A/n: hahahahaha...ha..ha....anyway... Connor's POV. Regular cursing and whatnot.

Connor's POV

I am not a stupid kid, okay? I am a very smart kid that seems to make stupid decision.

Both are different.

Why I begged my mother for a tutor, it is because of Evan Hansen.

I know, selfish of me to take his time out of helping people with actual needs of getting help, but it is the only way to see him.

I wouldn't want him to have his somewhat popularity go down to crumbs because of me.

*Flashback*
I liked Evan Hansen, himself, right when I saw him. It was in Kindergarten.

He was silently playing with blocks as I was coloring.

He caught my eye, but I wouldn't dare to talk to him.

*Present*
I never talked to him, just gave him side glances, waiting for him to talk to me first.

I am such a damn chicken at 18.

I shook the thoughts out of my mind before pulling up my sleeve a bit to see the time on my watch.

4:59 pm.

One more minute.

One more minute till he will be on my porch, and in my house for an hour.

I wanted to throw up when I heard the door bell rang.

I smiled and freaked out like a school girl would with there crush. Ew.

I stopped myself and tried to be cool.

My legs trembled as each step I made.

My hand sweated profusely which made me wipe it on my black hoodie.

"H-hi!"

There he was.

He wore his signature Polo shirt and kakis and his eyes glistened in the sunset.

"Come in." I said in the most bland way, trying not to be as all over the place as I felt in my bones and mind was.
I tried to empty my mind and just remember to breathe and play it smooth.
*Insert meme*

"S-So, uh, uhm...what do you need help with?" Evan says as we both sat down at the wooden table.

"People act like I'm stupid, I'm not stupid!"

"O-oh! Uh, your not stupid t-they are, I mean they're not stupid in a way, that was an opinion on both sides, mine and there's, I mean like the opinion of there's is kinda stupid! No one is stupid! Just confused." He said all jumbled, then, nervously laughing.

"Well, then I'm confused. "

Evan has motion me to exelerate on the statement.

I inhaled deeply.

"Well...there is this guy, I really like, but he seemed to never notice me because of me never talking to him. What should I do?"

I gently put my face on the table.

Evan's face was a hint of pink.

"Mmm...I-i am going through the same thing..sorry."

My body sagged.

"Who is it for y-you Con?"

I looked away.

Come on Conner, don't be a little bitch now.

I sighed before responding, "you..."

I looked at Evan who seemed to perk up.

"Me?!"

I nodded slowly, afraid of the rejection.

"Okay, Connor that is an easy solution. Because I like you alot! So, if you allow me and you go on date tonight and maybe be together, the problem will vanish."

Damn. Smooth.

"Evan Hansen, wow. Yeah."
_________

We spent the rest of the hour to get to know each other better than just looks.

Evan seems to be really deep as I am. He and I read and write.

I got to show him some of my art work that is recent.
_______

Evan laughed as he got in my car.

"I guess I didn't help you with anything. I feel bad. S-sorry."

I was about to put the engine on put then hesitated.

"No, you helped me alot today. Like to have guts to do this-"

I roughly kissed him on the mouth.
_________

After the date and memories I won't forget, I walked inside what might have be seen as a lifeless house.

I jumped back as I saw my mother on the couch.

"Where the fuck were you? Connor Murphy, are you those hickies?"

I smiled proudly and wanted to scream, 'hell yeah and I'm gay mom, since I was in kindergarten.' but I didn't.

She chewed my ear off about being not really needing a tutor after I told her where I went. Not that I need her permission.

Whatever.
_____________

I saw Hansen the next day, sitting under a tree, enjoying the blue sky that was above him.

I started to strut towards him with confidence, ready to finally talk to him.

"Hey ev."

I sat closely next to him.

He smiled gently.

"Did you get in trouble like I did?"

I nodded.

"I got in trouble for staying outside late and having hickies....my m-mom went to the point of talking about the birds and the bees.....t-then! Then, I told her I was gay and her face of reconizimg. Oh gosh!"
Evan laugh in every mid sentence. Which made me laugh a bit.

He had tears from laughing and was laying down, holding his stomach.

We both calmed down fully.

"I didn't tell my mom. I feel like she has Zoe to praise about anyway. So, how is tutoring going?"

Did I think I was going to be let off of the hook by changing the subject. No.
____________

It ended in a serious conversation and a few tears shed.

How we could relate made me feel a certain way than no other way I had in my life.
______

It has been fully five months since then. Our relationship keeps growing stronger than ever.

Everyone seems to accept, even our parents after a few talks and yelling.

In the end, love who the fuck who you want to fucking love. You don't need to have a force on yourself to tell anyone. You do you. And take chances. You'll never know if you don't ever try. You learn mistakes and have experiences....

Just don't fucking eat bathbombs or tide pods.