A/n: ;( it is NOT fucking smut. Remember, I don't write that. It is sad sometimes in this story. This is coping with my depression today, I really am depressed. So, I am going to make the story depressed because I can.

Warning: rape (everything around it),  Don't like it,don't read it.

Evan's POV

A party passed by this week, which in the first time of my life, I went to.

I went with Jared in his new car he finally got. He doesn't really talk to me since he has gotten the brand, new car, so I was very surprised that he had let me have a ride.

I only went for my crush. Connor Murphy.

Yeah, very teen movie like of me, but you know it doesn't matter either way. I'm best friends with his sister. Not that we talk about him or she knows, but it would make things complicated and mix up things. I don't like changes either. I like the comfort of where I am; in the small trapped box. Gives me a feeling of home where I am not at spotlight.
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Jared and I had pulled up at this huge house, 'bout three floors. The out side was painted in a rusty red and the windows of the house were also painted but with life and wildness. The booming of the music played loudly that we could hear it from the car. The yard was completely trashed with plastic cups and garbage. Scattered people filled some parts of the grassy huge yard. The chatter of different people of different volumes try to overtop the music.

"Get out loser."

I nodded respectfully and grasped the door handle.

"Thank you Jared." I responded before walking out. He told me he wouldn't be taking me home and that he doesn't care, as long as I don't tell on h

He must've been pressured by his parents or so that week because he might give off sarcastic snarks, but he was fully off. I didn't question it though, I just kept walking towards the aroma of achohol.
______

I pushed through people and held my breath from the anxiety that boiled in my stomach.

The inside was warmed and gave me a sense of insecurities.

I went into the kitchen and grabbed whatever drink I could get my hands on because teen's of all ages were getting irratated and started jabbing me with elbows.

I had a red Solo cup filled with God knows what, and roamed in the kitchen to find a place to sit.

"Hey Evan Hansen." A smooth low voice said.

I stopped and turned around to see Connor Murphy himself.

"H-hi."

He gave me a look.
" I understand you probably don't want to talk to the drugie at school, but I know a quite place."

I smiled.
"No, not at all. I d-don't think of you like that. I-i am just anxious that's all.  I would love to go there though. Don't really enjoy this at all."

He nodded as a motion to follow and I walked behind him, worrying that I will lose him through the small crowds.
_______

We ended near a small room in the back that no one was using, thank stars. It had a small bed; maybe a guest room. The walls were plain with a small dresser and a television that perfectly fit it. 

Connor had flipped the lightswitch on as I sat on the edge of the bed as Connor closed the door and but his back to it. He slowly sat down and looked up at me.

"The silent boy drinks?"

I look at the Solo cup in my hand.
I shake my head and look directly at his mysterious eyes.

"No. Kinda a prop. Don't you?"

I motioned him to have it but he waved the offer away.

"Yeah, but not all the time. I usually cope with my problems with heavy smoking and shit. Can't do neither because I have to take my hormonic-crazed sister that will be wasted home later. She has her crush with her, Alana, so don't worry."  He said partly joking about his sister.

I flashed a toothy smile and nodded.

"I am happy your soon to be wasted sister is happy. I am part of the LGTB+ group also. I'm gay."

My stomach knotted in the homophobia and judgement he might give, so I apologized imediately.

"No, I am too actually. Uh, so any crushes or anything?"

I put the Solo cup on the ground and rubbed my eyes. Should I fib or just say I have to leave?

My face burned badly as I looked at him. He waited in silence for a response, not pointing anything about my mild blushing or so.

"Uhm, yeah. He is-"

A bang on the door interrupted me in the middle of my sentence. I jumped in surprise and fear of someone barging in.

"Yo, anybody in here?" A woman's voice said with a thick New York accent.

"Yeah. Really busy in here! Hot and ready like the pizza brand!" Connor yelled back. There was no response.

He laughed at his own joke. The first time I ever heard him laugh and smile. It made my heart boom out of my chest.

"What are you, a thirteen year old trapped in a eighteen year old body?" I said.

I only laughed with him because of his laugh. His laugh just radiates a sense of warmth in which you just want to join in.
______________

We stayed and chatted more and talked about our futures and what happened in the past.  Luckily, after the laughing fit, he had forgotten about the crush thing.

It felt nice to talk with a semi-mature person than just a teen who wants to party.

We both walked out and I parted away from Connor when I checked my phone and it had stated it was 12:39.

