Based off the book 'Me and Earl and the Dying Girl' by Jesse Andrews which i love too much. Low key Sincerely Three?? Sorry if you hate that ship. Kinda angsty, but also funny at parts. Lots of sexual jokes, also it's about cancer so if that triggers you...

Connor was painting his nails when he heard a knock on his door.

"Sweetie?"

Connor groaned.

"We need to talk." Cynthia opened her son's bedroom door cautiously. "Please just listen for a moment."

Connor rolled his eyes. "Make it short. I have places to be, people to see."

Cynthia sat down at the foot of Connor's bed, playing with the blanket. "Well, actually if you knew what I was about to say that'd actually make a lot of sense..."

"What do you mean?"

"I called up Heidi Hansen, remember her? I met her at a PTA meeting and she was telling me about her son..."

"Oh my god, what did you do?"

"Did you know he was diagnosed with leukemia? Did you know he's absolutely devastated? Did you know he's been sulking in his room for the past two weeks-"

"Its not like he's falling apart. He's still breathing..."

"Connor, stop. This is not a situation to take lightly!" Connor could see tears forming in Cynthia's eyes. She looked up at the ceiling, trying to blink them away. "Just...try. Please."

Connor didn't look up from this newly painted nails. He sighed. "When should I leave?"

Cynthia got up, wiping her eyes. "Thank you. You have no idea how happy this will make him."

🔹🔶🔹

So far this visit wasn't going so well. It had been 5 minutes since Connor had sat down on Evan's chair, and neither had said a word. Connor examined the boy's room, maybe that'd make a good conversation starter. He noticed Evan had a lot of pillows, most were blue, but one specificity caught his eye. It was thrown in the corner, and had a picture of a tree sewn onto it.

"That's a uh nice...pillow," Connor pointed to said pillow, and Evan turned to look at it.

"Oh, yeah. Thanks," Evan smiled softly.

"You have a lot of pillows," Connor said, stating the obvious. He facepalmed internally at his stupidity. He needed to say something else. "Uh...I wish I had that many."

"Why don't you um...ask your parents for some?"

"They wouldn't like that." Words were just falling out of Connor's mouth now. He didn't know what else to say.

"Why...why not?"

Then Connor got an idea. "They'd probably think I'd masturbate all over them or something." Evan went silent, his mouth hanging open. He tried to say something, but instead he let out a huge snort and started laughing. He couldn't stop.

"They...they think...you're gonna masturb..." he couldn't even form words, he was laughing so hard.

Connor grinned, and decided to play along. "Well, it's their fault for buying really sexy pillows. I mean, I had this one pillow, but we had to burn it because every time I looked at it, I'd get a huge boner." Evan was rolling on the floor, barely able to breathe. Connor continued, grinning. "But it was so sexy, the first time I saw it all I wanted to do was make love to it all night. I used to say, 'Stop playing with my emotions, you slutty pillow. Such a dirty slut.'"

Evan took a huge breath, trying to calm himself down. "I can't...I can't believe you...oh my god." The sound of his laughter filled the room with a happiness that hadn't been there in a long time.

They ended up taking for 2 more hours, until Connor's mom called looking for him. But it was the most fun Evan had had since he'd been diagnosed. He liked this boy.

🔹🔶🔹

Jared slammed his lunch tray on the cafeteria table. "Where were you yesterday? We were supposed to hang out."

"Oh yeah, my mom made me go over to Evan Hansen's house, because he has leukemia. I actually have to go over today too because he needs..."

"Are you gonna suck his dick?"

"Pfft, yeah, I'm gonna suck his dick for meth," Connor said jokingly, rolling his eyes. This made Jared's eyes bug out and break into laughter.

"So when can I meet your future husband?"

"I guess if you want you can come Wednesday I would just have to..." Connor was interrupted by a short dinging noise coming from his pocket. He pulled out his phone and read his newest text:

From: Evan
going in four chemo tomw. do u want to say bi to my hair?

He read the text, then reread it again to make sure he had read it right. He looked up at Jared. "On second thought, you might want to come today, if you wanna see hi. He'd like that."

🔹🔶🔹

Connor knocked on Evan's bedroom door, silently creeping in only to find the boy passed out on the floor surrounded by drawings of trees and his excessive amount of pillows. Connor went to shush Jared, but he was already wrapping his arms around Evan's waist.

