I have never been in love until now. I've never known what it felt like to have my heart just aching for more. It's such a strange feeling for something to leave a wonderful taste in my mouth, rather than a bitter one like normal.

"God I love this soup so much." I said after another spoonful. Yuki giggled at me while Kaname rolled his eyes with amusement. We were sitting at some restaurant that Yuki practically begged us to come too, and let me tell you that it was the best place I'd ever eaten at. "If I could cook like this, everyone would want me." I said with a smirk.

"Everyone already wants you, Zero, you know that." Yuki said with an eye roll.

"Everyone, but that one I want." I teased while looking at Kaname. He looked at me with narrowed eyes, but I just winked at him which made Yuki giggle again. They both knew I was playing, but in reality, I really wasn't. I didn't fall in love with the guy so chill the fuck out you wild animals. But damn was he one hell of a looker.

"Would you two just fuck already and get it over with?" I heard a familiar voice say and I groaned as he sat down by Yuki and I. "Miss me, sunshine?"

"If I said yes, would you leave?" I asked with pleading eyes. He simply chuckled and crossed his arms which basically meant that he was not going to leave any time soon. "What the fuck do you want anyway, Yagari?" I asked with a sigh because I knew this wouldn't end well.

"I was going to check up on you, make sure you hadn't lost your shit finally, but then I heard you were marrying the pure blood princess, so I figured you must be doing okay." He informed and I nearly choked on air because I was trying to not laugh.

"Excuse me, dick weed, but I'm not a fucking princess." Kaname defended.

"Are you sure about that, princess?" I asked which made him glare softly at me. "I mean, you are supposed to be my queen, so it's only natural that you're a princess." I added, but it didn't help.

"Is it just me, or is there some huge barrier of tension between these two?" Yagari asked and Yuki made a sound of agreement. I played with the straw in my cup while looking at Kaname from across the table, not exactly realizing that I was staring at him until he looked at me.

"Oh no, eye contact has been made with his highness." Yuki said quietly to Yagari. Kaname looked around the room for a moment before meeting my eyes again and he grumbled, getting up and grabbing my hand to pull me out with him. I was a bit confused but I wasn't going to show it so I just casually let him drag me out of the small restaurant and into an alley.

"What are you playing at?" He asked and I raised an eyebrow. Yeah I teased him, but I didn't think it bothered him that much. "Like, you act like you are okay with all of this shit and I know you're not, but you just keep on and I feel like you might be warming up to this whole idea and then you tell me you hate my fucking guts!" He quietly yelled. Did I know that I was playing around? Yeah of course I did. Did I know that it was bothering him? No, not really.

"Didn't know it meant that much to you."

"Is this some game to you? I mean, the entire vampire race is supposed to start looking up to you come Christmas holiday and you act like we're playing pretend. This might be some way of coping to forget the fact that the whole world is going to be resting on your shoulders. Wake up and smell the shit sunshine, life is about to get real." He ranted and I didn't change my expression once.

"Have you ever thought about the fact that I still don't want to be king of vampires? I hate the damned things, so why would I want to rule them?" I said and he groaned.

"Would you stop that? You're a vampire yourself for fucks sake! Get over yourself!"

"Why can't you get it through your thick skull that I don't want to be this?! I hate myself, I hate everything about me because of what I am! If it hadn't been for that damned pure blood, my family might still be alive and I'd be normal again! Yeah my brother was sick, but I didn't care because he was the only one that treated me like I was a human, like I wasn't some kind of abomination to the world! He's the only one that ever seen me as anything but what I am; I am a shitty person." I broke then, sliding down the wall of the building and wrapping my arms around my knees. I felt Kaname sit next to me.

"Have you ever told anyone about how you felt?" He asked, making me scoff.

"Why? So they could put me in an asylum or something?" I stated bitterly.

"No, for the sake of your own sanity you need to get stuff like that out. It's not healthy to harbor such strong hatred for yourself, y'know." He informed and I rolled my eyes. "I'll always listen, if you need to talk to someone." He offered and I looked over at him.

"You are the last person that I would talk to about my problems." I scoffed but he just chuckled. "I have a lot of problems, you know that, right? Like I could probably kill you." I stated and he glanced over at me with a small smile tugging at his lips. "Have you ever had sex?"

"No, why?" He asked and I shrugged. We sat there for a few minutes in silence, neither of use looking at the other or saying a word to either. "Have you ever been in love?" He finally asked.

"No, you?"

"Never, until now actually. I'm in love right now, but I can't be." He said with a sigh and I snorted. "Not my fault I can't marry her."

"Yeah, it's my fault. Sorry I'm just an asshole like that." I snapped, trying so hard not to, but it happened. I tipped my head back against the wall and exhaled. I wasn't in love with him by any means, and I didn't want to be, but I did have a slight crush on the guy I guess. You could hardly call it that, because I just tolerated him and he was hot as hell so it was just sexual attraction anyway. "Marry her anyway, doesn't matter to me." I said as I got up.

"So you're okay with me marrying someone else?" He deadpanned and I furrowed my brows.

"Why wouldn't I be? We don't have anything anyway, and it's not my place to keep you from happiness. Just because I'm not happy, doesn't mean you can't be." I forced myself to say, and not all of it was a lie. I did care if he married someone else, but what could I do? He'd never choose me over someone anyway. The next thing I knew, he was up and I was slammed against the wall.

"You deserve happiness too, you know." He said quietly. I stared at him with a blank face, and I took note of how close he was to me. I gently pushed him away and ran and hand through my hair.

"I don't deserve that, you know that. I deserve a bullet in my fucking head like all the other people like me, and no I don't mean pure bloods and aristocrats." I said and walked away from him. There was nothing left for me there.

Never had I felt pain like this until now.

I mean I'm trying lol

Likes and comments are appreciated