I walked home in the cool night breeze. I felt as if I could run miles and back. I had talked to Connor Murphy, a man who I crush on, so calmly with only a few stutters. I even looked at him with full eye contact. I felt like I needed a pat on the back sometimes over small things. I never seem to get that as my therapist tells me I should do more and more. That I was okay and I could have done by other people. Maybe sometimes it was enough. Maybe I'm not a full fuck up sometimes.
_________

I had to sneak in my house, not that anybody was home. It is just like a habit out from being in school and not wanting to be noticed.
_______________________________
*Present*

It has been about two weeks since then.

I been working on my homework as if nothing happened.

I take my pills and I'm happy all the time.

My phone rang, which is not a shocker because it might be my mother.
I didn't look at the caller ID, I just hit answer.

"Hello?"

".... Evan....come...please..."

I didn't say no more as I ended the call and dashed for the door.

I ran all the way to their house, my breathing shallowing.

The house stood up tall to me as I ran up to the porch.

I tried to hank the  front door open and it open with ease.

I slammed the door and ran up the wooden, screeching stairs and down the hall til I found the room.

I knocked on the door and a 'come in' was said.

There I saw, a crying Zoe on her bed. She gently held her stomach. A bucket was placed beside her.

I closed the door gently.

I hugged her and gave her inaudible whispers about random things before making jokes and calming her down.

She giggled and showed her famous smile.

"What happened Zoe?"

She took her smile off slightly and hugged me closer.

I kinda cradled her and waited for her response.

".....I...well...I have been getting morning sickness...." She sniffled.

I held back all the possible bad diagnosis I could and waited. I bit my tounge and held her.

"....a-a-nd...Evan, will you still be here for me?"

I didn't look at her. I didn't need her to speak what happened. Or what's going to happen.

"Always. No matter what, always. Tell me what happened."

She began to sobbed and I tried to cool her down again.

My stomach had flipped as the word of rape came out of her mouth.

"Me and Alana were t-together and I went to get a drink.....and a guy- a guy....." Again tears flowed down her face and every single one of them made me feel the guilt and pain behind it.

"Did you tell anyone else exept me?" I questioned her. I didn't question if she was for a fact sure that she actually did use consent or not. Because I trusted her. I knew she was not lying. You could hear the absolute torchured memories flood through her eyes and how her arms had goosebumps .

"Only you."

I nodded.

"Well, we should. And we should think about the baby's life and such."

Zoe nodded and agreed to telling her parents but was silent about the baby's life.

"What if I just get an abortion?"

"Abortion could be an idea, but Zoe, the baby is human. The baby could be the most healthiest baby in the world and we wouldn't know because it was dead before we got here."

Silence filled the room for a few moments.

"Is it bad I want to keep it Evan?"
I laughed at her question in a gentle way.

"No Zoe, it isn't. I think it is a good idea and action.....how about telling family?"

She didn't answer. She slowly got up and looked at herself up and down before shrugging and taking my hand in anxiousness.

We both slugged down the stairs that could fit three people if wanted, and walked to the living room. She didn't look like she wanted to do this, but also had a great fear of what will happen to her it seems.

We began to talk about our plan how we think it should be planned out.
_________

"Family meeting!" Zoe screamed loudly.

Me and her sat on her beige couch and Zoe tightly hung onto my hand as if it was a safety blanket.

There they were.

Connor slunked into one of the recliners and gave me a look before looking at my tangled hands with Zoe.

He kept a quite composter as his mother and father took a seat on another couch.

"What is happening Zoe?" Her mother said sweetly.

Zoe began to stutter as the words won't come out.

I took a deep breath before I began to talk.

"Okay....well..hmm. okay, this is how we are going to approach this. We went to a party ,separate, and she was with her friend. And what happened was-" I got interrupted.

"Okay, our we just sharing moments here? Because what I remember was in the yard was this cute g-"

I gave Connor a look before I interrupted him. You could notice somewhat pissed off and  jealous.
"Okay, no! We aren't. Alright? Well anyways she went downstairs at a point to get a drink and a guy took her away from the party for a few minutes.....and she is pregnant.."

Mrs. Murphy screamed.

"You made my daughter pregnant?!"

"Ma, guess what? Evan's sexuality isn't straight. Even so, I was with him."  Connor snarked back at his mother.

Zoe's face was highlighted with tears again.

" Evan's my best friend plus I  know who did it..." She said softly.

My heart raced a million miles before I put asking him to come on the table.

So, eight O' clock at night, the mystery man will be here in less than five minutes.

No one pushed Zoe or said anything else.

She was the one who broke the silence of thoughts.

