didn't speak.

"I hate medicines" I blurted, not knowing how the words slipped through my mouth.

"But if you don't take your medicines, how would you get better Noor?" My fingers slipped from the glass table and I begun rubbing my palms together.

I looked up at him, white skin, oval face, sharp jawline, and silver pupils. One of his physical features that makes him different. He inherited his eyes from his mother, Auntie Luba, which she also took from her Afghani mother.

"Promise me you won't skip medicines again" he tone was soft and full of concern. I don't know what what would've happened to me if not for Sa'ad in my life. I might have died. I lost all the zeal and passion for life years ago, but he motivated me, he showed me that life has up's and down's. And life is just about trials.

People say that time heals, doctors say it depends on the medication, my mother believes prayer is the solution, but above all, it's him. It's Sa'ad. It's his endless love and support that's keeping me up till date. I don't know what I'd do without him.

"I promise" I said.

After a moment of silence, the only sound filling our ears was the game he was playing on his phone, candy crush. "What are they talking about?" I asked, gesturing to mama and auntie Luba. We couldn't hear a bit because of the glass doors separating us. He was silent for a while, maybe trying to place the words

"A psychotherapist, and also someone to stay with you at all times, so that you won't pull off something like today"

"I'm fine, I don't need any therapy" I stuttered thinking of all the questions that would be thrown at me by the therapist. How, when, where, why. "I hope mama doesn't bring back Iya, she makes me eat beans porridge and bitter leaf soup" I spoke squeezing my face.

Iya was my dad's aunt's step sister. She's in her late sixties, fat and still curvy, with a big tummy. Wrinkles covered most of her tired skin, her eye sight very poor. And most of all, she is very very strict.

Auntie Luba placed a hand on my shoulder, bringing me out of my thoughts. "Take care of yourself Noor, Don't step out of the house alone" She spoke and I nodded. She looked skinnier and tired. She had dark circles around her eyes and the small baby bump quite visible now.

"Babangida, get up let's leave. It's getting late" she said and Sa'ad frowned at the name she called him. Sa'ad was named after uncle Alee's  father, that's why he's called babangida(father of the home)

"Umma, I'm staying her tonight" he replied without looking up from his phone. Auntie Luba looked tired for an argument, so she picked her car keys and left without another word.

An hour later, I was sitting on the couch, giving mama a head massage and making Sa'ad do my maths homework.

Mama didn't mention anything about what happened today. I hope she does not make me start therapy again. I don't want meeting a doctor again, I don't want narrating my ordeal again, I don't want the pain back, I don't want the terrifying nightmares nor do I want the hallucinations back.

I'm finally slipping away from the pain, thinking back into the past will ruin all the walls I've built up.

With one final click at the calculator, Sa'ad stood up and handed me my notebook. "Goodnight aunt, goodnight nooriy" he walked towards the guest room, which was his room. All his things had been kept neatly in his room, clothes, shoes, towel, everything. It was his second home here.

Mama stood up, closing the black book she had been scribbling on slyly, thinking I won't notice. She pushed the book under the cushions. "Go to bed Noor , it's late". I held back her hands and she gave me a confused look first then a concerned one. I wrapped my hands around her suppressing the tears that had begun to blur my vision. She caressed my head softly.

"Noor, my dear, what's wrong?" She asked, her voice sounded very exhausted. I tried to speak but a huge clot around my neck made my voice hoarse.

"M..mamma...I..I don't want any therapy again" I voiced out. She sat beside me and wiped my tears.

"Shh.." She consoled. Her eyes were exactly the same as mine. And all I could see in them is sorrow. Immense sorrow. I laid down on her laps as my eyes slowly shut and I drifted off ti a dreamless slumber.

I'd do anything mama, to clear off he sorrow in your life. If it means moving on, then I would do, without a second thought. I promise.

******

Hello dear readers!

I disappeared for a while, sorry about that. My chapters vanished as well so I had to re write some of them.

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