Sleeping in the palace again was strange. I had gotten used to sleeping in my old bed at home again, so this bed and room was beginning to feel out of place as well. It wasn't how I remembered it, as I sat on my bed with my head against the wall behind me. My eyes were tired and I wanted nothing but to just sleep for a few hours. 

Sleep never did come easy to me, even as a child. The only reason for that was because I was fearful of waking up and my brother not being there when I woke up. My eyes finally began to close, and I started to drift off when someone rapped at my door softly. My eyes opened slightly into a glare and the door opened before I had a chance to say anything. My eyes seemed to take a minute to identify who exactly it was that entered my room. It was me, but yet it wasn't. It was me, but with longer white hair and slightly brighter eyes than I had, simply because there was more life thriving inside of this clone of myself. 

I didn't move for a moment. "Hello, Zero." he said, making my breath hitch in my throat. I began shaking my head violently and attempting to back up even though I was already against the wall. I knew that voice anywhere, even though it was so similar to my own. It was almost identical to my voice but it was lighter and higher pitched, and he had his hair tied back. He kept staring at me, keeping a straight face. 

"N-No." I stammered, but it barely even seemed to make a sound. He put his hand to his ear as if to say he couldn't hear me. "No!" I yelled, but it wasn't much louder than the one before. I repeated it many times, until my throat burned and my eyes blurred with tears. My chest was tight, and I was nearly pushing myself into the plaster to get away from this demon that had been conjured up somehow. His face darkened, and a smirk appeared underneath his white bangs. 

He started to chuckle darkly, his smile widening across his face, literally ear to ear with razor sharp teeth. He had over four rows of the sharp teeth in his joker like smile. Blood was dripping from his mouth and his eyes grew black. Sharp claws emerged from his fingertips. I almost couldn't breathe, and he lunged for me. I seen his maniacal smile and eyes, and his claws dig into both of my upper arms before I closed my eyes and screamed. 

I sat up in my bed with a loud, gut wrenching scream that would have frightened anyone. The pain in my arms was still there and I looked down to see my own nails digging into my arms as I basically hugged myself. I pulled my nails out of my skin, seeing that I had drawn blood. My heart was racing and my breathing was jagged, blood starting to stain my white sleep shirt. The door to my room was whipped open and I looked up to see who it was, fearing that I had woken up from one nightmare only to enter another. But it was only Kaname with a worried expression on his face. 

"Oh my god, are you okay?" he asked as he seen the blood on my hands and the marks on my arms. I was still breathing erratically and I tried to speak, but it just came out as a choked sob. He rushed over to me and sat down on the bed in front of me. "What happened?" Kaname asked gently, brushing the hair out of my face that was matted together with sweat. I hadn't had a dream like that in a long, long time but when I used to have them, they were awful. 

I would dream of my brother being murdered or as a monster of some sorts, and normally that wouldn't bother me if it wasn't my brother. All I wanted was for him to be alive again and him be still crawling into bed with me when he couldn't sleep or was scared of something. I wanted him to be alive. But when I tried to tell Kaname what had happened, I broke. Tears spilled from my eyes and sobs wrecked my body into a mess. I could see his eyes widen at the sight of me becoming a mess, and I didn't blame him. I never cried in front of anyone, and I never would have cried in front of him any other time. 

"Hey, hey it's okay? You're okay." he said as he took my into his arms tightly and securely, careful to not hurt me anymore than I had hurt myself. I wrapped my arms around his neck and cried into his shoulder while he held me so tightly that I began to wonder if he would let go when I was done. His voice was so soothing to me as he whispered reassuring thoughts to me. "You can cry all you want, I'm here for you to cry on. Get it all out. Cry, scream, do whatever you need to make yourself feel better. I'll be here." Kaname told me, and I didn't know why but it seemed like it made me cry harder. 

I normally felt weak when I cried, but with him in that moment, I felt nothing but strong. I was emotionally destroyed, but I still felt like I could take on the world without a single falter. Eventually, I ran out of tears to cry and I just sat there in his arms with a few uneven breaths here and there as I tried my damnedest to compose myself. I hadn't even realized he was rocking us slightly until I had calmed down enough to close my eyes and breathe normally. 

"I'm sorry." I whispered and he pulled back slightly, much to my dismay, to look at me with a slightly confused smile that was very comforting. 

"For what? Being too damn stubborn to express emotions correctly and then bottling them up so that when you wake up in the middle of the day you're about to have a breakdown?" he asked and I nodded simply. He chuckled at me softly, gently caressing the side of my face that was closest to him. "Don't ever apologize for that. I do it too, but I just normally express it in anger rather than tears. There isn't anything wrong with crying either." he told me softly. 

"I don't want to dream that again." 

"I'll stay with you. Nothing will hurt you as long as I'm here with you." Kaname said in a way that reminded me of myself when I was little and would tell Ichiru the same thing. Maybe it was time for me to have someone to do that for me? 

Why is everything I do shit these days? I mean I've never been that good but here lately everything is just shiiiiitttt ugh oh well