"I want to keep the baby. It is part of me and I can't- I can't do that to the baby. A-a-nd you probably hate me for it, b-but-" she began to sob and I was the one who calmed her.

She calmed down and asked to keep the baby, again.

"Yes. I'm not disappointed. It was a tragical accident that happened but it brings us a wonderful gift of life." Her mother said.

Before anything could be said or done, the door was knocked on and I got up.

I walked over and opened the door slowly to see the guy's face before pushing him back on the porch. He stumbled back and gave me an confused look.
______________________

Zoe's POV

We heard a loud, muffled yelling about something and then screaming.

"Do you think he is making a deal with the guy or so?" My father asked.

"No!" I yelled.

I hope not.

I hope that he isn't with all my heart not.

Angry footsteps came back in the room and...
__________
Evan's POV

I walked in angrily.

My lip was busted, My eye was swollen, my heart pounded every single second it seems to help the adrenaline rush through out my body.

I dragged the one and only man of the hour in the room, by the ear.

"Jared did this?" Connor asked.

Jared's face was worse than mine. His nose was bleeding, both eyes were swollen, and his newly bruises showed.  Some parts of clothing were ripped and his expression wasn't happy.

"What the hell did I get jumped for?! This is assult!" He exclaimed.

I pushed him to sit on the couch. He did apply and I sat next to Zoe.

The Murphy's were in shock, so I spoke up.

"What did you do at the party?"

"Wha-"

"What. Did. You. Do?"

Then the conversation ended up as:

Jared: what the fuck Evan?

Me: THE DAMN PARTY JARED!

Jared: *looks up* Why do you care? Why am I here?

Me: I will tell you what you did then. You had took me to the party, you had gotten so wasted from pressure, and you made the stupidest mistake you could by picking the closest person to you and take it out on them.

*Both of us stood up and looked eye to eye*

Jared: okay, and?

Me: you fucking dick! Guess what?

Jared: what? You finally found friends and told c-

Me: Zoe is pregnant.

Jared: your lying. As always.

Me: did I fucking stutter? Did I fucking planned this out on purpose? We can give her a pregnancy test-

Jared: you wanna-

Me: YOU WANNA TAKE THIS SHIT OUTSIDE? WE FUCKING CAN JARED, WE CAN.

That ended our conversation like that and Jared sat back down and so did I.

"Evan, let's go upstairs and fix your wounds and such." Connor said as he pulled my arm.

He didn't let go of my hand in til we went to the main bathroom, which is huger than my room.

He closed and locked the door.

"Bad habits, I'm sorry" when he finally noticed. I shrugged at him and told him he was fine.

I sat on the toilet seat as he got out things he thought he needed.

"Why did you do all that?" Connor asked as he reached for something in the medicine cabinet.

"Me and Zoe are best friends. Like really close. I don't know why she didn't tell me about Alana though. I guess it is fair from keeping the secret of who I like from her. Anyway, besides the point, something triggered inside me that nothing ever happened before, and so I flipped out. I'm sorry if it like... bothered you." I gave a stressful sigh.

"No. I feel just guilty for not being there and not reacting fast enough to try to kill him."

"Don't....let's just talk about something else to take edge off."

He chuckled a bit before putting an achohol pad on one of my cuts.
Since I am way shorter that him, he had to kneel close to my face to help me.

I tried to not flinch nor get flustered as best as possible.
____________
"I have to thank you...... Evan, I have a question also. Remember when I said in the living room about seeing a guy?" Connor said killing the silence while finishing up on my face.

His minty breath tickled my nose as he was fixing my busted lip.

"Yeah. The cute one?"

He smiled and looked me in the eyes. His eyes were dancing with different emotions. He had stopped what he was doing.

"Exactly him," Connor looked back down and looked at my busted, still bleeding, lip before cleaning the wound and talking again, "anyways. In the living room, I thought...it was stupid but I thought you were with Zoe. I thought you lied and my feelings were a bit hurt, I won't lie. Off topic but there was a guy that I saw. He was walking towards the party, and he is my biggest crush in the entire world I think. I know he hates things I do to, and so I quickly walked around and found a room. So, I went to the party again and I saw him. He just...looked so confused. So, I went up to him and almost passed out if I got rejected for asking him if he wanted to go to the stupid room. He said yes though....Evan...your the guy. Your the cutest guy I ever saw if I do say so myself."

Connor's pale face was slightly tinted and his smile was like a half of a moon on his face.

I leaned closer to him as he did as well. We were only about one inch away and a yell from downstairs called our names.

He pulled back and began to clean everything up and I stood up.