Evan opened his eyes weakly. "What the...Connor? Then who's..." he turned to look at the other boy cuddling him, and his eyes widened.

"That's Jared, he's a little headstrong. How are ya feeling?" Connor sat in front of them, a strand of his hair falling in his face.

"Fine until you asked me," Evan grumbled and pushed Jared away. "Did you get my text?"

"Yeah, just coming by to see it before it's gone." Connor's hands slowly reached to touch Evan's hair. He couldn't picture what he'd look like without it.

"I've only known you for 2 minutes but I don't think I'll be able to live if you don't have hair," Jared sat cross legged. They were all sitting in a sort of circle now.

"Yeah, well me and my mom went and bought me some hats, so I'll at least still be fashionable," Evan shrugged, leaning into Connor's shoulder. He looked up at the other boy. "But imagine you without hair..."

Connor laughed. "My head would look like an egg."

Evan giggled, "No, you'd still be beautiful." Connor blushed.

"Yeah you'd still be beautiful, honey," Jared went to lean on Connor's other shoulder, wanting to be included.

Connor kissed each of their foreheads playfully. "If you say so..."

🔹🔶🔹

Evan looked completely beaten in that hospital bed, Connor was devastated to see him like that. The nurse told him he'd only have a few moments with the boy before he would have to leave.

Evan tried sitting up, but Connor instantly scolded him, and the smaller boy shrunk back. Connor sat next to him on the bed and they leaned into each other. "Do you like it?" Evan, of course, was referring to the black hat he was wearing and self-consciously pulled over his newly bare head.

"It is a very fashionable hat," Connor said, and Evan's eyes lit up. It was nice to know that even though Evan was hurting, he could still crack a smile. Connor took one of Evan's hands in his, stroking his knuckles.

It was a peaceful bliss, until Jared stormed in. "Yo, yo, yo my homos and whatnot!" He put some DVDs in Evan's lap. "Those are some vine compilations that I so generously copied for you. In case you ever need to laugh a little. I didn't know if you knew what YouTube was, since you have that weird off-brand cellphone and..."

🔹🔶🔹

Evan decided he was done with the chemotherapy, and staying in the hospital. The doctors said it was doing nothing whatsoever to help him, and Heidi said that money was tight and they couldn't afford it anymore. So Evan decided to just let it go and do it's damage.

For those first few days that he was back in his house, he was perfectly fine. But as the days went on, Connor could tell there was not much time left for him.

The two of them, accompanied by Jared, sat in a heap of blankets and pillows on the floor, Evan in Connor's lap, and Jared leaning on Connor's shoulder. They cuddled in silence for the first few moments, just enjoying each other's presence.

"So I understand how someone could be gay or straight, but I've been thinking, like how could someone be bisexual?" Jared said out of nowhere.

Evan blinked his eyes. "What do you mean? I'm bi."

"No but I mean like if you're in the mall, and you get turned on, you wouldn't be like 'Woah that girl is hot...no wait I mean that other guy over there.' You get it?" Jared explained, but the other two just shook their heads.

"First off all, nobody says that in the middle of a mall. Also, nobody goes around like 'I'm bisexual, anything gets me aroused.' You're basically saying like a cheeseburger or a computer virus could make you hard," Connor said, trying to make Evan laugh, but his giggle was almost nonexistent.

🔹🔶🔹

Evan got pneumonia just two days later and had to go back to the hospital. Connor refused to leave the waiting room, he hadn't eaten in hours. But he needed to stay for Evan.

He wanted, needed for Evan to wake up, just so he could talk to him. To see those gorgeous eyes and his beautiful smile. He had so many things he wished he could say to him. At some point, the whole thing came together in Connor's mind and he just broke down in the waiting room, crying into Heidi's shoulder. There was nothing that anyone needed to say; everyone knew what was going to happen.

Connor knew he was never going to see Evan's gorgeous eyes or beautiful smile again. He knew that he was never going to hear his laugh again. And he knew that he was never going to say what he wished he had said to him the first day they'd met.

That Connor was in love with Evan Hansen.

I'M REALLY SORRY IF I MADE YOU CRY. It's okay I'm crying too. We can all cry together.

I thought I'd give you something funny to look at after that mess you just read. (Again, really sorry.)