The thing that hurts the most about this whole situation was that she lied to me.  I knew, when I said goodbye to her before moving out here for the project, that it might be the last time we saw each other... that's something you have to come to terms with quickly, when the world's ending around you.

I know the symptoms of the GRV off by heart.  I've been involved in the research surrounding it almost since it emerged and began to spread, about six months ago. 

Starting with sneezing and coughing, then progressing to fevers, seizures, haemorrhaging... I know how contagious it is, and I know how it kills. 

Millions were afflicted before the governments of the world had realised what was going on and initiated quarantines.  Most of those millions were now dead- there might be the odd survivor, but they were few and far between.  You can generally tell early if someone's going to survive or not, based on whether they progress to the fever stage, or if they recover before that hits.  The nurses where she is would know, and they would have told her- she isn't going to make it through.

I don't know how I didn't pick up on her symptoms during our calls- I should have seen, or heard, once she stopped being able to video-call with me... maybe I was just busy with my work, too busy to think.  Maybe she just hid them very well.

She must have thought it out so carefully... making excuses not to take video calls, so that I didn't notice the redness of her face.  Taking pills from the small medicine stash I bought her, right before calling, to stifle the coughing. A cup of water always on hand to ease the hoarseness of her voice.

I could have gotten a prototype of the cure to her.  With my connections, with how much they trust me here... I could have sneaked out, delivered it to her, disinfected myself before re-entering the quarantine...  I could have saved her, but she didn't tell me.

I know it would have been a risk, that it would have been wrong... but I would have done it for Lucy, a million times over.

--———————————————————

"I'm so glad I could actually get a videocall in- the signal's been dropping out all week..."

Lucy nodded, leaning up closer to the camera so she could be seen in the dim light reflecting from her screen.  She looked dishevelled- no longer taking the time to do her hair the way she used to. That sort of thing had never been what I'd seen in her, anyway, but the part that hurt me was remembering how much she used to enjoy doing herself up lovely for parties and dinners out. 

"It's been the same here.  Power hasn't been stable, either."  She sighed.  "It's weird, but I'm grateful things didn't get really bad until winter was over... Things would be worse if people were cold as well as hungry."

"Have you still got plenty of food?" I asked- here, I was well-provided for in exchange for my work.  Food on the table, warm place to sleep, air that had been filtered and every surface disinfected...

"You don't have to worry so much, Em. It's not too bad here."  Lucy reassured me.  "When I went to the store the other day, they'd just gotten their stocks in, so I-"

"You went out?"

"I had to.  I was careful.  I'm always careful."  She looked hurt.

"I know, I know you are, it's just... the more we learn about this disease, the more it terrifies me."  My heart was thudding fierce in my chest, it felt like I could almost hear it over the hum of the air-filtration system.   Here, we took every precaution against the airborne virus which had spread around the world, leaving corpses and suffering in its wake.

"I know.  But it's okay.  I have enough food and all now to last me for weeks- I won't need to go out again for a long while. You're lucky where you are."

Her room- the room that had once been ours- looked smaller than it had been.  Our bed unmade, the blinds closed against the world that was falling apart around us.

It had been so different, before all this- I remembered when we'd decided on blankets, giving up my preference for neutral tones to let Lucy choose the bright colours she wanted.  Now, in the dark, the place looked colder, darker... lonely.

"I'm sorry you have to be out there... that you couldn't come with me."

"I wish I was with you." There was a brief silence- a shared longing for a life we couldn't have, and perhaps never would.  Then she continued.  "But at times like this, someone's gotta be out there, saving the world, right?"  She laughed, forced at first, but I soon found myself laughing a little, too.  Saving the world.  I never thought it would be me, doing anything like this.  I guess you never really think that it's all going to hit the fan during your lifetime.

That day, we talked for a while longer, even though I had work again early the next day.  We were just exchanging our "I love you"s when the power finally dropped out, filling the room with a deep silence.

The empty screen of my desktop reflected my exhaustion back at me.  This room was only used for sleep- the computer and my clothes were practically the only things I owned.

"Early morning tomorrow, again," I said quietly to myself.  "Got to get enough sleep if we're going to save the world..."

--———————————————————-

After a few weeks, I tried to call her again- I was busy most days, with most of my downtime going towards sleep.  But upon firing up the call, only my face appeared on the screen- her camera didn't seem to be turned on.  After all of this, I'd been hoping to see her again- even if it was just through a blurry, lagging camera connection.

"Lucy?  I don't think your camera's working..."

"Damn it- must be the internet screwing up again... I'll see what I can do." 

"Yeah, I wanted to see your face, haha-"

Her laughter rang down through the line, overlaid with static.  "Honestly, though, I'm surprised it kept running this long.  Can't even keep water running in half the country, but don't worry, you can still try and watch Netflix..." I made the jibe quietly, after all, talking about how bad things were outside wasn't exactly... smiled upon, here. 

"It doesn't seem like it's working..." she grunted in annoyance.  "Anyway... how have things been with you?"

"Really good, actually!  Our team had a bit of a breakthrough yesterday, Rhys figured out that the virus' response to the drugs we've been using varies based on the host's temperature at the time of injection."  That discovery had prompted some celebration- hesitant, at first, but hopeful.  It had merit, it was going to lead us closer to finding an effective cure. 

"Is that...good?" 

"Considering how the fever tends to cycle, that will influence how we go about treatment- means we might have to carefully time treatments, or alter the host's temperature to make them more effective... it might solve some of the problems we've been having so far."

"I like it when you talk about this stuff.  Makes me feel hopeful.  You find the cure, then everything goes back to normal..."

"I hope so..." I knew, even then, that it wouldn't be so simple.

"Do you think it'll be soon?"  She asked, her voice crackling over the phone.  I couldn't picture what expression might have been on her face as she said it.  "Soon enough to help people who are sick now?"

"I... I don't know."  I wished I could've given her better news- stronger hope.  "There's still so much that we don't know, and it'll be a while until anything concrete is sorted out.  And things are still so fragile, here..."  I remember looking around my windowless room even as I said that- devoid of possessions, cut off in all ways from the world outside.  If I wanted to get out of here, perhaps I could... but it wouldn't be easy.  "If infection got in, if we started losing people... we'd lose a lot of our momentum."

"Your quarantine is strong though, isn't it?"

"As strong as it can be.  No one in or out... though if I needed to get to you, I would.  No matter what."

"I know you would."

-————————————————————-

8:59pm, 12-09-27

Call tonight?

Can't tonight, sorry!  Sending you lots of love <3

Love you too- maybe tomorrow?

6:30pm, 13-09-27

Hey!  Hope you're not too busy

10:47pm, 13-09-27

Lucy?

6:05pm, 14-09-27

Call tonight?  I'm actually getting a day off for once, tomorrow, so I won't need to go to sleep early.  An actual sleep in, I cant wait! 

Are you there?

4:22am, 15-09-27

Lucy?  Are you okay?  I'm getting worried about you.  Please text me back as soon as you get this.

11:56am, 20-09-27

Emily.  I'm in hospital.  I caught the GRV a while ago, probably weeks, I don't know.  It's pretty far along- I don't have much longer left, I know that at least.  The nurses here are so busy, so many people here, they don't talk to me much. 

You were so close to a breakthrough, working so hard... I didn't want you to risk that, not for me, not for anything.  You have to keep going, you and everyone else.  I know you can do this- bring the world back to what it was.  I'm sorry I didn't tell you.  I hope you can understand why. 

Love, Lucy.