"We're coming!" I yelled through the door.

I looked back at Connor, who was cleaning silently.

I took a step closer to him, but another yell came.

There, I left the room of possiblity without a word. I left with my head low

I walked down the carpeted stairs. My shoe laces were untied and my body felt numb.

I met a room of anger and questions hanging through the air.

"Connor will be down soon." I said as I sat in the place where I was once.

"Evan, tell everyone they are lying."

I cocked my head.

"About what?"

"They said that I enjoyed it and so it was my fault. They think i did it. Evan, I didn't do it....Ev, they think I wanted a baby."

I thought they got over this. I thought the parents understood that this was a horrible mistake or so but they accept. Where is there faith and trust?

"I go with Zoe's side. One, it is her bodies reaction towards it, not that she wanted it. Two, she never said yes or no, which means no consent towards anything, even if Jared was drunk. Three, she is lesbian and so why would she want to if there is adoption or why would she want one this instance?" I questioned.

Silence.
__________________________

*Five months later*

Jared parents are not pleased when they heard the news and tried to talk Zoe into abortion. She replied with a 'fuck you fucking sick people' and walked out.  That was the end of talking with them.

I been trying to be there daily for her between home life and school life.
I would always stay in her room for hours and hear her talk about whatever she felt like. I would try to treat her with small things like hair-do's or make up, anything to make her think good of her self and give her a  mental positive picture of herself. Connor once in the blue moon will pop in and see if we are okay.

We started a foundation for rape prevention called 'The Zoe foundation'. It has been going great.
The only thing that isn't going great is me and Connor, we haven't talked in a while after since what happened, but nevermind it because today, we are having a surprise baby shower for her.

My heart pounded excitedly as I set up decorated the living room as Zoe slept. Connor was in the kitchen cooking, our parents doing whatever.
_____________

It was beautiful.  The blue balloons hung in the corner of the room and decorations filled the walls while gifts pilled on the coffee table.
Guest were in the kitchen, talking silently as I crept upstairs to her room.

"Zoe, wake up I have a something to show you!"

She rubbed her eyes groggily before getting up.

I passed her a new clothing her mother had bought and she took it with no complaint.

I sat on her bed as she waddled to the bathroom.

She looked nice, after washing her face and taking a shower or so. I braided her hair in a cornrow and grasped her hand softly. Then I pulled her towards the kitchen. Her eyes widen as she saw everyone in the kitchen.

"Surprise!" I said before joining the group. She looked at us before a tear fell down her face.

Connor wrapped his arms around her and whispered in her ear. She quitely thought before replying back and smiling back at me.

"Thank you Evan."

I nodded and smiled back.

"Wasn't my idea i-"

Connor replied back at me, "just take the complement."

I said sorry before I began to play quite music and the party began.

We laughed and ate till six and then a wierd break dancing broke out between Alana and Justin Crop.

I watched with joy as Zoe laughed.

"Could I talk to you?" A voice said behind me. I jumped before I turned to see Connor wearing his classic clothing, black.

"Sure."

We walked towards the porch and a warmer breeze hit my skin and smiled.

This is how the conversation began:

Me: what did you wanted to talk about?

Connor: how did you became best friends with Zoe?

Me: oh. I used to have a crush on her and what  had happened was that told her and she rejected me. She said we could still be friends and I took it. Over the few months, I figured out that I think I like boys more than girls. It was a new and scary experience. And it came out positive that I was gay. *Smiles*

Connor: *laughs* great friendship story. But...did you ever tell her your crush this year or so?

Me: *thinks back* yeah. I did. She said she was proud and wouldn't tell a soul

Connor: what if she did?

Me:*stresses* I would be very careful what I tell her.

Connor stepped forwards me.

"Evan, I have to say well, do something."

I nodded before I could respond to his kiss.

I kissed him back like I been waiting forever.

I have been waiting forever.

We pulled back and looked into each other's eyes.

"Evan, I been wanting to do that for a while."

I laughed.

"I love you Connor Murphy." I stated to him.

"I love you too Evan Hansen."

I smiled before kissing him again.
___________________
*A one month year old baby later*

He is absolutely beautiful. I have no words to him.

The baby gave me a gummy smile as I held him in my arms.

My boyfriend, Connor, sat next to me with Zoe by his side.

"Hi Jeremy, how are you today?" I said in a babish voice.

I think through the ups and downs, I think, no know, this baby might be from evil times, but it was a beautiful creation.

A/n: 4000 words. If this is a similar situation, please talk to someone and every life is important.

I'm sorry for being depressed